Here is a photograph of New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine’s greatest accomplishment in the last four years, when he crashed his car. Between his two runs, Jon Corzine has spent approximately $700 million of his own money trying to win one of the least desirable jobs in politics: the guy who has to raise taxes on a populace of constipated slobs who can’t even pump their own gas, by law. Will he luck out and lose tonight to the very fat Chris Christie? The television will tell us. MORE »

The publicly fat Chris Christie, a licensed lawyer, saw zero problem with taking a Monty Python sketch essentially in its entirety, editing in some choice Jon Corzine-is-awful-themed WordArt on the bottom of the screen, and airing it on national television without clearing it by the Monty Python people. Now Terry Jones and Michael Palin are making fun of Chris Christie for being such an idiot, which is infinitely more amusing than whenever Corzine bitchily alludes to Christie’s deep-fried inadequacies. MORE »

Holy baloney, the “2009 Elections” are in less than a week! QUICK BRIEFING: Bloomberg will win, McDonnell will win, New Jersey is a toss-up, the end. The only issue that matters in the New Jersey governor’s race right now is about how astonishingly fat Republican candidate Chris Christie is and whether his insatiable, non-stop search for food will ever get so dire that he resorts to eating New Jersey children, en masse, from a Frito’s bag. His opponent Jon Corzine has been suggesting this as a possibility, and has risen in polls accordingly. Chris Christie is very sensitive about this, so he challenged Corzine to an honesty contest this morning on whatever new thing Don Imus is hosting. MORE »

JON CORZINE IS TAKING “NEW JERSEY” SO LITERALLY: “Asked directly if he thought [Chris] Christie was fat, Corzine touched his bare head, smiled and said, ‘Am I bald?’” By default Jon Corzine is now automatically governor of eighth grade and certain parts of the South Shore of Long Island. [Ben Smith]

Oh, how we are looking forward to the midterm elections! They’re the most fun: dozens of close races where we couldn’t care less about who wins, each defined by some hilarious racist remark or decades-old hotel affair or nutty family member. OR — as is the case in this rare 2009 election, for New Jersey governor — weight. “Political experts” monitoring the race between Jon Corzine and Republican Chris Christie have been wondering for a while now whether Christie’s campaign will sink under his massive massive super-fat insanely obese body. The Fats have rarely done well in elections — it’s true! — at least in the modern era, when male fatness stopped being a symbol of wealth and power and Land. So, is Corzine playing the “fat card” against his fat opponent, in his new ad? MORE »

Are you ready for a dose of injustice this morning?  Ch-ch-ch-check out Obama, David Paterson and Jon Corzine’s Triangle of Racism, brought to you, straight up, from three-dimensional polygon of hip hop, RNC Chairman Michael Steele. See, Obama said that he would not encourage a certain black governor (David Paterson) to run for re-election, as David Paterson is historically unpopular with his own constituents. But Jon Corzine is just as hated by his own state (New Jersey—not even kidding), so why did Obama not include the white Jon Corzine in his grand total (1) of how many black governors he would tell to sit this one out?? MORE »

Silly Jon Corzine once abandoned his comfy job as a United States Senator in order to waste all of his money on a bid for Governor of New Jersey, that scorching slab of rocks and trash soundtracked to the din of furious rats screaming about property taxes. But as Corzine would soon discover, trying to balance the budget during a Great New Depression that your state’s top earners spent years engineering at their day jobs across the Hudson will make you VERY UNPOPULAR. And now that Corzine’s trailing by double-digits in his bid for reelection this November, his magic 8-ball of Despair has recommended selecting 38-year-old Randal Pinkett, winner of NBC’s The Apprentice, Season 4, as his running mate — “to energize the African-American base.” Politics is easy! [The Awl]

New York’s ex-Governor Eliot Spitzer and current Governor David Paterson have brought the state two scandal-friendly governors in only the last few weeks. New Jersey, on the other hand, has not had any hilarious sex governors since James McGreevey, a homosexual, resigned at T.G.I. Friday’s in 2004. They are jealous of New York’s sudden lead and are considering recalling Governor Jon Corzine. Not that he has had any T.G.I. Friday’s gay sex prostitution scandals. He just has that aura of need-to-leave, you see. [KYW]

One night in 1993, then-Congressman Robert Roe of New Jersey, with a .17 blood-alcohol level, “veered out of his lane in Rockaway Township and ran head-on into a minivan carrying a family of three.” For this service to his country, the New Jersey state government recently renamed a highway after him. Congratulations to drunk ex-Congressman Robert Roe of New Jersey, America’s Highway Hero! MORE »

• Reliable Source: First Daughter Barbara Bush is headed for the Big Apple… Laura Bush hosts a luncheon for Senate wives, where they were serenaded by the cast of the Tony-winning “Jersey Boys.” [WP]

• Heard on the Hill: Several senators who support affording special protection to the English language have Spanish-language websites… Dick Cheney is missing today’s official photo session for the 109th Senate. [Roll Call]
• Page Six: Jon Corzine more interested in his dinner date than in N.J. political history. [NYP]

• Time reporter Viveca Novak says Karl Rove was the likely source of a July 2003 article about Valerie Plame. Novak: “I remember [Rove's lawyer] looking at me and saying something to the effect of ‘Karl doesn’t have a [Matt Cooper] problem. He was not a source for Matt.’ I responded instinctively, thinking he was trying to spin me, and said something like, ‘Are you sure about that? That’s not what I hear around Time.’ He looked surprised and very serious.” [Time, NYT, WSJ]
• Sen. Frist threatens to use the “nuclear option” to save Samuel Alito from a filibuster. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.): “We’re not close to a deal.” [WP, NYT, LAT]
• White House flack Trent Duffy: “What you will see more of next year is the president going back to the basics — winning the war and growing the economy and creating jobs.” [WT]
• Sen. Clinton’s quiet, centrist approach to Iraq “is drawing increasing scorn from liberal activists.” [WP]
• Ronald Brownstein on Alito’s abortion memos: “It’s still not clear these disclosures will seriously threaten Alito’s confirmation. And if they do not, both sides might need to rethink basic assumptions about the politics of the Supreme Court.” [LAT]
• Gov. Mark Warner (D-Va.) tours battleground states for a head-start on ‘08. Warner: “As Democrats, what we have to do is put forward ideas and candidates that can win in places like Florida, that can win in places like Virginia.” [NYT]

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