Tag Archives: jonah goldberg

  Lowry's Reasoned Assault

Ladies! National Review’s Rich Lowry Will Jam His Tongue Down Your Throat, For Freedom!

Never been forcibly kissed
National Review editor Rich Lowry would just like everyone to calm down, because there is no problem with sexual assault on college campuses. In an appearance on ABC’s This Week yesterday, he was just delighted to announce that, because there were problems with some of the reporting in Rolling Stone’s story on rape at University of Virginia, there is now actually no problem whatsoever with that fine institution. Lowry explained, Read more on Ladies! National Review’s Rich Lowry Will Jam His Tongue Down Your Throat, For Freedom!…
  will no one rid us of this troublesome idiot?

Jonah Goldberg Has Thoughts About Hobby Lobby, And All Of Them Are Wrong And Dumb

We usually ignore Jonah Goldberg because sweet merciful Yehuda, life is just too short. But his column today on the Hobby Lobby decision is such a precious pile of stupid, we could not let it pass without comment. Also, if we have to think about Jonah Goldberg’s penchant for cosplay as a Game of Thrones character, then so do you. First, a rule of thumb for all you aspiring pundits out there: if a reader is so gobsmacked by the stupidity of a paragraph that he has to re-read it half a dozen times and then go into the secret Wonkette chatcave to talk about it with his fellow writers and make sure he is not insane, then there is a chance you have written something of such supreme idiocy that dead Greek philosophers would regret their part in the evolution of rational thought. Like so: Read more on Jonah Goldberg Has Thoughts About Hobby Lobby, And All Of Them Are Wrong And Dumb…
  rules for commenting radicals libel!

Angry Gavin McInnes Has New Rules For Radicals About How All Liebruls Are Dumb, Not Just The Lady Ones

It’s been a few weeks since we talked about Gavin McInnes, the Vice founder who is really working hard to reach peak MRA douchebag. We haven’t been able to forget him because his Windsong stays on our mind and also too some of his fanboys hopped over to tell us they hoped we’d die. That must just be some of the high-level discourse that McInnes touts in his new screed over at the ever-reliably-ridiculous Thought Catalog. Yes, Gavin McInnes, noted political theorist, would like to tell you all about his 10 New Rules for Radicals, which is basically just a laundry list of all the ways genius Oxford debater Gavin McInnes thinks that liberals argue wrong. SPOILER ALERT: They’re all about how to be a macho alpha man and crush those wussy liebrul beta males. Thought Catalog Thought Leadering. Read more on Angry Gavin McInnes Has New Rules For Radicals About How All Liebruls Are Dumb, Not Just The Lady Ones…
  hint it is rick perry we would bone rick perry

Which Men On Politichicks’ ‘Hottest Conservatives’ List Would Your Wonkette Do Sex On?

Serious question, Wonkvilleins, because the conservative ladeez of “Politichicks” have put together a Conservative Men Swinging Dicks contest that for real includes Rush Limbaugh, Jonah Goldberg, Joseph Farah and Neil Cavuto, COME ON. (To be fair, those bloated piles of pig anus feature in subcategories like “New Media” and “Rush Limbaugh” and did not final.) But which hot men show enough #1. Intelligence. These guys are brilliant. #2. Courage. They aren’t afraid to stand up to challenges, speak the truth and fight for our country. #3: Passion (See above) #4: Sense of humor. Self-deprecating gets you extra points. #5: Looks. This can be either conventionally handsome or someone who simply exudes sexiness that we would actually want to get all nasty up in them? (Yes, in them. “Santorum” isn’t Dan Savage’s only neologism.) Read more on Which Men On Politichicks’ ‘Hottest Conservatives’ List Would Your Wonkette Do Sex On?…
  won't they just shut up and let obamacare fail already?

