Wonkette

John McCain’s always had a hearty arsenal of “cocktail party jokes,” including several about killing Iranian civilians with either bombs or exported American cancer, and another about Chelsea Clinton being ugly because her father is Janet Reno’s penis. These jokes, however, can’t shake a stick at the latest gem someone has unearthed from a 1986 copy of the Tucson Citizen, one that got him in a tit-bit of trouble at the time. After the jump: McCain’s crack about the gorilla who rapes and murders some gal in the street. MORE »

• McCAIN DEMOGRAPHIC LOCATED: “Peggy Frieband of Virginia was born when Roosevelt was president — Theodore Roosevelt, that is.” Just kidding … she sounds like a fun Obama supporter. [Washington Post]

Hey Hillary called Dick Cheney “DARTH VADER”! Ha ha ha what a cutting joke! Maybe next week she can call Bush “Chimpy McHitler” or talk about defeating the “rethuglicans.” [Politico]

This is Cenk Uygur from ‘The Young Turks,’ Air America’s morning show. He is suing Stephen Colbert for $65 million, just like the pants guy, for stealing a joke about Klingons. You can see both jokes in the clip. Of course, we’re bloggers, so we steal all of our material, but apparently standards are different for basic cable and niche radio people. Still, you can sue for a “stolen” joke? Milton Berle is shaking in his boots while rolling in his grave. After the jump, a fun assignment! MORE »

Reached inside his oxygen tent and told that his “bomb Iran” song met with only scattered applause, John McCain takes his best drunk-uncle-at-a-wedding swing at his critics.

“Please, I was talking to some of my old veterans friends,” he told reporters. “My response is, Lighten up and get a life.” MORE »

George W. read some jokes at the “Alfalfa Club” dinner on Saturday, and it really shows he can laugh at the smoking ruins of the nation he destroyed and the monsters he set loose upon the Earth. Some of his comedy gold, courtesy of the WaPo: MORE »

Because you people think it’s funny, here are the grim jokes that bring healing laughter to Washington: MORE »

We were going to go to the Gridiron Dinner, but it was such a nice night out, we decided to give it a miss and drink on a rooftop instead. Oh, and it turns out bloggers aren’t invited. But we don’t feel too slighted to have missed the dinner, a glorified office Christmas party in which every year they rouse the surviving members of Carson’s writing staff and put them to work retrofitting hundred-year-old punchlines with torn-from-the-headlines topical references. MORE »

According to Time, Congress has its own psychiatrist. Now before you leap to punchlines, note that someone’s beaten you to it: MORE »

See, this is why we don’t let well-meaning liberals read The Note. It just upsets them: MORE »