Tag Archives: kansas

  Grill This

Kansas GOP Spends Four Days Failing Extra Hard, Takes Well-Earned Four Day Weekend

As the people of Kansas head into the long weekend, they should take a moment to give thanks that their elected representatives are so dedicated to serving their needs. The state’s fiscal year is winding down and legislators are still looking for a way to make Sam Brownback’s mathematical delusions mesh with the real world, and taxpayers are shelling out over $40,000 a day for a special session because their representatives couldn’t fix the governor-inflicted budget damage by the deadline. Read more on Kansas GOP Spends Four Days Failing Extra Hard, Takes Well-Earned Four Day Weekend…
  Also Far Better Than A Pie In The Face

Hero Waitress Tells Kansas Gov. Brownback Exactly Where To Shove His Tip (Into Schools, Duh)

Chloe, have you considered joining the Satanic Temple? They could use your skills
Here’s today’s dose of Nice Time Sticking It To The Man: A Kansas waitress used her last day at work to send a little message to Gov. Sam Brownback, telling him that instead of giving her a tip, it would be much nicer if he could actually fund the state’s schools instead. As exits go, this one definitely tops that flight attendant who said screw y’all and jumped out the emergency slide; it’s right up there with the news anchor who resigned on air by declaring her love for legal weed. Read more on Hero Waitress Tells Kansas Gov. Brownback Exactly Where To Shove His Tip (Into Schools, Duh)…
  this is why we can't have nice things

Sorry, Kansas, But Gov. Brownback Has To Spend All Your Money Stopping Bortions

Yes he still blows a lot, always will
Who is absolutely THE WORST Republican governor in U.S. America? Oh all of ‘em, Katie? Correct! But Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is trying super hard to be even more THE WORST than all the others combined. As if it weren’t bad enough that he bankrupted the state with tax cuts for the rich that work as well as unicorn farts, he would like to make his state even more broke, for the unborned babies. Earlier this month, Brownback signed into law SB 95, a bill written by the “pro-life” National Right to Life Committee to ban essentially all second-term abortions by inventing the term “dismemberment abortion” and then saying “that’s mean and gross, you can’t do that.” And because this is a blatantly unconstitutional law, it’s going to cost Kansas a truckload of dollars it does not have. Fiscal conservatism, for the win: Read more on Sorry, Kansas, But Gov. Brownback Has To Spend All Your Money Stopping Bortions…
  but if you outlaw baloney only outlaws will have baloney

Heroic Maine Governor Paul LePage Stops Poors From Bogarting The Baloney Slices

Gee willikers golly Jeebus on a cracker, the states of this union are stepping up their game in the eternal contest to see who can fuck the poors with the least amount of lube. If you know Maine’s governor, Paul LePage, you won’t be surprised to hear that his entry into the Fuck The Poors contest is a doozy! Yes, it’s time for another list of Prohibited Poor People Food Theater, everyone follow along closely, because it is stupid and confusing, and it shows the lengths Republicans will go to, in order to curb-stomp poor people. Read more on Heroic Maine Governor Paul LePage Stops Poors From Bogarting The Baloney Slices…
  it's called "fair taxation"

You Won’t Believe How Kansas Is Paying For Rich People’s Tax Cuts (Unless You’re Not Dumb)

If he has to pay more taxes, it won't be so good to be the king anymore :(
Kansas is on a roll this month, if by “on a roll,” you mean “wow, it seems like they come up with a new way to screw poor people every single day!” What are they doing now? Oh, just trying to get poor people to pay for all the tax cuts rich people have been enjoying for several years now. Those tax cuts were, of course, supposed to make Kansas grow and thrive, but because that doesn’t actually work anywhere besides Ronald Reagan’s dead butthole, Kansas doesn’t have any money. So, let’s let poor people pay for it! This is called “fiscal responsibility,” and Kansas lawmakers are ON IT: Read more on You Won’t Believe How Kansas Is Paying For Rich People’s Tax Cuts (Unless You’re Not Dumb)…
  Live free and lose your kids

Cool, Kansas Is Ripping Kids Away From Medical Marijuana Advocates Now

Suppose you are a medical marijuana advocate, having successfully used cannabis oil to treat your own Crohn’s Disease. And suppose you lived for a time in Colorado, where medical marijuana is legal, but then, because fate apparently hates you, you were sentenced to move to the ugly state next door, Kansas, where marijuana in all its forms is illegal. And suppose you have an 11-year-old son who was forced to endure a fact-free anti-drug session at school, where he decided to point out that, hey, some of reefer madness talking points are not true. Would you think the state would take your child from you that day? Because that’s what happened to Shona Banda of Wichita: Read more on Cool, Kansas Is Ripping Kids Away From Medical Marijuana Advocates Now…
  fuck the poors

Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries

When I was hungry, you said I needed to show 2 forms of ID to get food.
The Midwestern states sure do seem to be having a contest right now, over who can fuck the poors the baddest and the longest! Missouri gave it a shot, what with that dickhead rep who just wanted to make sure people receiving public assistance couldn’t waste it on seafood. But then Kansas totally took the lead, by passing a bill to ban poors from doing all kinds of things with their precious government-funded riches, like take Caribbean cruises. Gov. Sam Brownback signed the bill because DUH, everybody knows that poor people are always like “Oh I am busy that week, I’m going on a cruise.” But Wisconsin Rep. Jesse Kremer (R-You Knew That) has come up with some shit so demeaning to those struggling with poverty that we are kind of actually dumbfounded, which doesn’t happen often! Read more on Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries…
  Hey at least the poors are still allowed to buy guns

Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!

