Tag Archives: jonah goldberg

  avatar is the new epistle to the romans

JONAH GOLDBERG WRITES BEST SENTENCE OF DECADE: Regarding that dreadful 3D movie where the 10-foot-tall blue people hump each other: “What would have been controversial is if — somehow — Cameron had made a movie in which the good guys accepted Jesus Christ into their hearts.” [Los Angeles Times] Read more on …
  things that obviously happened

Jonah Goldberg Inks Big Book Deal, World Expecting To Be Blown Away

In honor of Jonah Goldberg’s hot new million-dollar book deal, we thought we’d re-share this great moment from our nation’s most greatest political thinker ever. When’s your book coming out, average reader? [Gawker] Read more on Jonah Goldberg Inks Big Book Deal, World Expecting To Be Blown Away…
  jonah goldberg is also not a parody

Jonah Goldberg Discovers Funniest Story On Entire Internet

Ha ha ha ha ha hahha ahah, so good, but wait, where’s the… oh…OHHHH! The story itself is the punchline! And yet, what could the specific comedic mechanism be here? Maybe that it’s silly for the U.N. to do this when America is the richest and freest country in the world so obviously there couldn’t be any problems like this. DUH. More likely, though, Jonah just thinks the term “special rapporteur” is French and gay and made up. But it’s… the term they use? For these positions? Oh Jonah. One time he wrote a book about how American liberals are really Nazis! [The Corner via Gawker] Read more on Jonah Goldberg Discovers Funniest Story On Entire Internet…
  rumors on the internets

Jonah Goldberg Has An Advanced Degree In Zombieology

What is ‘Max Baucus’? We simply do not know. [Matt Yglesias] Today’s RedState lecture: “How Limbaugh’s embodiment of MLK’s dream changed my life.” Please take notes because you’ll be tested on this material at the end of the semester. [RedState] Read more on Jonah Goldberg Has An Advanced Degree In Zombieology…
  rumors on the internets

When A Woman Votes, It Is As If She Is Taking A Giant Diarrhea On The American Flag

The Jews have excommunicated Matt Yglesias, which means he will no longer receive the weekly newsletter. Also, he has lost his peanut butter-and-jelly challah sandwich privileges. [Matt Yglesias] REDSTATE SIREN! Republican Senators are probably folding on health care! Why? For Pete’s sake, they have pocket rockets! [RedState] Read more on When A Woman Votes, It Is As If She Is Taking A Giant Diarrhea On The American Flag…
  america's smartest conservative columnist

Suck It, Liberals Whose Only Pets Are Gay Cats

Jonah Goldberg highlights one of the more controversial stances Irving Kristol took in his lifetime. But now school’s out, and Jonah’s fixin’ to get his chicken-finger-platter on and rent some classic Bruce Willis awesomeness! [Twitter via Instaputz, Blue Gal] Read more on Suck It, Liberals Whose Only Pets Are Gay Cats…
  stalkers

Do Not Miss Out On Jonah Goldberg’s Heavy Breathing Telethon TONIGHT

National Review is so fucking weird, Jesus Christ. Here’s their new thing, “National Review Calls Home,” which is like a giant hideous conference call between Jonah Goldberg and rented auxiliary humans Rich Lowry and Mark Steyn—and of course all the National Review subscribers, whom Jonah Goldberg will personally be calling from some sticky-buttoned corded phone somewhere. “During the call Rich, Jonah, and Mark will discuss the hottest issues of the day. You’ll get the opportunity to ask questions, answer surveys, or you can just sit back and enjoy hearing these great pundits and observers make sense of the current political scene.” Jonah Goldberg will actually illegally stalk his readers until they sign up for his fake open-source wingnut radio. [NRO] Read more on Do Not Miss Out On Jonah Goldberg’s Heavy Breathing Telethon TONIGHT…
  rumors on the internets

The Internet Says Hurtful Things About Donald Rumsfeld, Especially ‘Wiki-wakka’

A religious pilgrimage to the sacred “stone dildos” of Freiberg. Starring Matt Yglesias. Rated E for Everyone. [Matt Yglesias] Donald Rumsfeld does not care for the ‘Wiki-wakka.’ [Think Progress] First Obama was a member of the secretive Muslin Templar. Then he converted to Socialism. Then Ernst Röhm invited him to join the Sturmabteilung. And now Barack Obama is the Burger King. How does Obama find time for so many extra-curricular activities? [RedState] Read more on The Internet Says Hurtful Things About Donald Rumsfeld, Especially ‘Wiki-wakka’…
  email of the day

Joshua Goldberg Wants To Have His Say!

How do we know for sure that the secret third half of the Lucianne/Jonah Goldberg conspiracy is not actually K-Lo? Because Joshua actually wrote to Wonkette on Friday night, when we all know perfectly well that Fridays are Jonah and K-Lo’s “Moral Netflix & Fish Sticks Night.” Read more on Joshua Goldberg Wants To Have His Say!…
  kept in a cage in the attic

Jonah Goldberg’s Secret Brother Is Running For Office, In Liberal New York!

