Tag Archives: kansas

  She calls it as she sees it

Kansas Republicans Very Upset Black Lady Rep Called Them Big Dumb Racists

Or reverse racist, probably.
Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback and his cretinous, thumb-sucking lackeys in the state capitol have been working overtime the past few years to find the perfect balance between bankrupting the state with tax cuts and fucking poor people over. It’s hard work, but somebody has to do it! State lawmakers managed to barely squeak the state’s budget into the black for the 2015 fiscal year, but the 2016 fiscal year starts in July, and surprise, the state’s still pretty bankrupt. So NOW can we raise taxes on the rich? Ha ha, you are an idiot and dumb. It’s time to make education cuts! Read more on Kansas Republicans Very Upset Black Lady Rep Called Them Big Dumb Racists…
  Republican math

Gov. Sam Brownback Only Raised Taxes On Poors, So It Doesn’t Count, Right?

Giggling about what an asshole he is.
You know that thing about how Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is the worst governor in the entire galaxy, and how he bankrupted Kansas with his fucked up tax cuts for the wealthy, but then Kansas voters reelected him because they’re idiots? And lately, he’s been doing everything he can to fuck the poors of his state right good (even though it costs the state millions), by making sure they don’t have equal access to education, and that they can only take $25 in EBT moneys from the ATM per day, paying an ATM fee each and every time? Well he’s been in quite a pickle because Kansas Ain’t Got No Money, and you can only suck off the teats of welfare queens so long, ’cause they ain’t got no money either, so he had to raise taxes, but not on the wealthy, oh no! The very thought of that makes him emotional. Read more on Gov. Sam Brownback Only Raised Taxes On Poors, So It Doesn’t Count, Right?…
  Nope not that either

Kansas Plan To F*ck The Poors Somehow Costing Millions, Is That Bad?

Oops
Kansas Republicans had a terrific plan to turn their state into the best state EVER, with tax cuts for the rich and — well, that was mostly the plan. Surprise! It hasn’t worked, and not just because the evil liberal media said mean things about Gov. Sam Brownback. Read more on Kansas Plan To F*ck The Poors Somehow Costing Millions, Is That Bad?…
  You'll have nothing and who cares if you like it?

Fifth Circuit Protects Texas Ladies From ‘Unsafe’ Abortions By Letting Them Have None At All

You didn't want those clinics, did you?
Good thing Texas-Americans of the lady persuasion are accustomed by now to courts opening and closing their abortion clinics, so they won’t be shocked when most of their clinics are shut down again. In the epic, years-long legal battle to decide whether and how and when abortion providers may provide abortions in Texas, a three-judge panel of the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals issued an opinion Tuesday saying, basically, “How about never? Is never good for you? TOO BAD!” Read more on Fifth Circuit Protects Texas Ladies From ‘Unsafe’ Abortions By Letting Them Have None At All…
  Christ what an asshole

Gov. Sam Brownback To Judges: Wouldn’t It Be A Shame If I Stoled All Your Moneys?

Don't mind me, I'm just being a complete asshole.
Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is such a glorious asshole. What happened this time? Oh, Brownback just signed a law that says that if state courts overturn this one law he doesn’t like, he gets to strip funding from the ENTIRE judiciary. “THE FUCK YOU SAY?” says You. Let’s see if we can Kansas-splain this in 500 words or less. Help us, New York Times! Read more on Gov. Sam Brownback To Judges: Wouldn’t It Be A Shame If I Stoled All Your Moneys?…
  Grill This

Kansas GOP Spends Four Days Failing Extra Hard, Takes Well-Earned Four Day Weekend

As the people of Kansas head into the long weekend, they should take a moment to give thanks that their elected representatives are so dedicated to serving their needs. The state’s fiscal year is winding down and legislators are still looking for a way to make Sam Brownback’s mathematical delusions mesh with the real world, and taxpayers are shelling out over $40,000 a day for a special session because their representatives couldn’t fix the governor-inflicted budget damage by the deadline. Read more on Kansas GOP Spends Four Days Failing Extra Hard, Takes Well-Earned Four Day Weekend…
  Also Far Better Than A Pie In The Face

