Tag Archives: joseph ratzinger

  You Got Fetus In My Vaccine!

Pro-Lifers Will Not Have California Putting Dead Babies In All The Vaccines

And chewy nougat
Of the many claims made by anti-vaxxers, we have to admit this one is new to us: A group that opposes both abortion and vaccinations insists that California needs to keep its vaccine exemption for “personal and religious beliefs” because if it doesn’t, then children of good decent Christians will be forced to get injected with aborted baby parts! It’s now something of a moot point, because the California Senate passed the bill Thursday, although it’s still not clear whether Gov. Jerry Brown will sign it. Read more on Pro-Lifers Will Not Have California Putting Dead Babies In All The Vaccines…
  you tell 'em

Pope Yells at Nuns For Acting Too Much Like Jesus, Not Enough Like Pope

Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger is so proud of his image as the CEO of a lucrative club for child rapists who runs around modeling Prada shoes and phallic hats that he is going to celebrate, by scolding some nuns for failing to be enough like the Pope. He ordered one of his henchmen to sneak up on a group of American nuns visiting the Vatican this week and give them a letter informing them generally of their neglect for their fundamental Catholic duty to worry feverishly about other people’s genitalia while also ridiculing them specifically for their work advocating for social justice and tending to the poor and sick. Think we’re exaggerating even the tiniest bit? Take bets now! (Just kidding. Don’t, because that would be foolish.) Read more on Pope Yells at Nuns For Acting Too Much Like Jesus, Not Enough Like Pope…
  sex ed

Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant

An elderly lifelong bachelor who lives with hundreds of other old, single men in a stylish European capital city has given strict orders to the world’s women and married heterosexual couples on the allowable methods for human impregnation. Dressed in flowing silken capes and a bejeweled silken hat, the childless old man described his religion’s required process for creating new human life forms: Read more on Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant…
  religion in the news

Evil Old Nazi Pope Tries To Trick Anglicans Into Becoming Catholics

Trying to finish what his Nazi forces started during World War II, Pope Joseph Ratzinger will attack England tomorrow with a bizarre offer to turn Anglicans into Catholics, even though he has publically described non-Catholic Christians as following a “defective” religion, and also the Church of England lets ladies work as priests, and other Anglican churches allow women to serve as bishops, and in general the decentralized Anglican faith is not really so much known for raping children constantly, the way the ordained Catholic officials rape children constantly, and then spend decades/centuries trying to hide it and discrediting the victims. Anyway, good try, Ratzi, we guess? Read more on Evil Old Nazi Pope Tries To Trick Anglicans Into Becoming Catholics…
  excuses from the bible

Actual Vatican Sex-Abuse Excuse: Bishops & Priests Don’t Really Work For the Vatican

How is the Vatican’s decades-long child-rape international outrage not the Vatican’s fault today? The Pope’s lawyers are arguing in a Louisville, Kentucky court that priests and bishops don’t, uh, actually work for the Vatican. So, you know, not the Pope’s problem! Do not even *think* about indicting the Pope. Read more on Actual Vatican Sex-Abuse Excuse: Bishops & Priests Don’t Really Work For the Vatican…
  religion in the news

Pope Finally Manages To Vaguely Admit Catholic Church Child Rape Might Be a Bad Thing

Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger flew on his supervillain pope-plane to Portugal and said a few words about the decades-long child-rape scandal destroying the Vatican Mafia’s global bullshit business. This is apparently a big deal, that Ratzinger sort of half-ass acknowledged that priests and bishops raping children and the highest officials in the Catholic Church engineering massive international cover-ups might be kind of a rotten situation. He’s the best pope ever, for saying this! He didn’t even blame the newspapers and the homosexuals and the Devil and the liberals this time, specifically, the way his creepoid henchmen did during the Easter week “festivities.” Read more on Pope Finally Manages To Vaguely Admit Catholic Church Child Rape Might Be a Bad Thing…
  put the pope in prison

Joseph Ratzinger’s Bishops: Too Much Boy Rapin’, Or Not Enough?

How beloved Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger handled two Austrian bishops and their various sex crimes back in the 1980s is apparently a “Rorschach test,” in that those slavish followers of the Evil Pontiff say (in German) that he did “pretty great” by encouraging the promotion of one relentless child-fucker over another bishop who is only accused of hiding an immense stash of priest-on-priest sexytime pictures and child pornography, while others describe these powerful Vatican officials raping children as “wrong.” Read more on Joseph Ratzinger’s Bishops: Too Much Boy Rapin’, Or Not Enough?…
  and an 11-year-old boy popped out of the cake

Happy Millionth Birthday, Pope Nazi Pedobear!

