Tag Archives: journalism

  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Rand Paul Is A Genius, You Morons!

To the editors: I liked the old library better.
Today, an abbreviated Dear Shitferbrains, seeing as how Yr Doktor Zoom has Ebola again and also needs to do his taxes like the rest of the One Percent. Not surprisingly, we heard from a lot of butthurt Rand Paul fans this week, most of whom wanted to point out that a journalist’s job is to ask a question and then write down the answers, and not to keep asking her question when Rand Paul interrupts her to tell her that her question is not a good one. “John 440″ was simply aghast that we would even write about such a non-news moment: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Rand Paul Is A Genius, You Morons!…
  Adventures in being a total fuckup

Maybe Rand Paul Didn’t F*ck Up Guardian Interview, Is Still A Dick Anyway

You see this guy asking me questions? How dare he?
The Twitter, it is outraged at Serious Presidential Candidate Rand Paul, who is a dick, for doing another dick thing. According to the internet, which is always correct, Rand Paul had a full-on meltdown temper tantrum at Guardian reporter Paul Lewis, who was just trying to get him to answer a gotcha question about his support for criminal justice reform. How will that play with all the racist fundamentalist fucknozzle Iowans he needs to pander to win the Republican nomination to lose to Hillary Clinton? But did Rand Paul, who is a dick, actually act like a dick this time? Some say yea, some say nay. Let us Do Journalism, by watching a video and deciding for ourselves! Read more on Maybe Rand Paul Didn’t F*ck Up Guardian Interview, Is Still A Dick Anyway…
  journamalism

Rolling Stone Sorry That Lying Bitch ‘Jackie’ Made Them Do Such Terrible Journalism

Nothing to see here, move along
Last year, Rolling Stone reported a shocking story about the epidemic of rape on college campuses, and specifically at the University of Virginia — one of 86 schools under federal investigation for its mishandling of rapes and sexual assaults on campus. The story focused on the alleged gang rape of a woman named Jackie at the Phi Kappa Psi fraternity. Naturally, because the story was freaking horrific, “legitimate” rape is very rare, and most so-called rape victims are lying, the media immediately called bullcrap on the report and devoted several weeks and a million column inches to proving the story was false, because if Jackie was lying, that means all allegations of rape are probably false too. Read more on Rolling Stone Sorry That Lying Bitch ‘Jackie’ Made Them Do Such Terrible Journalism…
  We can't even count high enough

23 Times Fox News Sh*t The Bed, You Are Welcome

So you know how Fox News, America’s No. 1 News Source for Your Racist Uncle, got into that little dustup with Le Gay Paree over, you know, how France and England had created a bunch of Muslims-only Shariah paradises where good and decent Christian folk weren’t allowed, which, well, wasn’t compleeeeeeeetely accurate? Of course you do. Dok told you all about it, and we know that you read this mommyblog and recipe hub with the fervor of a teenage boy on Pornhub. And so you also know that the mayor of Paris is not entirely thrilled: Read more on 23 Times Fox News Sh*t The Bed, You Are Welcome…
  Oh Also The Entire Premise of The Story Is False. Did We Mention That?

Texas Walmart Discriminates Against Shotgun Wedding Photo (With Actual Shotgun)

NOT EVEN LIBERAL BLOG WONKETTE is offended by this. Giggling at, yes. Offended, no.
Yr Wonkette likes to think we are firmly in the radical gun-grabbing kneejerk pantywaist big sissy liberal portion of the political spectrum, but once in a rare while we find ourselves reading about something that is so idiotic that Even the Liberal Blog Wonkette has to agree it’s just too stupid for words. For instance, this story from Dallas about a nice couple, Stephanie Wehner and her fiancé Mitch Strobl, who submitted a packet of engagement photos to Walmart for copying. The photos came back with one photo missing — a tender loving picture of the gal, the beau, and the beau’s first true love, a “12 gauge Ruger Red Label Shotgun,” the very first gun he bought himself. Read more on Texas Walmart Discriminates Against Shotgun Wedding Photo (With Actual Shotgun)…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: We Were Very Mean To Barack Obama And Those Girl Scouts And We Should Feel Bad

