Tag Archives: journamalism

  Just what everyone needs

NRA: Know What Baltimore Needs? More Guns, So Everybody Can Stand Their Ground!

This would fix everything
With all of those people marching and looting and hip-hopping in the streets again, the National Rifle Association’s social media experts have teamed up with Still Dead Andrew Breitbart’s Cyber Tickle Fest For Insecure Neckbeards to tell America the HARD TRUTH about the rampant thuggery in Baltimore: Read more on NRA: Know What Baltimore Needs? More Guns, So Everybody Can Stand Their Ground!…
  Eyes On the Prez

NYT Deletes America’s Real President, George W. Bush, From Selma Photo

Don't you see the outrage?
Some Conservatweeters are very, very upset with the New York Times for a cover photo of Barack Obama at Saturday’s 50th anniversary commemoration of the 1965 civil rights march in Selma, Alabama. You see, the Times photographer, Doug Mills, had “cropped” his photo by focusing on President Barack Obama and Rep. John Lewis, instead of being a completely different photographer standing somewhere else and taking a completely different photograph with a wider angle that included former President George W. Bush: Read more on NYT Deletes America’s Real President, George W. Bush, From Selma Photo…
  department of grifting

Guys, Please Don’t Murder James O’Keefe

Raging garbage fire James O’Keefe has released another one of his fake videos, one that promises to be his most dangerous project yet, according to O’Keefe himself. Will he once again risk getting shot by the Border Patrol as he wades across a drainage ditch dressed in a thrown-together-at-the-last-minute Halloween costume? Cross Lake Erie from Canada into Cleveland with a bag of radioactive doughnuts from Tim Horton’s? What feats of derring-do will this intrepid daredevil undertake to get to the truth? Read more on Guys, Please Don’t Murder James O’Keefe…
  how a bill doesn't become a law

How All Your Favorite Liberal Blogs Muffed The Yoga Pants Bill (Which Does Not Exist)

Two mornings ago, our husband flagged for us a silly story about some dumb Montana derp farmer trying to outlaw “simulated” nudity. He flagged this story for one reason only: WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO THE TRUCKNUTZ??? “Haha, poor TruckNutz,” said we, and threw it out to the hordes in the chatcave. Our executive editor, Kaili Joy Gray, wrote it up and that was that. “Dumb Montana derp farmer; simulated nudity; naked bicycle rides; the end.” Read more on How All Your Favorite Liberal Blogs Muffed The Yoga Pants Bill (Which Does Not Exist)…
  media circus

Inside The Collapse Of The New Yorker’s Inside The Collapse Of The New Republic

We haven’t had much — or anything? — to say about the mass hissyfit at The New Republic, because, honestly, how could we care? But that was before we read Ryan Lizza’s Inside the Collapse of The New Republic at the New Yorker, to which we could only sit at our kitchen table and moan OH SAVE US SWEET JESUS. Read more on Inside The Collapse Of The New Yorker’s Inside The Collapse Of The New Republic…
 

Andrea Mitchell Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Giving the orders for BENGHAZI?????!?!!!!?
Have you heard the story about the president who got a blowjob from a lady who wasn’t his wife? Sure you did. Because that blowjob would be old enough to drive a car by now, and lots of hack “journalists” cut their teeth typing out the scintillating details of semen stains and cigars. Which is why they are the one subspecies on this planet, and probably any other in the universe, that can never forget. The world marches on, a president leaves office, another one steals his seat, then another takes his place — but the Very Serious Journalists will never let go of The Blowjob. Read more on Andrea Mitchell Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things…
  good morning america

Good Lord Chuck Todd Is Bad At Talking To Humans

Chuck Todd is the greatest, most important political journalist of our time. But wouldn’t it be nice to see him display his softer side? The side that is able to talk to humans about real human things like procreation and gestation? Of course it would! NBC is no dummy! And that is why we get this delightfully luxurious video — as languidly paced as any Chabrol or Truffaut — of him chittin’ the ol’ chat with Savannah Guthrie, a human “mother” of a human “spawn.” Prepare for some Rosalind Russell/Cary Grant-style electric banter, two minutes that whip by like 12. Or, you know, not. Read more on Good Lord Chuck Todd Is Bad At Talking To Humans…
  Let It Go

