Tag Archives: karl rove

  Rules Were Made To Be Broken

Oh Hey GOP, Whatcha Doin’? Breakin’ Some Laws?

No, honey, the rats are just playing a little rough.
You guys are not going to believe this, but CNN broke a story, and it’s got everything — political malfeasance, coded tweets, Karl Rove! It’s a story that once again reinforces how crappy Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy’s reasoning in Citizens United was, and like most of Yr Wonket’s favorite stories, it appears to have come to light only because one group of professional ratfuckers decided to tattle to the press about another group of professional ratfuckers. First, let’s go over the facts as they’re being presented by CNN’s Chris Moody. Read more on Oh Hey GOP, Whatcha Doin’? Breakin’ Some Laws?…
  They're just really giving parents

Daddy, Dan Sullivan Wants An Alaska Senate Seat NOW!

How much do Sandra and Thomas Sullivan love their son Dan? They love him at least $550,000, according to financial disclosures by two super PACs that are helping Dan beat Democrat Mark Begich in the race for Alaska’s Senate seat. Read more on Daddy, Dan Sullivan Wants An Alaska Senate Seat NOW!…
  tears of the clowns

Chris McDaniel Pretty Sure Zombie Ronald Reagan Doesn’t Think Thad Cochran Won

We stayed up late last night just to make sure we could maximize our intake of sweet Tea Party tears over Chris McDaniel losing the GOP primary to incumbent Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran. McDaniel had proved to be a reliable source of ridiculous, but even with that we will not be sorry to see him go, especially because this entire thing made us feel like we had to defend Thad Cochran, which made us feel like we needed to take a Silkwood shower. We know that Cochran’s victory means that he cruises to victory in November, but right now we’re just going to laugh ourselves silly listening to all the half-angry/half-sad trombone noises coming from the Tea Party friends of McDaniel. Read more on Chris McDaniel Pretty Sure Zombie Ronald Reagan Doesn’t Think Thad Cochran Won…
  so many crimers

If We’re Lucky, All The 2016 GOP Candidates Could Land In Jail Before The Election

Did you guys know it is hella tough to bring the funny when it comes to campaign finance scandals, because you have to explain coordination and superPACs and oh Christ we’re bored already. We’ll make an exception, though, for this bit of finance fuckery — possibly maybe criminal finance fuckery! — involving Scott Walker, because who wants to pass up an opportunity to bash Scott Walker? Certainly not yr Wonkette. Read more on If We’re Lucky, All The 2016 GOP Candidates Could Land In Jail Before The Election…
  We're Not Even Kidding

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Don’t You Dare Say “Not All Men” Edition

As it damn well should, the Times leads with the horrific shooting in California Friday night, but nothing about the Times’s dispassionate reporting style can capture the godawful misogyny that is at the core of Eliot Rodger’s murderous rampage in Santa Barbara. To its credit (?), the Times does link to Rodger’s full manifesto, which is a document that oozes hate for women, that causes the hair on the back of your neck and your arms to prickle with sick recognition: this might be mental illness, but it is an illness that is not unfamiliar to women who routinely and disproportionately are the victims of harassment, neglect, violence, and death at the hands of men. Rodger’s actions were an extreme manifestation of a cultural view that is not actually uncommon: that women “owe” men attention, that women who don’t put out are bitches, that women who do put out — for other guys, of course — are sluts, and all these women get what they “deserve” — violence from men. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Don’t You Dare Say “Not All Men” Edition…
  clipbait

Stephen Colbert’s Many Weird Tricks For Defeating Hillary Clinton (Video)

Here’s Stephen Colbert with a few suggestions for how the GOP can defeat Hillary Clinton, just in case the whole “brain damage” thing doesn’t work out. Gotta get tough — after all, this isn’t the ’90s, when the Clintons got a free pass from the Republicans. For instance, maybe they could take a page the Mississippi Senate primary and float a story about Hillary abandoning “Hillary’s secret bedridden wife.” Now that it’s out there, let’s just see Hillary deny it. The other thing we love about this clip is that apparently it’s taken a couple of years for anyone to make this joke: “Just ask RNC chair and Harry Potter incantation, Reince Priebus…” Read more on Stephen Colbert’s Many Weird Tricks For Defeating Hillary Clinton (Video)…
  dear god it's only 2014

Hillary Clinton Either Evil Genius Or Drooling Idiot, Say Drooling Idiots On Fox News

