kansas
Nice Old Kansas Fella Is Newest Accidental Racist
We think we all know that this nice old Kansas fella cannot be a racist, because of how he has black friends. But maybe he can accidentally be a racist when he says “nigger-rigged” during a meeting of the county commission he sits on, and then when folks were like “asphinctersayswhat?” he clarified that he [...]
Kansas School Board Candidate Will Solve Budget Problems By Eliminating Evolution
Jack Wu, an actual candidate for Kansas’s state school board, pledges on his very impressive homemade website to do something about the most serious problem facing the schools today: The current public educational system in Kansas and the United States is preparing its students to be liars, crooks, thieves, murderers, and perverts. And how will [...]
Exclusive! Here is Your Picture Of Kevin Yoder All Nude-Like In The Sea Of Galilee, Wait No It Isn’t
Kevin Yoder, fourth from right, naked as Yahweh made him. UPDATED Multiple people are writing in to tell Your Editrix she is the worst reporter in the world — no argument — and that our EXCLUSIVE Kevin Yoder pic is in fact of Rep. Tom Graves of Georgia. If this is true, and there will [...]
Kansas Fetus Memorial To Be Classy, Jew-y
Your Comics Curmudgeon is of Hebrew extraction, in part, and considers himself lucky to live in the time and place where he does! For instance: for most of history, if you were a Jew who encountered a really religious Christian, or a Christian really focused on Jewry, probably you were going to get forcibly converted, [...]
Kansas Gov. Brownback Turns Attention To Non-Problem of Sharia Law
Having all but eliminated legal access to abortion in the state of Kansas and also made it harder for women to access affordable birth control, Governor “#heblowsalot” Sam Brownback can now turn his attention to creating problems for Muslim women in particular, rather than for all women in general. He is cleverly doing this through [...]
TSA Simply Cannot Stop Molesting Children and Congressmen
Everyone knows that if you are looking for terrorists, you leave the Mexicans and the babies and the Middle Easterners alone, and you focus instead on the young white men with buzzcuts. That is simply common sense, but since the US of A outlawed common sense when it “stopped” racially profiling, we are just all [...]
Kansas Hero Emma Sullivan Refuses To Apologize To Sam Brownback
High school senior Emma Sullivan made an honest joke about Kansas governor/wingnut Sam Brownback, on Twitter, and wound up in the principal’s office, where she was ordered to write an apology. This followed the governor’s office calling the schoolgirl’s principal to demand “respect” after seeing the tweet. Today was the deadline to turn in her [...]
Sam Brownback Insane With Rage After Twitter Insult By High School Girl
Not even Republican primary voters wanted Sam Brownback as a presidential candidate, so the right-wing nobody went back to Kansas, both metaphorically and literally. He’s governor of Kansas, apparently. And he’s still a thin-skinned jerk. We learned these facts from the cautionary tale of Emma Sullivan, an 18-year-old high school senior and member of the [...]
Topeka Spouses Now Allowed To Beat The Crap Out of Each Other
Oh, lord. The city of Topeka, Kansas went ahead with its harebrained scheme to legalize domestic violence in order to save money they claim they no longer have to spend prosecuting abuse cases. Hey, priorities! Isn’t this maybe the sort of thing where it might be worth it for the city to just levy an [...]
New Kansas Concealed-Carry Gun Permit Policy: No Policy
In the evolution-free state of Kansas, lawmakers have decided that when it comes to concealed-carry gun permits, “no tests whatsoever required, probably let’s just mail permits to our constituents with the Christmas card” is a better policy than asking people to prove they can hit a few targets at close range. People can figure out [...]
Joan Heffington Will Be Kansas’ Write-In Rosa Parks
JOAN LIVES! Our favorite Kansas gubernatorial candidate, Joan Heffington, has e-mailed supporters a message saying she’s decided to continue her campaign as a write-in candidate, even though she will probably be in prison on election day. Prison?! Yes, Joan is in trouble with the Kansas government for practicing law without a license. How have her [...]
Liveblogging the Glorious Primary Time of Middle America, America’s America: Part II
The Detroit Tigers have miraculously beaten the White Sox and primary results continue to come in slowly from Michigan, Missouri, and Kansas, your Middle America triangle of excitement. We have yet to rule out Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox as the “Governor of Cox” and future source of plentiful dick jokes, but it doesn’t look [...]
Liveblogging the Glorious Primary Time of Middle America, America’s America
Tonight Michigan, Missouri, and Kansas decide their futures. Choose one candidate, and everybody gets laid tonight by a hot person. Choose another, and we all drown in a giant America-sized vat of Liquid-Plumr. Which choice will they make? The Michigan state bird is the robin! The Missouri state bird is the bluebird! The Kansas state [...]
Democracy Is Going To Die Tonight, But Your Wonkette Will Be There At the Deathbed To Hold Your Hand
Primary elections for both Democrats and Republicans tonight are said to be “crowded,” just like a hott nightclub, with lots of candidates to make us all sweaty. And luckily, your Wonkette will liveblog the whole affair so you can get all the Congressman Pete Hoekstra you can handle! Not to mention all the hott (Michigan [...]
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