Tag Archives: kansas

  Ten Thousand Applicants One Cup

Welfare Drug Tests Don’t Work, So Now Republicans Want Them Everywhere

We might go see a band named 'Welfare Piss Test'
In an enormous surprise to nobody who saw it fail miserably in Florida, it turns out that drug-testing applicants for welfare doesn’t work well anywhere else, either. Think Progress reviewed the seven states that currently require applicants for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) and found that they’re all spending a huge amount of money to “ferret out very few drug users.” Imagine that! In addition to being found unconstitutional, at least in Florida so far, the programs don’t find many drug users: a far smaller percentage than in the general population. But that’s not stopping about a dozen other states — including Montana, Texas, West Virginia, and the libertarian paradise that is Wisconsin, of course — from proposing such programs, because slapping poor people around is always politically popular. Read more on Welfare Drug Tests Don’t Work, So Now Republicans Want Them Everywhere…
  a feature not a bug

If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!

That bridge sucked anyway.
You may be familiar with the state of Kansas, where Governor Sam Brownback and the ruling GOP have conducted what Brownback has called a “great experiment” in conservative economics. They’ve radically slashed income taxes, especially for top earners, on the theory that liberating this money will supercharge the economy; businesses will flock in, new jobs will be created, and an orgy of private sector commerce will fill the budget hole caused by the tax cuts. Read more on If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!…
 

Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!

Screw you, huddled masses
Wednesday was supposed to be the day President Obama officially rolled out the Kenyan welcome mat for all them illegals who’ve already snuck across our border to infect us with diseases and their strange foreign languages. But oh no, you can un-unfurl that Hispanic flag over the White House, Mr. Thinks He’s So President, because United States District Judge Andrew S. Hanen has put a stop to that nonsense, at least for now. Read more on Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!…
  focus on your own damn family

Kansas: Let’s Give All These Orphans To That Nice Normal Duggar Family

Same-sex foster parents will be wished into the cornfield
With all the pissing and moaning about the Attack on the Family and the Gay Married, it’s nice to see someone finally doing something to actually reinforce traditional family values. If Kansas state Sen. Forrest Knox can’t force real families to conform to his utopian vision of what a family should be, well then by golly, he can certainly use the power of the state to pay extra to foster families that have a churchgoing mom and dad, one of whom stays home, and ideally they could be homeshoolers, too. You know, for the good of the kids. Read more on Kansas: Let’s Give All These Orphans To That Nice Normal Duggar Family…
  Brownback Mountain

Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)

Remember to caption this
Kansas Governor Sam Brownback made headlines this week after he issued an executive order that repealed employment discrimination protection for LGBT state employees. The protections were originally put in place by his predecessor, Kathleen Sebelius, and made it illegal for the state government to discriminate against state employees just because they were afflicted with The Gay, The Bi, and/or The Trans. We imagine when Brownback signed the order his tiny Grinch heart shrank three sizes that day. Read more on Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)…
  boys have a penis and you have the right to remain silent

Kansas Just Going To Go Ahead And Arrest Teachers For Teaching Now

it's like you've been with everyone he has ever taught...
Kudos to Kansas for pulling quite the sleight of hand. Instead of another story about its slashed and burned debacle of a state government, the state’s new PR strategy is to distract onlookers with a law prosecuting teachers who present materials about S-E-[redacted]. Read more on Kansas Just Going To Go Ahead And Arrest Teachers For Teaching Now…
  Paying Workers Is Just Another Form Of Socialism

On Minimum Wage, GOP Offers Only Toxic (Aaron) Schock Treatment

Well why not raise the minimum wage to a jillion an hour, then, huh?
Following the State of the Union address Tuesday, hunky but vapid Illinois Congressmeat Aaron Schock offered this wisdom on the Twitter Machine: It’s so true! Raising the minimum wage won’t eliminate poverty, so it’s clearly not worth doing. Rachel Maddow asked Schock to explain himself, and he went straight to the GOP myth that the minimum wage is a “starting wage,” and only teenagers and people just starting a first job make minimum wage. Isn’t it nice to know that the GOP is the party of economic realists? Maddow noted that it’s a pretty obvious fact that living on $10.10 an hour is a lot easier than $7.25 an hour, to which Schock had the perfect smart reply: Read more on On Minimum Wage, GOP Offers Only Toxic (Aaron) Schock Treatment…
  The First Step Is Admitting You Have A Problem