What, was I supposed to pretend to care about those fuckin' mooches?
Welfare queens of Kansas, we are very sorry, for your worst nightmares have come true. Your governor, Sam Brownback, has signed HB 2256, which, as we reported earlier in April, makes all the changes to welfare everybody wants, but is too shy to ask for. Yes, Kansas, you shan’t have to worry ever again about those on public assistance spending all of their $429 a month on glamorous Caribbean vacations, on your dime, or on getting their palms read at Psychic Isabella’s in Kansas City. (Which exists.) You won’t have to worry about them outdoing you in the sexxxy lingerie department either! You can rest assured that they will, by law, only be wearing the same granny panties you are currently wearing. Read more on Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!…
  Kansas blows a lot

Kansas Invents New Name For Abortion Procedure, Then Bans It Because It Sounds Icky

Actual picture of Gov. Brownback
Sure, Kansas is going right down the toilet because Gov. Sam Brownback’s magic tax cuts have failed to fix the state’s big ol’ budget hole. But that doesn’t mean Gov. Blows A Lot couldn’t find time this week to sign a shiny new anti-abortion bill into law. He’s got priorities, you know: Read more on Kansas Invents New Name For Abortion Procedure, Then Bans It Because It Sounds Icky…
  Madame Endora sees more poverty in your future

Kansas Will Make Sure Welfare Queens Can’t Get Their Palms Read On Caribbean Cruises

It is very tough coming up with new and creative ways to fuck the poor. A Missouri rep decided in March that he would try to do it by advancing a bill to make sure none of those gross people on SNAP benefits would be able to buy luxury items like seafood, because heaven forfend poor people (who are not actually spending money on lobster) have something healthy to eat. Read more on Kansas Will Make Sure Welfare Queens Can’t Get Their Palms Read On Caribbean Cruises…
  Ten Thousand Applicants One Cup

Welfare Drug Tests Don’t Work, So Now Republicans Want Them Everywhere

We might go see a band named 'Welfare Piss Test'
In an enormous surprise to nobody who saw it fail miserably in Florida, it turns out that drug-testing applicants for welfare doesn’t work well anywhere else, either. Think Progress reviewed the seven states that currently require applicants for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) and found that they’re all spending a huge amount of money to “ferret out very few drug users.” Imagine that! In addition to being found unconstitutional, at least in Florida so far, the programs don’t find many drug users: a far smaller percentage than in the general population. But that’s not stopping about a dozen other states — including Montana, Texas, West Virginia, and the libertarian paradise that is Wisconsin, of course — from proposing such programs, because slapping poor people around is always politically popular. Read more on Welfare Drug Tests Don’t Work, So Now Republicans Want Them Everywhere…
  a feature not a bug

If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!

That bridge sucked anyway.
You may be familiar with the state of Kansas, where Governor Sam Brownback and the ruling GOP have conducted what Brownback has called a “great experiment” in conservative economics. They’ve radically slashed income taxes, especially for top earners, on the theory that liberating this money will supercharge the economy; businesses will flock in, new jobs will be created, and an orgy of private sector commerce will fill the budget hole caused by the tax cuts. Read more on If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!…
 

Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!

Screw you, huddled masses
Wednesday was supposed to be the day President Obama officially rolled out the Kenyan welcome mat for all them illegals who’ve already snuck across our border to infect us with diseases and their strange foreign languages. But oh no, you can un-unfurl that Hispanic flag over the White House, Mr. Thinks He’s So President, because United States District Judge Andrew S. Hanen has put a stop to that nonsense, at least for now. Read more on Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!…
  focus on your own damn family

Kansas: Let’s Give All These Orphans To That Nice Normal Duggar Family

Same-sex foster parents will be wished into the cornfield
With all the pissing and moaning about the Attack on the Family and the Gay Married, it’s nice to see someone finally doing something to actually reinforce traditional family values. If Kansas state Sen. Forrest Knox can’t force real families to conform to his utopian vision of what a family should be, well then by golly, he can certainly use the power of the state to pay extra to foster families that have a churchgoing mom and dad, one of whom stays home, and ideally they could be homeshoolers, too. You know, for the good of the kids. Read more on Kansas: Let’s Give All These Orphans To That Nice Normal Duggar Family…
  Brownback Mountain

Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)

