Tag Archives: julian assange

  snowden smash

Be The Pasty Computer Hacker Of Your Dreams With This Edward Snowden Action Figure

Are you a grown-ass person that still likes to play with toys and pretend you are someone else? We really wish we could stop you from doing that. But since we can’t, why not consider fighting for freedom of the press or something like that, but in a really self-aggrandizing way by pretending you are Julian Assange and/or Edward Snowden? An Oregon firm introduced an action figure of former National Security Agency contractor Edward Snowden. ThatsMyFace.com, whose catalog also includes Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, said that the 12-inch Snowden figure comes dressed in a blue shirt, casual trousers and black high-top shoes, but wardrobe options include a gray-striped business suit, Indiana Jones outfit and a combat uniform. It sells for $99. Read more on Be The Pasty Computer Hacker Of Your Dreams With This Edward Snowden Action Figure…
  mind like a steel sieve

Darrell Issa Is Your New Edward Snowden And Julian Assange (Again)

  Continuing his hallowed tradition of fixing things that ain’t broke and shaking his fist impotently at Obamacare, Big Government, and a cloud, Darrell Issa is introducing a bill that would require the the HHS to inform people if their seeekrit healthcare data is stoled in a security breach of the ACA website. Damn straight we need such a thing! You know private companies never have a problem with enormous data leaks, but the ACA is probably selling your data to a trenchcoat-wearing dude in the back alley right now. Darrell Issa is ON IT, people. He has your best interests in mind, and he’s going to make sure you get protected by demanding the HHS do what it is already doing. Read more on Darrell Issa Is Your New Edward Snowden And Julian Assange (Again)…
  all over the world

World Election Roundup: Australia To Remain Free Of Rule By Crazed Post-Apocalyptic Road Gangs A Little Longer

Today we thought we would circle past the Wonkette international desk – tucked away in a far corner of the newsroom, next to the janitorial supplies and a dusty pile of Butterstick references – and see what’s cookin’ overseas that does not have anything to do with Syria, because good Lord we’re tired of thinking about who is winning the “messaging battle” or whatever on Syria. First up: Russia, where the city of Moscow has re-elected as its mayor one Sergey Sobyanin, who has managed, to our knowledge, to never send pictures of his dick to random ladies he met on the Internet. No wonder we have never heard of him! Sobyanin is a longtime politician, leader of the largest political party in the country (United Russia), and a former Deputy Prime Minister of Russia. More importantly, he is a close ally of Vladimir Putin, who no doubt celebrated Sobyanin’s victory by downing a couple dozen shots of vodka and prank-calling Edward Snowden to ask if our intrepid hero has Prince Alexei Nikolaevich in a can. Read more on World Election Roundup: Australia To Remain Free Of Rule By Crazed Post-Apocalyptic Road Gangs A Little Longer…
  eli's ok but bradley has more interceptions

Fine, Here Is Your Wonkpinion On The Bradley Manning Verdict

An Army judge has found Private First Class Bradley Manning guilty on most charges relating to espionage, in his release of classified information to Wikileaks. Manning was found not guilty on the biggest charge, “aiding the enemy,” which could have put him in prison for life without parole. It’s probably about the best he could have hoped for, considering the number of highly placed people who really want someone, anyone, executed for treason, please. A thoroughly unscientific sampling of opinion in the Wonkette Editorial Chatcave went something like this when the news of the guilty verdicts came down: Read more on Fine, Here Is Your Wonkpinion On The Bradley Manning Verdict…
  fuel up the x-jet!

Russia Tired Of Snowden, Says He Can Have Freedom If He Shuts Up Already

It is time once again for another round of our new favorite game, Where in the World is Edward Snowden? Last we heard of our intrepid hero, he was still stranded in the transit zone of the Moscow airport, subsisting on Cinnabons while growing more and more frustrated that Hudson News is always slow to stock the latest issue of Us Weekly. Rumors that the president of Bolivia had stuffed him into a carry-on and smuggled him aboard his own flight fell apart when the world learned that the president’s plane had actually taken off from a different Moscow airport. Three South American countries have offered him asylum but flying to any of them from Moscow presents certain logistical problems. Today Wikileaks announced that Snowden will formally apply to Russia for temporary asylum so he can at least get the hell out of the airport’s transit zone. This is his second appeal to the Russians; he rejected the first when Vladimir Putin attached the condition that Snowden stop leaking like the Titanic. Say what you want about the Obama administration, but Vladimir Putin really does not like corruption seeing the light of day. Read more on Russia Tired Of Snowden, Says He Can Have Freedom If He Shuts Up Already…
  remember remember the sixth of november