Cool Robin Williams Story, Maureen Dowd

Maureen Dowd has been eating jazz cookies again. One time she met Robin Williams, which makes her think about her friend Michael Kelly, who later died covering the war in Iraq, and that’s why Hillary Clinton is a monster. Wait, what? Read more on Cool Robin Williams Story, Maureen Dowd…
  clipbait

John Oliver Now Doing Entire Segments For Andrew Sullivan

John Oliver got around to some pretty important stuff last night, if you are Andrew Sullivan. That important stuff was “native advertising,” also known by its old name, “advertorials,” which have been around since Steve Guttenberg invented the printing press. Read more on John Oliver Now Doing Entire Segments For Andrew Sullivan…
  Up and Down the Memory Hole

Let’s Play This Fun New Jennifer Rubin Game, ‘Game Of Lies’!

Jennifer Rubin, she’s this lady. Writes Mitt Romney fanfic for the Washington Post. Well, she did, anyway. Now she’s been reduced to a cutesy game where she steals the old Newsweek “Conventional Wisdom Watch” feature, with a series of “ups” and “downs,” except for how they’re all Jennifer Rubin reporting from her crotch. For instance, she is like “Up: My boner for Rick Perry,” and “Up: Unemployment rate (to 6.2 percent),” which, wow, that is some fucking balls. Read more on Let’s Play This Fun New Jennifer Rubin Game, ‘Game Of Lies’!…
  they're not racist the dictionary is racist

Now The Daily Caller Is Mad At The Dictionary For Calling It Racist

The Daily Caller — Tucker Carlson’s Internet home for upright citizens who love killing black children, and what on earth could be wrong with that? — googled the word “bigotry.” Why? Why do cows fart? Wrote Wonket BFF and Daily Caller scribe Betsy Rothstein, Google has an odd way of looking at “bigotry.” When you punch in the word “bigotry” into the Google search engine, here’s what you’ll find. Betsy then included a picture of a Google search result, which read, “bigoted attitudes; intolerance toward those who hold different opinions than oneself. ‘The report reveals racism and right-wing bigotry.'” Then Betsy had some questions! Interesting. Why is “right-wing” a correlation to bigotry? Why is bigotry a descriptor to “right-wing?” Then she answered them! The definition seems to come directly from the Oxford Dictionary, where the example sentence is used verbatim. HOW DARE THE DICTIONARY. Let’s do some more googling, for Betsy, and science! Read more on Now The Daily Caller Is Mad At The Dictionary For Calling It Racist…
  our liberal media

Laura Inghraham To Bring Her Special Blend Of Hate And Stupid To ABC News

Hissing hate module Laura Ingraham will be joining the roundtable on ABC’s This Week With George Stephanopoulos, apparently because they need someone who’s got the guts to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington by cutting off a recording of a speech by John Lewis with the sound of a gunshot. Or maybe they need someone with a keen analytical mind that recognizes the uncanny parallels between Obamacare and standing in a car rental line. Or maybe she won the spot with her witty observation that Sonia Sotomayor prefers the term “undocumented immigrants” to “illegal aliens” because, as a Puerto Rican person, Sotomayor’s “allegiance obviously goes to her, you know, immigrant family background, not to the U.S. Constitution.” Beats us. Maybe Stephanopoulos just wants Ingraham to wear a red dress and sing “I like to be een A-mer-ee-ca!” Read more on Laura Inghraham To Bring Her Special Blend Of Hate And Stupid To ABC News…
  eat your vegetables

Your Daily Vegetables: Vox Is Here To Explainer At You ‘What Is Marijuana?’