Jonah Goldberg: If The Kids Love Obama So Much, Let Them Sign Up For Obamacare

When yr Wonkette has an idea that doesn’t pan out because a little thought or even some research reveals a fatal flaw in the premise, we spike the idea (or Editrix or Dok does it for us, coldly, like we’ve been bad, the way we like it.) The National Review does  things differently, we guess. Example: Jonah Goldberg. For some reason, Jonah Goldberg apparently thought it would be fun to write his latest column from the perspective of a man who thinks “Obamacare” is something akin to a loyalty oath, because his whole premise is: “You darn kids, you’re the reason we’re stuck with this Obama, so get off my lawn and get yourselves some Obamacare if you love him so much!” Read more on Jonah Goldberg: If The Kids Love Obama So Much, Let Them Sign Up For Obamacare…
  Godwin Shrugged

Fox News Is Losing the War On Analogies

Sean Hannity took to the Cablewaves to complain about the shocking, cruel, unkind analogy that Bob Schieffer used last week, where he outrageously compared one thing with other things, which is something that we as Americans should just not do. On a Jan. 16 CBS News special report on Newtown and guns, Schieffer discussed how hard it might be to enact meaningful changes in our gun laws, but noted that presidents have overcome difficult obstacles in the past: “Surely finding Osama Bin Laden, surely passing civil rights legislation, as Lyndon Johnson was able to do, and before that, surely defeating the Nazis was a much more formidable task than taking on the gun lobby.” Obviously, the only correct way to interpret these words is that Bob Schieffer thinks that gun owners and the NRA are radical muslim segregationist Nazis, because that’s exactly what he said. Schieffer’s over-the top statement was very alarming to Fox News, where Sean Hannity followed the Schieffer comment with a clip of Rush Limbaugh asking “Is there room for that in our discourse today?” Enjoy this lovely Talking Points Memo video which shows Fox News talking heads having very serious concerns about the state of our public discourse, where apparently some people mention Nazis now and again. Do we see conservatives invoking George Orwell? We do. Every time a conservative does that on TV they should be required to give $10 to the George Orwell Memorial Trust. Read more on Fox News Is Losing the War On Analogies…
  Fox Nooz

Oh How Cute, Fox is Suddenly Worried About “Media Bias” and its Impact on Democracy

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Apparently there are “new questions” about the role of the media 2012 race! What kind of questions? Well, the kind Fox Nooz asks, like: why does the media insist on pointing out all the lies that come out of Mitt Romney’s mouth? And: why do they have to call constant attention to the fact that Gingrich is a womanizing scumbag? Yes, those kinds of questions. Read more on Oh How Cute, Fox is Suddenly Worried About “Media Bias” and its Impact on Democracy…
  this is the song that never ends

Jonah Goldberg Still Babbling About Stupid Young People

Is Jonah Goldberg bellyaching about something today? Well, it is a “day,” so indeed he is! Currently he is incredibly upset that those hysterical Obama-lovers at Media Matters didn’t bother to ask him his opinion about young people, even though he already gave these opinions to the Daily Caller when he said that young people are “so frickin’ stupid” that we should consider raising the voting age. And to be fair to Jonah Goldberg, young people ARE so frickin’ stupid! Remember back in 2008, when all those 18-year-olds banded together to cause a global financial crisis? And don’t get us started on the legions of 18-year-olds that Moody’s put on notice in 2011 because they just up and refused to raise the debt ceiling. Kids these days! SO FRICKIN’ STUPID. Read more on Jonah Goldberg Still Babbling About Stupid Young People…
  fight! fight! fight!

Why I Am Challenging Jonah Goldberg To A Fight For Charity, By Jamie Kilstein

I have disliked Jonah Goldberg for a very long time. For starters, he wrote a bestseller a while back called Liberal Fascism. Get it?! Liberals are like fascists….WHO MURDER PEOPLE! LOLZ! STAB! KILL! NADER!!11111 I am yet to find the relationship between wanting equal rights and a strong social safety net, as well as an end to illegal wars and torture, and…fascism, but to be fair I believe it was Adolf Hitler who once said, “I will not rest until all men and woman have free access to health care!” and then something terrible about the Jews. You see, Jonah is not very bright, but he is very tough! So tough, in fact, he wants to smash teenagers who believe in sharing! Read more on Why I Am Challenging Jonah Goldberg To A Fight For Charity, By Jamie Kilstein…
  tyranny of fact-checking

