You people keep asking us for Teabagger July 4th video and, well, we can’t really find any clips! It’s as if the whole Teabagging Craze died with the 500 people who started it, on April 15, to protest George W. Bush’s tax cuts. But here’s the “traitor” and bloated wingnut John Cornyn being booed by some teabaggers in some place or another. Looks fun! This Crooks & Liars video looks ever less fun, if you can imagine such a thing.

This pretty picture shows Michelle and Barack Obama in silhouette, as Washington is bombed by the Independence Day socialist aliens from the planet Hawaii. After a holiday weekend of the desperately unhappy and angry Sarah Palin threatening everyone with lawsuits on Twitter and Facebook, Pete Souza’s picture of a happy couple enjoying the Fourth is like ulcer medicine. And, if you can imagine, it was a WHOLE DIFFERENT WORLD before Palin’s public meltdown. We just read about it in Paul Slansky’s TIME index.

Courtesy of Wonkette commenter Atheist Nun, here’s your Fourth of July Blingee, featuring history’s lamest whining quitter. Whether Sarah Palin will be indicted and put in prison forever or not, we will always appreciate her, in our hearts, for ruining the teabaggers’ big plans to have all 500 teabaggers meet in a park somewhere to complain about having socialist parks where they can meet. Sorry, teabaggers! Happy Independence Day, everybody! Click the to watch Barack Obama’s happy July 4th video e-card! MORE »

Sam the American Eagle was, of course, both the first blogger and the first warblogger, a creature so deeply patriotic that he figured out how to make his youtubes only appear on the American Wide Web. Yes, it’s almost the three-day Holiday Weekend, so let’s enjoy some cheap video clips to make us want to move to Canada all over again. MORE »

Thomas Jefferson invented July 4, by writing the Declaration of Independence for “Independence Day,” and later writing the Constitution, and then patriotically dropping dead on July 4. This is why George W. Bush went to Jefferson’s famous slave brothel, Monticello, to read a July 4 speech that quoted Jefferson except for the part of the quote where Jefferson said Christians were idiots. MORE »

* Terrorist suspect captured in hilarious Pakistan Marx Brothers routine. [Passport]
* Gaddafi’s got a plan to make Africa a mighty “black power” to rival all other powers. Only, he doesn’t really want to sit with the black people. [Fresh Intelligence]

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God (D-Outer Space) had a special message for America on July 4: He hates you all. From coast to coast, the Lord sent his plagues down upon ye, ruining everything from that stupid A Capitol Fourth concert to simple backyard barbecues. His hate was, as always, limitless in scope and awesome in power. MORE »

What will happen tomorrow? BBQ horrors? Terrorist frisbee rings? Fireworks set entire Western United States ablaze? Everybody in Texas finally drowns? We don’t know, yet, but we do know July 4 has traditionally been a day of misery and gloom. Let’s turn back the rancid pages of Fourth of July History: MORE »

* Bill is campaigning for Hillary because she can’t get elected just by scaring the shit out of everybody. [Wizbang Politics]
* Romney commutes sentences all willy-nilly like. [Election Central]
* There are still a few places outside of the Balkans that won’t be burning Bush in effigy tomorrow. [Passport]
* Iraq’s cute little government is about to settle that pesky oil issue once and for all. Victory is at hand. [Redstate]

Nothing says “America” like “Tony Danza.” The dumb, talentless star of “Joanie Loves Chachi” is the big attraction at tomorrow’s A Capitol Fourth thing. MORE »

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