Anonymous Claims It Stopped Karl Rove From Hacking The Election By Hacking ORCA, We Think

Oh cool, Anonymous (we think it is Anonymous?) says Karl Rove was gonna vote fraud all the Machines, and that’s why he was so flabbergasted and refused to believe it when Fox called Ohio for Bamz, but they stopped him from stealing all the Machines by jamming up ORCA, because it was not actually a GOTV system but a “steal the vote” system, but they stopped him, we are pretty sure that is what the following letter, which we guess is from Anonymous probably, says. Seems legit! But here is our question! If Anonymous hacked ORCA and caused it to explode miserably on Election Day, how could Anonymous ever prove that ORCA was actually a vote-thieving program? If they hacked in, couldn’t they have planted code to make it look like Rove was gonna fraud the election? (Not that we believe for a second that Rove wasn’t trying to fraud the election, we are just saying, it seems like “logic.”) Read more on Anonymous Claims It Stopped Karl Rove From Hacking The Election By Hacking ORCA, We Think…
  it's morning in america

Wikileaks: Guantanamo Detainees ‘Not Dangerous’

Here is the morning’s top non-news story: Famous terrorist organization Wikileaks has released Top Secret documents which suggest that America’s Permanent Detention Center in Cuba is full of innocent people! How could this be? The leaked Detainee Assessment Briefs also include “intelligence” coerced from detainees, after they were “interrogated.” For instance, al-Qaeda has allegedly “hidden a nuclear weapon in Europe for detonation should Osama Bin laden be captured.” Haha, Osama bin Laden had rotting kidneys, so he’s definitely already dead. (Unless of course he had a hand-held dialysis machine — an iDialysis? — that he used “on the go,” while running away from Navy SEALs in the mountain caves of Tora Bora.) Or maybe Osama bin Laden still works for the CIA? We’ll probably never know! At any rate: Gitmo is full of “drivers, farmers and chefs.” We are monsters, never forget. [BBC] Read more on Wikileaks: Guantanamo Detainees ‘Not Dangerous’… Read more on Wikileaks: Guantanamo Detainees ‘Not Dangerous’…
  rotten fruit

‘Julian Assange: Houseguest’

Look, if Allison Silverman sends us an e-mail asking if we would post a video she made, what are we going to do, not post it? We’re going to post it automatically. Because that woman is a comedy genius. Read more on ‘Julian Assange: Houseguest’…
  the fiddler on the roof

Julian Assange May Or May Not Have Said There’s a Jewish Conspiracy Against Him

When Mr. Hislop pointed out that Mr. Rusbridger was not Jewish, Mr. Assange countered that The Guardian’s editor was “sort of Jewish” because he and Mr. Leigh, who is Jewish, were brothers-in-law. Later, the article recounted, Mr. Assange asked Mr. Hislop to “forget the Jewish thing,” but he continued to insist there was a conspiracy against WikiLeaks based on the friendship among Mr. Rusbridger, Mr. Leigh and Mr. Kampfner. Read more on Julian Assange May Or May Not Have Said There’s a Jewish Conspiracy Against Him…
  it's morning in america

Julian Assange Can Be Tortured By the Americans, U.K. Court Rules

A British court ruled on Thursday that Julian Assange is an international INTERPOL Amber Alert Threat and must be extradited to Sweden immediately, so that he doesn’t miss his connecting flight to Bagram. (How many hours of “hanging on a meat hook” will it take before Julian confesses that he is Un-American, just like Scotland Yard sleuth “Sarah Palin” hypothesized, on the Twitter?) Julian is “not concerned about the United States” or being FedExed to Gitmo, according to a former Wikileaks colleague, but he is “very scared of going to prison in Sweden.” We’ll just have to wait and see what the teevee pundits say will happen! [NYT] Read more on Julian Assange Can Be Tortured By the Americans, U.K. Court Rules… Read more on Julian Assange Can Be Tortured By the Americans, U.K. Court Rules…
  dept. of i should know

Lying Warmonger Judith Miller Blasts Assange For Not Verifying Info

Disgraced Newsmax “reporter” (government neo-con lie re-spewer) Judith Miller is also on Fox News, it turns out, because they hire commentators based on how many war crimes they’re responsible for. (Even though nobody on Fox & Friends can understand what Genghis Khan is saying.) According to Miller, who yes, blindly spread the lies given her by warmongers in the government in order to explode the Middle East, Julian Assange is a bad journalist “because he didn’t care at all about attempting to verify the information that he was putting out or determine whether or not it would hurt anyone.” Thank God we have this paragon of journalistic ethics to help us judge Julian Assange. Read more on Lying Warmonger Judith Miller Blasts Assange For Not Verifying Info…
  funny pictures

