Tag Archives: justice department

  Won't Someone PLEASE Think of George Zimmerman?

George Zimmerman: God Made Me Do It

Screengrabs are fair use, right? Yeah, pretty sure they are. We can always add a pony so it's parody.
Now that the Justice Department has declared George Zimmerman a swell human being who merely shot and killed Trayvon Martin but didn’t violate his civil rights, Mr. Zimmerman sat down for a spontaneous, not-at-all scripted-sounding interview with his divorce lawyer, Howard Iken, who apparently doesn’t just do divorces, but is also branching out into journalism. Watch out, Terry Gross, Howard Iken is gunning for your time slot! We’d embed the video, but that is Not Allowed; you can view the whole abomination here. Read more on George Zimmerman: God Made Me Do It…
  Billo's Seen Cops Shot Too

Oh, NOW Bill O’Reilly Thinks Irresponsible Words Can Inspire Violence

Call him irresponsible...and he will DESTROY YOU.
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Bill O’Reilly would just like to see a little more responsibility on the part of the media in how they cover sensitive issues, because as he’s recently discovered, language can have consequences! In a piece on the shootings of two police officers in Ferguson early Thursday morning, O’Reilly explained the link between violent words and violent deeds: “As we saw here in New York City, inflammatory rhetoric can get police officers killed.” You know, violent rhetoric like telling your black son that he needs to be extra careful around the police, or saying that police shouldn’t be shooting black people quite so often. Read more on Oh, NOW Bill O’Reilly Thinks Irresponsible Words Can Inspire Violence…
  Maybe More Guns Would Help?

Fox News: Eric Holder Really Should NOT Have Shot Those Cops In Ferguson!

The other chyron for the story: 'Street Justice: Police officers shot in wake of DOJ Report'
While two police officers were still hospitalized after being shot in Ferguson, Missouri, early Thursday morning (they have since been released), and police have no suspects, Fox News and other rightwing sources have identified the true culprits: Attorney General Eric Holder and everyone who’s ever protested against police brutality. Read more on Fox News: Eric Holder Really Should NOT Have Shot Those Cops In Ferguson!…
  don't let the door etc.

Just About Every White Person In Ferguson Resigning For Being A Racist Disgrace

Looks like the end of Close Encounters, only with tear gas.
The fallout continues in the city of Ferguson, Missouri, following the Justice Department’s report on how the city pretty much ran its police force as a revenue-collection operation aimed at transferring money from black citizens to the city’s general fund. On Wednesday, Chief of Police Thomas Jackson announced, “with profound sadness,” that he is resigning, effective March 19. Read more on Just About Every White Person In Ferguson Resigning For Being A Racist Disgrace…
  Not even poetic justice

Scumbag Deadbeat Ferguson Judge Resigns To Spend More Time Not Paying His Taxes

The face of shame
Ronald J. Brockmeyer is the municipal judge in Ferguson, Missouri, who up until about five minutes ago had the nasty habit of tossing the local non-white poors in debtors’ prison for failing to pay their traffic tickets and other minor fees and fines, while, gosh, he was busy fixing his own traffic tickets for himself and his buddies. As one does if one is an actual scumbag, which the Justice Department’s report revealed Brockmeyer indeed is. And not just a scumbag, but a deadbeat scumbag who currently owes more than $170,000 in back taxes, like some kind of guy who doesn’t pay his debts and would probably get himself tossed in jail if he had the misfortune of appearing before a jerk-faced judge like, say, Ronald J. Brockmeyer. Read more on Scumbag Deadbeat Ferguson Judge Resigns To Spend More Time Not Paying His Taxes…
  department of "welp"

Justice Department Has Some Thoughts On The Ferguson P.D.

