Tag Archives: joseph farah

  low hanging fruit

Mike Huckabee: Hawking Fake Diabetes Cures Proves I’ll Be A Great President

Yours for only $19.95, bitches.
Republican presidential “candidate” Mike Huckabee is in trouble with liberals like CBS’s Bob Schieffer for, among other things, appearing in infomercials hawking “Diabetes Solution Kits” (yours for just $19.95!), which encourage healthy eating, exercise, oh and also curing diabetes with cinnamon. Because that’s totally real. Appearing on “Face the Nation,” Huckabee got ALL KINDS of defensive, because first of all, you are not his real mom and you can’t tell him what to do: Read more on Mike Huckabee: Hawking Fake Diabetes Cures Proves I’ll Be A Great President…
  What Part Of 'Carrion Luggage' Do You Not Understand?

Texas GOP Tired Of Getting Arrested For Taking Guns To Airports, Has New Law To Make It OK

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with Brawndo. It's got what plants crave.
Texans sure love guns! And every Texan knows that in this bad old world, the only way to be safe from crimers and killers and haters and Federal Jackboots is to pack heat at all times. But this causes the occasional faux pas when you accidentally leave one of your many, many guns in your carryon bag as you head to the airport, and then the TSA arrests you as if you were trying to take a gun on a plane like some common Cuban. Thankfully, due to the selfless patriotism and compassion of gun-humpers in the state legislature, this tyranny may soon end. On Thursday, the Texas House passed a bill that would protect concealed carry permit-holders from being arrested when caught with guns at airport security, just as long as they leave the security area immediately. Read more on Texas GOP Tired Of Getting Arrested For Taking Guns To Airports, Has New Law To Make It OK…
  Is that a gun in your pants or you just happy to fly Southwest today?

TSA Fired That Dude Who Fondled Your Hot Peen At The Denver Airport

Just a few more minutes and we'll be done here!
Remember that time you were a super hot guy and you had to fly out of Denver? You were just going through the line like you always do, but all of a sudden they found an “anomaly,” which required some dude to stop what he was doing and give your family jewels some extra attention, just to make sure you weren’t hiding a heat-seeking missile in there. He touched you for a long time! You were creeped out, unless you’re into that sort of thing, in which case you were flattered maybe? Yes, well, he has been fired, and so has his lady co-worker, because this was actually part of a big scheme to let that dude feel you up: Read more on TSA Fired That Dude Who Fondled Your Hot Peen At The Denver Airport…
  still makes more sense than maureen dowd

Million-Year-Old ‘Rocker’ Pat Boone Thinks Obama Will Set All The Murderers Free

Pat Boone — once a popular entertainer who appropriated black music and sanitized it for white consumption, now a WorldNetDaily columnist, and there’s a career arc — posted some thoughts over at Joseph Farah’s Internet Home for Mustachioed Paranoids earlier this week, and boy howdy, are they sublime. The tl;dr is that Obama’s gonna let all the prisoners out of the jails for socialism or something, but we’ll let ol’ Pat speak for himself: Read more on Million-Year-Old ‘Rocker’ Pat Boone Thinks Obama Will Set All The Murderers Free…
  And Yet Furries Still Fight For Recognition

WND Publisher Joseph Farah Just Wants Equal Rights For His People, The Hate-Gay-Marriageists

Admit it: You only read 'Nostromo' because it was the name of the ship In 'Alien'
WorldNetDaily publisher Joseph Farah is taking a break from his critical work on behalf of birthers and believers in various conspiracies to explain that laws preventing discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation are actually Very Discriminatory Indeed — not against a religion (fundamentalist Christianity), but against one of the very sexual orientations that such silly laws purport to protect! Because now, being against marriage equality is its very own sexual orientation. Read more on WND Publisher Joseph Farah Just Wants Equal Rights For His People, The Hate-Gay-Marriageists…
  if money is speech he sure was loud

Richard Mellon Scaife Dies, Gets Chance To Compare Notes With Vince Foster

Richard Mellon Scaife, the guy who made a career of inheriting billions from his banking and oil industry forebears and then blowing it on hating the Clintons in the 1990s, died Friday of cancer. Scaife was a central contributor to rightwing attacks on the Clintons, and gave the American Spectator almost $2 million for the “Arkansas Project,” which found pretty much nothing about Bill Clinton’s non-crimes in the Whitewater real estate scandal, and which expanded into the wackaloon idea that the Clintons murdered Vince Foster. Scaife also was instrumental in founding former Wonkette advertiser Newsmax, so we feel compelled to say “So long, and thanks for all the greasy misspent rightwing moneez.” Read more on Richard Mellon Scaife Dies, Gets Chance To Compare Notes With Vince Foster…
  joseph and the amazing techno-copper checkpoint

