Tag Archives: joseph ratzinger

  Almost as popular as Donald Trump

Conservatives Hate New Pope Now, For Being Dumb Commie Tree-Hugger

Is he even Catholic?
They really don’t make popes like they used to. You know, the kind who may have sorta kinda been in the Hitler Youth — but reluctantly! And then kinda sorta tried to cover up all that unpleasantness about Catholic priests raping all the children, and bishops keeping it on the down low, when he was a lowly cardinal. And then, as Lord God King Pope of the Universe, gone around talking about how God made girls like this, and God made boys like that, and homos and feminists are fucking it all up, goddamnit, plus those uppity radical feminist nuns, boy, they’re a real problem. Read more on Conservatives Hate New Pope Now, For Being Dumb Commie Tree-Hugger…
  You Got Fetus In My Vaccine!

Pro-Lifers Will Not Have California Putting Dead Babies In All The Vaccines

Abortion Industrial Complex strikes again!
Of the many claims made by anti-vaxxers, we have to admit this one is new to us: A group that opposes both abortion and vaccinations insists that California needs to keep its vaccine exemption for “personal and religious beliefs” because if it doesn’t, then children of good decent Christians will be forced to get injected with aborted baby parts! It’s now something of a moot point, because the California Senate passed the bill Thursday, although it’s still not clear whether Gov. Jerry Brown will sign it. Read more on Pro-Lifers Will Not Have California Putting Dead Babies In All The Vaccines…
  you tell 'em

Pope Yells at Nuns For Acting Too Much Like Jesus, Not Enough Like Pope

Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger is so proud of his image as the CEO of a lucrative club for child rapists who runs around modeling Prada shoes and phallic hats that he is going to celebrate, by scolding some nuns for failing to be enough like the Pope. He ordered one of his henchmen to sneak up on a group of American nuns visiting the Vatican this week and give them a letter informing them generally of their neglect for their fundamental Catholic duty to worry feverishly about other people’s genitalia while also ridiculing them specifically for their work advocating for social justice and tending to the poor and sick. Think we’re exaggerating even the tiniest bit? Take bets now! (Just kidding. Don’t, because that would be foolish.) Read more on Pope Yells at Nuns For Acting Too Much Like Jesus, Not Enough Like Pope…
  sex ed

Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant

An elderly lifelong bachelor who lives with hundreds of other old, single men in a stylish European capital city has given strict orders to the world’s women and married heterosexual couples on the allowable methods for human impregnation. Dressed in flowing silken capes and a bejeweled silken hat, the childless old man described his religion’s required process for creating new human life forms: Read more on Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant…
  religion in the news

Evil Old Nazi Pope Tries To Trick Anglicans Into Becoming Catholics

Trying to finish what his Nazi forces started during World War II, Pope Joseph Ratzinger will attack England tomorrow with a bizarre offer to turn Anglicans into Catholics, even though he has publically described non-Catholic Christians as following a “defective” religion, and also the Church of England lets ladies work as priests, and other Anglican churches allow women to serve as bishops, and in general the decentralized Anglican faith is not really so much known for raping children constantly, the way the ordained Catholic officials rape children constantly, and then spend decades/centuries trying to hide it and discrediting the victims. Anyway, good try, Ratzi, we guess? Read more on Evil Old Nazi Pope Tries To Trick Anglicans Into Becoming Catholics…
  excuses from the bible

Actual Vatican Sex-Abuse Excuse: Bishops & Priests Don’t Really Work For the Vatican

How is the Vatican’s decades-long child-rape international outrage not the Vatican’s fault today? The Pope’s lawyers are arguing in a Louisville, Kentucky court that priests and bishops don’t, uh, actually work for the Vatican. So, you know, not the Pope’s problem! Do not even *think* about indicting the Pope. Read more on Actual Vatican Sex-Abuse Excuse: Bishops & Priests Don’t Really Work For the Vatican…
  religion in the news

Pope Finally Manages To Vaguely Admit Catholic Church Child Rape Might Be a Bad Thing

Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger flew on his supervillain pope-plane to Portugal and said a few words about the decades-long child-rape scandal destroying the Vatican Mafia’s global bullshit business. This is apparently a big deal, that Ratzinger sort of half-ass acknowledged that priests and bishops raping children and the highest officials in the Catholic Church engineering massive international cover-ups might be kind of a rotten situation. He’s the best pope ever, for saying this! He didn’t even blame the newspapers and the homosexuals and the Devil and the liberals this time, specifically, the way his creepoid henchmen did during the Easter week “festivities.” Read more on Pope Finally Manages To Vaguely Admit Catholic Church Child Rape Might Be a Bad Thing…
  put the pope in prison

Joseph Ratzinger’s Bishops: Too Much Boy Rapin’, Or Not Enough?