Read Sam Brownback’s Lips: Whoops, We Raised Kansas’s Taxes

Remember to caption this
The last redoubt of conservative economists has always been the complaint that their radical, free-market ideas have never been tried before. If conservative ideas have never been put to the test, the argument goes, then how can you say they don’t work, you’re not even being fair! Sadly for conservative economists and their fedora-clad fanboys, Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has, in fact, put low-tax, low-service conservatism to the test, and it didn’t work out quite the way he thought it would. Loosen up those cackling muscles, Wonketeers, because this one’s good. Read more on Read Sam Brownback’s Lips: Whoops, We Raised Kansas’s Taxes…
  the state of the state is great

Kansas Named Florida / Arizona / Mississippi Of 2014, Pawns Trophy For Gas Money Home

Picking Wonkette’s State of the Year was no easy feat this time around, but Kansas pulled away from the pack with its flair for the dramatic. For a few heady months of 2014, Kansas shocked the country by flirting with electing politicians who were unaffiliated with the Republican Party. We let ourselves believe there could be a chance for the state to turn puce, if not full-on purple, as Kansas Republicans sucked at their jobs on a scale that was especially shocking given the fact that many of them were running for re-election. Read more on Kansas Named Florida / Arizona / Mississippi Of 2014, Pawns Trophy For Gas Money Home…
  The New Math

GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash

Pic via 1Funny As the year draws to a close, we here in the Washington Bureau are grateful for many things. Because we are Americans, we are most grateful for our capital-F Freedom and its valiant defenders, not least the right-wing fiscal fringers of the coming 114th Congress. These brave budget warriors will liberate us from the tyranny of traditional government math, freeing us from the chains of logic and allowing our wildest fiscal fantasies to come true. Read more on GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash…
  buzzkills

Nebraska and Oklahoma Harshing Colorado’s Mellow With Totally Uncool Lawsuit, Man

Colorado is coming up on its one-year weediversary! In keeping with the paper gift traditionally given on first anniversaries, two of its neighbors went in on a lovingly handcrafted lawsuit. In the most serious legal challenge to date against Colorado’s legalization of marijuana, two neighboring states have asked the U.S. Supreme Court to strike down the history-making law. Read more on Nebraska and Oklahoma Harshing Colorado’s Mellow With Totally Uncool Lawsuit, Man…
  Serious Empty Gestures Say The Most

Silly Obama, Air Force One Is Only For White Presidents

It was this or a hastily-shopped picture of Air Force One up on cinder blocks.
You may find this hard to believe, but not every Republican member of the House of Representatives thinks John Boehner’s Obama Sucks Act of 2014 is quite tough enough on Ineffectual Kenyan Usurper Weak Socialist Tyrant King Barack Hussein Obama. Instead of just passing a bill invalidating his recent executive action on immigration — which would just get vetoed anyway — some of Obama’s more strident teabagger critics want to vote for far stricter measures that would also just get vetoed, but would Send A Message. Read more on Silly Obama, Air Force One Is Only For White Presidents…
  Here have some news n stuff

House Unanimously Passes Super Controversial Bill Telling Nazis To Suck It

Finally they came for the Nazis
We may be the most polarized America we have ever been, including that time we Civil Warred — THANKS, OBAMA — but it’s nice to know that we can put aside our partisan bickering for one half of one second to come together to screw over some Nazis. Which has not always been the position of our fine United States government, at least when it came to “moderate Nazis,” but hey, we’ve made progress! You may recall the proposed Senate legislation we told you about in October to deny Social Security benefits to accused Nazi war criminals. Somehow, on Tuesday, the House of Representatives found time in its busy schedule of suing the president, whining about the onslaught of immigrants who are already here, and contemplating a shutdown out of spite to vote on its version of the bill: Read more on House Unanimously Passes Super Controversial Bill Telling Nazis To Suck It…
  Here have some news n stuff

Awww, Is Justice Scalia Having A Bad Day? Good.