WND Chief Joseph Farah Was Probably About To Save America When TSA Caught Him With Loaded Gun At Checkpoint

Lovers of freedom should probably “get their knickers in a twist” over this chilling news: Joseph Farah, leading birther and editor in chief of WND, was caught with a loaded .38 caliber revolver in his carryon at Washington DC’s Dulles International Airport. We bet he had a perfectly legitimate reason to be carrying a gun while flying, like maybe he’s a secret agent for the American Patriot Police, and his classification is so secret that not even the TSA has been briefed on it yet! Or maybe Farah was going to write an exposé about the TSA’s inability to find his gun, only someone tipped them off (because otherwise they couldn’t find it, because X-Rays are a myth)? Certainly no Responsible Firearms Owner would ever deliberately try to break a law, or even carelessly “forget” that there was a gun in Joey Lou’s Handbag? Or maybe…the TSA planted the gun as part of a false flag effort to seize everyone’s guns!!!!! Oh, yeah. We’d go with that one, if we wrote for WND. Read more on WND Chief Joseph Farah Was Probably About To Save America When TSA Caught Him With Loaded Gun At Checkpoint…
  'elp! 'elp! I'm bein' oppressed!

Joseph Farah Determines ‘We’ Had More Freedom in 1776 Than Today (For Certain Values Of ‘We’)

Joseph Farah, the editor of Serious News Outlet WorldNet Daily, has a Serious Question he wishes you to consider: “Are we better off now than we were in 1776?” And while the real answer involves glancing at the illustration above, remembering that women couldn’t vote until 1919, rolling our eyes, and saying “Duh, Joe,” we are pretty sure that we would not get paid for this blog post if we didn’t engage Farah’s dumb column in further detail. So sure, for the sake of argument, let’s grant that Farah might grudgingly extend to the ladies and the dusky-hued savages the same level of freedom that white men had in 1776, and further assume that he doesn’t literally want us to return to 18th-century levels of medicine and technology, either — which are pretty big concessions, considering that Farah doesn’t mention any of these trivial details of the material realities of life in colonial America, which he insists “wasn’t all that bad.” Let’s even assume that we could somehow shoehorn most of the good stuff about today’s material reality into the political and economic norms of 1776 — or really, 1791, since Farah immediately shifts the goalposts to a discussion of “constitutionally protected rights we secured through the War of Independence,” as if the Bill of Rights had magically appeared when Jesus handed the Constitution to George Washington. Which is to say, Farah is engaging in historical & cultural fantasy from the get-go, but sure, we’ll play along. Read more on Joseph Farah Determines ‘We’ Had More Freedom in 1776 Than Today (For Certain Values Of ‘We’)…
  inpeach

Did Wingnut Joseph Farah Announce Himself As Inaugural Prayer Breakfast’s Honored Guest? Probably, Sure, Why Not

Nowhere in this charming Media Matters story about the right-wing Presidential Inaugural Prayer Breakfast denying that WND founder and noted sane person Joseph Farah is either an invited speaker or honored guest does it come right out and say that Joseph Farah was the one who announced himself as the invited speaker/honored guest. So we will just have to do it for them. Rev. Merrie Turner, the conservative pastor who is hosting the event and says she has done so since 1993, told Media Matters, “It is against my beliefs to be openly targeting someone like the president of our country, we have enough enemies outside the country.” Turner said Farah’s name had been wrongly listed among the speakers headlining the January 21 event and would be removed: “It was incorrectly picked up by our staff, I am going to be correcting that.” Farah’s website had also reported that he was a “distinguished guest” who was “scheduled to appear at the breakfast to lead prayers for the nation.” But where could everyone have gotten the idea? Could it have been from Farah himself? You do not have to be Joseph Farah to connect the dots between Obama gay-marrying Islam Obama setting the inauguration for MLK’s birthday so blacks could riot a poem about figs and apes proving Obama hates Jews Farah, WND, a WND article, and Farah ending up on a list of featured guests and speakers. Oh, oh yes. The call is coming from inside the website! Read more on Did Wingnut Joseph Farah Announce Himself As Inaugural Prayer Breakfast’s Honored Guest? Probably, Sure, Why Not…
  Whinge Nuts

A Children’s Treasury Of Random Wingnut Post-Election Whining (Part 1 of ???)