Government-Secret Celebutante Julian Assange Poses For Weird X-Mas Photos

Here is a super cool action-shot of Julian Assange jumping over a fence at the Tower of London after feeding some cornish hens, or whatever, for some reason. Yes, Julian Assange has nothing better to do than pose for some cute photos in a Santa costume for Newsweek while celebrating the birth of the original hater of secrets, the Baby Jesus, at the ol’ rape mansion. At least he’s having fun with this rape thing! You’ve got to. Read more on Government-Secret Celebutante Julian Assange Poses For Weird X-Mas Photos…
  pillow talk

Julian Assange Does Robert Mugabe a Solid

The prime minister openly admitted the incongruity between his private support for the sanctions and his public statements in opposition. If his political adversaries knew [he] secretly supported the sanctions, deeply unpopular with Zimbabweans, they would have a powerful weapon to attack and discredit the democratic reformer. Read more on Julian Assange Does Robert Mugabe a Solid…
  reality teevee applicants

WikiLeaks People Constantly Being Assassinated, According To Assange

WikiLeaks leader Julian Assange is hanging out in his British perp-castle of journalism right now, with nothing to do but get angry at newspapers for publishing details of his alleged rapes. But that doesn’t mean everyone isn’t trying to assassinate him. They totally are! Julian Assange is very excited about this. “I have a serious organisation to run. People affiliated with our organisation have already been assassinated. My work is serious.” He is serious, you guys. Stop talking about those trivial rapes those Swedes are alleging. In fact, he is so serious that he told us he has Googled himself and it returned 40 million results! Read more on WikiLeaks People Constantly Being Assassinated, According To Assange…
  courting freedom

Julian Assange Out On Bail; Let’s Look At His Weird E-mails To a 19-Year-Old

Julian Assange has finally been released on bail, LADIEZ. Who wants to buy him some train tickets and condoms he may not use? All of you? Keith Olbermann? Yes. The man has a whole castle to himself, one full of rustic objects with which to hold you down, if that is your sort of thing. Meanwhile, Gawker has published some e-mails an Australian woman received from Julian Assange in 2004, when she was 19 and he was already a white-haired weirdo. (Gawker paid her in pure, uncut Vegemite, probably.) “There was something unusual about our interaction,” he wrote in one. “It is almost as if I had scripted it and left my fingerprints in the ink.” Transparently hott! Read more on Julian Assange Out On Bail; Let’s Look At His Weird E-mails To a 19-Year-Old…
  it's morning in america

Friendly Reminder: Please Stay Scared This Holiday Season!

Ho ho ho, Merry AL QAEDA WILL KILL US ALL, and to all a good night! This is not a joke, people: Iraqi authorities have “obtained confessions” (“obtained” — is that what they call it now?) from captured insurgents who say Al Qaeda is “planning suicide attacks in the United States and Europe during the Christmas season.” The Christmas cockbombing thing didn’t really work out, so maybe someone will try shoving a whole bunch of Bomb Bags up their bunghole instead? These sorts of threats are always very credible, so please take these torture-extracted confessions seriously and hide in your basement for the rest of the year. Ah, Yuletide Fear. [AP] Read more on Friendly Reminder: Please Stay Scared This Holiday Season!… Read more on Friendly Reminder: Please Stay Scared This Holiday Season!…
  it's morning in america

War In Afghanistan Still Terrible and Pointless

The Obama administration will publish a report tomorrow detailing how comically pointless the War in Afghanistan really is. This is what we presume, at least, since Robert Gibbs insists the report’s findings will “not surprise” anyone. And yet, according to Fox News, the classified (of course) intelligence this report was originally based on offers “a more negative assessment” than the Obama administration will unveil on Thursday. The Guardian seems to agree, claiming “the review … is at odds with a separate report by US intelligence services that is much gloomier about the war’s progress.” See? This is why Julian Assange should be extradited to a CIA rape prison and tortured until he promises to stop telling the truth, which is usually less flattering and more “truthful” than the watered-down bullshit that is spoon fed to Americans every single day. Good morning! [WaPo/Fox News/The Guardian] Read more on War In Afghanistan Still Terrible and Pointless… Read more on War In Afghanistan Still Terrible and Pointless…