Tag Archives: kanye west

  Here have some news n stuff

Thomas Jefferson Cosplay Will Not Save Your Job

Shockingly, this outfit is not a persuasive argument
Remember when we told you about one Ira Dennis Hawver Esquire JD, who appeared before the Kansas Supreme Court dressed up as Thomas Jefferson? And no, he wasn’t kidding. He was there to beg the court not to disbar him for being a terrible, awful THE WORST lawyer, and he figured if his words didn’t sway the court, surely the wig would. (How terrible? Terrible enough to admit that he didn’t even bother trying to appropriately defend his client facing the death penalty, because he didn’t understand how cell phones work. So instead, he tried to reverse-psychology the jury by claiming his client was SO badass, if he had killed anyone, he would have killed off any witnesses too. Ergo, innocent!) Turns out, despite ye olde costume, the court was unpersuaded: Read more on Thomas Jefferson Cosplay Will Not Save Your Job…
  Here have some news n stuff

America Is Freezing Cold, So Al Gore’s An Idiot. Again.

Whatever, he should just move to Hawaii
Hooray! It’s that time of year when it’s freezing cold, and everyone who Is Not A Scientist but is pretty damned sure real scientists must be wrong about global warming makes “jokes” about global warming because, duh, it is cold so how could the planet be warm? Like Rep. Vicky Hartzler, who earned herself her very own Washington Post explanation about How Does Global Warming Work Anyway, Huh? For those like Hartzler, here’s some more, uh, fuel for their fire: It was super frickin’ freezing cold in America on Tuesday: Read more on America Is Freezing Cold, So Al Gore’s An Idiot. Again….
  Your morning cup of wut?

This 9/11 Story Will Make You Cry In The Good Way And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Wake up, Wonketeers, the weekend’s over. Back to the stone what we grind, with some awwwwwwwww news, awful news, and yup, SCIENCE! It’s not often you read a story about 9/11 and cry happy tears and thank whomever it is you thank when you are grateful that this story has a happy ending. But this story really does: Read more on This 9/11 Story Will Make You Cry In The Good Way And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  As If!

Fox News Pundit-Actress Stacey Dash Thinks Kanye West Should Get Prison Raped, For Freedom

Stacey Dash is hip and young-(ish) and pretty and conservative and also knows who should get raped, and it is Kanye West. In a segment prefaced by blonde Fox bot Sandra Smith saying, “File this one under Just Stop Talking, People!” Dash took Kanye West to task for his ill-advised comparison of paparazzi and rapists, suggesting that maybe Kanye should go get raped in prison and see how funny rape is, haw haw haw. Read more on Fox News Pundit-Actress Stacey Dash Thinks Kanye West Should Get Prison Raped, For Freedom…
  come on get happy

Happy Links For Nice Time People (And Also For You)

Today over at Happy, we’ve got our fantasy of how Kanye’s children’s record would sound, our undying pledge of love for Liam Neeson, no matter what he does, we tell you what to listen to so far in 2014, teach the youngs how NOT to use Airbnb, and, as always, sideboob. Read more on Happy Links For Nice Time People (And Also For You)…
  oh please oh please oh please

We Will Pay All The Monies To See Kanye West Punch George Zimmerman

Last week George Zimmerman announced that he is giving some lucky bastard the chance to punch his grinning murder mug again and again. Rapper The Game, a giant slab of man meat, stepped up, but George Zimmerman would prefer Kanye West, because Kanye likes to attack defenseless people and apparently this causes George chagrin. Read more on We Will Pay All The Monies To See Kanye West Punch George Zimmerman…
  for the girl who has everything

Only 341 Days To Buy Us This Adorable, Non-Creepy 3-D Printed Fetus For Christmas

Since you can’t wrap up ‘arrogant self-righteousness’ in a box, what do you get your pro-life friend for Christmas? Fast Company has found self-righteousness’s runner-up: A 3D fetus “figurine”! Holy drunken goatfucker, that is creepy. But wait! Like those infomercials you watch while high at 3 am, THERE’S MORE. Read more on Only 341 Days To Buy Us This Adorable, Non-Creepy 3-D Printed Fetus For Christmas…
  feelings nothing more than feelings

Kanye West Will Tell You About President Obama Hurting Fee-Fees Of Very Important Person Kanye West

As if our president, the Glorious Moon Sun and All the Stars in the Heavens Barack Obama, has not had enough political turmoil roiling his administration in recent weeks, now he has to deal with the approbation of the world’s greatest entertainer, Yeezus himself, Mr. Kanye West. Apparently Barack Obama does not care about rapper people or their mamas. Or so Kanye told a radio station in Philadelphia during an interview today, as reported by Politico. Read more on Kanye West Will Tell You About President Obama Hurting Fee-Fees Of Very Important Person Kanye West…
  step off

‘Michelle Obama’ Has Thoughts On Kanye West, And Other Outbound Links!

Hey, remember when Kanye West had some Thoughts (though he sadly neglected to apply bell hooks’ critique of Sheryl Sandberg’s lack of intersectionality in his exegesis of classism) on how Michelle Obama couldn’t wave her ass around like his girl could? Well ‘Michelle Obama’ responds! You’ll want to take five minutes out of your day and read this, because shit is fucked-up and bullshit. Read more on ‘Michelle Obama’ Has Thoughts On Kanye West, And Other Outbound Links!…
  malice in wonderland

Tea Party Congressman Jeff Landry Really Hopes Nobody Saw Him at Snoop Dogg Show

The Tea Party freshman who wormed his way into all our hearts when he held up some lame sign reading “Drilling = Jobs” at Obama’s fancy Jobs speech* like some sort of fainting Claymaniac at an American Idol “concert,” has been spotted taking in a doubtlessly cuss- and reefer-filled show by “urban” “entertainers” Snoop Dogg (Too High), a known Crip, and Kanye West (George Bush Doesn’t Care About Black People), a known blah. Read more on Tea Party Congressman Jeff Landry Really Hopes Nobody Saw Him at Snoop Dogg Show…
  where is the civility though!

