Tag Archives: karen handel

  stupor tuesday

A Children’s Treasury Of Primary Election Results. Neither Crazy Idaho Guy Won :(

In the closest thing to a “Super Tuesday” in this off-year election, a whole bunch of Tea Party candidates did worse than expected against “mainstream” Republicans who had better funding and who all sound like teabaggers now anyway. The biggest win of the night was less of a surprise now than it might have been a couple months back: Senate Minority Leader Mitch “Lord Terrapin” McConnell easily won his Kentucky Senate primary against Louisville businessman and chicken-boxing enthusiast Matt “B’kaww!” Bevin. Looks like institutional money and power are everything they’re cracked up to be. McConnell will face Democrat Alison Lundergan Grimes in November, and in his victory speech charmingly suggested that she is not a real Kentucky candidate, but a big Fakey McFakerton who will cram Obamacare down your throat, warning, “The people who handpicked my opponent are not on your side.” And so the Charm Offensive begins. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Primary Election Results. Neither Crazy Idaho Guy Won :(…
  we don't need no education

Georgia GOP Senate Candidate Tries To Alienate Even More Voters With His Fancy Book Learning

We’re beginning to wonder exactly who the GOP sees as its base any longer. We know it isn’t the blah people or those immigrant-y brown people or gay people or effete latte-drinking Subaru-driving liberals. Given the cock-gobbling the Republican elite gave rustic Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson after he got all racist homophobe, we figured they were going for the down-home crowd kinda thing. Unvarnished rural everyman, basically. Except oh here comes GOPer David Perdue, odds-on favorite to win Georgia’s open Senate seat this year, to explain how his opponent, high school graduate Karen Handel, is just probably not smart enough to understand the issues in the election because she did not go to college like David Perdue did. Read more on Georgia GOP Senate Candidate Tries To Alienate Even More Voters With His Fancy Book Learning…
  Is our taxpayers learning?

Rep. Paul Broun Uses Tax Dollars To Learn Him How To Talk More Not Stupid

It is an election year, and if you have an appetite for wingnut stupid, you’re in luck, because the Republican Party offers an all-you-can-eat buffet. If you like your stupid Southern style, you are in extra special luck because it is super-sized in Georgia’s Republican primary Senate race. These folks have some big shoes to fill, what with Sen. Saxby Chambliss deciding he’s had enough of loving America more than that dirty anti-American hippie commie bin Laden-loving Max Cleland, who only gave some but not all of his limbs in service to his country. It’s been some fierce competition in the state whose motto is “Wisdom, Justice, Moderation.” Ha, Georgia, you have a great sense of humor! Read more on Rep. Paul Broun Uses Tax Dollars To Learn Him How To Talk More Not Stupid…
  hahaha 'planned bullyhood'

Fired Wingnut Komen Lady Karen Handel Challenges Planned Parenthood To Bitch-Slap Contest

Oh, early 2012, we already miss you. At least in February 2012, we were well rid of Karen Handel, the then-vice president of Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Remember Karen? She’s the delightfully (?!) wingnutty anti-choice zealot that came up with the unbelievably genius plan to strip Planned Parenthood of monies for breast cancer screening, which is kind of an odd thing for an organization dedicated to preventing breast cancer! But you never know! You could go in for a mammogram but come out with an abortion. HAPPENS ALL THE TIME PEOPLE. Now? She is talkin’ some big talk about whoopin’ Planned Parenthood director Cecile Richards’ ass, because “ladylike.” Read more on Fired Wingnut Komen Lady Karen Handel Challenges Planned Parenthood To Bitch-Slap Contest…
  wheeeeee

Failed Republican Windbag Karen Handel Self-Aborts From Komen

A week after 100-percent prime Republican Karen Handel and her completely non-ideological money thing that “best” “serves” women decided to cut its funding to Planned Parenthood because it was “under investigation” by crazies, and then undecided to once more, Handel announced her resignation Tuesday as senior vice president of public affairs in a terribly rude missive of the kind that suggests this zygote-loving failed politician did not want to go gently into obscurity/a night of passion with Meg Whitman. “I am deeply disappointed by the gross mischaracterizations of the strategy, its rationale, and my involvement in it,” Handel said, spoken like a true loser politician. Read more on Failed Republican Windbag Karen Handel Self-Aborts From Komen…
  because of course

Komen Charity Reverses Weird New Pro-Breast Cancer For Poors Policy

Have you heard about the strangest new craze in breast cancer charities, the kind that doesn’t actually want to fight breast cancer? This for a brief period was the Susan G. Komen Foundation, the behemoth breast cancer research charity always running around madly putting pink ribbon stickers on everything from yogurt cups to professional football players, after they inexplicably hired rabidly anti-choice wingnut Karen Handel to the Senior VP of Public Policy spot last year (following Handel’s failed run for Georgia governor despite/because of Sarah Palin’s endorsement, hahahah). The foundation then decided they didn’t want to pay Planned Parenthood to help low-income lady people get free breast cancer screenings anymore, in case the ladies might accidentally get an abortion on the way down the hall to the mammography machine. And THEN they lied to everyone about the reason for the decision and said it was because some wingnut Congressman in Florida is “investigating” Planned Parenthood and they can’t give money to organizations being fake investigated by nutjobs. BUT NOW that is all over with, HOORAY, because as soon as the Internet found out about all this a few days ago, it also made a decision, to stop giving money to a pro-breast cancer charity and give all their monies directly to Planned Parenthood instead. So Komen has come back to say NO WAIT DIDN’T MEAN IT WE LURV PLANNED PARENTHOOD. Read more on Komen Charity Reverses Weird New Pro-Breast Cancer For Poors Policy…
  even better than the real thing

Sarah Palin Signs Mannequin Head Of Sarah Palin, For Democracy

Sarah Palin flew Coldmiser Airlines all the way to Atlanta to stump for Karen Handel, her mini-me running for Georgia governor in a primary runoff against Democrat Nathan Deal. A local lady wig peddler brought down this Sarah Palin mannequin head for “the real Palin” — for does such a thing exist? — to autograph. Well, wouldn’t you do the same? Read more on Sarah Palin Signs Mannequin Head Of Sarah Palin, For Democracy…
  vulgar displays of power

Jody Hice Cruises Into Runoff; Who Will Wonkette Make (Or Break) Next?

It is hard not to become drunk with power when, less than 24 hours after you issue an emergency endorsement on a whim of some Georgia nobody with a funny website, said nobody finds himself toe-to-toe in the runoff with the chief staff of the guy he’s running to replace, with the Tea Party-backed supposed frontrunner home crying so much, because he lost, to Jody Hice. But we will try our hardest to remain sober with power, and use our powers only for good/hilarity. Let’s find out more about the man who would be Congressman, and, if all goes well, President in 2012. Read more on Jody Hice Cruises Into Runoff; Who Will Wonkette Make (Or Break) Next?…