This weekend a scaly, horrifying, rage-addled lizard rose from the depths of its subterranean lair and slithered onto screens all over the country, where it opened its jaw and shrieked high-pitched noises at terrified Americans as it stomped its way across the land, leaving destruction in its wake. Yep, Dick Cheney was on Fox News Sunday again to talk about Hillary Clinton and BENGHAAAZI!!!11!! as if anyone on the planet should give a foamy crap about what Dick Cheney thinks about anything. Read more on Hillary Clinton Either Evil Genius Or Drooling Idiot, Say Drooling Idiots On Fox News…
  clipbait

Stephen Colbert Is Worried About Karl Rove’s Brain (Video)

Stephen Colbert brings you the definitive analysis of Karl Rove’s recent medical genius, in which the Republican operative and Fox News pundit diagnosed Hillary Clinton with brain damage. Sure, Rove’s gotten a lot of flack for the completely unfounded speculation, but on the other hand, cable TV news is definitely talking about it, so Rove’s accomplished his goal. Read more on Stephen Colbert Is Worried About Karl Rove’s Brain (Video)…
  liar liar

Karl Rove Pretty Sure That Hillary Clinton Has A Brain Injury That Caused Benghazi

Everybody knows that the denizens of Fox News dwell in a fetid fact-free swamp, a veritable no-holds-barred cage match to see who can lie in the most spectacular way, so it isn’t really surprising that Karl Rove oozed his way out of their primordial muck and slimed over to a conference in Los Angeles to lie his doughy face off about Hillary Clinton’s 2012 brain clot and concussion that landed her in the hospital. He said if Clinton runs for president, voters must be told what happened when she suffered a fall in December 2012. The official diagnosis was a blood clot. Rove told the conference near LA Thursday, “Thirty days in the hospital? And when she reappears, she’s wearing glasses that are only for people who have traumatic brain injury? We need to know what’s up with that.” Read more on Karl Rove Pretty Sure That Hillary Clinton Has A Brain Injury That Caused Benghazi…
  gnomes

Republicans Wasting $14 Million On IRS Non-Scandal Investigation. Food Stamps Still Being Cut.

Hey look! It’s another day, so let’s talk more about the IRS non-scandal, because apparently there is no end to the Republican appetite for self-embarrassment. As we all know, there has been absolutely no evidence of wrongdoing by the IRS in the whole kerfuffle over targeting Tea Party groups’ tax-exempt status. But you can’t put a price on liberty, and it’s not like Congress is wasting literally millions of taxpayer dollars on this fruitless witch hunt, right? IRS Commissioner John Koskinen [released a letter] documenting the significant funds expended by the IRS in responding to Congressional inquiries to date, including $8 million in direct costs—such as salaries, benefits, and travel—and an additional $6 million to $8 million to add capacity to information technology systems to process materials to investigators. For that kind of money, we would buy the finest muffins and bagels in all the land. And then we would gay marry every lawn gnome in America! Holy waste, fraud, and abuse, wonketeers! Let’s scandalsplore.  Read more on Republicans Wasting $14 Million On IRS Non-Scandal Investigation. Food Stamps Still Being Cut….
  nasty as he wanna be

Roger Ailes Did Not Spend All That Money On A Glass Desk To Not Be Able To See Your Snatch

Roger Ailes, that jowly old leftover from the Cantina scene in Star Wars, turns out to be exactly the sort of high-minded gentleman that you might expect, assuming his mind is located a few inches south of his belt buckle. We have another batch of pre-release ugly bits from that new biography from Gabriel Sherman, this time courtesy of the intrepid muck-sorters at Media Matters, who found the icky stuff so people who eagerly buy the book can plausibly say they never read it. Turns out that one of the longest categories in the book’s index is “Legs, Ailes’s fixation on.” As we already knew from Gretchen Carlson, ladies on Fox and Friends were forbidden to wear the pantaloons; now we find that no matter what was going on in the world, Ailes knew what mattered for Fair And Balanced News: gams, drumsticks, pins, alabaster pillars, stems, getaway sticks, Legs. We knew that he was kind of an extremist, but had no idea how obsessed he was with extremities. Read more on Roger Ailes Did Not Spend All That Money On A Glass Desk To Not Be Able To See Your Snatch…
  we've created a monster

