Tag Archives: jon huntsman

  insane klown posse

Liveblogging The ‘We All Hate Herman Cain Now’ GOP Debate

OH JOY let us all gather round our dusty ‘puter screens with our booze supplies, since the Homeland Security Department decided to half-assedly nuke America’s television sets (not that we even own one these days), so that we may together witness the Xmas miracle of a bunch of screaming devil millionaire slobs argue over how to finally turn out the rest of the lights on the American economy, forever. And probably watch Herman Cain try to use a blunt machete to fight his way through a few awkward questions about his sex fetishes. Here we go! Read more on Liveblogging The ‘We All Hate Herman Cain Now’ GOP Debate…
  here's your jon huntsman news for this month

Jon Huntsman’s Daughters Provide Reason To Think About Jon Huntsman

Oh, is America’s only Communist Republican Jon Huntsman “still campaigning?” Yes, according to his last three remaining supporters, his daughters. Here they are costumed variously as John Bolton and Groucho Marx, to poke fun at Herman Cain’s super shady campaign manager Mark Block from the freedom-hating “Smoking Man” ad.  No smoking, though! That is not ladylike. Oooh, and know what else is not ladylike? This one time (today) when Jon Huntsman called Mitt Romney “perfectly lubricated.” Congratulations, Mittens, Jon Huntsman is officially hitting on you, GOP-style. He must want that veep spot pretty badly.  Read more on Jon Huntsman’s Daughters Provide Reason To Think About Jon Huntsman…
  liveblogging in hell

Liveblogging the ‘Oh Let’s Pretend We Like Herman Cain’ GOP Debate PART II

ARE WE ARE AT WAR, ALREADY?  Here is the JESUS WEEN, watching Herman Cain and Rick Perry preside over the flogging of Jesus-hater Nazi Pope common-sense rapist Mitt Romney while he sobs over the corpse of a spider, who is Michele Bachmann. It is a metaphor for all of American Capitalism. LET US CONTINUE watching these clueless fops debate one another about who is most qualified to return the United States to the glorious eternal night of the Middle Ages and plagues, to complete the cycle of history. PART TWO, HERE WE GO: Read more on Liveblogging the ‘Oh Let’s Pretend We Like Herman Cain’ GOP Debate PART II…
  how is marxism working out for you jon?

Jon Huntsman Risks Deportation After Suggesting Rich Pay Taxes

Look, Jon Huntsman isn’t going to win anything, ever again. He is a dull half-smart technocrat who believes in the Wrong Jesus and Evolution and seems to think Kenyan golf star Barack Obama is legally the president of AmeriKKKa. Read more on Jon Huntsman Risks Deportation After Suggesting Rich Pay Taxes…
  crazy people

Jon Huntsman Surprised By GOP Candidates All Being Insane Idiots

Barack Obama’s Republican ambassador to China, Jon Huntsman, would like to continue the Bush-Obama presidencies by becoming president in 2012. But that requires running as the GOP’s Republican, since the Democrats already have one who is also the incumbent, so Huntsman has been quite surprised to find out that his fellow 2012 candidates are a bunch of dangerous mental patients: Read more on Jon Huntsman Surprised By GOP Candidates All Being Insane Idiots…
  the death of civility

Liveblogging the Ames GOP Presidential Devil Clown Anger Match

Is everyone clutching a bottle of Advil in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other? Does it matter which hand is holding which? NO! Tonight we will watch all 83 GOP presidential candidates stand together on a stage in Ames, Iowa and real-life Twitter incomplete sentences with all the fury of James Joyce on an amphetamine binge TIMES ONE HUNDRED at one another in order to win America’s eternal disdain. Who will be the winner? Tim Pawlenty, if his place at the lectern has not been replaced by a rusty stop sign before the end of the debate. HERE WE GO! Read more on Liveblogging the Ames GOP Presidential Devil Clown Anger Match…
  keyboard solo

Jon Huntsman: D&D Nerd Who Played Keyboards In Band Called ‘Wizard’

We have an old stoner uncle who also used to play in a “prog rock” band back in the hazy Kodachrome 1970s, so we’re not sure how unique this might be, but potential GOP presidential candidate and Obama appointee Jon Huntsman used to be in a nerd wizards-and-witchcraft band, where he played the nerdiest instrument: Read more on Jon Huntsman: D&D Nerd Who Played Keyboards In Band Called ‘Wizard’…
  it girl 2012?

Possible Glamorous Daughter of GOP Candidate Discovered

Because presidential campaigns are such sausage-fests and political wives are usually pill zombies with frozen smiles, the Washington media must always find some haughty, semi-glamorous and/or drunken daughter of a candidate to find reasons to write about. Whether it’s the Bush Twins or Meghan McCain or that one grown-up daughter of John Kerry’s who once appeared in public wearing a dress that looked sheer in a single flash photograph, you can always count on the campaign press corps to come up with a girl to fit this modern requirement. Who will it be this year? Read more on Possible Glamorous Daughter of GOP Candidate Discovered…
  it's morning in america

U.S. Was Prepared To Fight Pakistan In Getting Bin Laden

Here’s some good news for ally relations: If Pakistan had noticed the U.S. troops entering Pakistan airspace to take out bin Laden in time and opened fire on them, as they likely would have, the U.S. was prepared to shoot back and send in reinforcements to fight the Pakistanis until bin Laden’s body was back in Afghanistan. “Some people may have assumed we could talk our way out of a jam, but given our difficult relationship with Pakistan right now, the president did not want to leave anything to chance,” somebody told the New York Times. But Pakistan is now letting the U.S. talk to the terrorism guy’s widows, hooray! BFFs! Blood brothers! Haha, remember when we almost tried to kill each other and go to war?! That was a crazy week ago! (Would that have been a war or a squirmish?) [NYT] Read more on U.S. Was Prepared To Fight Pakistan In Getting Bin Laden… Read more on U.S. Was Prepared To Fight Pakistan In Getting Bin Laden…
  looking in the magic top hat

Huntsman Still Running For President, Making Romney Look Like Teabagger

Former Utah governor and current Ambassador to China Jon Huntsman is going to run for the Republican nomination for president, just as he always has been, basically. He will wait until this spring, because like every potential GOP presidential candidate, he hates giving the political Internet pageviewz. Huntsman’s campaign staff will basically be John McCain people from 2008, and Huntsman will be a similarly moderate alternative to the candidates who eat fried squirrel. How moderate? He currently works for Barack Obama. So it is likely Teabaggers will assassinate him before he can even get to the Iowa caucuses for helping prop up an illegal Kenyan president. Oh, and he’s Mormon. So he’s just around to make Mitt Romney look good in comparison, we guess? Read more on Huntsman Still Running For President, Making Romney Look Like Teabagger…
  rumors on the internets

Nevada Prefers The Mere Idea Of Not-Harry Reid To Harry Reid

The Internet, as personified by a Utah State Rep., briefly suggested that Jon Huntsman’s ambassadorship means that Huntsman will be in a prime position from which to convert all of China to Mormonism, and probably Republicanism! [Ben Smith] Read more on Nevada Prefers The Mere Idea Of Not-Harry Reid To Harry Reid…