What's the difference between real life and TV? Who knows? Who cares?
You’ve probably heard by now that yet another state — this time, the Kansas-shaped one — has gone and gotten itself all gayed up and equalified, thanks to a very brief “yup, go ahead and marry whomever you want, we are so bored with this conversation” order from the Supreme Court on Wednesday. It’s hardly even news anymore when you think about it, because, AHEM, this is what is happening right here in these United States in this, the 21st century. But there’s one interesting little thing to note about this particular order, per SCOTUSblog: Read more on Awww, Is Justice Scalia Having A Bad Day? Good….
  You Know We're Good For It

Kansas Will Fill Sam Brownback’s Budget Hole With Payday Loans, Bake Sales

How fiscally efficient are you feeling these days, people of Kansas? Now that your education and welfare funding have been pillaged to enrich the state’s upper crust, you might think you’ve trimmed all the fat you can, but newly re-elected Gov. Sam Brownback has faith that you can run even leaner. Read more on Kansas Will Fill Sam Brownback’s Budget Hole With Payday Loans, Bake Sales…
  insert Wizard of Oz joke of your choosing

Kansas Decides Its Republicans Have Not Sucked Enough Yet, Need More Time To Suck

For a few crazy weeks this fall, the very foundation of what we know about Kansas was suddenly shaken. Was it possible that a politician running there with an R after his name might not be assured victory until death or retirement, regardless of job performance or actual state of residence?  Read more on Kansas Decides Its Republicans Have Not Sucked Enough Yet, Need More Time To Suck…
  how about those clowns in congress? What a bunch of clowns

Bob Dole: Evil Clown, Or Evilest Clown?

If you immediately knew it was a Checker Marathon airport limo you may be a nerd
In case you missed what could be the pivotal last-minute issue that decides the control of the Senate, (or just as likely, doesn’t), it would appear that a lot of Kansas Republicans are either genuinely outraged or perhaps pretending to be outraged that independent candidate Greg Orman kind of indirectly called Bob Dole a “clown” last Friday. Read more on Bob Dole: Evil Clown, Or Evilest Clown?…
  Wonkette Guide to Electoral Shenanigans

Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day

  When it comes to threats against fair elections in America, voter fraud is the new Black Panthers. The way everyone’s talking about electoral integrity this fall, people must be fake-voting coast to coast! With the midterm elections coming up on Tuesday, it’s time to ask: Is voter fraud right for you? Read more on Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day…
  Here have some news n stuff

One Guy In New York Has Ebola So You Can Totally Panic Now

Thanks Obama
That screaming hysteria you hear is the sound of everyone in New York being EXTREMELY TERRIFIED!!! or at least making jokes about being EXTREMELY TERRIFIED!!! because Ebola is real now. (You know the rule: It’s real when it happens in New York. The rest is prologue.) Read more on One Guy In New York Has Ebola So You Can Totally Panic Now…
  your rock and roll fantasy

Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win

She's got all the goodies
We have told you a bunch of made up reasons why every single endangered incumbent Senate Democratic is actually going to win and Nate Silver can go suck a poll of likely voters. Now let’s examine the Dem candidates for open seats and those challenging vulnerable Republican incumbents. Can we use our powers of wishful thinking and nonsense to conjure an alternate reality in which they, too, will all prevail? We can! Read more on Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win…
  Here have some news n stuff

Ron Paul Tells Dumb Son To Shut His Big Stupid Yap

You can trust him, he's a doctor
Grab your popcorn, it’s time for another round of Republican Daddy Issues: Ron Paul, who is a medical doctor, pointed out that an estimated 3,000 to 49,000 people died every year from influenza, but no one was considering a travel ban to stop the flu from spreading. Read more on Ron Paul Tells Dumb Son To Shut His Big Stupid Yap…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Reaches Out To ‘Bitter Clingers And Wingers’

It’s October, and in just a couple weeks, a depressingly small percentage of Americans will vote for a new Congress. Sarah Palin’s out on the campaign trail, makin’ darned sure that the whitest and rightest midterm voters pull the lever for the Republican Party’s vision of a plutocratic, latter-day know-nothing non-government. Sure, she might be stumping for two candidates who are in serious trouble, but that’s why she quit governoring Alaska, so she could serve as the cavalry in pivotal moments like this one. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Reaches Out To ‘Bitter Clingers And Wingers’…