Tag Archives: judicial watch

  sext machine

National Review Online Really Wants To Read Eric Holder Word-Sexing His Wife

Portrait of a man looking forward to a nice university president job
Eric Holder, who is kind of a jerk sometimes and is pretty great other times, is in some sort of lawsuit or something because Fast & Furious Ebolagate Solyndraghazi. But did you know he has claimed he shouldn’t have to turn over in discovery some emails he sent to his wife? National Review Online knows, and they are all like “we will parse this legal mumbo jumbo and wonder what kind of exemption from discovery he could possibly be claiming, blah blah blah lawyer thing, we’re boring.” Read more on National Review Online Really Wants To Read Eric Holder Word-Sexing His Wife…
  Lies From the Pit Of Hell

Morning Maddow: So Many GOP Lies, So Much Rachel Debunking

This animation annoys us: aren't the two choo-choos on the left crashing into each other?
Rachel Maddow brought us a double helping of Debunktion Junction Wednesday night, because there was just too much misinformation out there for a single segment. First off, she looked at that outrageous ad that congressmoron Kevin Cramer filmed in the North Dakota Veterans Cemetery without permission, violating VA rules to use dead soldiers’ graves as props in an ad. Cramer insisted to several media outlets that he would withdraw the ad. Has he actually done it? Watch and find out! Read more on Morning Maddow: So Many GOP Lies, So Much Rachel Debunking…
  come whine with me

Daily Caller Bombshell: Obamas Still Refusing To Take Greyhound Bus To Hawaii

The Daily Caller proved conclusively this weekend that Barack and Michelle Obama are the most pampered, spoiled, wasteful Imperial President and First Lady ever in the history of America, mostly by throwing out a whole lot of big numbers and suggesting that they’re shocking. The headline, “The Obamas Have Spent Over $44,351,777.12 In Taxpayer Cash On Travel” gets things started, using an absolutely infallible number from the highly reliable wingnut organization Judicial Watch, whose total is cited but not linked to, but that’s OK, you don’t need the details. Why, $44 million over five and a half years is a lot of vacations! And travel on official business, which the number also includes, without any actual breakdown of the two amounts. Heck, those five years of travel work out to just under 7 1/2 hours of the Iraq War, which just goes to show you (once again) how Barack Obama has no regard for We, The People’s muneez. Read more on Daily Caller Bombshell: Obamas Still Refusing To Take Greyhound Bus To Hawaii…
  lawsplainin'

Hero Larry Klayman Accepts Ethics Censure So He Can Get Back To Saving America

Last we heard from legal superstar/world saver Larry Klayman, he was suggesting that maybe Chief Justice John Roberts was blackmailed into voting to uphold Obamacare, and we pointed out that showed a slight lack of awareness about ethics, as he was walking right on up to slandering the motherfucking Chief Justice. We had forgotten that Larry Klayman was already in actual factual legal ethics trouble with the DC Bar, and on Monday he accepted a public censure from the District of Columbia Court of Appeals Board on Professional Responsibility. What does this mean for you, person that likes to laugh at Larry Klayman? Let’s lawsplain! Read more on Hero Larry Klayman Accepts Ethics Censure So He Can Get Back To Saving America…
  gone fishin'

Mean Judge Blocks Wingnut Search For All The Gays In Justice Department

Pour out a 40 for the latest rightwing witch hunt, which was burned at the stake by Federal Judge Ellen Segal Huvelle — she decided against a Judicial Watch lawsuit in a Freedom of Information Act case. All Judicial Watch wanted was information that could identify gays in the Department of Justice so it could prove that the DOJ was full of gays. Where did this out-of-control judge get the idea that federal employees get privacy? Read more on Mean Judge Blocks Wingnut Search For All The Gays In Justice Department…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: So Much Crazy, So Little Time

Somehow, the end of the week brought us a flurry of stories that are all special wonderful snowflakes of stoopid, and while they’re all worthy of pointing and laughing at, we just can’t devote an entire post to each of them. After all, we have a full day of coddling radical Islam to get to! And so, here’s a collection of shorts. If this format proves popular, we may make it a semi-regular thing, giving everyone a chance to get into Wonkette’s shorts. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: So Much Crazy, So Little Time…
  feel the groundswell!