Liberal Fascists Strip Pulitzer Nominations From World’s Greatest Pundit Jonah Goldberg

Rend your clothes, tear your hair, and weep weep for Doughy Pantload, as Liberal Fascists have ripped his two Pulitzer Prize nominations from his cold dead hands. Wait, Jonah Goldberg was nominated twice for the Pulitzer Prize? No, and the Pulitzer people are really, really tired of people claiming they were “nominated” when they sent in $50 and six Wheaties box tops. But what if Jonah Goldberg had been nominated! (He is at least as worthy of the honor as Kathleen Parker!) Maybe it would have been for this brilliant thing where he suggested the GOP purge known-statist Theodore Roosevelt: Read more on Liberal Fascists Strip Pulitzer Nominations From World’s Greatest Pundit Jonah Goldberg…
  gonna go have a bit of a liedown

Professional Race Baiter Tucker Carlson Calls Pretty Much All Black People ‘Professional Race Baiters’

Wasn’t it nice, a week ago (okay, maybe two), when pretty much the whole country could agree it was a terrible thing that a teenage boy had been killed for being black? And the people who didn’t agree had the sense to keep their goddamn pieholes shut? Don’t you just want to burn down the whole Internet right now? Us too! Now, your Wonkette had just read a charming story about Tucker Carlson palling around with terrorists, and decided if Bill Ayers could be sweet and peaceful in the face of the provocation that is a fucking DUET of Andrew Breitbart and Tucker Carlson, oh, hell, maybe we would stop trying to hurt America too! Dude, fuck that noise. Read more on Professional Race Baiter Tucker Carlson Calls Pretty Much All Black People ‘Professional Race Baiters’…
  whiners

Gabby Giffords Appearance Makes Jonah Goldberg Curse Everybody Out

Touchy maggot sack Jonah Goldberg got into “one of his moods” today and typed a column entitled “To Hell With You People” over in his Corner, because he is incredibly sick to his stomach that the vicious liberal media did not bother to crucify and poop on Joe Biden’s corpse for saying something dumb and politically incorrect about how Tea Party legislators were “acting like terrorists” during the debt ceiling negotiations. SUCK DEVIL BALLZ all of you liberal elites, because Gabby Giffords’ surprise appearance in Congress reminds Jonah not of healing or hope, but of exactly how mean everybody in the leftist media was to his irrelevant gun freak girlfriend Sarah Palin when Giffords was shot. A little fairness, you socialist commie assholes? Read more on Gabby Giffords Appearance Makes Jonah Goldberg Curse Everybody Out…
  alms for the poor

For Only 50¢ a Day, You Too Can Save a Kathryn Jean-Lopez’s Life

In rotation with Santa Claus, apparently this too is now a pop-up ad on the National Review‘s website. Please, as you enjoy your bounty and familial love this holiday season, please think of the less fortunate. Please, think of the young K-Lo in the streets of Mumbai, trying to blog from underneath the rubble of Jonah Goldberg. [via Wonkette operative “Elon G.”] Read more on For Only 50¢ a Day, You Too Can Save a Kathryn Jean-Lopez’s Life…
  'young' conservative love

Conservative Nerd Blasts Conservative-Nerd Ex On C-SPAN

Jonah Goldberg gathered together his crew of conservative nerds on Book TV a couple weeks back to talk about his dumb new book, to which they all contributed. They are the next generation of conservatives, these hip 42-year-olds with elf voices. Everything was going just fine until one elf, Todd Seavey, started alluding to his lengthy bf-gf relationship with the elf sitting next to him, Helen Rittelmeyer. “It might come as a surprise to some of you that we dated for two years, not just because we have ideological differences, but because there are probably some people in this room who also dated Helen during those two years,” said Seavey in the only YouTube video featuring him other human beings will ever watch. This all made Jonah very uncomfortable/horny. Read more on Conservative Nerd Blasts Conservative-Nerd Ex On C-SPAN…
  america's leading authority on everything

Jonah Goldberg Upset That Ecological Apocalypse Could Undermine Political Support For Offshore Drilling