What did the evil Emperor of Rape Joseph Ratzinger get for his birthday? An eternity roasting in Hell, plus a cake! We figured we ought get him something, too. Read more on Happy Millionth Birthday, Pope Nazi Pedobear!…
  nazis are weird

Vatican Hack Blames … Anti-Semitism For Global Outrage Over His Church Raping Children

Let’s see let’s see let’s see THINK GODDAMMIT what’s a good term to use when you’re defending an actual NAZI in a Pope Hat over his role in defending and protecting Catholic priests all over the world who rape little boys? How about “anti-Semitism.” Ha ha, Jesus may have died on Good Friday but irony sure didn’t. Read more on Vatican Hack Blames … Anti-Semitism For Global Outrage Over His Church Raping Children…
  new traditions

CNN Notes Traditional ‘Toppling of the Pope’ As Christmas Celebrations Begin

It’s not New Year’s until the ball drops in Times Square on New Year’s Eve, and Christmas celebrations cannot begin until a woman knocks over the Pope on Christmas Eve. And so began another Feliz Navidad around the world, once the lady knocked down the Pope. Happy Holiday, CNN online editor stuck working on Christmas Day! [CNN International] Read more on CNN Notes Traditional ‘Toppling of the Pope’ As Christmas Celebrations Begin…
  must be santa

Nut Lady Knocks Over Pope, For Christmas

Beloved Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger was just doing whatever He does at the Vatican on Christmas Eve, when a mysterious Lady In Red just cold knocked his old Nazi ass to the floor, for like two seconds, no big, but of course it is Christmas Sacrilege to do this to this guy, the current pope and former Nazi and future Sinter Klaus. Fr√∂hliche Weihnachten! Read more on Nut Lady Knocks Over Pope, For Christmas…
  what's black and white and red all over?

Appeaser Obamas Meet With Former Nazi

What enemy of America is Nobama meeting now? Oh, just former Nazi Youth and New World Order socialist Joseph Ratzinger, Italy’s latest “bad pope.” How lousy is this pope? He even let Chicago Muslin lady Michelle Obama inside His boys-only clubhouse! [CBC] Read more on Appeaser Obamas Meet With Former Nazi…
  somebody tell alex jones!

Teabagger Alert: Pope Ratzi Creating Newer ‘New World Order’

Former Nazi Youth and rancid pontiff Joseph Ratzinger has an important message for the agitated teabaggers of America: An even newer New World Order is on the way, and this one is going to be run by the Vatican — along with, we suspect, a 13-seat Council of Elders including Goldman Sachs, Barack Obama, Israel, Red China, NAFTA, Michele Bachmann (oh hell yeah she’s working for the NWO!), the IRS, let’s see and probably the Sierra Club, KFC-Taco Bell, NASA and the Carlyle Group. Hope you like FEMA camps! [New York Times] Read more on Teabagger Alert: Pope Ratzi Creating Newer ‘New World Order’…
  new study proves it

Obama *Almost* More Popular Than Nazi Pope & Multi-Racial Golfing Star Combined

Well, Barack Obama has failed again. The so-called president isn’t quite as popular as Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger and Partially-African-American Nike model Tiger Woods combined, according to an idiotic new study which also revealed that 5% of Americans want to meet and have their topless picture taken with teevee’s Hannah Montana. Read more on Obama *Almost* More Popular Than Nazi Pope & Multi-Racial Golfing Star Combined…
  villains

Nazi Pope Believes the Holocaust, Now That He’s In Israel

Monstrous wingnut Joseph Ratzinger somehow became pope a few years ago — this is because of ancient Catholic-Sith rules dictating that each “good pope” must be followed by a “loathsome beast.” But Ratzi is unique even among the Sith Popes, for he is the first Bishop of Rome to be an actual Nazi, for Hitler, in Nazi Germany. Jesus, talk about your breaking of historical barriers …. Obama’s got nothing on this creep! Anyway, Ratzinger comically lived up to expectations by supporting actual Holocaust-denying fellow wingnut bishops, and now he’s in Israel kissing ass, but luckily nobody believes his evil horseshit. Read more on Nazi Pope Believes the Holocaust, Now That He’s In Israel…
 

POPE FEVER! Do you have the Pope Fever? Well next time wear a condom! Meanwhile learn about all the popes who were even worse than Joseph Ratzinger. [Brightest Young Things]
 

New York Times: Pope Meets With Many, Many Victims Of Pedophile Priests

The New York Times is pretty much on a “Pope Roll” today, and here’s the latest hilarious proof that should be in your NYT newspaper, if you are old and subscribe to the paper version. Here’s not-so-beloved Pope Joseph “Benedict XVI” Ratzinger, speaking to an overflow crowd of many thousands of “Victims of Sexual Abuse” at Nationals Park here in Washington. Read more on New York Times: Pope Meets With Many, Many Victims Of Pedophile Priests…
 

Popemania: George & Laura & Jenna Bush Say Hi To Pope!

The leader of America’s religion, Christianity, finally arrived in America today! The president and his wife and their daughter, Jenna, rushed down to the airport to say howdy. The pope held Jenna’s hand and cackled, in German, “You’re very pretty, for a girl.” Read more on Popemania: George & Laura & Jenna Bush Say Hi To Pope!…
 

Peggy Noonan Is Confused By Scary German Pope

America’s greatest living political columnist, Peggy Noonan, has a heartbreaking new essay in the Wall Street Journal. Poor Peggers loved the previous, cute pope so much — she even wrote a book about him! — and now she’s stuck with this creepy old German with hollow eyes and the kind of personality that was really only effective in the military, during World War II, in Germany. Read more on Peggy Noonan Is Confused By Scary German Pope…
 

Pope Returns From Hell

Beloved anti-Nazi pope John Paul II is back, according to Vatican TV. And this time, he is a terrible fire monster! We know about this because we accidentally had CNN Headline News on the other day, with the sound off, for some reason we can no longer remember, and suddenly there’s a terrible picture of the dead pope next to another picture of the Fire Pope. (It was on that douchesack Glenn Beck’s show that nobody has ever intentionally watched.) Read more on Pope Returns From Hell…