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Posts Tagged ‘july 4’

July 4 Bush Speech Censors Thomas Jefferson

Monday, July 7th, 2008

'Mr. President, it's just a goddamned piece of paper.'Thomas Jefferson invented July 4, by writing the Declaration of Independence for “Independence Day,” and later writing the Constitution, and then patriotically dropping dead on July 4. This is why George W. Bush went to Jefferson’s famous slave brothel, Monticello, to read a July 4 speech that quoted Jefferson except for the part of the quote where Jefferson said Christians were idiots. MORE »


V-Shaped Things

Thursday, July 5th, 2007

* Terrorist suspect captured in hilarious Pakistan Marx Brothers routine. [Passport]
* Gaddafi’s got a plan to make Africa a mighty “black power” to rival all other powers. Only, he doesn’t really want to sit with the black people. [Fresh Intelligence]

MORE »


God Shed His Rage On Thee

Thursday, July 5th, 2007

For God did vex them all ... - WonketteGod (D-Outer Space) had a special message for America on July 4: He hates you all. From coast to coast, the Lord sent his plagues down upon ye, ruining everything from that stupid A Capitol Fourth concert to simple backyard barbecues. His hate was, as always, limitless in scope and awesome in power. MORE »


This Is My United States of Whatever

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007

I Am A Loyal Klansman - WonketteWhat will happen tomorrow? BBQ horrors? Terrorist frisbee rings? Fireworks set entire Western United States ablaze? Everybody in Texas finally drowns? We don’t know, yet, but we do know July 4 has traditionally been a day of misery and gloom. Let’s turn back the rancid pages of Fourth of July History: MORE »


The Drumbeat of Freedom

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007

* Bill is campaigning for Hillary because she can’t get elected just by scaring the shit out of everybody. [Wizbang Politics]
* Romney commutes sentences all willy-nilly like. [Election Central]
* There are still a few places outside of the Balkans that won’t be burning Bush in effigy tomorrow. [Passport]
* Iraq’s cute little government is about to settle that pesky oil issue once and for all. Victory is at hand. [Redstate]


Crappy Concert, Stupid Events Mark Nation’s Saddest July 4th

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007

Nothing says “America” like “Tony Danza.” The dumb, talentless star of “Joanie Loves Chachi” is the big attraction at tomorrow’s A Capitol Fourth thing. MORE »


Happy Football, Money, Jay Leno & Celine Dion Day!

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007

Majority of Americans Now UnAmerican; Nation Renamed UnAmerica

Monday, July 2nd, 2007

STALIN SPIDER IS WATCHING U MASTURBATE - WonketteA shocking new survey proves that the majority of Americans are now, in fact, anti-American. According to the Pew Research people, only 49% of Americans now completely agree with the statement, “I am patriotic.” MORE »