Some time ago, wunderkind Ezra Klein (a “wunderkind” is from the German for “wonder” and “kind,” and means “a wonderfully kind person”) announced his wunderkind explainer website, Vox, and how it would explain and explain and explain and explain and explain. For some reason, this was considered more worthy of many millions of clams (“clams,” a slang term for “money,” is also known as “bread,” “loot,” “moolah,” “filthy lucre,” “whore diamonds” and “shekels,” if you are a racist) than was the “explanatory journalism” provided by our own DDM and Snipy, probably because DDM and Snipy just lie all the time. Klein explainered that, in newsrooms, important stories are often referred to as “the vegetables,” meaning “a thing you do not want,” which was a surprise to everyone who has ever worked in a newsroom, both because most newsrooms are not staffed by four-year-olds (in 1938, communist socialist Kenyan impostor Franklin Delano Roosevelt signed the “Fair Labor Act of 1938,” banning four-year-olds from performing dangerous work like “bantering with Rosalind Russell”), and because that is bullshit. Also, we would make a Terri Schiavo joke here, but we hate it when we get boycotted. (A “boycott” is a thing that is against the “law” when gay people do it, but is not against the “law,” as set forth in “the Constitution,” when non-gay people do it to your Wonket.) What are Ezra Klein and Vox explainering for us today? How about a little thing called “What is marijuana for $200, Alex?” Read more on Your Daily Vegetables: Vox Is Here To Explainer At You ‘What Is Marijuana?’…
  get me rewrite!

Brave Hero Breitbart Reporter CRUSHES Dumb Buzzfeed Guy Who Lied All Over Donald Trump

These are dark days indeed for McKay Coppins, some dumb guy from Buzzfeed who wrote a totally uncalled-for scurrilous PACK OF LIES about Donald Trump, who as everyone knows is the YOOGEST, CLASSIEST GUY, and then McKay Coppins forced Donald Trump to fire his own top aide! What a dick! It is dark days for McKay Coppins because he just got PWNED by hero reporter Matthew Boyle, of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Hideaway for Craven Sniveling Soul-Free Shitweasels Super Good Reporters Who Will TRUTH ALL OVER YOUR FACE. Let us read and marvel at M. Boyle’s masterclass in journalisming all over Coppins and his so-called “reporting,” including allegations of eyerape, not to mention scumbaggery, together! Read more on Brave Hero Breitbart Reporter CRUSHES Dumb Buzzfeed Guy Who Lied All Over Donald Trump…
  derp throat

Sad Bob Woodward Would Have Journalismed Edward Snowden Way Better Than That Dumb Glenn Greenwald

Superhero Videogame Star and onetime journalist Bob Woodward has a sad that Edward Snowden talked to other journalists instead of to Legendary Journalist Bob Woodward. Not for his own sake, of course, but for the sake of Journamalism and Standards: “I wish he had come to me instead of others, particularly The Guardian… I would have said to him ‘let’s not reveal who you are. Let’s make you a protected source and give me time with this data and let’s sort it out and present it in a coherent way.’” OK, sure, we really would have liked just about anything that might have put the focus on what the NSA was doing, rather than turning the whole discussion into a game of “Edward Snowden: Heroic Famewhore or Traitorous Whistleblower?” On the other hand, thank you, the Great and Powerful Bob Woodward, for that bit of entirely Woodwardian self-regard. Read more on Sad Bob Woodward Would Have Journalismed Edward Snowden Way Better Than That Dumb Glenn Greenwald…
  anals of journamalism

Daily Mail Accurately Reports That Barack Obama Attended Sportsball Game, Gets Everything Else Not Right

Here is some video of Barack Obama and family arriving at a sportsball game Sunday at the University of Maryland. They went to watch Michelle’s brother Craig Robinson, who coaches the Oregon State University sportsball men. Give it a listen, but turn it down before you get to about 2:13, when some really loud music comes in. What do you hear in this video? According to British tabloid the Daily Mail, this is what you heard: “Obama gets BOOED at the basketball: Crowd jeers First Family as they take courtside seats at college game.” While we like the quaint phrasing of “at the basketball,” we’re pretty sure that this video depicts a crowd that is mostly cheering, with some boos, not a crowd that is mostly booing. Then again, who are you going to believe, the headline, or your own lying ears? (or maybe the Daily Mail’s own lying URL, which more accurately reflects the AP story the piece is drawn from: “Obama-family-mixed-reception-cheers-boos-courtside-seats…”) Tell us more about what we are seeing, Daily Mail! Read more on Daily Mail Accurately Reports That Barack Obama Attended Sportsball Game, Gets Everything Else Not Right…
  is this real life?

So This Is The One That Is Finally Going To Get Richard Cohen Fired From Washington Post, Right? RIGHT?

