Tag Archives: judges

  New martyr same as old martyr

Another Court Tells Another Gay-Hatin’ Baker To Suck A Cake Froster

Probably what this dude's cakes look like.
Probably what this dude’s cakes look like anyway. The Colorado Court of Appeals has given another homophobe cake baker the gift of martyrdom and however many virgins fundamentalist Christian assholes get when they eat dirt and die. Oh no, the judges didn’t LITERALLY kill the baker, they just wrote a real mean ruling what says that Jack Phillips, owner of the Masterpiece Cakeshop in Lakewood, Colorado, did bad discrimination when he refused to put some of his world famous frosting on a gay cake, in a gay way, for a gay-marrying couple, and now he must REPENT! Indeed, all three judges on the panel agreed: Read more on Another Court Tells Another Gay-Hatin’ Baker To Suck A Cake Froster…
  Christ what an asshole

Gov. Sam Brownback To Judges: Wouldn’t It Be A Shame If I Stoled All Your Moneys?

Don't mind me, I'm just being a complete asshole.
Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is such a glorious asshole. What happened this time? Oh, Brownback just signed a law that says that if state courts overturn this one law he doesn’t like, he gets to strip funding from the ENTIRE judiciary. “THE FUCK YOU SAY?” says You. Let’s see if we can Kansas-splain this in 500 words or less. Help us, New York Times! Read more on Gov. Sam Brownback To Judges: Wouldn’t It Be A Shame If I Stoled All Your Moneys?…
  Your Honor that is HIGHLY inappropriate

Alaska Judge In Big Trouble, Just For Saying Rapey Words To Everybody

Be quiet so the judge can say sex words to you!
Meet your new favorite judge in America, Wonkers! He is Nome Superior Court Judge Timothy Dooley, and he is being officially reprimanded by the Alaska Commission On Judicial Conduct, just because he has a habit of saying some very colorful things about ladies in the courtroom. For instance, this one time he wanted to make extra certain those present knew that a 14-year-old girl who had been sexually abused wasn’t some common whore, like all those “temptresses” out there, who force their attackers to rape them: Read more on Alaska Judge In Big Trouble, Just For Saying Rapey Words To Everybody…
  this will totally work

Rep. Steve King Shows Gay Supreme Court Who Is The Very Straight Boss Of Them

Jesus
Rep. Steve King has introduced a completely new and different bill to stop the Supreme Court from forcing gay marriage on these United States in June. It is called the “Restrain the Judges on Marriage Act of 2015,” and it would make a law that says, whoops, sorry, if a case has “G-A-Y” and “marriage” in the title, judges aren’t allowed to hear it: Read more on Rep. Steve King Shows Gay Supreme Court Who Is The Very Straight Boss Of Them…
  writ of mandumbass

Alabama Supreme Court Gonna Halt All Them Homosexual ‘Marriages,’ By God

Apparently Chief Justice Roy Moore and his ‘Bama Supreme Court judge pals, all of whom are clear examples of why judges should not be elected, and all of whom should be fired, would prefer that the United States Supreme Court have to stick its foot ALL THE WAY up their asses on the marriage issue, none of this “just the tip” stuff anymore, that’s not at all what they like. Why? The Alabama Supremes decided Tuesday night to issue a writ of mandumbass mandamus, a complicated legal-like term, which ordered Alabama’s probate judges to stop issuing marriage licenses to gay couples entirely, at least for the time being. Why? Because they found a few little loopholes that will not at all be relevant when SCOTUS finishes them off in June: Read more on Alabama Supreme Court Gonna Halt All Them Homosexual ‘Marriages,’ By God…
  We've all heard this song already

Federal Judge To Alabama: Do What I F*cking Said Already!