Hero Waitress Tells Kansas Gov. Brownback Exactly Where To Shove His Tip (Into Schools, Duh)

Chloe, have you considered joining the Satanic Temple? They could use your skills
Here’s today’s dose of Nice Time Sticking It To The Man: A Kansas waitress used her last day at work to send a little message to Gov. Sam Brownback, telling him that instead of giving her a tip, it would be much nicer if he could actually fund the state’s schools instead. As exits go, this one definitely tops that flight attendant who said screw y’all and jumped out the emergency slide; it’s right up there with the news anchor who resigned on air by declaring her love for legal weed. Read more on Hero Waitress Tells Kansas Gov. Brownback Exactly Where To Shove His Tip (Into Schools, Duh)…
  this is why we can't have nice things

Sorry, Kansas, But Gov. Brownback Has To Spend All Your Money Stopping Bortions

Yes he still blows a lot, always will
Who is absolutely THE WORST Republican governor in U.S. America? Oh all of ’em, Katie? Correct! But Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is trying super hard to be even more THE WORST than all the others combined. As if it weren’t bad enough that he bankrupted the state with tax cuts for the rich that work as well as unicorn farts, he would like to make his state even more broke, for the unborned babies. Earlier this month, Brownback signed into law SB 95, a bill written by the “pro-life” National Right to Life Committee to ban essentially all second-term abortions by inventing the term “dismemberment abortion” and then saying “that’s mean and gross, you can’t do that.” And because this is a blatantly unconstitutional law, it’s going to cost Kansas a truckload of dollars it does not have. Fiscal conservatism, for the win: Read more on Sorry, Kansas, But Gov. Brownback Has To Spend All Your Money Stopping Bortions…
  but if you outlaw baloney only outlaws will have baloney

Heroic Maine Governor Paul LePage Stops Poors From Bogarting The Baloney Slices

Gee willikers golly Jeebus on a cracker, the states of this union are stepping up their game in the eternal contest to see who can fuck the poors with the least amount of lube. If you know Maine’s governor, Paul LePage, you won’t be surprised to hear that his entry into the Fuck The Poors contest is a doozy! Yes, it’s time for another list of Prohibited Poor People Food Theater, everyone follow along closely, because it is stupid and confusing, and it shows the lengths Republicans will go to, in order to curb-stomp poor people. Read more on Heroic Maine Governor Paul LePage Stops Poors From Bogarting The Baloney Slices…
  it's called "fair taxation"

You Won’t Believe How Kansas Is Paying For Rich People’s Tax Cuts (Unless You’re Not Dumb)

If he has to pay more taxes, it won't be so good to be the king anymore :(
Kansas is on a roll this month, if by “on a roll,” you mean “wow, it seems like they come up with a new way to screw poor people every single day!” What are they doing now? Oh, just trying to get poor people to pay for all the tax cuts rich people have been enjoying for several years now. Those tax cuts were, of course, supposed to make Kansas grow and thrive, but because that doesn’t actually work anywhere besides Ronald Reagan’s dead butthole, Kansas doesn’t have any money. So, let’s let poor people pay for it! This is called “fiscal responsibility,” and Kansas lawmakers are ON IT: Read more on You Won’t Believe How Kansas Is Paying For Rich People’s Tax Cuts (Unless You’re Not Dumb)…
  Live free and lose your kids