Last week, Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen, who is paid to have opinions ‘n’ things, finally realized that slavery was really, really bad y’all, like even worse than taxes and stuff. This week? It is hard to explain without going into an actual seizure, like when you are playing Japanese video games, or whatever, you know, with the strobes and the epilepsy? Like that, but from disgust and sadness and stabbiness and suicidal ideation at the state of humanity and our world. Are you ready? Here, let us let Richard Cohen tell you himself: Read more on So This Is The One That Is Finally Going To Get Richard Cohen Fired From Washington Post, Right? RIGHT?…
  the devil made her do it

Kathryn Jean Lopez Stole Peggy Noonan’s Laudanum, Is Seeing Demons Errrrrewhere

The tweet was promising. First, it was from K-Lo, Kathryn Jean Lopez — previously seen instructing us that we should give our kids boundaries like “no you may not shoot up a school” — and it read “When to Call an Exorcist?” OK, K-Lo, we will bite, you lovable pile of batshit. When, indeed, to call an exorcist? With K-Lo, endlessly regretting the vulgarities of Vatican II from her comfortingly cozy straitjacket at National Review Online, the answer is probably, “Touched your wanger? That’s an exorcisin’!” But even knowing and loving K-Lo as we do, we were completely unprepared for the horror show that awaited us at NRO. On Halloween, The Drudge Report highlighted a Washington Post interview with the author of The Exorcist. William Peter Blatty had used the word “demonic,” and now there atop Drudge was a photo of of Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. GUUUURRRRRL YOU HIGH AS FUCK. Read more on Kathryn Jean Lopez Stole Peggy Noonan’s Laudanum, Is Seeing Demons Errrrrewhere…
  off with their heads!

The Taliban Getting Pretty High And Mighty About Daily Beast’s Crimes Against Journalism

Daily Beast, we hope you are good and ashamed of yourself! You have been called out for your bad behavior by no less an authority on “crimes” than the “Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan,” known to you and me as “The Taliban.” Read more on The Taliban Getting Pretty High And Mighty About Daily Beast’s Crimes Against Journalism…
  we don't have to give you no stinking bagdercare

CNN Shows How Hard It Is For Wisconsin Poors To Sign Up For Obamacare, ‘Forgets’ To Mention Scott Walker’s Medicaid Cuts

In our Professional Journamalism Files today, a tale of Best Editorial Practices, as turned up by Tommy Christopher at Mediaite. On Thursday, CNN ran a story about a clinic in Wisconsin where the poors are having a heck of a hard time getting enrolled in the Affordable Care Act. Over a chyron reading “Clinic has zero Obamacare Sign-Ups,” Wolf Blitzer solemnly introduced the shocking story of how staff at community clinics haven’t signed up a single person, mostly due to problems with the Healthcare.gov website. The CNN story, reported by Drew Griffin, leaves out just one teensy detail: Not only did Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker refuse to accept Obamacare’s expansion of Medicaid, which is already cutting the number of uninsured in other states, he actually pushed through changes in the state’s Medicaid alternative, Badgercare, that will lead to 92,000 low-income residents losing their coverage on January 1st. You’d think CNN might have mentioned it, since, as Christopher reports, one of Griffin’s sources discussed the Badgercare cuts with him in some detail. Funny how that didn’t get mentioned in a story about how some folks were having a hard time getting signed up for Obamacare, eh? Read more on CNN Shows How Hard It Is For Wisconsin Poors To Sign Up For Obamacare, ‘Forgets’ To Mention Scott Walker’s Medicaid Cuts…
  nothing but flowers

Perfectly Believable Gennifer Flowers Says She And Bill Would Be Sweetly Married Today If Not For That Hellbeast Chelsea

In an exclusive interview with the Daily Mail, Gennifer Flowers reveals that Bill Clinton was the “love of her life,” that they’d be married and living it up today if not for Chelsea, and that Clinton confided to her that Hillary is definitely bisexual. And would you believe this incredible interview just happens to coincide with the launch of Flowers’ new job as a sex columnist? Talk about lucky timing! Read more on Perfectly Believable Gennifer Flowers Says She And Bill Would Be Sweetly Married Today If Not For That Hellbeast Chelsea…