Oh ho ho, a secret human, unearthed? We have found the Third Goldberg: Lucianne, Jonah, and now Joshua — who is running for New York City Council representing the Upper West Side! As a Republican, of course, so… yeah. Just a complete waste of time, this campaign. Read more on Jonah Goldberg’s Secret Brother Is Running For Office, In Liberal New York!…
  rumors on the internets

Supreme Court Moonlights As Obama’s First Death Panel

What will “blogger” mean in five years? Will “blogger” still be synonymous with “unemployed,” or will it have other meanings, like “someone who enjoys sex with dead people” or “a derogatory term for homosexuals”? Or both? Find out! In five years. [Matt Yglesias] Read more on Supreme Court Moonlights As Obama’s First Death Panel…
  he is paid money to write words

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JONAH GOLDBERG: Unmockable. Just read it. Holy shit. Holy shit. [Townhall via Whiskey Fire]
  rumors on the internets

Barack Obama Murdered Jonah Goldberg’s Pet Snail, Because That’s What Liberal Fascists Do

The Weekly Standard used strategically placed ellipses to suggest Joe Klein thinks Iran is “breezy” with freedom, which is patently false. Joe Klein thinks Iran is “overflowing” with buckets of candy corn. Get it right or apologize, Weekly Standard. [Swampland] Read more on Barack Obama Murdered Jonah Goldberg’s Pet Snail, Because That’s What Liberal Fascists Do…
  breaking

National Review Has A Scoop!

According to the new National Review, Sonia Sotomayor’s particular flavor of Mexico is secretly in Asia, where she practices radical Buddhism! Or does the cover art actually go with the top headline, about Jonah Goldberg answering His Critics? Is it simply a photograph of Jonah Goldberg, from the same photoshoot as this? [TPM] Read more on National Review Has A Scoop!…
  rumors on the internets

Barack Obama Blames The Dresden Firebombings On Global Warming

Jonah Goldberg, the fellow who harnessed the powers of alchemy to transmutate his vomit into a New York Times best-seller, is — surprise surprise — a flaming Trekkie. [The Corner] Nazi sympathizer Barack Obama wants to visit Dresden, the capital of East Germany. Fine. But he better not say anything about that time we melted Dresden with giant fireballs from the sky, because we’re not sorry and we’d, like, totally do it again. [Power Line] Read more on Barack Obama Blames The Dresden Firebombings On Global Warming…
  rowr

UPDATE: Jonah Goes Nuts Over WHCD Report

Hooray, we made a Jonah Goldberg post on The Corner! Time to break out the sparkling cider HMM? Jonah simply does not care for this website’s devastating investigative “reporting” (got an e-mail, determined the source was credible enough and the content was harmless, posted it as gossip — JUST LIKE B. WOODWARD), and says that he DID stand for the President… briefly… barely… shouldn’t even have to stand for that fucking guy… and that the problem was boredom. He went to a black-tie Washington reporters’ banquet but wasn’t expecting to be bored. Read more on UPDATE: Jonah Goes Nuts Over WHCD Report…
  the corner but in real life

WHCD Spy Dishes On ‘Insufferable’ Jonah & K-Lo Dinner Behavior

We already know that National Review Internet overlord Kathryn Jean Lopez was none too pleased with the Washington political/media establishment’s behavior at the White House Correspondents Dinner, where Barack Obama and Wanda Sykes refused to praise Rush Limbaugh for keeping America safe these past eight years. But now a deep-undercover Wonkette operative who was sitting a table over from Jonah and K-Lo’s — well within earshot — presents us with a disturbing report of how the two “were insufferable all night long,” and should never be allowed in public again. Read more on WHCD Spy Dishes On ‘Insufferable’ Jonah & K-Lo Dinner Behavior…
  do not want

Jonah ‘K-Lo’ Goldberg Having LA Affair With Itself?

“Weird news,” indeed. Christ! Can’t you people keep your foul third-rate romance/low-rent rendezvous off the freakin’ Internet, which really doesn’t need more pornography, and certainly not the kind you two would create. Ugh. Thanks, Sadly, No!, for the year’s supply of Nightmare Fuel. [The Corner] Read more on Jonah ‘K-Lo’ Goldberg Having LA Affair With Itself?…
  time to get eated

Jonah Goldberg In Trooooooouble For Loving Obama

Yesterday Jonah Goldberg committed the surf ‘n’ turf of Republican sins: (1) he posted something on The Corner on Easter Sunday, so Jesus will probably have to kill him, and (2) what he posted was praise for Barack Obama, the noted communist! Now he is being attacked by some readers and more importantly Rush Limbaugh, who is HUNGWY. Read more on Jonah Goldberg In Trooooooouble For Loving Obama…
  exposed!

Jonah Goldberg, K-Lo Write Same Article For Different Websites, Probably Are Having Sex With Each Other

It has happened — IT! YOU KNOW OF WHAT WE SPEAK. Jonah Goldberg and Kathryn Jean Lopez have officially merged to become the ultimate destructo-bot of carnage and murder and death as foretold by ancient prophecy: The Fat Mexican Secretary. For there is currently a column by “Jonah Goldberg” on National Review called “Big Bedfellows,” and there is also currently a column by “Kathryn Jean Lopez” on Townhall called “Big Bedfellows,” and they’re the same article about how they fuck all the time, maybe. Read more on Jonah Goldberg, K-Lo Write Same Article For Different Websites, Probably Are Having Sex With Each Other…