Tag Archives: kathleen sebelius

  a matter of principled apathy

Wonkette Supports Your Right To Ignore Sebelius Resignation Altogether

We just watched Barry Bamz on the cable a moment ago, saying farewell to HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius and introducing his nominee for the cabinet position, Sylvia Burwell, and we also watched Rachel Maddow’s kinda spluttery reaction to the resignation last night — she worried that the resignation, a week after the announcement that Obamacare Open Enrollment was successful, was like a sports team “stop[ping] halfway through their victory lap to fire the coach.” And Yr Wonkette just wants you to know that we fully support your right to pay no attention to this story altogether. We will not burden you with minute examinations of the scattered chicken entrails of Sebelius’s resignation: Was she forced out? Did the right wing win? Is she leaving on a high note? Is this a feather in Obama’s cap, or a big black eye? Read more on Wonkette Supports Your Right To Ignore Sebelius Resignation Altogether…
  even scarier than the time obama told children to work hard

Obama’s Universal Pre-K Will Teach Children To Murder Babies And Get Gay Married

Over at wingnut thought-leader drunktank TownHall.com yesterday, CNS News editor Terry Jeffrey explained the real reason Barack Obama wants universal pre-K: it doesn’t have anything to do with education; Obama just wants to indoctrinate children at ever-younger ages by making sure that children “spend most of their waking hours with members of a government teachers union rather than with their moms,” because “What Obama wants, quite literally, is their souls.” Presumably, he needs to consume them to maintain his human form. Read more on Obama’s Universal Pre-K Will Teach Children To Murder Babies And Get Gay Married…
  Curses! Foiled again!

President Obama Humors Bill O’Reilly For Ten-Minute Interview, Gives Him A Cookie For Being Bestest Journalist Ever

Let’s say you’re Bill O’Reilly. First, you have our sympathies. Second, how is it you ever rose to a position where you’re interviewing anyone more important than the Great Neck sanitation commissioner? Do you have pictures of Roger Ailes fucking barnyard geese or playing in a drum circle in Hyde Park in 1968 with Bill Ayers and Abbie Hoffman? In case you missed it yesterday, here is Bill interviewing our Glorious Leader and Most Exalted Comrade Barack Obama (peace be upon him) before the Future Dementia Cases championship game. It’s a remarkable interview and all copies should be gathered up, placed on a rocket and fired into the sun before it can pollute the minds of any aspiring broadcast journalists or people who aren’t already jabbering imbeciles. Read more on President Obama Humors Bill O’Reilly For Ten-Minute Interview, Gives Him A Cookie For Being Bestest Journalist Ever…
  do-si-dos of death

Now It Is Wendy Davis’s Fault We Are Boycotting Girl Scout Abortion Cookies Forever

So the last time we heard about wingnuts boycotting Girl Scouts and their delicious Thin Mint Abortion Cookies, it was just crazy Colorado radio preacher man Kevin Swanson who wanted to boycott the lesbian abortion terrorists of the GSA. Or at least buy the cookies but cover the Girl Scouts logo with magic marker, because he has no earthly idea what a boycott is. But it turns out that maybe a larger boycott is underway — honestly, we can’t say for sure, because wingnuts are boycotting everything all the time — in the wake of a completely outrageous act of slaughter and butchery committed by the Girl Scouts. What did the lesbian aborto-terrorists do this time? Oh, America, you are not going to believe the depravity and sickness of what they did! They — are you sure you’re sitting down? — tweeted a link to a Huffington Post article about “Incredible Ladies Who Should Be Women Of The Year For 2013.” And in that piece was BOTH a video in which a young woman said something nice about Wendy Davis, AND a link to a piece that said something nice about Wendy Davis, whom Breitbart horcrux Austin Ruse describes thusly: Davis is not known for much more than exaggerating her life story and for her filibuster of a pro-life bill in the Texas legislature. Her critics point out that the bill she filibustered was one that limited abortions after viability And all other abortions, too. But really, the point here is that a single twitter link to a blog post with a link to a list of 25 moments that were “great for women in 2013″ in which Davis is described as an “Incredible Lady” constitutes the GSA’s “endorsement” of Wendy Davis as Baby Killing Queen of All Girl Scouts. And so, boycott. Also, too, the GSA’s faceplace page linked to another article that said nice things about Kathleen Sebelius, who, Ruse says, supports “Obamacare and mandating abortion coverage even for religious entities.” Monstrous! The Girl Scouts, of course, have humbly apologized. Read more on Now It Is Wendy Davis’s Fault We Are Boycotting Girl Scout Abortion Cookies Forever…
  I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!!!!