This week some Alabamians have been absolutely thrilled that marriage equality has come to their state. Others have been just reeling, losing their very minds over the fact (FACT) that their God will now be raining hellfire and frogs down on their state for failing to preserve marriage as between one wingnut and one lady wingnut. Alabama Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore has been leading the way, telling probate judges that NO, you do NOT have to listen to a federal judge or the Supreme Court, Alabama is a sovereign nation run by God, and if God or Roy didn’t sign the order, it’s unenforceable. Read more on Federal Judge To Alabama: Do What I F*cking Said Already!…
  open wide

Obama Will Not Stop Trying To Cram A Gay Black Judge Down Marco Rubio’s Throat

Last year, Barack Obama began his unending quest to ram Florida’s tender throat with an openly gay black judge, but Marco Rubio intervened and saved all of Florida, hallelujah Jesus be praised, because if one of the Senators from the nominee’s state doesn’t like him, that’s a nomination killer. Rubio blocked state court judge William Thomas but definitely not because he was gay you guys. It was totally because of how he was all lenient in a couple criminal cases except for the part where the prosecutor supported his sentence in one case and everyone was ultimately convicted anyway in the other one. Eventually, even though the backlog of cases in federal courts is fucking absurd, Bamz withdrew Thomas’s nomination. Hooray! The scourge of teh ghey would torment Florida no more and the people rejoiced and were glad for a brief and shining moment until Obama nominated yet another homosexxican blah person to judge Florida. Read more on Obama Will Not Stop Trying To Cram A Gay Black Judge Down Marco Rubio’s Throat…
  business...always business

More Wednesday Nice-Time! Here’s Elizabeth Warren Talking About How Big Business Owns The Courts!

We love Elizabeth Warren. There. We said it. WE LOVE ELIZABETH WARREN! So much, in fact, that sometimes we wish we could marry her. Or, if that’s not possible, we wish we could someday cast a vote for her, but we do not live in Massachusetts so alas, this dream will not be a reality until the day she decides to run on a presidential ticket. (Warren/Sanders 2016 because we are flaming liberals! Or for the centrists out there, Clinton/Warren 2016! Or just for the hell of it, Booker/Warren 2016!) Anyway, even though we don’t live in Massachusetts we can still fire up the old YouTube to watch her hand Ben Bernanke his own ass or try desperately to give us all the moneys or warn us about the corporate capture of the courts, like she did last week while talking to the liberal lawyers at the American Constitution Society. The entire speech  is here [pdf], but here are some of the highlights: Read more on More Wednesday Nice-Time! Here’s Elizabeth Warren Talking About How Big Business Owns The Courts!…
  one born every minute

Leading San Diego Judge Candidate Gary Kreep Busy Vacuuming Pockets Of Birther Rubes

This is so interesting! Birther/Obama-suer/Taitz-feuder-wither Gary Kreep, currently ahead in a race for a San Diego judgeship by like 1000 votes over the even more unfortunately named Garland Peed, is outspoken in the belief that President Barack Obama is a moon alien (duh), abortion must be prosecuted, and icky homosexuals do not deserve the same civil rights as the rest of us. He is also the head of lots and lots of wacky rightwing foundations. Enjoy him, San Diego! Also to enjoy? Eagle-eyed Wonkette operative Steverino247 sends along these fun financial disclosure forms showing he is taking said foundations for everything they’ve got! Read more on Leading San Diego Judge Candidate Gary Kreep Busy Vacuuming Pockets Of Birther Rubes…
  sweet virginia

Virginia Kills Judge’s Nomination Because He Acts Like He Is Married … To A Man!

Did the commonwealth of Virginia kill the judicial nomination of Tracy Thorne-Begland because he was gay? DON’T BE RIDICULOSE! No, it is just because as a gay naval officer he was outspoken against Don’t Ask Don’t Tell! And also because he acts like he is married … to a man! “He holds himself out as being married,” said Del. Robert G. Marshall (R-Prince William), who is running for U.S. Senate. Noting that gay marriage is not legal in Virginia, he said that Thorne-Begland’s “life is a contradiction to the requirement of submission to the constitution.” Robert G. Marshall rests his case! Read more on Virginia Kills Judge’s Nomination Because He Acts Like He Is Married … To A Man!…
  birthers in the news

