Wonkette

You see what a week at Wonkette has done to me??? A week at Wonkette and 47 hamburgers???

Well, it’s been a fun week, but my fingers hurt, my eyes are bleary, and I can’t get “macaca” off my mind, no matter how hard I try. So, with no more photos to crop, papers to read, or Marines to mock, I’m throwing caution to the wind and cutting out early. Hey, just like I used to do at my last job!

Thanks to Alex for getting my back this week when I was asleep, drunk, or taking a two-hour lunch break (also just like my last job!), thanks to Messrs. Denton and Steele at Gawker Media, thanks to our intrepid tipsters, and a special thanks to The Man Who Won’t Be President for making it easy for me this week. Without your golden tongue, sir, I would have had to write about real news, and nobody would have wanted to read that. Right?

I wish I had a personal blog to point you towards, but I don’t, because blogging’s for nerds. If you must, you can check me out at Polite Magazine (which will be published sometime before my death), or buy my DVD at the Harmony Joyride store. It’s cheap and funny and features a shitload of fake moustaches. I might be back if they stay desperate over here. God, I hope not. Until then, I’ll be spending my days in drunken incoherence. Hey, just like this guy:

Polite Magazine

All This Murky Green | Buy the DVD

Greetings to you, beetle-browed denizens of the Internet. Justin Peters here, your intrepid and always-hungry guest blogger, with a modest proposal, one that barely even involves cooking and eating Irish children. For many reasons, but mostly because the wireless connection in my house is shit, I’m thinking of liveblogging Wonkette from somewhere in the DC area on Thursday. I’m looking for suggestions as to where I should go. The only requirements are these:

1) A reliable wireless Internet connection, or at least a servile copyboy ready to transcribe my comic gold (You like those Alcibiades jokes? Huh? Huh?).

2) I won’t get arrested, shot, or harassed by LaRouchies by being there.

Other than that, the field is wide open. A public park? Your office? The bus station? Send your suggestions to the Wonkette tips address; I’ll take the most intriguing one and let you know where I’m going by Wednesday night.