Sorry, dude.
On Wednesday, the Justice Department released two reports related to last summer’s events in Ferguson, Missouri. One report dealt with Officer Darren Wilson’s shooting of Michael Brown. The other dealt with the city of Ferguson being run by a bunch of racist shitheels who used the mostly black and impoverished civilian population as a perpetual revenue-generating machine instead of treating them like human beings. Guess which report the wingnutgentsia seems most interested in! Read more on Justice Department Has Some Thoughts On The Ferguson P.D….
  Misdemeanor? He hardly knew her

General Petraeus Pleads Guilty To Being Too Sexy For His Pants

Totally worth it
Great All-American Hero War-Winnin’ Savior and former CIA director Gen. David Petraeus has admitted to pillow-talking classified information into his mistress’s ear, which is against the law, it turns out, who knew? But, despite our gleeful prediction in January that perhaps he would do some, uh, HARD time for betraying his country to get some strange, that won’t be happening because what is he, some kind of common criminal? Read more on General Petraeus Pleads Guilty To Being Too Sexy For His Pants…
  Follow The...Zzzzzzzz

Oh No, Zombie ACORN Coming For America, Again (No It Isn’t)

Be afraid! No, *more* afraid!
Now that Republicans control Congress, they’re ready to roll up their sleeves and get to work and try to make up a scandal about the Obama administration trying to give bejillions of dollars to undeserving minorities. We’re not sure this one is going to get any traction with the Fox News crowd, since the details are actually a bit too esoteric to fit on a bumper sticker, but that may not matter. Since it involves mortgages, big banks, the Department of Justice, and nonprofit community groups, maybe all they’ll need to do is yell “ACORN!” and “La Raza” a whole lot. Read more on Oh No, Zombie ACORN Coming For America, Again (No It Isn’t)…
  First Doob No Harm

New Surgeon General Will Get America Higher Than A Richard Linklater Movie

Cancer patients have a lot of laughs too!
In yet another sign that the Apotcalypse is nearly upon us, the recently confirmed surgeon general of the United States, Vivek Murthy, said on national television that marijuana just might not be a demon weed that inevitably leads mild-mannered accountants to go on murderous rampages, fourth graders mainlining heroin, or college sophomores reading Ayn Rand. Read more on New Surgeon General Will Get America Higher Than A Richard Linklater Movie…
  Get Back Loretta

Wingnuts Find Huge Scandal To Forever End Loretta Lynch’s Attorney General Dreams

Oh, Loretta Lynch, you are going DOWN. A press release from a group calling itself “Frontiers of Freedom” has the goods on a gigantic scandal involving attorney general nominee Loretta Lynch. Or at least the 25 rightwing groups that signed the press release hope so. Allegedly, says the release, Lynch “may have violated the rights of crime victims while making plea deals with defendants in so-called ‘white collar’ cases.” Oh dear, that sounds serious indeed! We wonder if maybe it’s related to her time defending the Clintons during the Whitewater case! Read more on Wingnuts Find Huge Scandal To Forever End Loretta Lynch’s Attorney General Dreams…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Let’s Relive Corrupt Sen. John Ensign’s Sleazy Sex Scandal, Eww (Video)

Religious right hypocrisy: not a crime. Illegal lobbying? Oh, yeah.
A goodly chunk of the Rachel Maddow Show Thursday was devoted to an exclusive story on the John Ensign sex scandal and its fallout, much of which had been hidden away in Justice Department records. You see, Ensign, Nevada’s “other” Senator until his abrupt resignation in 2011, wasn’t merely a family-values horndog who was sexing a staffer. His lover’s husband, Doug Hampton, was also an Ensign staffer, and once the affair ended in 2009, Ensign tried to make things better by getting Hampton a job as a lobbyist — which violated federal laws. Guess which one of the two ended up getting prosecuted for that? Hint: It was not the disgraced Senator, who now plies his trade as a veterinarian in Las Vegas. Hampton pleaded guilty, and Ensign went back to giving shots to poodles. Read more on Morning Maddow: Let’s Relive Corrupt Sen. John Ensign’s Sleazy Sex Scandal, Eww (Video)…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Just How Awful Is Cleveland’s Police Department? Federal Takeover Awful (Video)

Seriously bad cops
Rachel Maddow led off Thursday’s broadcast with a review of just how terrible the police are in Cleveland, Ohio. How terrible? Very. Very, very terrible. The Justice Department released a report Thursday on the policing madness in that city, along with an agreement to put a federal monitor in place to clean up the police department — for the second time in a decade. There’s almost too much bad police behavior to wrap your head around, and the investigation wrapped up before the recent police shooting of 12-year-old Tamir Rice. Read more on Morning Maddow: Just How Awful Is Cleveland’s Police Department? Federal Takeover Awful (Video)…
  Das Vote

