Tag Archives: jon stewart

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Jon Stewart Literally Disembowels Secret Service, Feeds It To Unused Guard Dogs (Video)

Jon Stewart is just as flummoxed by the Secret Service’s recent string of screw-ups as anyone else, and the details of the Omar Gonzales’s fence-jumping and unguided White House tour just left him all the more astonished. The Secret Service didn’t release dogs, for instance, because they were worried the dogs might attack agents. Read more on Jon Stewart Literally Disembowels Secret Service, Feeds It To Unused Guard Dogs (Video)…
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Jon Stewart’s Got Some Schoolhouse Rock For You Hip Kids (Video)

This doesn't end well
Jon Stewart is on top of all the latest hot issues in the midterms, like the Iowa debate between Senate contenders Joni Ernst and Bruce Braley, where each tried to out-folksy the other. Or the exciting process of introducing doomed legislation largely for the purpose of running on it, or slamming opponents for having voted against it: “Congress has now greatly simplified the process for passing laws, in that it does not.” Read more on Jon Stewart’s Got Some Schoolhouse Rock For You Hip Kids (Video)…
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Jon Stewart On Latte Salute Poutrage: ‘F-ck You And All Your False Patriotism’ (Video)

It's right there in Federalist #51
It is a time of war, and the executive and legislative branches aren’t playing well together. Congress itself is divided — can the president act militarily without specific congressional authorization, or must he be hamstrung by partisan squabbles? Jon Stewart addressed our current constitutional puzzle on Thursday’s Daily Show: Read more on Jon Stewart On Latte Salute Poutrage: ‘F-ck You And All Your False Patriotism’ (Video)…
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Jon Stewart Does Kegstands On The Senate. Eviscerates And Defenestrates Them Also Too

Whose Gridlock Is It, Anyway?
It’s midterms time, and Jon Stewart has his eye on the most important issues in the 2014 Senate elections: In Kentucky, Alison Lundergan Grimes showed Mitch McConnell the proper way to hold a gun, giving Stewart an excuse to do his McConnell as Cecil Turtle bit, ah-yup, so just go ahead and watch already. But there’s also the great debate over whether Alaska Sen. Mark Begich really rides a snow machine, and, more recently, the brouhaha (from a Sanskrit word meaning “Jesus, people think this is a big deal?) over Louisiana Sen. Mary Landrieu helping a college man from LSU do a kegstand (went in dumb — come out dumb too). “Who wants to do lines off my ass? Come on, everybody! Let’s party — the survival of Obamacare depends on it!” Read more on Jon Stewart Does Kegstands On The Senate. Eviscerates And Defenestrates Them Also Too…
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Jon Stewart Super Excited About Syria, the ‘iPhone 6 Of Wars’ (Video)

We must protest: Daily Show is capable of much better segment titles
Jon Stewart is just as thrilled as anyone about the brand new war/not war against ISIS in Syria, leading with a clip of CNN’s Don Lemon and Alisyn Camerota breaking the news: “We’ve been waiting for this moment for weeks and here it is tonight!” burbled Camerota, leading Stewart to exclaim, Read more on Jon Stewart Super Excited About Syria, the ‘iPhone 6 Of Wars’ (Video)…
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Jon Stewart To House Science Committee: ‘Are You F-cking Kidding Me?!?!?’ (Video)

The stupid is on fire in here
Jon Stewart took a moment to talk about the weekend’s climate change march in New York, and wondered why it’s even necessary to have a march about global warming — after all, isn’t the climate science settled? Ah, but then he remembered: there’s this thing called the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology, which is largely made up of Republicans who think that science is whatever Koch Industries says it is. Stewart looked at last week’s hearing on the Obama administration’s new carbon emissions rules, which as we’ve already noted included Indiana congressgoober Larry Bucshon explaining he doesn’t believe scientists, since all their big-money research depends on finding evidence of global warming. Read more on Jon Stewart To House Science Committee: ‘Are You F-cking Kidding Me?!?!?’ (Video)…
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Jon Stewart: F-ck You, Shakespeare, F-ck You. (Video)

Really, who *hasn't* wanted to yell 'Fuck you, Shakepeare!' at one time or another?
Like Yr Wonkette, Jon Stewart has a soft spot for Old Handsome Joe Biden, that loveable cutup and advocate for victims of domestic violence. But golly, OHJB can put his foot in it, can’t he? Like how he referred to bankers who foreclosed on homes during the financial crisis as “Shylocks” the other day (oh, come on, Joe!). This also gave Stewart the chance to give Shakespeare the “Fuck you!” he’d been waiting 400 years to deliver. Then, fresh off apologizing for the “Shylocks” remark, America’s Goofy Uncle referred to Asia as “the Orient,” which is not the preferred nomenclature, Dude. “Orient? Shylock? It’s like Biden hasn’t been out of the house since 1962!” Read more on Jon Stewart: F-ck You, Shakespeare, F-ck You. (Video)…
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Jon Stewart Beats The Crap Out Of The NFL, Risks Two-Game Suspension (Video)