With this insane freaking oil rig down there shitting out all of the world’s oil at a pace that could reach six million gallons a day — the Exxon Valdez spill was 11 million gallons, total — destroying the entire Gulf Coast (again, but permanently) and sending price shocks throughout the global economy for a while, the National Review‘s in-house gimp Jonah Goldberg is getting all hot and bothered. Not so much about all that economic/environmental bunk — whatever. It’s that now Jonah will have to listen to these liberal wieners exploit this Actual Armageddon for their gay political gain, ugh. Read more on Jonah Goldberg Upset That Ecological Apocalypse Could Undermine Political Support For Offshore Drilling…
  oh boy

A Children’s Treasury Of National Review Online’s Most Comical Passages From The Past 24 Hours

Political scribes at National Review’s The Corner — the #1 Internet blog — have displayed a range of reactions to the passage of last night’s abortion mandate. Mark Steyn and John Derbyshire, for example, are pretty sure that the entire world (America) will start disintegrating into barbarism, Jonah Goldberg believes something about a super-collider (?), and Mitt Romney thinks that he isn’t really really screwed. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of National Review Online’s Most Comical Passages From The Past 24 Hours…
  that traitor reagan is next

Jonah Goldberg Decides Next Wingnut Target Is … Teddy Roosevelt

Not even teabaggers and wingnuts pay any attention to Jonah Goldberg, but he still wants in on this whole GOP purge & self-destruct thing he saw on the Internet, so he has bravely submitted the dead Republican president Teddy “Theodore” Roosevelt as the next victim. Why must the beloved GOP icon be destroyed? Because Jonah actually looked up this Roosevelt guy on Yahoo and whoops, communist much, Teddy? No wonder they called him “The Bull Moose Pulpit” or whatever. Read more on Jonah Goldberg Decides Next Wingnut Target Is … Teddy Roosevelt…
  ryan/pantload '12

GOP’s Nerdy Special Weapon… Just Does Whatever Jonah Goldberg’s Book Tells Him

Ever since Barack Obama called on the GOP’s ranking House budget committee member, Paul Ryan, for a question about health care, and the question was somewhat coherent, Paul Ryan has been considered the smartest Republican in world history, currently. He uses nerd words like “costs” and “Medical inflation,” in sentences! And if he’s so smart, that would make his “ideas guy,” National Review skid mark Jonah Goldberg, extra double-smart, times fifty. Which we knew already. Read more on GOP’s Nerdy Special Weapon… Just Does Whatever Jonah Goldberg’s Book Tells Him…
  rumors on the internets

Ayn Rand: As Dead As Ever, And Maybe More Boring Too!

Happy 105th birthday, Ayn Rand! If you were still alive, millions of Objectivists wouldn’t have to fantasize about having frantic, sweaty intercourse with your dead corpse. [Hit & Run] Matthew turns up the sass! Look at him go! [Matt Yglesias] Read more on Ayn Rand: As Dead As Ever, And Maybe More Boring Too!…
  revelations

THE INTERNET IS JUST GROSS: “‘I had 1,058 requests this morning – mostly from men,’ [Ayla Brown] chuckled. ‘Not really sure if I’m going to be responding to any of them.'” We’re guessing that’s an initial 500 from “Jonah Goldberg,” the next 500 from “Swear To God I Am Not Jonah Goldberg,” and 58 from “I Bet I Can Reach 1,060 Before The Cops Show Up…” (Yeah we know this is really the only “story” we’re posting about today, and that’s because it’s stupid and escapist and fun and beats getting all angry about how everyone is so angry right now.) [Boston Herald] Read more on …
  rumors on the internets

Will 2010 Be Moist Enough For Jonah Goldberg?

It is now fairly evident that “giving up paint-huffing” was not Erick Erickson’s New Year’s resolution. [RedState] The libertarians seized power while you were foolishly slumbering with visions of sugar-plums dancing in your head. And now there is no sugar-plum tax? [Hit & Run] Read more on Will 2010 Be Moist Enough For Jonah Goldberg?…