Dear Princess Celestia... As a dragon, I find Hearth's Warming Eve to be very offensive.
Beyond all the half-priced candy, one thing we like about going to the store after Christmas is the sudden arrival of pallets of storage supplies — it holds out the hope that if you just buy the right plastic bins, you’ll be free of all the clutter that’s built up during the year. And so we bring you our own efforts at cleaning out the muck: A bunch of detritus from the comments queue, which we now won’t have to think about any more. Let’s start with some people we have upset with our unwarranted cruelty. For some reason, our piece on Barack Obama wearing a tiara while taking a photo with some girl scouts rubbed a few people the wrong way, perhaps because we said wearing a tiara betrayed Barack Hussein Obama’s desire for absolute power. “Thea” took us to task for being so mean to a decent, honorable man: Read more on Deleted Comments: We Were Very Mean To Barack Obama And Those Girl Scouts And We Should Feel Bad…
  anals of journamalism

Chuck C. Johnson Had Busy Weekend Looking Even Stupider, If That’s Possible

It was either a pic of a cute orange kittie or a pic of a not-cute orange assclown.
Scabrous taint weasel Chuck C. Johnson was at it again this weekend. And by “at it again,” we mean falling for Internet hoaxes and old parody newspaper stories, threatening to sue people for libel, giving interviews so full of narcissistic self-regard we wonder how the interviewers could hear him with his head so far up his own ass, and generally making himself the most pathetic media spectacle since Howard Hughes’s diaries turned up in a burlap sack in the desert near Las Vegas. Read more on Chuck C. Johnson Had Busy Weekend Looking Even Stupider, If That’s Possible…
  Stay Classy Cleveland

Northeast Ohio Media Group Further Explains Why 12-Year-Old Tamir Rice Needed Shooting

This is Tamir Rice.
There’s this publishing concern in Cleveland with the mellifluous name “Northeast Ohio Media Group” (NEOMG) — it owns the Cleveland Plain Dealer and runs the Cleveland.com website, which you might think are the same thing but aren’t, quite. If the name sounds familiar, it’s the outfit that also deep-sixed that embarrassing video of Gov. John Kasich acting like a petulant child. We’re inclined to just call them “Cleveland Sociopath Publishing,” but that might confuse the search engines. Read more on Northeast Ohio Media Group Further Explains Why 12-Year-Old Tamir Rice Needed Shooting…
  All Lorettas Look The Same To Us

Breitbart Very Very Very Sorry About Its Journalism, For Sure

This fuckin' guy.
Breitbart “reporter” Warner Todd Huston, who wrote the offending article. We have not Photoshopped this image. Mistakes — we all make ‘em! Admitting when you’re wrong helps build credibility with your audience, and it is also too the Right Thing To Do. Read more on Breitbart Very Very Very Sorry About Its Journalism, For Sure…
  Very Serious Journalism

Dumb White House Spokesman Cannot Even Answer Simple Question What A Jerk

OMG, you guys, the White House is in total denial about the results of Tuesday’s election, but thankfully, the Very Serious Journalists of the White House press corps are ON IT. And Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home For Cocaine-Fueled Journalismists is ON THEM being ON IT, thank Jesus. Read more on Dumb White House Spokesman Cannot Even Answer Simple Question What A Jerk…
  Towel Snapping Details To Follow

ESPN Has Serious Questions About Who Showers With Michael Sam (Who Is GAY)

George Bellows, 'The Shower Bath,' 1917
F’ball Season is almost upon us again, and so ESPN’s SportCenter sent reporter Josina Anderson to the Rams training camp — which unaccountably is not in Los Angeles! — to get the skinny on how Michael Sam (who is GAY) is adjusting to the pro game after college and how he’s getting along with his new teammates. Naturally enough, she spent virtually all of the report detailing his showering practice, because for Christ’s sake, we wouldn’t be doing a f’ball training camp story otherwise.* Read more on ESPN Has Serious Questions About Who Showers With Michael Sam (Who Is GAY)…
  Mark your calendars

Obama To Destroy America (Again) Within The Week, This Time With Messicans

Yep, this is the plan
Hide the children and the sheep, because the end of the world is coming again. And it is President Obama’s fault again. According to Hitler Fanboy Racist Piece of Filth Patrick J. Buchanan (“Pat” to his friends), we have exactly one week before the president burns the whole U.S. of A to the ground. Read more on Obama To Destroy America (Again) Within The Week, This Time With Messicans…
  #MadAboutAThing