Cool, Kansas Is Ripping Kids Away From Medical Marijuana Advocates Now

Suppose you are a medical marijuana advocate, having successfully used cannabis oil to treat your own Crohn’s Disease. And suppose you lived for a time in Colorado, where medical marijuana is legal, but then, because fate apparently hates you, you were sentenced to move to the ugly state next door, Kansas, where marijuana in all its forms is illegal. And suppose you have an 11-year-old son who was forced to endure a fact-free anti-drug session at school, where he decided to point out that, hey, some of reefer madness talking points are not true. Would you think the state would take your child from you that day? Because that’s what happened to Shona Banda of Wichita: Read more on Cool, Kansas Is Ripping Kids Away From Medical Marijuana Advocates Now…
  fuck the poors

Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries

Right in the earhole.
The Midwestern states sure do seem to be having a contest right now, over who can fuck the poors the baddest and the longest! Missouri gave it a shot, what with that dickhead rep who just wanted to make sure people receiving public assistance couldn’t waste it on seafood. But then Kansas totally took the lead, by passing a bill to ban poors from doing all kinds of things with their precious government-funded riches, like take Caribbean cruises. Gov. Sam Brownback signed the bill because DUH, everybody knows that poor people are always like “Oh I am busy that week, I’m going on a cruise.” But Wisconsin Rep. Jesse Kremer (R-You Knew That) has come up with some shit so demeaning to those struggling with poverty that we are kind of actually dumbfounded, which doesn’t happen often! Read more on Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries…
  Hey at least the poors are still allowed to buy guns

Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!

Don't mind me, I'm just being a complete asshole.
Welfare queens of Kansas, we are very sorry, for your worst nightmares have come true. Your governor, Sam Brownback, has signed HB 2256, which, as we reported earlier in April, makes all the changes to welfare everybody wants, but is too shy to ask for. Yes, Kansas, you shan’t have to worry ever again about those on public assistance spending all of their $429 a month on glamorous Caribbean vacations, on your dime, or on getting their palms read at Psychic Isabella’s in Kansas City. (Which exists.) You won’t have to worry about them outdoing you in the sexxxy lingerie department either! You can rest assured that they will, by law, only be wearing the same granny panties you are currently wearing. Read more on Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!…
  Kansas blows a lot

Kansas Invents New Name For Abortion Procedure, Then Bans It Because It Sounds Icky

Actual picture of Gov. Brownback
Sure, Kansas is going right down the toilet because Gov. Sam Brownback’s magic tax cuts have failed to fix the state’s big ol’ budget hole. But that doesn’t mean Gov. Blows A Lot couldn’t find time this week to sign a shiny new anti-abortion bill into law. He’s got priorities, you know: Read more on Kansas Invents New Name For Abortion Procedure, Then Bans It Because It Sounds Icky…
  Madame Endora sees more poverty in your future

Kansas Will Make Sure Welfare Queens Can’t Get Their Palms Read On Caribbean Cruises

It is very tough coming up with new and creative ways to fuck the poor. A Missouri rep decided in March that he would try to do it by advancing a bill to make sure none of those gross people on SNAP benefits would be able to buy luxury items like seafood, because heaven forfend poor people (who are not actually spending money on lobster) have something healthy to eat. Read more on Kansas Will Make Sure Welfare Queens Can’t Get Their Palms Read On Caribbean Cruises…
  Ten Thousand Applicants One Cup

Welfare Drug Tests Don’t Work, So Now Republicans Want Them Everywhere

We might go see a band named 'Welfare Piss Test'
In an enormous surprise to nobody who saw it fail miserably in Florida, it turns out that drug-testing applicants for welfare doesn’t work well anywhere else, either. Think Progress reviewed the seven states that currently require applicants for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) and found that they’re all spending a huge amount of money to “ferret out very few drug users.” Imagine that! In addition to being found unconstitutional, at least in Florida so far, the programs don’t find many drug users: a far smaller percentage than in the general population. But that’s not stopping about a dozen other states — including Montana, Texas, West Virginia, and the libertarian paradise that is Wisconsin, of course — from proposing such programs, because slapping poor people around is always politically popular. Read more on Welfare Drug Tests Don’t Work, So Now Republicans Want Them Everywhere…