Let’s All Watch Some Douche Yell At Kathleen Sebelius

Maybe as a good liebrul you are a little ticked off at Kathleen Sebelius right now. You want Nobamacare to be perfect and rousingly smashing in its success, and whether or not Congress allocated enough funds for her to actually do her fucking job (hint: it didn’t!), she kind of did not do a wedding-at-Cana-style miracle and do her fucking job inpeach. Well, maybe all you need to not be mad at Kathleen Sebelius any more is to see this fucking douchebag, John Shimkus of Illinois, yelling at her like he is Mel Gibson, and she is a person who exists in the same time and space. Read more on Let’s All Watch Some Douche Yell At Kathleen Sebelius…
  the devil made her do it

Kathryn Jean Lopez Stole Peggy Noonan’s Laudanum, Is Seeing Demons Errrrrewhere

The tweet was promising. First, it was from K-Lo, Kathryn Jean Lopez — previously seen instructing us that we should give our kids boundaries like “no you may not shoot up a school” — and it read “When to Call an Exorcist?” OK, K-Lo, we will bite, you lovable pile of batshit. When, indeed, to call an exorcist? With K-Lo, endlessly regretting the vulgarities of Vatican II from her comfortingly cozy straitjacket at National Review Online, the answer is probably, “Touched your wanger? That’s an exorcisin’!” But even knowing and loving K-Lo as we do, we were completely unprepared for the horror show that awaited us at NRO. On Halloween, The Drudge Report highlighted a Washington Post interview with the author of The Exorcist. William Peter Blatty had used the word “demonic,” and now there atop Drudge was a photo of of Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. GUUUURRRRRL YOU HIGH AS FUCK. Read more on Kathryn Jean Lopez Stole Peggy Noonan’s Laudanum, Is Seeing Demons Errrrrewhere…
  analogy fail

Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn Defends Sacred Right To Buy Cheap Shoes, Crappy Insurance

Tennessee congressjerk Marsha Blackburn doesn’t hold with an oppressive federal government meddling in people’s choices — unless of course it involves sluts who want contraception or abortions, duh — and she gave HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius a piece of her mind about it at Wednesday’s Yell-At-Obamacare hearing in the House, pointing out that maybe Americans like their crappy cheap insurance that doesn’t actually cover anything: “Some people like to drive a Ford, not a Ferrari … And some people like to drink out of a red Solo cup, not a crystal stem. You’re taking away their choice.” Of course, a lot of the plans that are being canceled by insurance companies are the equivalent of a Yugo with a cracked block and four flat tires. The Affordable Care Act simply says that insurers can’t continue to sell go-carts and claim they’re OK to drive on the freeway. (Analogies are fun!) Read more on Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn Defends Sacred Right To Buy Cheap Shoes, Crappy Insurance…
  don't look back

Liveblogging Our DVR Recording Of Bamz’s Affordable Care Act Speech In Boston

Oh, Barry, that’s a hell of a nice way to handle hecklers: “You’re at the wrong rally! The climate change rally was back in June!” And hey, hecklers, good chanting! We kind of understood you, which is a step up for presidential speech-hecklers, so that’s kind of a win, too. Everybody’s a winner! That was easily the most interesting moment in the speech, which was a refreshing counterpoint to the death march of terrible Wizard of Oz jokes at this morning’s grilling of HHS Secretary Cruella DeVille Kathleen Sebelius. So with the magic of our tax-deductible DVR, a bit of post-liveblooging! Read more on Liveblogging Our DVR Recording Of Bamz’s Affordable Care Act Speech In Boston…
  chicken soup for the wonker's soul

Hey, Jim Newell Is Live-Blogging The Sebelius Hearings, And Other Outbound Links!

