justice department
Bankers Might Have to Cough Up Tip Money In Exchange For Ruining The Economy, Our Lives
Good news everyone! No one is finally going to jail for ruining the entire economy, and many of your lives, and the lives of your children. But! Someone or someone might have to pay a fine as punishment, so at least that’s something, right?
Jimmy Carter Continues To Be Most Awesome Living Ex-President
All y’all with your Bubba hard-ons can leave right now until the next post comes on. Official Wonkette Editorial Policy proclaims Jimmy Carter the bitchinest, raddest, most fuckin’ greatest of all living ex-presidents and probably the dead ones too. Former President Jimmy Carter said that he favored legalizing marijuana during a panel discussion broadcast on [...]
Elite School For Disadvantaged Children Reverses Course, Will Let In Student With AIDS (AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS)
Oh is it Tuesday Nice Time already? Then it is time to have a story about someone NOT being AWFUL! (With a little “guidance” from the Justice Department.) And that is why you are about to read about a 13-year-old boy who is being admitted to the elite Milton Hershey School (yes, funded by the [...]
Darrell Issa Will Put Eric Holder In Gitmo Forever And Then Steal His Cars
Oil-soaked arsonist car thief Rep. Darrell Issa, the unlikely subpoena-wielding chair of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, appears at long last to be fulfilling his duty of stickin’ it to the Obama administration over one grossly exaggerated scandal during an election year. Since Issa and AG Eric Holder weren’t able to reach a [...]
Timely New Report: Bush White House Constantly Broke Election Law
American taxpayers (China) paid for Bush administration officials to conduct political campaign activities for the 2006 midterm elections, which violated federal law and is information that, perhaps, we could have used somewhat earlier than a half decade after the fact. This is not surprising, nor is it surprising Karl Rove directed this stuff. What’s really [...]
Justice Department Is Suing Arizona Sheriff For ‘Sheriff Malpractice’
Hooray! Everybody have a taco parade! Justice Department civil rights lawyers filed suit against Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona on Thursday after talks collapsed on a deal to provide federal investigators with requested documents. The suit, filed in federal court in Phoenix, Arizona, claims the Maricopa County sheriff has failed to cooperate with the investigation [...]
Eric Holder Is A Secret Black Panther And Lets Them Intimidate Voters
Because of this video of these two guys standing in their silly Halloween costumes in 2008 outside a polling station, they were prosecuted for voter intimidation. BLACK PANTHERS! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN. Yet now that black man Eric Holder (who is A BLACK MAN) is Attorney General, black people can get away with such things, as [...]
Devil Cuts Down Jesus Cross In Mojave National Preserve
The Supreme Court and the Obama Administration and the Troops/Veterans and Jesus all got together to try to keep an illegal goddamned religious statue in Mojave National Preserve, but guess what? The Devil is stronger, because He Is Legion, and the dumb/hideous Mojave Cross Made of Plumbing Pipe was cut down by Heroes and now [...]
Emails Suggest Rove Was Totally Up In This Attorney-Firing Business
The research goblins over at TPM and the New York Times are busy at work devouring thousands of pages of newly released documents regarding the US attorney firing scandal. At an undetermined point in the future, these specially evolved goblins will excrete a powdery white substance and several pages of “analysis,” or at least a [...]
Alberto Gonzales Finally Cons University Into Hiring Him
Former Bush White House counsel and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales — whose great political achievements include conspiring with John Yoo to destroy the U.S. Constitution with MEMOS, chasing down then-AG John Ashcroft in the hospital to get him to authorize illegal domestic warrantless wiretapping programs while he was hopped up on anesthetics, and firing tons [...]
FUCK OFF AND DIE: Ahh, looks like our old friends still care deeply about the integrity of the Justice Department: “Former Bush administration officials are lobbying behind the scenes to push Justice Department leaders to water down an ethics report criticizing lawyers who blessed harsh detainee interrogation tactics, according to two sources familiar with the [...]
TED STEVENS IS FREE: Everyone’s favorite white-guilt-inducer, Attorney General Eric Holder, has decided to drop all charges against mean old Ted Stevens, because why not. The Justice Department prosecution team apparently didn’t present all the evidence it had, and it was mean to witnesses. They are all being investigated. ET CETERA. [NPR]
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