Tag: jokes

Donald Trump And Hillary Clinton Trade ‘Jokes’ At Al Smith Dinner, Civilian Casualties Limited

Protip: A punchline should refrain from literally socking people in the nose.

Hillary-Haters Making Hilarious Jokes, To Tickle Our Funnybones!

We hope you don't have to pee, because you'll do it in your pants from laughing so hard!

Heidi Cruz: Ted Isn’t The Zodiac Killer, He’s A Very Naughty Boy

Heidi Cruz would like to tell all you people that Ted Cruz is not the Zodiac Killer. Then again, that's exactly what you'd expect the wife of the Zodiac Killer to say, now isn't it? It's not like she's...

Ted Cruz’s April Fools Joke Will Make You Die Of Gigglegasms And Go To Hell

Oh man, stop the presses because it is the official Worst Day Of The Internet, otherwise known as April Fools' Day! And what happens when the Worst Day Of The Internet combines with the Most Hated Senator Who Is...
Is this yr Wonkette's secret admirer? MAYBE! XOXOXO

Loser Dudes Who Harass Ladies Online Are Micropenis Losers In Real Life Too, Says Science

Are you ready for WONKET SCIENCE KORNER? Of course you are, because we are liberals and we love science! Let's look at the Washington Post to find out what Studies Show today, oh look, Studies Show that if you are...

Gun Humpers Put Away Obama Shooting Targets (For Now), Use Gay Rainbow Flags Instead

What's the world coming to when you're a "fitness and liberty" group that's just trying to organize a "Run 'n Gun," which is apparently some kind of race that involves guns (SOUNDS REAL SAFE), and you can't even post...

Antonin Scalia Tells Grads: Always Be Yourself, Unless You Are Hitler

Oh, Justice Scalia, what would the Supreme Court do without you? It's such a comfort to know that a brilliant, HILARIOUS legal mind like yours is adjudicating America's Most Important Questions. Scalia spoke at his grandbaby's high school graduation...
Good thing they didn't send their emails to Strongbad, he would have gotten SO MAD.

Here Are The Racist Emails That Landed Sh*tty Ferguson Officials In The Unemployment Line

If former court clerk Mary Ann Twitty, of Ferguson, Missouri, had been paying any attention to Hillary Clinton's lessons, she might still have a job right now. Same goes for Rick Henke and William Mudd, who used to be...
haw haw haw

Alaska Republican Will Sue You If You Broadcast His Butt-Dials

Here's a fun legal question for all you lawyerly types out there: do two-party consent rules apply to audio recordings arising from butt-dials? Answer: we have no idea, but two Alaska Republicans sure hope they do! In 2008, Dan Coffey (R-Recently Changed His...
President Ted Cruz (R-Not Really)

Let’s Point And Laugh At Ted Cruz Trying To ‘Joke’ And Failing Miserably. For Fun!

Here is a video of Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Needs New Material) trying to charm the International Association of Fire Fighters in Dallas this week, with some jokes! Apparently, conservatives eat up this crap and cheer and thump their chests...
What a jokester

President Lindsey Graham Will Literally Invade Congress, With An Army (But Not Literally)

Supposedly, South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham would like to be president, at least of the rich white penis parts of America. Ha, just kidding, that was a joke! But he keeps telling "jokes" that don't work out well for him...

US Senator Jeff Sessions Is A Buzzkill And A Total Narc

Oh noes! The nation's top Law Enforcement Officer made a joke about weed! Doesn't he know that pot kills and that it is NO LAUGHING MATTER? What is our once-great nation even coming to when the FBI Director can...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Grab Bag Of Grotesqueries

Duuuuuudes. Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the (*koff!*) weekly feature where we roll up whatever seeds and stems are left from stories that weren't quite compelling enough to make a full post, but too stoopid to ignore...

Why Won’t Barack Obama Just Shut Up About This Rodeo Clown Already?

Just in case anyone's not completely tired of the saga of Tuffy Gessling, the rodeo clown who wore a Barack Obama mask (god knows we are), the always incisive folks at WND have this temporal anomaly of a headline...

Ebony And Daily Caller Locked In Existential Debate About Nature Of Jokes, Reality

Yesterday we closed our story about wingnut outrage over Ebony Magazine's "We Are Trayvon" covers by noting that Ebony was taking the fuss in stride, as reflected in this tweet: “We have so many Tea Party readers and followers. To...