First up! We can’t improve on this Buzzfeed story (!) so go get you some New Pope, bein’ best! Hey, What’s Jim Newell been up to lately? Just stone cold liveblooging the Sebelius hearings is what! Let us know if anything happens, okay you guys? Read more on Hey, Jim Newell Is Live-Blogging The Sebelius Hearings, And Other Outbound Links!…
  Today in bad analogies again forever

Glitchy Obamacare Websites Basically Like That Time George Bush Mission Accomplished Iraq And Also Katrina

Are you having trouble keeping track of all the stupendously mind-numbingly bad Obamacare analogies? Yes, it is just like Hitler. No, it is not an iPhone. It is sort of like Green Eggs and Ham. Well, thanks to National Journal’s Very Serious Columnist Ron Fournier, we have a new one to melt our brains like a white-bread-and-Kraft-singles sandwich grilling on the hood of a Chevy Pinto in August: “Just like Katrina, when the big problem President Bush had was diminishing the significance of what was happening, saying ‘Hey, way to go, Brownie,’—you had the president yesterday talking about glitches and kinks. This is bigger than glitches and kinks,” Fournier said on MSNBC, as quoted by Mediate. “The one difference was Katrina was a storm, the health care law was Obama’s creation.” Fournier then added, “Maybe the Iraq War is a better analogy.” Um, sure. Okay. That makes perfect sense, what with the president heckuva jobbing Kathleen Sebelius, who personally wrote the code for the Obamacare websites ergo IMPEACH!, in between birthday cake photo-ops with John McCain. Except — oh wait, that didn’t happen. Maybe Fournier is right, and the Iraq War is a better analogy — if you allow Fournier to ignore that stuff Fournier said about how the media really ought to get over the way George Bush clusterfucked Iraq and instead remember that he was a pretty awesome bro. Read more on Glitchy Obamacare Websites Basically Like That Time George Bush Mission Accomplished Iraq And Also Katrina…
  enfranchise thyself

GOP Terrified That Obamacare Will Make It Easier For Poors To Vote

For some time there’s been a simmering freakout on the right about how the Affordable Care Act did sex with the National Voter Registration Act of 1993 and now everyone who visits an ObamaKare Throat-Booting Center will be force-fed a voter registration form while Kathleen Sebelius tattoos DEMORAT COMMIE 4 LYFE on their necks. Sounds great, right? Well cool your jets, because Mother Jones is reporting that the Department of Health and Human Services is suddenly getting coy about enforcing the “motor voter” requirements at federally-run exchanges: In August, Demos and Project Vote released a report stating that HHS was not planning to provide the voter registration services that the Motor Voter law requires. These services include training navigators, the people hired to help Americans sign up for coverage through the exchanges, to help applicants with voter registration. Demos noted in the report that HHS intended to merely provide a link in the insurance application to the federal voter registration mail-in form. As recently as August, your POTUS was all like, “Hell yes we are respecting this hustle,” so we are not sure what HHS is up to. Mother Jones speculates that it’s just 11-dimensional chess: Read more on GOP Terrified That Obamacare Will Make It Easier For Poors To Vote…
  punt contrapunt

Senator Lamar Alexander: HHS Chief Kathleen Sebelius Sold Arms To Iran To Fund Obamacare

