Tag: judges

Pence Appoints Totally Random Non-Law-Practicing Lady As Indiana Judge, Because Go F*ck Yourself Is Why

Her only job experience has been running Sylvan Learning Centers. That is not a joke.
Best friends.

Jesus Abandons Donald Trump

Big Christian magazines are condemning Trump and he's losing evangelical support, LOL!

Arkansas Perv Judge Resigns To Spend More Time Sex-Spanking White Boys, Probably

So we've got spanky-spanky, sexual favors, child porn, anything else to make sure this guy goes down in the history books as just a really great judge?

Texas Gleefully Jizzing Itself Over All The Poor Folks It’s About To Arrest

Ahhhhh, March! The weather's getting warmer, the bumblebees are bzzzzzzzing out of their bumblebee holes (that's where they live), and in Texas, law enforcement officers and judges are coming together (literally) in one big mesquite BBQ-flavored jizzfest over the Great...
I IS SMART.

Kim Davis’s Lawyer Tells Elected Official To Do Her Damn Job. For Real.

There are several things we know about the Kim Davis case. For one, the Kentucky clerk is an obvious victim of the homosexual conspiracies, who will roast in hell if she gets gay on her by signing marriage licenses, because her...
On second thought, Maleficent was charming in a way.

Florida Judge Gives Domestic Abuse Victim Something To Cry About (In Jail)

Jerri Collins is a judge in Seminole County, Florida. She was appointed by Jeb Bush, and she is literally the biggest asshole judge we have ever laid eyes upon, at least since this other asshole judge who threw three...
SEXXXXXXXXX

Mike Huckabee Begs Judge To Send Him To Jail, Make Him Sexy Christian Martyr Too

So, Kim Davis is having a big day! First she woke up in a jail cell and chatted with her bunkmate Myrtle about the best way to hide a shiv inside a Bible (cut out all the compassionate Jesus...
Probably what this dude's cakes look like.

Another Court Tells Another Gay-Hatin’ Baker To Suck A Cake Froster

The Colorado Court of Appeals has given another homophobe cake baker the gift of martyrdom and however many virgins fundamentalist Christian assholes get when they eat dirt and die. Oh no, the judges didn't LITERALLY kill the baker, they just wrote...
Don't mind me, I'm just being a complete asshole.

Gov. Sam Brownback To Judges: Wouldn’t It Be A Shame If I Stoled All Your Moneys?

Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is such a glorious asshole. What happened this time? Oh, Brownback just signed a law that says that if state courts overturn this one law he doesn't like, he gets to strip funding from the ENTIRE...
Be quiet so the judge can say sex words to you!

Alaska Judge In Big Trouble, Just For Saying Rapey Words To Everybody

Meet your new favorite judge in America, Wonkers! He is Nome Superior Court Judge Timothy Dooley, and he is being officially reprimanded by the Alaska Commission On Judicial Conduct, just because he has a habit of saying some very...

Rep. Steve King Shows Gay Supreme Court Who Is The Very Straight Boss Of Them

Rep. Steve King has introduced a completely new and different bill to stop the Supreme Court from forcing gay marriage on these United States in June. It is called the "Restrain the Judges on Marriage Act of 2015," and it...

Alabama Supreme Court Gonna Halt All Them Homosexual ‘Marriages,’ By God

Apparently Chief Justice Roy Moore and his 'Bama Supreme Court judge pals, all of whom are clear examples of why judges should not be elected, and all of whom should be fired, would prefer that the United States Supreme...

Federal Judge To Alabama: Do What I F*cking Said Already!

This week some Alabamians have been absolutely thrilled that marriage equality has come to their state. Others have been just reeling, losing their very minds over the fact (FACT) that their God will now be raining hellfire and frogs...

Obama Will Not Stop Trying To Cram A Gay Black Judge Down Marco Rubio’s Throat

Last year, Barack Obama began his unending quest to ram Florida's tender throat with an openly gay black judge, but Marco Rubio intervened and saved all of Florida, hallelujah Jesus be praised, because if one of the Senators from...

More Wednesday Nice-Time! Here’s Elizabeth Warren Talking About How Big Business Owns The Courts!

We love Elizabeth Warren. There. We said it. WE LOVE ELIZABETH WARREN! So much, in fact, that sometimes we wish we could marry her. Or, if that's not possible, we wish we could someday cast a vote for her,...

Leading San Diego Judge Candidate Gary Kreep Busy Vacuuming Pockets Of Birther Rubes

This is so interesting! Birther/Obama-suer/Taitz-feuder-wither Gary Kreep, currently ahead in a race for a San Diego judgeship by like 1000 votes over the even more unfortunately named Garland Peed, is outspoken in the belief that President Barack Obama is...