Tag Archives: karl rove

  they are all bozells on this bus

Hateful Jerks Demand Hateful Jerk Be Fired For Calling Another Hateful Jerk A Hater

Oh, dear, it looks like our pals in Wingnut America are going all internecine on each other once more. See if you can decide which group of loathsome fucktoads to root for in this one! (The answer is, of course, “None of them, Katie.”) The Daily Caller reports that a group of prominent conservatives — it’s a Who’s Who of wingnuttia — has called for Karl Rove’s group American Crossroads to fire spokesman Jonathan Collegio because Collegio publicly called L. Brent Bozell a “hater.” That’s a whole bunch of people we would never want to be stuck in an elevator with. The only one we weren’t already familiar with was Collegio, so we’ll hold off on loathing him until we find out more, as if working for Rove weren’t enough already. Go get some popcorn and we’ll try to give you the play-by-play on this circular firing squad. Read more on Hateful Jerks Demand Hateful Jerk Be Fired For Calling Another Hateful Jerk A Hater…
  life in the dumb lane

Rove v. Walsh: The Battle To Be the Worstest Loser Begins!

Aren’t wingnut fightsies the best? Watching the GOP internecine (YES WE SAID INTERNECINE BECAUSE IT IS AN AWESOME WORD WE NEVER GET TO USE) post-election struggles is the best liebrul fap material. Today’s fight: Joe Walsh vs. Karl Rove. Remember Joe Walsh? He’s the spectacular specimen of humanity that ran against a double-amputee Iraq war veteran and insisted that she was not a true hero, like Joe Walsh. After he got his ass handed to him in that election, he decided that the best thing Joe Walsh can offer America is more people like Joe Walsh. He decided this so he can have an office to sleep in again. (You probably thought he had a limo and sleeps in the back — he locks the doors in case he’s attacked.) Read more on Rove v. Walsh: The Battle To Be the Worstest Loser Begins!…
  remember remember the sixth of november

Anonymous Claims It Stopped Karl Rove From Hacking The Election By Hacking ORCA, We Think

Oh cool, Anonymous (we think it is Anonymous?) says Karl Rove was gonna vote fraud all the Machines, and that’s why he was so flabbergasted and refused to believe it when Fox called Ohio for Bamz, but they stopped him from stealing all the Machines by jamming up ORCA, because it was not actually a GOTV system but a “steal the vote” system, but they stopped him, we are pretty sure that is what the following letter, which we guess is from Anonymous probably, says. Seems legit! But here is our question! If Anonymous hacked ORCA and caused it to explode miserably on Election Day, how could Anonymous ever prove that ORCA was actually a vote-thieving program? If they hacked in, couldn’t they have planted code to make it look like Rove was gonna fraud the election? (Not that we believe for a second that Rove wasn’t trying to fraud the election, we are just saying, it seems like “logic.”) Read more on Anonymous Claims It Stopped Karl Rove From Hacking The Election By Hacking ORCA, We Think…
  today in murder

Karl Rove To Murder Todd Akin, Maybe

Yesterday Karl Rove met with a group of billionaires in a secret room in Tampa, where he suggested that murdering Todd Akin might be an appropriate means of delivering his party to higher, more Senate-controlling vistas. It’s about time Karl Rove considered this, the murder of Todd Akin. Wasn’t it sort of obvious…? Read more on Karl Rove To Murder Todd Akin, Maybe…
  a purpose-driven life

Karl Rove’s Charity Has Very Charitable Purpose Of Buying Election For Mitt Romney

Hello, bleeding heart liberals, we know you are already very excited about hating SuperPACs but could you perhaps make room in your heart to hate some specific non-profits as well? Because — and we hate to be the ones to break it to you — non-profit organizations are just as capable of spending massive amounts of money on elections as are SuperPACs and Incorporated Americans, and they also can do it without disclosing donors, and without paying taxes. This, of course, begs several important questions! Such as: non-profits are tax exempt, so does this automatically mean they are the engines of economic growth and job creation, due to the fact that they pay no taxes? Also, given that these non-profits donate to (mostly conservative) political causes and (mostly Republican) candidates without reporting contributions, and are able to do so under the guise of engaging in “public welfare,” should we be concerned that Mitt Romney might accidentally become ensnared in a culture of dependency, which is what happens when you give people welfare? Read more on Karl Rove’s Charity Has Very Charitable Purpose Of Buying Election For Mitt Romney…
  sounds legit