Why is total mob capo of the DHS HHS Kathleen Sebelius shaking down companies to send arms to Iran so it can rape Nicaraguan nuns? This is an excellent question, one posed just this week by Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander, previously known for being the boring guy who ran for president before Jon Huntsman whose most exciting personality quirk was wearing plaid. Here, let us let ThinkProgress parse it at ya. In an op-ed published in the Wall Street Journal on Wednesday, Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN) charged that Sebelius circumvented Congress’ refusal to provide funds for the administration’s health care law by raising those dollars from outside groups, just as “Col. North was accused of using money raised in an arms-for-hostages swap with Iran to fund and work with private organizations providing military support to rebel armies in Nicaragua.” […] “With Iran-Contra, Congress had also prohibited support for the rebels, while in the case of health-care funding, Congress has refused to provide the amounts that the administration has asked for,” Alexander wrote. “But the principle and the legal prohibitions are the same.” Republican chairmen and ranking Republicans on five congressional committees have asked the Government Accountability Office to look into the matter. Well, we certainly don’t see any difference there, do you? Certainly not that one was secretly selling arms to a hostile nation, to secretly fund an outfit that Congress had specifically prohibited funding because of all the nun-raping, and that the other was getting funds for something that was in fact legislated by Congress? Hahaha, just kidding, that would be a stupid contrast. Read more on Senator Lamar Alexander: HHS Chief Kathleen Sebelius Sold Arms To Iran To Fund Obamacare…
  ridiculous russian doll situation

Obama Does Not Want Babies To Not Have Babies

Hey there, teenagers who want emergency contraceptions! The FDA says you should be allowed to buy it, but the Department of Health and Human Services says you shouldn’t, and Obama isn’t really helping at all with this one, so if you’re scared you might be pregnant just keep reading the newspaper until you see an article about what everybody can eventually decide about letting you have the medicine that doctors say is perfectly safe for you to take. A quick timeline, for those of you who may not have been tracking the convoluted battle over the availability of the “morning-after pill”: The FDA ruled two years ago that the pill was safe for use by anyone of child-bearing age — in other words, anyone who needs it would be able to take it. How lucky, you might think, until you read the rest of this paragraph. Health and Human Services decided this was not OK to be doing, because Jesus, or something, and HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius overruled the FDA, maintaining the restriction that girls younger than 17 needed a prescription in a move the Union of Concerned Scientists said was the first time HHS had chosen to simply take an FDA drug approval and say “nah, not this time.” But the fun does not stop there! Read more on Obama Does Not Want Babies To Not Have Babies…
  gifzette daily briefing

Plan-B Access Denied by Incorrigible Twits, GOP Very Upset Obama Trying to Appoint Cabinet Secretary

For the first time in the 105-year history of the Food and Drug Administration an FDA directive has been publicly overruled by the department of Health and Human Services. About what? About teenagers doing it! That’s right, FDA commissioner Margaret Hamburg released a statement yesterday declaring that Plan-B, an emergency contraceptive long known to anyone paying attention to be even safer than aspirin, should be available over the counter to people of all ages (read: all people doing it with other people). HHS director Kathleen Sebelius, however, swiftly responded and publicly vetoed Hamburg, declaring that the drug could only be sold over the counter to sexually active girls age seventeen and older. And for those under the age of seventeen? Well, they’re just going to have to get a doctor’s note. Read more on Plan-B Access Denied by Incorrigible Twits, GOP Very Upset Obama Trying to Appoint Cabinet Secretary…
  rumors on the internets

Net Neutrality Is Like Y2K And Balloon Boy, Multiplied By Kristallnacht

Kathleen Sebelius is asking all card-carrying commies to send an e-greeting to our Dear Leader Barack Obama, in support of his Red Menace public option. Chuck Grassley correctly identified this atrocity as Maoist propaganda wrapped in bacon. And it smells delicious. [Hot Air] Read more on Net Neutrality Is Like Y2K And Balloon Boy, Multiplied By Kristallnacht…
  wednesday fun link

THE MOST FRIGHTENING IMAGE KNOWN TO MAN (AND WO-MAN!): It’s your Wednesday Fun Link, everybody. And… OH JESUS GAH!! Kathleen Sebelius’ face is on fire! “Sebelius had a basal cell carcinoma removed from her forehead on Tuesday during a successful standard outpatient procedure, according to HHS spokeswoman Jenny Backus.” Gross. Take it back to Wichita! If this is what they mean by “health care,” we don’t want any part of it. [Washington Post] Read more on …