Hero Judge Mocks Orly Taitz For ‘Stupidity’

Famous birther drag queen Orly Taitz is so frustrated right now, because no one will listen to her important ideas about Barack Obama’s fake social security number. She can’t even get justice in the court, probably because everyone there is a secret Kenyan with a fake social security number, too. Oh and also because she keeps “displaying her own stupidity,” by not knowing how to redact information. Maybe they don’t teach that sort of thing in Lunatic Dentist Lawyer College. But really, how can Orly Taitz be expected to properly redact a social security number when someone in the court is clearly sabotaging her case? Read more on Hero Judge Mocks Orly Taitz For ‘Stupidity’…
  say it! say iiiiiiiitttt!

Hero Judge Throws Attorney In Jail For Not Reciting Pledge of Allegiance

Apparently SOME lawyers would rather recite pledges of allegiance to MUSLIM NOODLE SOUP than THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, a fact that does not sit well with patriot Mississippi Chancery Court Judge Talmadge Littlejohn, who threw attorney Danny Lampley in jail yesterday for failing to recite the Pledge in court. This is rather illegal for the judge to do, of course. But sometimes judges have to be activist (AHHHH! SCARY!) to enforce the more important parts of the Constitution (about how everyone has to talk about how much they love their country all the time and being gay is illegal, for example) against the less important parts (First Amendment). And thus Talmadge Littlejohn, who even sounds like a grand Confederate general, has saved our great country (the Confederate / United States of America) from those who wish to destroy it. Read more on Hero Judge Throws Attorney In Jail For Not Reciting Pledge of Allegiance…
  it's morning in america

Sharron Angle Talks Dirty, Sexy Politics in New Secret Teabagger Tape

Scott Ashjian, Nevada’s official Tea Party candidate for Senate, had a top secret meeting with familiar Nevada wacko Sharron Angle, to brainstorm how Real Nevada can defeat Harry Reid, who represents the selfish interests of Big Fake Nevada. But oh no, someone or something recorded the secretive proceedings of this secret Nevada salon, and then emailed the cassette tape to the Las Vegas Sun! What was said at this meeting, behind closed, taped doors? Almost everyone agreed (except for Ashjian, probably) that it would be really great if that bothersome Scott Ashjian guy would just drop out of the race and remove his name from the ballot, so that he doesn’t split the dingbat vote in November. Also, as the secret MP3 audio/transcript of this tape will clearly show, Sharron Angle just cannot stop yapping about how awful and corrupt the Democrats and Republicans are. Scandal? Read more on Sharron Angle Talks Dirty, Sexy Politics in New Secret Teabagger Tape… Read more on Sharron Angle Talks Dirty, Sexy Politics in New Secret Teabagger Tape…
  it's morning in america

Rupert Murdoch Has Fond Memories of Being Illegal Brown Person

Rupert Murdoch testified to Congress about immigration. Are television comedians the only people now who are allowed to testify about Mexicans? Let’s hope so! Anyway, Rupert Murdoch is “pro-immigration,” even though his teevee network is constantly reminding Real America that the brown people are stealing all the white women, and forcing them to eat tacos — tacos that might have “vegetables” in them. (Vegetables!) Rupert is of course an expert on immigration because he was a drug mule once himself, way back when, during the Weimar Republic or something like that. Rupert Murdoch is old. [NECN] Read more on Rupert Murdoch Has Fond Memories of Being Illegal Brown Person… Read more on Rupert Murdoch Has Fond Memories of Being Illegal Brown Person…
  let history be the judge

Obama Struggling To Confirm More Wise Latina Judges

More proof that Barack Obama is … Nixon? A determined Republican stall campaign in the Senate has sidetracked so many of the men and women nominated by President Barack Obama for judgeships that he has put fewer people on the bench than any president since Richard Nixon at a similar point in his first term 40 years ago. Read more on Obama Struggling To Confirm More Wise Latina Judges…