Do you people have any idea how hard it is to sift through all the insane rightwing mutterings about the reelection of Barack Obama so that we can bring you the very best? Neither do we! It all starts looking the same after about five minutes! And so, this collection of freakouts will, of necessity, be something of a sampler plate from the great smorgasbord that is the Great 2012 Wingnut Butthurtosphere. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Random Wingnut Post-Election Whining (Part 1 of ???)…
  welcome to panem

WingNutDaily Voice of Reason in Stupid Right-Wing Freakout About Martial Law

You guy, I’m worried about WND, Joseph Farah’s No. 1 News Source for Copy-and-Pasted Chuck Norris Columns. First came the screaming headline EXECUTIVE-ORDER PANIC: MARTIAL LAW IN THE U.S.? and three long paragraphs explaining President Barack O’Stalin’s nefarious plans to ration your wimmen, helpfully summed up here: A Canada Free Press article titled “Obama Executive Order: Peacetime Martial Law!” spread concerns of gasoline ration cards; while an Examiner article declared the order would “nationalize everything” and “allow for a civilian draft.” Facebook, email and Twitter were suddenly abuzz, and even the extremely popular Drudge Report posted a link to the White House release under the title “Martial Law? Obama Issues Executive Order.” Read more on WingNutDaily Voice of Reason in Stupid Right-Wing Freakout About Martial Law…
  cpacalypse

A Children’s Treasury of CPAC Junk & Tchochkes

Day one at CPAC is over! Your Wonkette has already waited in line with Mark Block, the famous cigarette smoker, sat in a lounge near Pam Geller, and not had Internet access for hours at a time. Will you ever see this post, dear readers? Let’s hope for a lil’ CPAC internet connection magick. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of CPAC Junk & Tchochkes…
  try not to scare the children with your satire stories

WND Suing Esquire For Using Terrible Irony Weapon Against Birthers

Who are the most victimized people on the planet? If you answered “the birther lunatics,” you would be correct. WorldNetDaily.com writer and birther book publisher Joseph Farah is suing Esquire for $120 million for publishing a parody post reporting that Farah finally decided the whole birther thing was probably just a hollow, exploitative attempt at monetizing the fears of stupid, racist people, and he would be recalling the Jerome Corsi book. Haha, that is ironic and totally implausible, because Joseph Farah loves money. But you know who doesn’t understand irony? Birther nutjobs! So they all freaked out and in their typical brainless fashion went and took the books off the shelves.  IT’S ON THE INTERNET IT MUST BE TRUE! It was a sad day for Joseph Farah’s bank account, because of irony.  Read more on WND Suing Esquire For Using Terrible Irony Weapon Against Birthers…
  men's interest theories

WND: Esquire Taking Orders From White House To Destroy WND Book

This morning, Esquire‘s politics blog put up a fake joke post about WorldNetDaily’s Joseph Farah finally coming around and realizing he was wrong about President Obama’s birth certificate, and was pulling back the release of his hilarious fact-denying organization’s new book on the matter. The joke here is that it goes against the very biology of Farah to change his mind of the face of glaring facts that disprove the various conspiracy theories that are his business. But because the goal of the news media today is not to report news, but to be the first to aggregate somebody else’s work, a few media people didn’t really read it and reported this joke as fact. This is, of course, yet another plot by the White House to silence Farah, he says. Read more on WND: Esquire Taking Orders From White House To Destroy WND Book…
  finally!

WorldNetDaily Needs Your Donations For Birth Certificate Billboards

The most important thing you can do for your country at this moment is buy a “WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?” billboard, but you probably don’t know where to start. “How do I make a sign that big?” you’re asking yourself, “And how do I get the money? Small businesses are hurting everywhere, including my own meth lab.” WorldNetDaily has made it easy for you. WorldNetDaily has always made it easy for you. And they are proud to announce a charitable fund to which you can donate to save this nation from having a black man as its leader. “What I need Americans to understand is that this billboard campaign is working,” said head WND intellectual Joseph Farah, according to this press release thing. “There is no shortage of billboards available to us. The only thing there’s a shortage of is the money to erect them. We need to raise tens of thousands of dollars a month just to keep them in place.” Read more on WorldNetDaily Needs Your Donations For Birth Certificate Billboards…
  give her 23 Oscars

Michele Bachmann Is America’s Next Meryl Streep

Someone has finally recognized the “Hollywood” in Congresswingnut Michele Bachmann and stuck her in a real movie! Bachmann makes her big acting debut in a brand-new Cold War propaganda film called Socialism: A Clear and Present Danger, created by the evangelists at Coral Ridge Ministries and directed by a camera guy who’s heard of James Cameron. Make way for a real star, Eclipse people! Read more on Michele Bachmann Is America’s Next Meryl Streep…
  mustache rides

Is Barack Obama Also His Own Grandmother?

Joseph Farah, WorldNetDaily’s in-house Zeus, has blown Obama’s secret “real” birth history wide open today, on the conservative radio. He says we should stop referring to the so-called “relatives” of Barack Obama as mother, grandmother, father, wacky uncle, etc., because these people could be anyone. Barack Obama’s mother could be his grandmother! His grandmother could be Saddam Hussein! Saddam Hussein could be Trig! Trig could be (and is) King Tut? Read more on Is Barack Obama Also His Own Grandmother?…