Tag Archives: kansas city

  this will not work

Missouri Republicans Demand Interns Stop Being Too Sexy To Resist

A typical Missouri intern, we guess.
A typical Missouri intern, we guess. There is a thing that happens in every political workplace in US America, and probably also Guam, where everybody’s just doing their business, but then this one family values Republican, probably named Missouri House Speaker John Diehl, gets a shame boner in his knickers because one of those nubile co-ed intern girls just came into the room, and before you know it, he’s sending her text messages what say “God I want you right now” and wanna “leave you quivering” (probably in the vagina), punctuated with ALL THE EMOJIS, because that’s how you talk to Kids These Days. And then he has to resign, for being A Gross. Read more on Missouri Republicans Demand Interns Stop Being Too Sexy To Resist…
  Speaking of Boobs

Michele Bachmann Said One Stupid Thing, Didn’t Say Other Stupid Thing

When in doubt, use this picture
Here’s your Michele Bachmann CrazyTrain update: Yes, she really did say that Teh Gheys want to abolish age-of-consent laws so they can rape children without consequences, but no, she did not say that the USA needs to open “Americanization camps” to make immigrant children work while they learn English. The former story was widely reported because it’s yet another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit, and the latter story was also widely reported because, although it was originally from the lame fake-news site that wasn’t even The Onion, it sounded enough like another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit. Read more on Michele Bachmann Said One Stupid Thing, Didn’t Say Other Stupid Thing…
  cute fought the law and the cute won

Nice Time Update: Nifty Kid May Soon Return ‘Little Free Library’ To Front Yard

As we predicted, it looks like there’s going to be a quick, albeit temporary resolution to the social-media-friendly story of Spencer Collins, the Kansas 9-year-old who was told he had to remove his “Little Free Library” because it violated a zoning rule on structures in front yards. Stupid bureaucrats were stupid. But since Spencer is a cute kid, and “Kansas Town Does Not Like Books” is really crappy publicity, it looks like the city of Leawood is close to a solution that will soon allow Spencer to get the take-a-book-leave-a-book library out of the garage and back out front, and then Fox News will have to illustrate the evils of Big Government by finding stories about lemonade stands being shut down for not having a license. Read more on Nice Time Update: Nifty Kid May Soon Return ‘Little Free Library’ To Front Yard…
  where to travel in 2016

Republicans Close To Deciding Which Character-Free Hellhole Of A City They Will Invade In 2016

The Republican National Committee is busy narrowing down the list of potential host cities for its 2016 convention. Last week the list dropped by two, with Cincinnati and Las Vegas dropping their bids; Cincinnati because, well, Cincinnati, and Vegas for a whole host of reasons. Needless to say, yr Wonkette was devastated by Vegas’s decision. We were giddy – GIDDY – at the thought of a) the entire Wonkette writing staff covering the convention in person and b) all those wingnut dipwads showing up on the convention floor hung over, pockets having been emptied by every roulette wheel, blackjack table and high-priced call girl from one end of the Strip to the other. All the potential scandals for delegates and candidates to get caught up in … dear Lord, we ask You for so, so little… Let’s take a look at the four cities left in the running, along with their pros and cons. Read more on Republicans Close To Deciding Which Character-Free Hellhole Of A City They Will Invade In 2016…
  let's party!

Argue Amongst Yourselves: Announcing A Rough Draft Of The Wonket Drinky Thing Midwest/Southwest June World Tour!

O hai, we are just making this itinerary. We are getting in the car and actually taking a vacation, one that includes paying someone to be us on this here mommyblog while we are gone, so our only responsibilities for just shy of three weeks will be buying you beer and seeing our mama. It has no dates attached to it except for “mid to late June,” and many of the smaller places (we are talking to you Des Moines) are negotiable for other towns and cities nearby if we hear from a whole bunch of folks that, say, FUCK DES MOINES, etc. So check it: Somewhere around June 15 or 16 or one millionth, we leave Los Angeles for …. Read more on Argue Amongst Yourselves: Announcing A Rough Draft Of The Wonket Drinky Thing Midwest/Southwest June World Tour!…
  jesus loves you (to murder everyone)

Wives! Can’t Live With ‘Em, Can Kill ‘Em, According to Charismatic ‘Ex’-Gay Christian-Orgy Cult Leader

Tyler Deaton is a handsome young man. He met his wife, Bethany, in prayer group at college. He was so charismatic that by his senior year, he’d convinced a bunch of hot dudes to leave the school-sanctioned Christian fellowship at Southwestern in Texas, and join him in Kansas City instead, so they could be close to the International House of Prayer, which had a kickin’ youth fellowship, mega-awesome Christian jamz, and the kind of “gays-are-demons” stances that appeal to young “ex”-gays. Once in Kansas City, they started meeting for Wednesday night prayer meetings and (ALLEGED) hot gay “spiritual” sex parties and (ALLEGED) Bethany-drugging, -raping, and -beating. “He believed God could fix things,” a student said. That included, Deaton told people, fixing himself. One of his group’s stark positions on Scripture was that homosexuality was wrong. Deaton’s stance against it weighed heavily because members said he had “struggled with being gay.” “He struggled with it, but he overcame it,” a member of his group at Southwestern said. “It was a victory.” Her husband having overcome his homosexuality (except for the part where being ex-gay means you can’t bone dudes), in October, Bethany unaccountably killed herself. Or did she? (Hint: She probably did not?) Read more on Wives! Can’t Live With ‘Em, Can Kill ‘Em, According to Charismatic ‘Ex’-Gay Christian-Orgy Cult Leader…
  also also dave weigel is racist

NAACP Going To Call Teabaggers Racist But Teabagger Leaders Don’t Understand Because They Are Basically the New Civil Rights Movement

The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People has a convention coming up in Kansas City, and a resolution will be introduced to call Teabaggers racist, because why not? Seems pretty valid, as many Teabaggers do seem to be rather racist. A LITTLE LATE, but valid. Teabagger leaders cannot believe this, though. THEM, TEABAGGERS, racist? It is strange, because Teabaggers have pretty much picked up the torch from the NAACP in leading the civil rights movement. Read more on NAACP Going To Call Teabaggers Racist But Teabagger Leaders Don’t Understand Because They Are Basically the New Civil Rights Movement…
 

Alan Keyes Loses Constitution Party Nomination!

newVideoPlayer("Keys2_Snapper.flv", 475, 376);In what pundits have described as “the most contentious” nomination battle in the Constitution Party’s 16-year history, famous nut Alan Keyes has lost the bid to radio host Chuck Baldwin in a blatant act of white racism. The party held its national convention in Kansas City over the weekend and selected Baldwin over the towering figure of Keyes by a vote of 384-126. Thus ends Alan Keyes’ winding path towards the White House in 2008, the highlight of which was this hilarious performance at a Republican debate in December, which we honor in the above clip. [Kansas City Star] Read more on Alan Keyes Loses Constitution Party Nomination!…