Tough Guy Mitch McConnell Gonna Punch All Those Tea Party Bullies POW Right In The Nose

You know who is a tough guy? Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is a tough guy, and you know this is true, because in a conference call with Karl Rove and other RINOs, he said why, why, he’s agonna stand up to all them teabullies like Ted Cruz and Mike Lee and punch em POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER! Someone who was on that conference call hates Mitch McConnell and loves Ted Cruz, obviously, or they would not be transmitting seeeekrit information to noted Tea Party toady Matthew Boyle, of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home for A Christmas Story Bully Sidekick Impersonators. Read more on Tough Guy Mitch McConnell Gonna Punch All Those Tea Party Bullies POW Right In The Nose…
  feel the groundswell!

Secret Conservative Group ‘Groundswell’ Plotted World Domination Through Unbeatable Combination Of Hashtags And Whining

David Corn has a big scoopy scoop today and it is a dose of pure, uncut, unadulterated schadenfreude injected directly into our veins. And we hate needles! Still, we shot up and our eyes rolled back in our head and we went slack and drooled on ourselves, and within ten minutes or so we were ready for more. Schadenfreude is a helluva drug. There is just so much good stuff in this tale of Groundswell, a collection of intellectual luminaries of conservatism like, uh, Frank Gaffney, John Bolton, Clarence Thomas’s wife Ginni Thomas, and tube of chocolate-chip cookie dough lookalike Matt Boyle. The group began meeting earlier this year in the offices of Judicial Watch to plot public-relations strategies and drive conservative messaging and talking points. Because the problem with conservatism in this day and age is simply the packaging, so let’s get the most batshit crazy conservatives working on changing the package! Read more on Secret Conservative Group ‘Groundswell’ Plotted World Domination Through Unbeatable Combination Of Hashtags And Whining…
  happy accidents

Tea Party: We Put Karl Rove In That Nazi Uniform *By Accident*

Hey there fellow mommybloggers! Remember that time your DC (DARLING CHILD, IDIOTS) had a slumber party and you let them stay up and gallivant about until finally, at four in the morning, you busted into their room screaming like a crack mom to SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP because they were fighting and yelling like cats in heat? And when you got in there, they all had their pajama shirts off and their little bodies were glistening with spit? And you yelled YOU BETTER NOT BE DOING SEX STUFF IN HERE, and they said “We’re not doing sex stuff! We’re just having spit fights!” And then they all explained that the spit fight had started BY ACCIDENT because they had all punched each other in the head BY ACCIDENT? Well, that is exactly how some dumb Tea Party group sent out an email featuring Karl Rove in a Nazi uniform. BY ACCIDENT!!! Read more on Tea Party: We Put Karl Rove In That Nazi Uniform *By Accident*…
  they are all bozells on this bus

Hateful Jerks Demand Hateful Jerk Be Fired For Calling Another Hateful Jerk A Hater

Oh, dear, it looks like our pals in Wingnut America are going all internecine on each other once more. See if you can decide which group of loathsome fucktoads to root for in this one! (The answer is, of course, “None of them, Katie.”) The Daily Caller reports that a group of prominent conservatives — it’s a Who’s Who of wingnuttia — has called for Karl Rove’s group American Crossroads to fire spokesman Jonathan Collegio because Collegio publicly called L. Brent Bozell a “hater.” That’s a whole bunch of people we would never want to be stuck in an elevator with. The only one we weren’t already familiar with was Collegio, so we’ll hold off on loathing him until we find out more, as if working for Rove weren’t enough already. Go get some popcorn and we’ll try to give you the play-by-play on this circular firing squad. Read more on Hateful Jerks Demand Hateful Jerk Be Fired For Calling Another Hateful Jerk A Hater…
  life in the dumb lane

Rove v. Walsh: The Battle To Be the Worstest Loser Begins!

