Here is one of the straight-up most unethical things ever, in journalism: Newsweek has been circulating this invitation to a forum on climate change and energy policy. The objective news magazine will co-sponsor and co-host this event with the actual manifestation of Big Oil, the American Petroleum Institute. In the Capitol! GOODNESS. [Sexy Oil Party Invite!]

#1 maximum news place, Newsmax, thought twice—or, you know, once—about its new article today that suggested Obama’s socialist and leftist advisers, or “pests,” should be somehow “exterminated.” The piece has since been removed from the Internet and sent to a camp in Poland. Newsmax has won the morning!

Seventy-year-old Washington Post features editor Henry Allen, like many of us, frequently wants to punch the writers of Washington Post articles immediately after reading them. But you can’t actually do that, Henry! Oh, wait, it was a “charticle” someone else had assigned that infuriated him so much last week. Punches are justified on anyone who writes a “charticle,” of course. MORE »

Good news, Washington humans: the rich right-wing owner of the POLITICO, Robert Albritton, is preparing to launch a local news website, with the admirable goal of further destroying the Washington Post. (Although the Washington Post has great local news blogs and reporters!) And just in case you were wondering, yes: “The site will cover D.C and the suburbs, and echo Politico’s aggressive, scoop-oriented focus.” Your Wonkette editors have been brainstorming, furiously. [TNR]

“A White House press official was certain—the scoop on the poop was a crock. The press office checked with the Air Force One flight crew who said Bo had not desecrated the jet. Other big news beckoned: the health-care overhaul, rising unemployment and a debate over the war in Afghanistan. But we were nagged by a question—was the pile denial a White House cover up?” This is Peggy Noonan’s most prescient column yet. [PULITZER BAIT]

Here is Howard Kurtz, official professional media critic of both the Washington Post and CNN, doing some important, trenchant analysis, as one would expect of all esteemed journalistic savants in his position: Twittering snide, resentful barbs about the level of difficulty in television comedian David Letterman’s questions to Barack Obama last night, on the Late Show. David Letterman clapped when his guest Barack Obama came onstage, guys! Howard Kurtz shall grade this human’s journalistic skills as an “F-”, he will. Tut tut, Letter-man! [Howard Kurtz/Twitter]

The journalistic newspapers have found a new business model! It involves begging the President to either:

• A. criminalize the Internet, or
• B. monetarily reward the newspapers, with American currency, for their Stockholm syndrome in broadsheet prisons of their own creation.

Every few months Robert Gibbs bothers to respond by asking them why they think anyone on Earth, much less the President, would give them money. WELL: today the newspapermen received a thrilling categorical “dunno, give it a shot?” MORE »

Ha ha Washington Post. How will they make money during this damnable Internet Age? Masturbation videos about beer? Selling information and brokering access to rich lobbyists over wine at the publisher’s home? Maybe somehow loving war even more? Such a quandary. Until they come up with a new long-term business plan, though, the temporary strategy will just be to pour buckets of Prozac into the printing presses. MORE »

Now it is official, as Mike Huckabee — the famous ex-fat person whose chief economic proposal as a presidential candidate was to institute a sales tax of 25%, something he read in some book — hath decreed it. And this is a great example of it! The Politico, ostensibly a journalism outlet of the future, is just cold transcribin’ this random guy’s bitter rants about an industry that constantly makes fun of him for being stupid. [Politico]

• POLITICS CANCELED DUE TO JACKO’S DEMEROL OVERDOSE: “As anyone who has turned on a television set in the past 12-15 hours has noticed, Michael Jackson’s passing will overshadow any political news today — and perhaps throughout the weekend.” Happy hour starts … NOW. [First Read]

Here’s “the news:” tomorrow morning, Barack Obama will speak at 10:10 to outline his plan for closing Guantanamo Bay, if there still is a plan, while Dick Cheney will speak to the American Enterprise Institute at 10:30 re: his favorite torture moments. In other words, if you live anywhere in the continental United States and open your window right now, you’ll be able to hear the violent fapping sounds emanating from Time magazine’s Washington bureau. MORE »