Secret Conservative Group ‘Groundswell’ Plotted World Domination Through Unbeatable Combination Of Hashtags And Whining

David Corn has a big scoopy scoop today and it is a dose of pure, uncut, unadulterated schadenfreude injected directly into our veins. And we hate needles! Still, we shot up and our eyes rolled back in our head and we went slack and drooled on ourselves, and within ten minutes or so we were ready for more. Schadenfreude is a helluva drug. There is just so much good stuff in this tale of Groundswell, a collection of intellectual luminaries of conservatism like, uh, Frank Gaffney, John Bolton, Clarence Thomas’s wife Ginni Thomas, and tube of chocolate-chip cookie dough lookalike Matt Boyle. The group began meeting earlier this year in the offices of Judicial Watch to plot public-relations strategies and drive conservative messaging and talking points. Because the problem with conservatism in this day and age is simply the packaging, so let’s get the most batshit crazy conservatives working on changing the package! Read more on Secret Conservative Group ‘Groundswell’ Plotted World Domination Through Unbeatable Combination Of Hashtags And Whining…
  it's never about race it's about race

Wingnuts Furious: Department Of Justice Incites Race War!!!1! Through Mediation And Conflict Resolution Techniques

We have a lot of fun here at Wonkette, writing dick jokes, putting on caption contests that you are very terrible at, and demanding that someone who does not own a car nevertheless make daily Thai food deliveries to Editrix’s lair in the vast industrial wastes near downtown Los Angeles. But we like to think that we also provide some important education while pushing back on the bullshit that flows forth daily like molten diarrhea from the gibbering lunatics and race-baiting hucksters who infest the right side of our political sphere. Not that the gibbering lunatics and race-baiting hucksters are listening to us, but we want you, our readers, educated enough to do battle when you sally forth to your Facebook feeds and summer barbecues with wingnut relatives. Case in point: the latest argle bargle related to the George Zimmerman trial that is making its way through the wingnut digestive tract and will probably have been pooped out into a Congressional subpoena by the time you read this. The story concerns the harmless-sounding (because that’s what they want you to think!) Community Relations Service of the Department of Justice, a division created by Title X of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. The CRS mission, according to its website, includes: Read more on Wingnuts Furious: Department Of Justice Incites Race War!!!1! Through Mediation And Conflict Resolution Techniques…
  trial of the century

Larry Klayman’s Out Of Order! You’re Out Of Order! This Whole Trial Is Out Of Order!

Do you remember when you were young and you played…well, whatever the hell imaginary thing you played? Dress-up, tea party (no, not that kind), transformers, whatthefuckever? You probably grew out of that by, say, college, because then girls (or boys! or whoever!) started looking at you a little weird. This is not true if you are Wonkette’s favorite attorney, Larry Klayman. On the heels of such smash hits as losing a lawsuit against Rachel Maddow really bad for her crime of quoting his client Bradlee Dean and racesplainin’ that Obama wants to kill all the white people, Klayman is back, motherfuckers, with a toe tapper called “My Imaginary Grand Jury Just Indicted Obama.” Hit it! Read more on Larry Klayman’s Out Of Order! You’re Out Of Order! This Whole Trial Is Out Of Order!…
  no country for white men

Jim Hoft And Judicial Watch: Black Lifeguards Will Murder All The Children With Drowning

Today in your daily jesus please shut UP Jim Hoft: the Stupidest Man on the Internet links to some  argleybarglyboo from Judicial Watch about Phoenix’s goal of getting some African-American and Hispanic lifeguards at public pools that are, you know, used by African-American and Hispanic kids. That goal includes training up folks who may not have swum competitively for Team Whitey McRicherson Swim Club while in high school. Predictably, the article degenerates into a discussion (we use that term very loosely) about how all your children will drown drrrrrooowwwn DROWN if you let blah and brown people near them because EVERYONE KNOWS BLACK PEOPLE CAN’T SWIM. Read more on Jim Hoft And Judicial Watch: Black Lifeguards Will Murder All The Children With Drowning…
  holy shitballs

Larry Klayman, In Perfectly Sane ‘Obama Killing Whitey’ Column, Outs Secret Meetings With Bob Woodward

