WHY OLD PEOPLE LOVE THE TWITTERS: “To a person with short-term memory loss, Twitter serves a vital function: every time the user announces, ‘Going across the street to get ice cream,’ they notify not only their 30,000-odd ‘followers,’ but they also establish a record for themselves so that if they end up across the street wondering what on earth they’re doing staring at a pint of Haagen-Dazs, they need only check their Twitter status for the magical answer. And then they can ‘tweet’ about their ice cream, which is important!” [Sara's NBC Gig]

John Conyers recently issued a subpeona requiring Karl Rove to appear before the House Judiciary Committee to talk about that whole attorney-firing scandal thing, and of course Karl Rove did not show up because what is he, a private citizen who is subject to the nation’s laws? MORE »

Some local folks spotted a black Porsche with the Virginia license plate “I Rove” in their Crystal City, VA apartment complex parking lot. We believe it has the name of Karl Rove’s frat in the border. Most importantly, it is a handicapped spot. This is the first bad thing Karl Rove has ever done in his life. UPDATE: Some commenters have pointed out that the border is actually that of a black fraternity (Kappa Alpha Psi, not Pi Kappa Alpha). Why did Karl Rove steal a black man’s car? [Anai Rhoads]

Yes, we sort of expected this, but it’s still a strange thing to see in the old Wonkette Tips box. Hello, Karl!

History may not change the perception of George W. Bush Junior as America’s crappiest president, but many thousands of excitable dorks are very excited about the New Reputation of lovable gargoyle Karl Rove, America’s latest favorite Twit. MORE »

Man, this guy! Remember Karl Rove, the doughy, evil clown who used direct mail to make George W. Bush the permanent dictator of America? He has good news for Republicans. They are poised on the precipice of a COMEBACK, a massive and extremely awesome comeback, because they keep winning seats in the South — a region which they have historically, uh, tended to win in! MORE »

• Karl Rove’s forthcoming Kunstlerroman, An American Wife, will identify everyone who was “unreceiving” [sic] of Bush’s agenda, thus ensuring that it will the longest book ever published. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Harry Reid has excommunicated Joe Biden from Senate lunch dates, except on special occasions. [Kevin Drum]
• Sam Zell, the Chicago Cubs-owning publisher of the Chicago Tribune and the Los Angeles Times has filed for bankruptcy. [AMERICAblog]
• Pennsylvania Democrats want screamy, inexplicably televised manchild Chris Matthews to replace Arlen Specter as Senator. [Marc Ambinder]
• The least talked-about feud in history rages on as Newt Gingrich and Bill O’Reilly continue to antagonize Hendrik Hertzberg. [HuffPost]

New York Times Grand Inquisitor Deborah Solomon has her way with Karl Rove this week, and naturally the interview concludes with Rove in hysterics and offering to send Solomon a transcription of all the ways that she hurt him, irrecoverably. “You’re the one who hurt my feelings by saying you didn’t trust me,” Rove said, exemplifying the bizarre lows into which the interview delves. MORE »

Hey John Edwards, want to debate Karl Rove in San Francisco for some reason? Sure why the hell not! That’s what’s going on today in San Francisco, where the two are engaging in a discussion about the economy at a meeting of commercial bankers. No Cameras. This is only Edwards’ second appearance since admitting that he banged a dingbat f-list 1980s New York socialite, “Rielle.” He can slip in to San Francisco and debate “finance” with a Republican fraud-lord for an unusually high speaking fee very, very stealthily, because most media outlets in the area are busy covering the current Gays vs. Blacks vs. Mormons Marriage War that has set the quaint seaside metropolis ablaze. [ABC7]

Nobody quite knew what to make of Karl Rove’s very aggressive election night projections, but it seemed safe to conclude that he was trying to mess with Barack Obama in a very sinister and subtle way. People feared that Rove’s projection of 338 electoral votes set the bar too high, so that if Obama won narrowly he would look “illegitimate.” And if Obama lost, he would really look like a loser. MORE »

This is a truly great clip, my friends, truly great, because it involves Karl Rove behaving foolishly. He was holding some sort of discussion panel thing this morning with former Democratic Sen. George Mitchell — in the communist port town of San Francisco. “Oh boy!” is right. First some crazy drunk lady walks on stage and tries to handcuff Rove, and as soon as she makes her move, he SWATS her hands away like a baby while staring straight ahead. And then another hippie goes nuts in the audience. Finally, Rove says some whiny thing, pretending to be offended, and literally everyone laughs at him and Mitchell is like, “shutup, fraud.” All in all a fine session of political discourse. [YouTube, ABC 7]