Listen Up As Karl Rove Explains Why Seniors Will Flock To GOP To Kill Medicare For Them

Who among you supposed — nay, dreamed — way back in 2008 that Karl Rove, having completed his task of gifting George W. Bush to America, would take his balls and go home and stop messing around with democracy? Well, we hate to be the bearers of bad news, but not only does he have a $200,000,000 SuperPac to screw around with, he’s also been going on the Sunday morning yap shows to talk about Bush’s “accomplishments” and writing op-eds for the Wall Street Journal that misquote Bill Clinton. Now he’s back with ANOTHER op-ed, also in the Wall Street Journal, this one focusing on the fact that the GOP has a “Medicare advantage” over the Democrats. And surprise surprise, this one is as poorly sourced and given to hyperbole and obfuscation as the last one. But it’s Karl Rove, leader of the GOP Hive Mind, so we figure we should pay attention! Read more on Listen Up As Karl Rove Explains Why Seniors Will Flock To GOP To Kill Medicare For Them…
  because karl rove

Karl Rove Still Making Mockery of Campaign Finance Law, Humanity

Yesterday, ThinkProgress reported that Karl Rove, disgusting human being and co-founder of the American Crossroads Superpac, is making a “mockery of the law” by attending a Romney-hosted retreat for top $100,000-and-up campaign bundlers and donors at a Park City, Utah, resort. Predictably, the internet is all a-twitter at the shocking revelation that a SuperPac cofounder would coordinate with a political candidate. Shocking, isn’t it. Read more on Karl Rove Still Making Mockery of Campaign Finance Law, Humanity…
  photo tours

George W. Bush Is President of Paintings

And this is a painting of George W. Bush, as unveiled at a White House ceremony that just wrapped up. Look at ‘im. He’s like, “Boy howdy don’t I look good, hummina hummina.” And no, it wasn’t “awkward,” this ceremony. Some folks have suggested that the atmosphere might be uncomfortable since Barack Obama has been known to criticize George W. Bush’s record on the campaign trail. As if Bush gives a crap? No, they just told jokes and everyone had a laugh, ha ha ha, like that. Read more on George W. Bush Is President of Paintings…
  wonkette geography seminars

Karl Rove Would Like To Troll You With His Electoral Map

The esteemed KARL ROVE & CO. firm is out with its first electoral map of the season, and whoo boy does it show some kinda landslide for Barack Obama, giving him approximately 700 electoral votes. Really, Karl? South Carolina as a toss-up? South Carolina only does two things, and it does them well: voting against Kenyans and seceding from Unions, and they won’t secede from this Union until they get another chance to vote against this Kenyan. Read more on Karl Rove Would Like To Troll You With His Electoral Map…
  and you have nothing

Karl Rove Has $200 Million To Screw Around With

Oh man, Karl Rove. Here we all were in 2008 thinking that he’d finally leave the highest ranks of presidential politics and probably go to jail or pick his nose under the railroad tracks all day or something. Instead, here we are with the 2012 presidential election and Rove is running the Republican side yet again, only this time with more money at his disposal and no boss to report to — because, of course, Super PACs are not allowed to and would most certainly never coordinate with actual campaigns. Read more on Karl Rove Has $200 Million To Screw Around With…
  fat diabetic snake eating its own tail

Wingnuts Furious About … Fox News Going Liberal

What are America’s old white racist exurban cretins on Medicare and Social Security upset about today? Oh, the usual: Obama, liberals, gays, sex, black people, youth, hippies, the poor, the rich, Mexicans, “the hip hop,” Iran, exercise, unemployment, unemployment benefits, vegetables, a talented black woman with addiction problems such as Whitney Houston, organic farms, birth control, people having sexual intercourse in general, solar energy, Mormons, national parks, public transportation, Europe, NPR, Media Matters, the New York Times, CNN, MSNBC and Fox News. WAIT WHAT IN THE ??? Yes, Fox News. The wingnuts have spastically lurched from one invented outrage to the next with such shallow furor that they finally wound up enraged about the very teevee channel that tells them what to freak out about. Read more on Wingnuts Furious About … Fox News Going Liberal…
  angry little worm people

