Wonkette

Barbara Walters is so senile that she can’t remember hosting her ladies teevee show, The View, with Barack Obama. [Comedy Central]

Jon Stewart marvels at Terry McAuliffe’s fantastical refusal to confront reality. “Kiss my ass, Barack,” Terry says, and a bunch of other comical things. Will Terry McAuliffe look back on these last days of the campaign and feel ashamed of his terrible buffoonery? Probably not, because he will be drunk on Puerto Rican rum. [The Daily Show]

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Here is your Barack Obama in the second, less boring part of his Daily Show appearance last night. The part at the end where he says “I’m calling to find out if you’re happy with your cell phone service” in stentorian, inspiring tones will have all you Obama nuts screaming Yes yes I love Verizon while the rest of us wonder if we’ve been been had by old Hopey. MORE »

HILLARY TO APPEAR ON TEEVEE’S DAILY SHOW TONIGHT: Hillary appeared on Saturday Night Live over the weekend, and she will continue her “Hillary Appears On Comedic Television Shows That The Youth May Enjoy Tour 2008″ with tonight’s episode of the Daily Show. It will be funny when Hillary sits down expecting some softballs, and Jon Stewart asks her why she hasn’t released her tax returns yet, and then [CACKLE]. [Daily Show]

THEY’RE ALL IN ON THE OBAMA SMEAR! Teevee’s Jon Stewart hosted the Oscar(TM) Teevee/Movie Awards last night, and he mentioned that Barry Hussein Obama’s middle name is “Hussein” while also noting how “Obama” rhymes with “Osama.” It was just a fun joke, of course! [Tabloid Baby]

A group of New York City communist writers came to Washington the other day, looking for a handout and complaining about capitalism, as usual. The “limousine liberals” from teevee’s Comedy Central want the government to crush free enterprise and “help workers.” We asked Daily Show writer and striking laborist Jason Ross to tell us exactly what happened on Capitol Hill. MORE »

The best thing about having Jon Stewart back, for now, is that he can bring the Chris Matthews Makefun-athon to the teevee. It’s a tough thing, making fun of Chris Matthews, but every now and then, the MSNBC host gets a wee bit slappy.

* The root of Jim Webb’s hatred of Bush? It’s jealousy — he wants the top spot, will run in 2008. [Political Insider]
* Space cadet Joe Biden is running too, or will once he figures out what party he’s in. [TPM Cafe]
* James Carville says, “Ah, fuck it,” throws Al Gore’s hat in the ring. [Hotline on Call]
* Of course the end of Bush means the end of the greatest boon to political jokesters in history. Jon Stewart knows it, plans to leave The Daily Show after the 2008 election. UPDATE: Story totally changed in response to Wonkette linking it. We stand by the original rumor. [The Apiary]
* Illegal aliens in America are some stone cold killers. [WorldNetDaily]
* Until they take the new citizenship exam, after which their murderous urges will be channeled into discourses on the subtle peculiarities of representative government. [Blondesense]
* White House holiday party menu noticeably lacking in shame. [Salon]

* Bush plans to reject the findings of the Iraq Study Group, for spite. [Law and Politics]
* “Click here to add ultra deadly radioactive poison Polonium-210 to your cart.” [Defense Tech]
* New Bush appointee at the Justice Department’s Office of Violence Against Women is unconcerned with violence against women, does want to take your bongs and porn. [Feministing]
* Of “The five most powerful people in America over the next eighteen months,” only one has ever been the “fourth male lead” in Death to Smoochy. [Robert Reich]
* Giant “Republican Rubberstamp Congress” prop to be retired in whatever hilarious fashion you can think up. [Firedoglake]
* The Associated Press’ “Iraqi Police” source in Baghdad turns out to be a “Just Some Crazy Guy” source. [LGF]
* It’s not just Bush, Jim “Problem With Authority” Webb can’t stand Bill Clinton either. [Powerline Blog]