Very Serious WaPo Journalist Quite Disappointed Obama Hasn’t Fixed Racism Yet

We all remember when silly naive Barack Obama ran for president and announced his plan to single-handedly end racism forever. Oh, you don’t remember that? Funny, that’s how Very Serious Washington Post journalist Chris Cillizza, aka The Fix, remembers it. Read more on Very Serious WaPo Journalist Quite Disappointed Obama Hasn’t Fixed Racism Yet…
  A Clear And Present Stranger

Fox News Helpfully Explains New Black Panthers Are Going To Kill You Now

Fox News: When you absolutely positively have to scare old white people
Oh, sure, maybe the police in Ferguson, Missouri, are out of control, firing tear gas and rubber bullets at protesters and journalists, arresting anyone who dares to take their picture, and so on, but maybe you’ll be willing to cut them some slack when you hear this fact: The New Black Panthers are infiltrating the demonstrations and are probably planning to kill you right now! Read more on Fox News Helpfully Explains New Black Panthers Are Going To Kill You Now…
  gross

Blind Item! What Coupled-Up DC ‘Journalist’ Guy Is Hitting On Chicks And Then Standing Them Up?

Blind item! Gossipy thing! Drudge siren! Which blatantly coupled-up DC “journalist” guy (just kidding about the “journalist” part) is going around hitting on DC women, and then standing them up? We wonder if you will ever be able to guess. Our source, a well-educated lady employed by one of the District’s fine institutions of higher learning, was browsing at a Dupont Circle bookstore in the late afternoon when a “scruffy” guy started chatting her up. He had a certain awkward charm despite the ham-handed way he dropped the name of his employer, a prominent conservative media organ with offices nearby. Phone numbers were disclosed and later that night he popped up asking for a lunch date. Cute! Nerdy! We here at Wonkette were mildly scandalized to learn of this flirty boy’s identity since he has, by his own design, become somewhat known for having a girlfriend, who also works in DC media. We were also surprised, as might be his high-profile boss, to hear he’s taken to calling himself a “managing editor.” Read more on Blind Item! What Coupled-Up DC ‘Journalist’ Guy Is Hitting On Chicks And Then Standing Them Up?…
  #RIPpatriarchy

Male ‘Journalist’ Tucker Carlson Sad There Are No Male Journalists Because Jill Abramson Murdered Them All

Since the suspiciously ungracious and despicably cruel firing of Jill Abramson, the first female executive editor of the New York Times — apparently for no reason other than because she was a “pushy” “mercurial” “polarizing” “brusque” beeeyotch who twice hurt an otherwise super chill dude’s feelings so bad he had to punch a wall, but it’s okay now because the Times ding-donged that witch and gave her job to Mr. Chill Dude — there have been many excellent analyses of what happened at the Times. Like what an inspiration she was to the other women who worked at the Times. And how shocking and discouraging it is that she was fired in the way that she was, unlike, say, former editor Howell Raines, who was given a pretty darned nice send off when he was fired. Or how we will never really know whether and how much sexism played a role in how she was treated, perceived, and ultimately fired. There are many excellent points out there, made by excellent people who are very smart and wise. And then there is Tucker Carlson, who is “enjoying the heck out of this story.” Because he is a dick. Read more on Male ‘Journalist’ Tucker Carlson Sad There Are No Male Journalists Because Jill Abramson Murdered Them All…
  and who says journalism is dead?

Military.com Leads Pulitzer Race With SHOCKING Discovery That Troops Want More Money

Are you ready to be shocked? Not just shocked, but SHOCKED? In an effort to scoop the VOX-FiveThirtyEight-Industrial-Statistical-Complex, Military.com has put together a super-sophisticated voluntary online poll that asks the really tough questions: Do you want to make more money, or less? Do you want to know the results? Can you even imagine what those results might be? Because it is a really hard question to answer, and we bet that you will never ever guess what that answer is. The answer is: About nine in 10 active-duty service members oppose the Defense Department’s proposals to reduce their pay raises and basic allowances for housing, according to a new survey by Military.com. In an online chatcave survey of wonket writers, nine out of ten of us were drunk. But ten out of ten thought that this was a stupid fucking survey. Eleven out of ten of us wondered why news outlets bothered to give it coverage. Let’s sadsplore.  Read more on Military.com Leads Pulitzer Race With SHOCKING Discovery That Troops Want More Money…
  who are you? who-who-who-who?