How beloved Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger handled two Austrian bishops and their various sex crimes back in the 1980s is apparently a “Rorschach test,” in that those slavish followers of the Evil Pontiff say (in German) that he did “pretty great” by encouraging the promotion of one relentless child-fucker over another bishop who is only accused of hiding an immense stash of priest-on-priest sexytime pictures and child pornography, while others describe these powerful Vatican officials raping children as “wrong.” Read more on Joseph Ratzinger’s Bishops: Too Much Boy Rapin’, Or Not Enough?…
  and an 11-year-old boy popped out of the cake

Happy Millionth Birthday, Pope Nazi Pedobear!

What did the evil Emperor of Rape Joseph Ratzinger get for his birthday? An eternity roasting in Hell, plus a cake! We figured we ought get him something, too. Read more on Happy Millionth Birthday, Pope Nazi Pedobear!…
  nazis are weird

Vatican Hack Blames … Anti-Semitism For Global Outrage Over His Church Raping Children

Let’s see let’s see let’s see THINK GODDAMMIT what’s a good term to use when you’re defending an actual NAZI in a Pope Hat over his role in defending and protecting Catholic priests all over the world who rape little boys? How about “anti-Semitism.” Ha ha, Jesus may have died on Good Friday but irony sure didn’t. Read more on Vatican Hack Blames … Anti-Semitism For Global Outrage Over His Church Raping Children…
  new traditions

CNN Notes Traditional ‘Toppling of the Pope’ As Christmas Celebrations Begin

It’s not New Year’s until the ball drops in Times Square on New Year’s Eve, and Christmas celebrations cannot begin until a woman knocks over the Pope on Christmas Eve. And so began another Feliz Navidad around the world, once the lady knocked down the Pope. Happy Holiday, CNN online editor stuck working on Christmas Day! [CNN International] Read more on CNN Notes Traditional ‘Toppling of the Pope’ As Christmas Celebrations Begin…
  must be santa

Nut Lady Knocks Over Pope, For Christmas

Beloved Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger was just doing whatever He does at the Vatican on Christmas Eve, when a mysterious Lady In Red just cold knocked his old Nazi ass to the floor, for like two seconds, no big, but of course it is Christmas Sacrilege to do this to this guy, the current pope and former Nazi and future Sinter Klaus. Fr√∂hliche Weihnachten! Read more on Nut Lady Knocks Over Pope, For Christmas…
  what's black and white and red all over?

Appeaser Obamas Meet With Former Nazi

What enemy of America is Nobama meeting now? Oh, just former Nazi Youth and New World Order socialist Joseph Ratzinger, Italy’s latest “bad pope.” How lousy is this pope? He even let Chicago Muslin lady Michelle Obama inside His boys-only clubhouse! [CBC] Read more on Appeaser Obamas Meet With Former Nazi…
  somebody tell alex jones!

Teabagger Alert: Pope Ratzi Creating Newer ‘New World Order’

Former Nazi Youth and rancid pontiff Joseph Ratzinger has an important message for the agitated teabaggers of America: An even newer New World Order is on the way, and this one is going to be run by the Vatican — along with, we suspect, a 13-seat Council of Elders including Goldman Sachs, Barack Obama, Israel, Red China, NAFTA, Michele Bachmann (oh hell yeah she’s working for the NWO!), the IRS, let’s see and probably the Sierra Club, KFC-Taco Bell, NASA and the Carlyle Group. Hope you like FEMA camps! [New York Times] Read more on Teabagger Alert: Pope Ratzi Creating Newer ‘New World Order’…