Karl Rove Invents Worst SOTU Drinking Game Ever, In History

Here is Karl Rove’s State of the Union drinking game, which has only one rule: the middle class makes Karl Rove want to puke when he hears it mentioned. The middle class makes Karl Rove so sick he can even skip the drinking and go right to the vomiting. “That doesn’t sound like much of a drinking game,” you might say, because it isn’t. Karl Rove must throw the worst parties in America. Read more on Karl Rove Invents Worst SOTU Drinking Game Ever, In History…
  great mysteries of our time

Why Is Elizabeth Warren Doing So Well in Polls When Karl Rove Told Everyone To Hate Her?

Hey, everyone remember that weird attack ad Karl Rove’s sweatshop of joyless video editor-slaves at Crossroads GPS slapped together a few weeks ago accusing Massachusetts Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren of hating “job creation” because she, um, sympathized with the concerns of the unemployed and Occupy Wall Street? Yeah, so: how well has this strategy worked for Team Karl? Warren is up seven points in a new poll and leading in the race against Scott Brown for the first time, is how well! The poll also found that voters think Warren is a better advocate for the dwindling middle class than Wall Street knob-gobbler Brown by a ten-point margin. Hmmmmm. Well, crap. No, hey, look guys, Team Karl does not panic, the thing to do here is oh, uh, gah, URGH… OH THEY KNOW, just make the exact opposite ad, this time accusing Elizabeth Warren of sinister, cold hatred for the working class. Read more on Why Is Elizabeth Warren Doing So Well in Polls When Karl Rove Told Everyone To Hate Her?…
  snowbilly's failed revenge

Imbecile Sarah Palin Thinks Roger Ailes Doesn’t Own Her (He Does)

Thanksgiving hasn’t even happened yet and look, here already is a giant plate of half-putrefied “leftovers” to add to the compost bin: mutant overgrown toad wart Roger Ailes nearly (OH GOD, WHY NEARLY) evicted yammering reject Sarah Palin from his evil teevee space beams in an enraged fit right after she “announced” she was quitting the presidential race she never joined, because she failed at her sole remaining paid task of delivering this breaking non-information on Fox News. Sarah Palin told some other outlet first for the same reason she does anything: out of raw, brainless spite. Read more on Imbecile Sarah Palin Thinks Roger Ailes Doesn’t Own Her (He Does)…
 

Watch Karl Rove Get Snippy After Getting Mic Checked (VIDEO)

Returned dildo Karl Rove caught a case of one of these human microphones that are going around, this time courtesy of some rather mouthy students at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore. Skip the first boring 1:30 and then marvel as Rove asks them, “Who gave you the right to occupy America? Nobody!” If you ignore the shoutiest students being black-bagged stage right and listen hard enough, you can just make out the wailing of an Iraqi orphan in the background. Read more on Watch Karl Rove Get Snippy After Getting Mic Checked (VIDEO)…
  job creation vs. evolution

Elizabeth Warren Hates ‘Job Creation’ For Sympathizing With Jobless

How do you prove you hate “job creation” in America? According to a new GOP commercial attacking Elizabeth Warren, you do this by expressing sympathy and support for the jobless Americans taking part in the Occupy protests nationwide. The ad was created by Karl Rove’s anus Crossroads Grassroots Policy Strategies, some wingnut consulting firm that is legally a fetus in America. The commercial’s ominous narration says, “Fourteen million out of work, but instead of focusing on jobs, Elizabeth Warren sides with extreme left protests.” So it’s apparently “extreme left” to protest joblessness, and it’s not “focusing on jobs” to support the jobless who are protesting joblessness, is that right? This is going to be a tough campaign year for the Karl Roves of this world! Read more on Elizabeth Warren Hates ‘Job Creation’ For Sympathizing With Jobless…