Eric Holder Sending Black Panthers To Steal All The Elections Again

You can tell they hate America since they don't have guns
The Department of Justice is sending federal monitors to observe elections in 18 states, and the Wingnuttosphere is pretty darned cheesed about it, because this can only lead to tyranny and the UN taking over and — worst of all — black people voting, many of them as often as once!!! According to The Hill: Read more on Eric Holder Sending Black Panthers To Steal All The Elections Again…
  sext machine

National Review Online Really Wants To Read Eric Holder Word-Sexing His Wife

Portrait of a man looking forward to a nice university president job
Eric Holder, who is kind of a jerk sometimes and is pretty great other times, is in some sort of lawsuit or something because Fast & Furious Ebolagate Solyndraghazi. But did you know he has claimed he shouldn’t have to turn over in discovery some emails he sent to his wife? National Review Online knows, and they are all like “we will parse this legal mumbo jumbo and wonder what kind of exemption from discovery he could possibly be claiming, blah blah blah lawyer thing, we’re boring.” Read more on National Review Online Really Wants To Read Eric Holder Word-Sexing His Wife…
  No SS For The SS

Senate Dems To Old Nazis: No Social Security For You!

Metaphorical Nazis need not worry
This seems like a probably good idea: Sens. Chuck Schumer and Bob Casey plan to introduce legislation that would cut off Social Security benefits for accused Nazi war criminals. We weren’t actually aware that was a problem, but it turns out that “dozens” of former SS guards and other suspected war crimers continued to collect Social Security even after they were forced to leave the U.S., thanks to a loophole in immigration law that the Justice Department used to persuade them to get out of the country. Schumer and Casey want to end the payments, although at this point only four ex-Nazis are still living and collecting the benefits. Read more on Senate Dems To Old Nazis: No Social Security For You!…
  SCAIR tactics

Will D.O.J. Investigate Gun Range Lady Just For Refusing To Let Muslims Behead Us?

Yes, yes, you'd hit that. Sexist.
In a move that could only have been predicted by someone with detectable brainwave activity, a Muslim civli rights group has asked the Justice Department to investigate that nice lady who proudly announced that she was banning Muslims from her gun range. The Council on American-Islamic Relations sent a letter to Attorney General Eric Holder asking DOJ to investigate whether Jan Morgan, owner of the Gun Cave Indoor Firing Range in Hot Springs, Arkansas, has violated civil rights laws and the terms of her license to sell firearms. Read more on Will D.O.J. Investigate Gun Range Lady Just For Refusing To Let Muslims Behead Us?…
  Unsportsmanlike Conduct

Florida State F’ball Star Escaped Rape Charges, Will Pay Big Time For Saying A Swear

Really, we're all 12 years old here.
Good god, y’all, we know how sick you are of all the disgusting horrible woman abusers in the National Football League, so for a break, here’s a story about a disgusting horrible woman abuser in the NCAA. Not just any old college f’ball player, either, but a winner of the Heisman Trophy, young Jameis Winston of Florida State, who was accused of raping a FSU student in 2012. But the lucky lad was never charged, supposedly due to “shortcomings in the police investigation,” the greatest of which is that there wasn’t much of a police investigation at all: Read more on Florida State F’ball Star Escaped Rape Charges, Will Pay Big Time For Saying A Swear…
  Anything To Distract From Benghazi

DOJ Will Probe Ferguson Police Department As Soon As Extra-Thick Rubber Gloves Arrive

Mailbox to testify in DOJ investigation
In news that proves once and for all that the Obama administration hates white people, the Department of Justice is launching a civil rights investigation of the Ferguson, Missouri, Police Department. This new investigation will go beyond the existing investigation into whether Officer Darren Wilson violated Michael Brown’s civil rights, what with all the killing of him to death. The DOJ’s civil rights division will look at the broader history of Ferguson’s Keystone Stormtroopers to determine whether there’s been a pattern of abuses, which of course there has been, but they’re going to do it all legal-like, instead of just reading the interwebs like a bunch of filthy bloggers. Wonder if they’ll find anything? We’re thinking that is just possible. For instance, there’s this, from the Washington Post: Read more on DOJ Will Probe Ferguson Police Department As Soon As Extra-Thick Rubber Gloves Arrive…
  paging captain ron