What, was I supposed to pretend to care about those fuckin' mooches?
Kansas Governor Sam Brownback made headlines this week after he issued an executive order that repealed employment discrimination protection for LGBT state employees. The protections were originally put in place by his predecessor, Kathleen Sebelius, and made it illegal for the state government to discriminate against state employees just because they were afflicted with The Gay, The Bi, and/or The Trans. We imagine when Brownback signed the order his tiny Grinch heart shrank three sizes that day. Read more on Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)…
  boys have a penis and you have the right to remain silent

Kansas Just Going To Go Ahead And Arrest Teachers For Teaching Now

it's like you've been with everyone he has ever taught...
Kudos to Kansas for pulling quite the sleight of hand. Instead of another story about its slashed and burned debacle of a state government, the state’s new PR strategy is to distract onlookers with a law prosecuting teachers who present materials about S-E-[redacted]. Read more on Kansas Just Going To Go Ahead And Arrest Teachers For Teaching Now…
  Paying Workers Is Just Another Form Of Socialism

On Minimum Wage, GOP Offers Only Toxic (Aaron) Schock Treatment

Well why not raise the minimum wage to a jillion an hour, then, huh?
Following the State of the Union address Tuesday, hunky but vapid Illinois Congressmeat Aaron Schock offered this wisdom on the Twitter Machine: It’s so true! Raising the minimum wage won’t eliminate poverty, so it’s clearly not worth doing. Rachel Maddow asked Schock to explain himself, and he went straight to the GOP myth that the minimum wage is a “starting wage,” and only teenagers and people just starting a first job make minimum wage. Isn’t it nice to know that the GOP is the party of economic realists? Maddow noted that it’s a pretty obvious fact that living on $10.10 an hour is a lot easier than $7.25 an hour, to which Schock had the perfect smart reply: Read more on On Minimum Wage, GOP Offers Only Toxic (Aaron) Schock Treatment…
  The First Step Is Admitting You Have A Problem

Read Sam Brownback’s Lips: Whoops, We Raised Kansas’s Taxes

What, was I supposed to pretend to care about those fuckin' mooches?
The last redoubt of conservative economists has always been the complaint that their radical, free-market ideas have never been tried before. If conservative ideas have never been put to the test, the argument goes, then how can you say they don’t work, you’re not even being fair! Sadly for conservative economists and their fedora-clad fanboys, Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has, in fact, put low-tax, low-service conservatism to the test, and it didn’t work out quite the way he thought it would. Loosen up those cackling muscles, Wonketeers, because this one’s good. Read more on Read Sam Brownback’s Lips: Whoops, We Raised Kansas’s Taxes…
  the state of the state is great

Kansas Named Florida / Arizona / Mississippi Of 2014, Pawns Trophy For Gas Money Home

Picking Wonkette’s State of the Year was no easy feat this time around, but Kansas pulled away from the pack with its flair for the dramatic. For a few heady months of 2014, Kansas shocked the country by flirting with electing politicians who were unaffiliated with the Republican Party. We let ourselves believe there could be a chance for the state to turn puce, if not full-on purple, as Kansas Republicans sucked at their jobs on a scale that was especially shocking given the fact that many of them were running for re-election. Read more on Kansas Named Florida / Arizona / Mississippi Of 2014, Pawns Trophy For Gas Money Home…
  The New Math

GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash

Pic via 1Funny As the year draws to a close, we here in the Washington Bureau are grateful for many things. Because we are Americans, we are most grateful for our capital-F Freedom and its valiant defenders, not least the right-wing fiscal fringers of the coming 114th Congress. These brave budget warriors will liberate us from the tyranny of traditional government math, freeing us from the chains of logic and allowing our wildest fiscal fantasies to come true. Read more on GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash…
  buzzkills

Nebraska and Oklahoma Harshing Colorado’s Mellow With Totally Uncool Lawsuit, Man

Colorado is coming up on its one-year weediversary! In keeping with the paper gift traditionally given on first anniversaries, two of its neighbors went in on a lovingly handcrafted lawsuit. In the most serious legal challenge to date against Colorado’s legalization of marijuana, two neighboring states have asked the U.S. Supreme Court to strike down the history-making law. Read more on Nebraska and Oklahoma Harshing Colorado’s Mellow With Totally Uncool Lawsuit, Man…
  Serious Empty Gestures Say The Most

Silly Obama, Air Force One Is Only For White Presidents

It was this or a hastily-shopped picture of Air Force One up on cinder blocks.
You may find this hard to believe, but not every Republican member of the House of Representatives thinks John Boehner’s Obama Sucks Act of 2014 is quite tough enough on Ineffectual Kenyan Usurper Weak Socialist Tyrant King Barack Hussein Obama. Instead of just passing a bill invalidating his recent executive action on immigration — which would just get vetoed anyway — some of Obama’s more strident teabagger critics want to vote for far stricter measures that would also just get vetoed, but would Send A Message. Read more on Silly Obama, Air Force One Is Only For White Presidents…