Larry Klayman is an important attorney and figure on the Right. He founded Judicial Watch — which in addition to suing Bill Clinton every time he sneezed, also sued the Bush administration over Dick Cheney’s secret energy meetings. Then he did such a bang-up job suing Rachel Maddow on behalf of Bradlee Dean, that he was forced to explain that the judge in the case (who laughed Klayman and Dean out of court) was biased because of her vagina or something. Well, Klayman, despite no longer being Dean’s attorney of record, still likes being in the news, and sometimes he just has to make that news his very own self! Writing for the Alan Keyes project Renew America, Klayman invents the “news” that Muslim, foreign-born Obama, who was fraudulently elected “simply hates people of the white race,” and he is trying to start a race war, and also make white people do reparations by making “the rich pay their fair share in taxes,” and also he has “white slaves” like embarrassing butt-boy Jay Carney, and also “even the mainstream media” (in the form of Fox News) has realized how much Obama hates “Whitey.” You really can’t argue with that! Then he gets into some gnarly Bob Woodward shit. Read more on Larry Klayman, In Perfectly Sane ‘Obama Killing Whitey’ Column, Outs Secret Meetings With Bob Woodward…
  gross

Judicial Watch Founder/Clinton Nemesis Larry Klayman Might Have Touched His Children In Their Swimsuit Areas

Well this is gross and awful. Larry Klayman, who made his bones with Judicial Watch, which was constantly suing Bill Clinton every time he sneezed (with his penis), and who most recently has been writing for WND and representing totally rad heavy metal children’s entertainer Bradlee Dean, may have sexually abused his own children! Ha? Ha? Hilarious? Read more on Judicial Watch Founder/Clinton Nemesis Larry Klayman Might Have Touched His Children In Their Swimsuit Areas…
  that's not change we can believe in

History’s Greatest Monster Barack Obama Politicizes Beer, Refuses To Buy One For Guy Holding A Romney Sign

Hey, Barack NoBAma, were you at the Iowa State Fair yesterday, cold buyin’ beers for the first 10 people to swear loyalty oaths to you for the privilege of quaffing sweet, cold Bud? When asked if he was buying, Obama said, “Let me see what’s in my wallet.” As the crowd cheered “Four more beers!” the president relented. “I’ll tell you what, except for Romney sign, I’ll buy beers for ten people,” he said. Barack Obama basically put that man in a FEMA camp. Why does he hate civility? Read more on History’s Greatest Monster Barack Obama Politicizes Beer, Refuses To Buy One For Guy Holding A Romney Sign…
  put her in the dungeon

Judicial Watch: Queen Michelle Obama Still Using Secret Service Protection, Transportation To Get Places

Sure, sure, it may seem a little … what’s the word … counterintuitive to say the upper-middle-class black lady who grew up in a struggling South Side family and pulled herself up by her … what’s the word … bootstraps … is the one who’s comically out of touch with the American people, and not, say, the lady who writes off $77,000 in horsecare and calls you people “you people.” But damned if the goodly godfearing folk at JudicialWatch will not keep trying! So what did Michelle Antoinette do now? Oh, she only not only took her daughters to Aspen (liberal Marxist crony capitalist ‘lites) but she also had the gall to insist on taking her Secret Service detail with her! And she flew there on a plane. Beheading is just too good for her! We should probably tie her to an anthill … of African ants! Read more on Judicial Watch: Queen Michelle Obama Still Using Secret Service Protection, Transportation To Get Places…
 

John McCain Funded By The Freaking ROTHSCHILDS

For somebody who’s always accusing his opponents of being “out of touch” with the Working Man, John McCain sure does hang out with a lot of fat-cat plutocrats who don’t even have the decency to be American. On a recent visit to the tony U.K. — a nation populated entirely by decadent, incestuous polo players with “smart” accents and harelips — McCain attended a fundraising luncheon hosted by Lord Rothschild and Nathaniel Rothschild. The problem is, American candidates aren’t allowed to take campaign contributions from such fancy foreign nationals as the Rothschilds! But does “hosting” an event constitute a “contribution”? Read more on John McCain Funded By The Freaking ROTHSCHILDS…