Mean Oregon Reporters Don’t Know Their Place, Fail To Treat Joke Candidate Seriously Enough

We don’t have a single problem at all with the conduct of the reporters at this endorsement meeting held by the Willamette Week. They asked the candidates running for the Republican Senate nomination to attend a group interview; about an hour in, one of the candidates, Joe Rae Perkins, was giving a very long answer over a phone line, and reporter Nigel Jaquiss apparently was tired of it — he started writing “blah blah blah blah” in his notebook. Another candidate, Mark Callahan, saw this, and decided to be chivalrous, standing up for Perkins and her constitutional right to have every single word carefully transcribed by each reporter in the room, which is what the First Amendment is all about, after all. It’s right in there next to the part about how no one on TV can lose their job just for expressing their personal opinion. Read more on Mean Oregon Reporters Don’t Know Their Place, Fail To Treat Joke Candidate Seriously Enough…
  bill of rights shoot-out

Florida Lege Fixing ‘Stand Your Ground’ Law By Keeping Journalists From Reporting On It

The geniuses in the Florida Legislature are going to pass some important improvements to the state’s “Stand Your Ground” law. First off, they’re going to fix it so that you can fire a warning shot or wave a gun around for emphasis without any criminal penalty, because sometimes you don’t actually need deadly force (not that there’s anything wrong with deadly force, but you should have options). And another provision in that bill, passed by the House last Thursday, would also make it harder to report on such shootings by expunging the records in any case where charges are dropped because of a Stand Your Ground defense. For some reason, journalists think this is a bad idea. Probably because they don’t appreciate the important role that the Second Amendment has played in freedom of the press. It’s not like there are any other amendments. Read more on Florida Lege Fixing ‘Stand Your Ground’ Law By Keeping Journalists From Reporting On It…
  start 'em young

High School Administration Teaches Student Journalists Valuable Lesson: We Will Censor You Early And Often

Did you do high school journalism way back in the day when you had to do layout with a knife and the hot glue roller thing, or was that just us? SHUT UP WE ARE NOT THAT OLD. High school journalism has gotten downright good looking in the Internet era and apparently also got hard-hitting, which is a lot different than when we had to do fluff columns on the football teams. Some students in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, did a piece for their school newspaper on rape, rape jokes, and rape culture. This seems like a good thing for the high school newspaper to tackle, right? And they actually did it in a respectful, sensitive, interesting, relevant way, but because you should learn early on that life is terrible, they got in trouble with the administration rather than getting praise. Read more on High School Administration Teaches Student Journalists Valuable Lesson: We Will Censor You Early And Often…
  note to bezos: fire george will

George Will Remains Blissfully Unaware IRS Scandal Was Never A Real Thing

George Will sucks. He has managed to garble together some wordthings in the Washington Post about Lois Lerner and the IRS scandal, and eleventy million percent of them are full of suckitude. It is like a universal ball of suck shat out a person-sized suck-turd and named it George Will, and now we are stuck with his godawful word salad of putridness. Apparently masquerading as a mouthpiece for Congressional Assclown Extraordinaire Darrell Issa, George Will wrote: [Lois Lerner] knows what her IRS unit did and how it intersects with the law, and for a second time she has exercised her constitutional right to remain silent rather than risk self-incrimination. The public has a right to make reasonable inferences from her behavior. This is exactly what Jesus H. Washington Jefferson Lincoln had in mind when He drafted the amendments. Clearly, in America, the public has the right… nay, the Constitutional obligation to presume guilt before weighing any actual evidence. Guilty until proven innocent in the “press,” right? Read more on George Will Remains Blissfully Unaware IRS Scandal Was Never A Real Thing…
  get me rewrite!

Brave Hero Breitbart Reporter CRUSHES Dumb Buzzfeed Guy Who Lied All Over Donald Trump

These are dark days indeed for McKay Coppins, some dumb guy from Buzzfeed who wrote a totally uncalled-for scurrilous PACK OF LIES about Donald Trump, who as everyone knows is the YOOGEST, CLASSIEST GUY, and then McKay Coppins forced Donald Trump to fire his own top aide! What a dick! It is dark days for McKay Coppins because he just got PWNED by hero reporter Matthew Boyle, of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Hideaway for Craven Sniveling Soul-Free Shitweasels Super Good Reporters Who Will TRUTH ALL OVER YOUR FACE. Let us read and marvel at M. Boyle’s masterclass in journalisming all over Coppins and his so-called “reporting,” including allegations of eyerape, not to mention scumbaggery, together! Read more on Brave Hero Breitbart Reporter CRUSHES Dumb Buzzfeed Guy Who Lied All Over Donald Trump…