Aren’t wingnut fightsies the best? Watching the GOP internecine (YES WE SAID INTERNECINE BECAUSE IT IS AN AWESOME WORD WE NEVER GET TO USE) post-election struggles is the best liebrul fap material. Today’s fight: Joe Walsh vs. Karl Rove. Remember Joe Walsh? He’s the spectacular specimen of humanity that ran against a double-amputee Iraq war veteran and insisted that she was not a true hero, like Joe Walsh. After he got his ass handed to him in that election, he decided that the best thing Joe Walsh can offer America is more people like Joe Walsh. He decided this so he can have an office to sleep in again. (You probably thought he had a limo and sleeps in the back — he locks the doors in case he’s attacked.) Read more on Rove v. Walsh: The Battle To Be the Worstest Loser Begins!…
  remember remember the sixth of november

Anonymous Claims It Stopped Karl Rove From Hacking The Election By Hacking ORCA, We Think

Oh cool, Anonymous (we think it is Anonymous?) says Karl Rove was gonna vote fraud all the Machines, and that’s why he was so flabbergasted and refused to believe it when Fox called Ohio for Bamz, but they stopped him from stealing all the Machines by jamming up ORCA, because it was not actually a GOTV system but a “steal the vote” system, but they stopped him, we are pretty sure that is what the following letter, which we guess is from Anonymous probably, says. Seems legit! But here is our question! If Anonymous hacked ORCA and caused it to explode miserably on Election Day, how could Anonymous ever prove that ORCA was actually a vote-thieving program? If they hacked in, couldn’t they have planted code to make it look like Rove was gonna fraud the election? (Not that we believe for a second that Rove wasn’t trying to fraud the election, we are just saying, it seems like “logic.”) Read more on Anonymous Claims It Stopped Karl Rove From Hacking The Election By Hacking ORCA, We Think…
  today in murder

Karl Rove To Murder Todd Akin, Maybe

Yesterday Karl Rove met with a group of billionaires in a secret room in Tampa, where he suggested that murdering Todd Akin might be an appropriate means of delivering his party to higher, more Senate-controlling vistas. It’s about time Karl Rove considered this, the murder of Todd Akin. Wasn’t it sort of obvious…? Read more on Karl Rove To Murder Todd Akin, Maybe…
  a purpose-driven life

Karl Rove’s Charity Has Very Charitable Purpose Of Buying Election For Mitt Romney

Hello, bleeding heart liberals, we know you are already very excited about hating SuperPACs but could you perhaps make room in your heart to hate some specific non-profits as well? Because — and we hate to be the ones to break it to you — non-profit organizations are just as capable of spending massive amounts of money on elections as are SuperPACs and Incorporated Americans, and they also can do it without disclosing donors, and without paying taxes. This, of course, begs several important questions! Such as: non-profits are tax exempt, so does this automatically mean they are the engines of economic growth and job creation, due to the fact that they pay no taxes? Also, given that these non-profits donate to (mostly conservative) political causes and (mostly Republican) candidates without reporting contributions, and are able to do so under the guise of engaging in “public welfare,” should we be concerned that Mitt Romney might accidentally become ensnared in a culture of dependency, which is what happens when you give people welfare? Read more on Karl Rove’s Charity Has Very Charitable Purpose Of Buying Election For Mitt Romney…
  sounds legit

Listen Up As Karl Rove Explains Why Seniors Will Flock To GOP To Kill Medicare For Them

Who among you supposed — nay, dreamed — way back in 2008 that Karl Rove, having completed his task of gifting George W. Bush to America, would take his balls and go home and stop messing around with democracy? Well, we hate to be the bearers of bad news, but not only does he have a $200,000,000 SuperPac to screw around with, he’s also been going on the Sunday morning yap shows to talk about Bush’s “accomplishments” and writing op-eds for the Wall Street Journal that misquote Bill Clinton. Now he’s back with ANOTHER op-ed, also in the Wall Street Journal, this one focusing on the fact that the GOP has a “Medicare advantage” over the Democrats. And surprise surprise, this one is as poorly sourced and given to hyperbole and obfuscation as the last one. But it’s Karl Rove, leader of the GOP Hive Mind, so we figure we should pay attention! Read more on Listen Up As Karl Rove Explains Why Seniors Will Flock To GOP To Kill Medicare For Them…
  because karl rove

Karl Rove Still Making Mockery of Campaign Finance Law, Humanity

Yesterday, ThinkProgress reported that Karl Rove, disgusting human being and co-founder of the American Crossroads Superpac, is making a “mockery of the law” by attending a Romney-hosted retreat for top $100,000-and-up campaign bundlers and donors at a Park City, Utah, resort. Predictably, the internet is all a-twitter at the shocking revelation that a SuperPac cofounder would coordinate with a political candidate. Shocking, isn’t it. Read more on Karl Rove Still Making Mockery of Campaign Finance Law, Humanity…