Exculpatory is such a great word
Jon Stewart went after the NFL’s spate of domestic abuse scandals Wednesday, reviewing the league’s initially lax treatment of Ray Rice and Greg Hardy, followed by indefinite suspensions — but only after public outrage at the mild penalties. “It’s the kind of firm decision making we’ve come to expect. From people who don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.” But don’t worry, the NFL hired a panel of four women to advise them on domestic violence policy. “So we’re done here.” Stewart noted that a business has to be in pretty bad shape “when you have to appoint your own in-house Special Victims Unit.” Read more on Jon Stewart Beats The Crap Out Of The NFL, Risks Two-Game Suspension (Video)…
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You’ll Never Believe Who Jon Stewart Just Endorsed For President! (Video)

yeah, that one hurt
Jon Stewart had some fun with the seemingly eternal pre-campaign campaign season Tuesday, as Hillary Clinton flew to Iowa so she could once again announce that she may soon have an announcement to make about running for president. And now that she’s attended the 37th annual Tom Harkin Steak Fry, the die is cast. Maybe. (Stewart was most surprised to hear that retiring Sen. Harkin has a steak fry at all, especially after “all those years spinning my wheels at Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan’s Crawfish Boil.”) Read more on You’ll Never Believe Who Jon Stewart Just Endorsed For President! (Video)…
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Jon Stewart: Lindsey Graham Still Panicked About Boogeymen Under His Bed (Video)

We're all gonna die!
There’s a foreign policy crisis out there in the great big world, and that means it’s time for Sen. Lindsey Graham to take to Fox News and tell us just how imperiled we are. And so on Fox News Sunday, on Fox News, Sunday, Graham warned that President Obama had better get some troops on the ground and destroy ISIS “before we all get killed back here at home.” Read more on Jon Stewart: Lindsey Graham Still Panicked About Boogeymen Under His Bed (Video)…
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Jon Stewart Returns From Long Weekend, Finds Out We’re Going To War Again (Video)

Jon Stewart: Wartime anchor mode
Jon Stewart got back from the Toronto film Festival and found out from cable TV that America’s ready to go to war again. So he immediately transitioned to “network anchor war footing” by putting on the largest Old Glory lapel pin possible. He’s ready! This time, the bad guys are ISIS, and darn it, they’re just the worst: Read more on Jon Stewart Returns From Long Weekend, Finds Out We’re Going To War Again (Video)…
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Daily Show Reporter Curiously Unafraid Of Terrifying Refugee Children (Video)

Liberal monster urges un-American agenda of 'comapssion' and 'caring'
The Daily Show sent new guy Michael Che to take on the border panic in this lovely segment that tries to understand why America is threatened to its very core by Central American 8-year-olds. As with a lot of the best Daily Show “reporting,” a lot of the heavy comedic lifting ends up being done by the clueless rightwing asshole Che interviews, “Minutemen” leader Jim Gilchrist, who’s more than happy to provide a pile of Know-Nothing nativist idiocy for Che to play off: Read more on Daily Show Reporter Curiously Unafraid Of Terrifying Refugee Children (Video)…
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Jon Stewart Astonished Old Senators Who Look Like Balls Could Be Sexists (Video)

He seems pleased with that graphic
Jon Stewart has found the real scandal in the story of the sexist comments aimed at Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand by unnamed male colleagues in the Senate. One warned her “Don’t get too porky,” while another grabbed her stomach and said “Don’t lose too much weight now, I like my girls chubby.” With no consensus on No Fat Chicks v. Chubby Chasers, Stewart says, Congress is pathetic: “Even when it comes to shitty sexism, the Senate is gridlocked. They can’t get anything done.” Read more on Jon Stewart Astonished Old Senators Who Look Like Balls Could Be Sexists (Video)…
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Jon Stewart’s Mind Literally Blown By Rick Perry’s Indictment

No one who smirks in a mugshot could be evil
Jon Stewart isn’t quite sure what to make of this Rick Perry indictment. Is it just the trick of a cruel comedy god to keep satirists from having fun during the 2016 primaries, or is it, like his smirking mug shot, actually going to make Perry look even cooler, as the innocent victim of a coldhearted, politically motivated vendetta by a Republican special prosecutor who’s out to get him? Following a montage of clips from conservative talking heads saying they thought the indictment made Perry look good, Stewart concludes that it’s all just a matter of “rebranding”: Read more on Jon Stewart’s Mind Literally Blown By Rick Perry’s Indictment…