THERE’S NO POINT IN FIGHTING IT ANYMORE: It’s time to just enjoy the obsession with whatever Kanye West did at a children’s television ceremony. [kanyelicio.us]
  that thing

And Tomorrow, Someone Will Leak The Virtual Reality Version Of Obama Saying This

First there was Terry Moran’s Twitter. Yesterday, TMZ brought us audio. And here, for your masturbation purposes, is videographic footage of Barack Obama calling ex-college student Kanye West a “jackass” for what he did during that “perfectly nice woman”‘s music video award speech, on teevee. Ben Smith found this clip first and posted it, but then, OH WHAT HAPPENED HERE hmm?: “UPDATE: Not so much: Wiser heads than mine at POLITICO made the call to take down the video of the ‘jackass’ moment. Sorry about the tease if you missed it.” Fortunately CNN’s Rick Sanchez stole it just in time! So… when do we get to see a video of Obama calling Jim VandeHei and John Harris “kiss-asses”? [YouTube, Ben Smith] Read more on And Tomorrow, Someone Will Leak The Virtual Reality Version Of Obama Saying This…
  TV-MA

Here Is Obama Saying A Word Only Grown-Ups Are Allowed To Say

Here’s audio of our President telling CNBC people that that rapper who said one lady’s music video was better than the other lady’s music video during an annual television special for 13-year-olds… is a “jackass.” Okay. [YouTube] Read more on Here Is Obama Saying A Word Only Grown-Ups Are Allowed To Say…
  your move kanye

Barack Obama’s Secret Terrible Insult For Kanye West Revealed By Rogue Tweet!

Apparent MTV employee Barack Obama called human simulacrum Kanye West a “jackass.” This is in response to Kanye yelling something in bad taste to Faith Hill at the Country Music Awards, which has been plaguing our President, this altercation between two Hollywood movie stars about something, a shared boyfriend maybe. Anyway, this latest declaration from Obama is “causing quite a stir on Twitter,” as all known events have been wont to do lately, because it was apparently given off the record to CNBC. But CNBC and ABC got their scoops crossed, and ABC’s Terry Moran Twittered the “jackass” comment, which was bad form because how dare journalist Terry Moran report this exclusive information. The Tweet has since been sent back to Hell. [Michael Calderone] Read more on Barack Obama’s Secret Terrible Insult For Kanye West Revealed By Rogue Tweet!…
  breaking news of entertainment

Barack Obama Hates This ‘Kanye’ & Other Such Dumb Stuff

Hey have you heard about the important something-or-other, on teevee, when the one hip-hop fellow Mr. Kanye West said something about the hip-hop lady? SCANDAL! Well Barack Obama hates all this dumb misogynistic consumer-good-worshiping dumb shit. [YouTube] Read more on Barack Obama Hates This ‘Kanye’ & Other Such Dumb Stuff…
  terrorists

Fancy Liberal Rapper Caught Planning New 9/11 Thing

Oh dear, it looks like those liberal celebrities are insulting George W. Bush’s heroism by plotting amateurish “copycat crimes” against Freedom. Why else would self-loathing college rapper Kanye West be arrested at the airport, on 9/11? Exactly. Now let’s invade, what, Belgium or Egypt or something. [CNN] Read more on Fancy Liberal Rapper Caught Planning New 9/11 Thing…
 

The Week In Wonkette

• President Bush sends out holiday greetings, reveals deeply-felt prejudices. • Future Holidays of America announced: Stickmas comes every July, Abramoffukkah could come a LOT sooner. • The Pentagon may or may not feel threatened by gay kiss-ins (Kisses-in? Is it like Attornies General?). We prefer to think that they ARE worried about them, because it makes things a lot more hilarious. Read more on The Week In Wonkette…
 

We Wish To Inform You That While We Ain’t Saying You’re a Gold Digger, You Don’t Appear to Care About No Broke—

In his nationally televised news conference this morning, President Bush told the press corps that it hurts his feelings whenever he hears that he doesn’t care about black people. That’s sort of like the way people in Sudan say it hurts their bodies whenever they hear the President refer to his Darfur policy as “Where?” But then again, it’s sort of not like that at all. Read more on We Wish To Inform You That While We Ain’t Saying You’re a Gold Digger, You Don’t Appear to Care About No Broke—…
 

First Lady Pool Report: Come Again?

Does DC have its own Kanye West, Jr.? According to a FLOTUS (cute) pool report this afternoon, a visit to a Southeast Washington public charter school by Prince Charles, the FLOTUS, and Camilla prompted this observation from Denzell Grimes, 14: “It’’s awfully rare for white people to come to our school–like, from other countries.”” Speak truth to power, Denzell! Or just make an observation: Upon further review of an audiotape, the quote from Denzell Grimes appears to be incorrect. According to the tape, Grimes stated: “It’s awfully rare for ROYAL people to come to our school–like from other countries.” Both things technically true. You’ve got a future in politics, kid. Full reports after the jump. Read more on First Lady Pool Report: Come Again?…