Eric Holder Will Save Captain Ron’s Marriage So He Can Keep Saving Ferguson

brohug
Attorney General Eric Holder spent Wednesday checking on the progress of Barack Obama’s tyrannical federal takeover of Missouri, and while he was there, he had what we assume is a totally coincidental path-crossing with Ron Johnson, captain of the State Highway Patrol and Guy Who’s In Charge Around Here. Holder had taken a break from inspiring local community college students and usurping the state’s right to gloss over its own (potential) wrongdoing to have some lunch at Drake’s Place in Ferguson. Happenstancely, that’s just when Ron Johnson got hungry too! What are the odds? (The odds are nil because obviously, Ron Johnson is a MACHINE that runs on adrenaline and integrity.) Read more on Eric Holder Will Save Captain Ron’s Marriage So He Can Keep Saving Ferguson…
  Won't Someone Please Think of the Keychains?

U.S. Marshals Had Very Good Reasons To Buy $2 Million Worth Of Teddy Bears, Probably

Probably not licensed...yet
You know how Big Government is always wasting money on unnecessary crap like feeding children, keeping bridges from falling down, and inspecting meat? We know those things are wasteful, because Fox News tells us so. And now we learn that, before Tyrant Obama’s 2011 directive to cut down on funding for logo-embossed crap (which was loudly protested by the logo-embossed-crap industry), it turns out that the U.S. Marshals Service (USMS) managed to spend nearly $2 million on “promotional items” — really important things that advanced the mission of the USMS by making people aware of its existence, like poker chips, golf towels, pens, calendars and for all we know, logo-bedecked Personal Sanitary Supplies for the ladies and hula hoops for the kids. There was a bit of a News Flap last November when an initial report from the Justice Department’s Inspector General suggested that the USMS had blown over $800,000 on such useless promotional swag, but that report didn’t contain any details — so the nice folks at Muckrock did a Freedom of Information Act request for the invoices — and got 173 pages of documents detailing purchases of necessary promotional crap like stickers, lanyards, “challenge coins,” travel mugs, tee shirts, “Junior Deputy Badges,” mouse pads, and god knows what else. The total came to almost $2 million, including purchases for local and regional offices. Read more on U.S. Marshals Had Very Good Reasons To Buy $2 Million Worth Of Teddy Bears, Probably…
  circles within circles within derples

Michelle Malkin Sees Through Eric Holder’s Partisan Scheme To Harm Republicans By Arresting Dems

It turns out that Barry Hussein Bamz-Soetoro-Alinsky isn’t the only schemer in the administration who plays 11-dimensional hopscotch, planning several steps ahead of reality to work miracles of political gamesmanship that only become obvious after the trap has sprung. Screeching rage-fueled harpy Michelle Malkin has sussed out the true intentions behind the Justice Department’s corruption indictments against prominent Democrats state Sen. Leland Yee in California and (now-ex-) Mayor Patrick Cannon: Attorney General Eric Holder is only going after these (allegedly) corrupt Democrats now so that voters will forget all about them come this fall’s elections, when Holder will go after Republicans, thereby erasing everyone’s awareness of Democratic corruption with his Jedi Balrog Majick! We wish more prominent conservatrolls were as smart as Michelle Malkin. Read more on Michelle Malkin Sees Through Eric Holder’s Partisan Scheme To Harm Republicans By Arresting Dems…
  grifter gotta grift

Sarah Palin Pallin’ Around With Rabid Insanity Again

Here’s a huge surprise: Sarah Palin is nauseated and disgusted that Barack Obama is “Palling Around with [a] Cop-Killer Advocate” who she can’t even name, because the nominee she’s referring to, Debo Adegbile, is just too disgusting and horrifying to even mention, and is also quite blackity-blackblackblack, but that is definitely not the issue here, because only black people play the race card. Says Sarah (or her ghostwriter? This sounds mean enough to be the real deal): You know evil reigns when America’s “leader” gives full-throated support for a cop-killer advocate. Obama wants this guy to help run the Department of Justice. Now, what is a “cop-killer advocate?” It’s clearly someone who advocates killing cops, right? Which is exactly what you are advocating if you helped in any way with defending a cop killer. As we’ve already noted today, Adegbile’s advocacy of cop-killing consisted of helping to file a brief in one of Mumia Abu-Jamal’s appeals, which for almost-Vice-President Palin is pretty much the same as shooting cops himself. Read more on Sarah Palin Pallin’ Around With Rabid Insanity Again…