OH YES, HERE IS THAT THING YOU ALL SENT TO YOUR WONKETTE: Did you know you can make your own magical Kenyan Birth Certificate, for anybody, by going to a website? Yes You Can! Email your version to CNN racist Lou Dobbs. [Kenyan Birth Certificate Generator]

Everyone has been wondering when Al Franken, the comedian who therefore is not smart but gets to be a Senator anyway, would stop pretending to care about “political issues” already — his 20-year campaign is over! — and just go nuts shouting insane Playboy rape jokes, constantly, in Judiciary Committee meetings. And at yesterday’s Sotomayor hearing he did, technically, tell his First Joke in the Senate, a snoozy little ice-breaker for the nation’s grandmothers about how teevee lawyer Perry Mason was hardly the best lawyer of his time, oh ho ho. Then he asked some serious questions… but it was too late! The world’s “most important governing body” is NO PLACE FOR VERBAL HUMOR, some nut writes in The Hill. MORE »

Here, kiddies. Masturbate to this Friday Liberal Pornography while we look for some “real news” to make fun of. [YouTube]

It’s been such a fun week for the South Carolina GOP, with all the comedy about gorillas and aspirins! But now it must come to an end because the humorless nancies of the Far Left have demanded a more sincere apology from Rusty DePass, the Republican operative who explained his crack about “Michelle Obama’s ancestor” by pointing out that she believed in evolution or something. MORE »

How many daughters does Sarah Palin have? Like fourteen? Well, David Letterman made a CRUDE REMARK about one of them, apparently intending to refer to the oldest one ( “Bridgeport”) but inadvertently referring to the middle one ( “Jester”). And voila just like that a harmless “gals is always gettin’ pregnant” joke turned into a “isn’t it hilarious when 14-year-olds get raped by baseball stars” joke, so he had to apologize for that. Ugh. Everybody just needs to wash out their minds with soap — Ivory soap, the soap of virgins. [Political Ticker]

How many times has John McCain told this awful joke about sleeping like a baby? (He goes to sleep for two hours and wakes up crying, wokka wokka.) Answer: ONE MILLION TIMES. But now that he is not threatening to run our country, he does not seem so terrible! He is a pleasant, sassy older gentleman, the distant relative you like sitting next to at Thanksgiving dinner, until he has one too many glasses of sherry and starts telling you about the hot Jewess he dated back in Casablanca, during the war. [The Tonight Show]

So sure, he was dreadfully awkward and only vaguely humanoid on the David Letterman, but that’s because the pampered plutocrat John McCain feels weird around people who fly coach. Later on yesterday he went to a fancy white-tie dinner and had a rip-snorter of an evening, indeed! MORE »

John McCain held a town hall for women last night in Denver and just could not resist making one of his patented “jokes” about women, which usually involve rape, bestiality, cunts, and chicks with dicks. This one is much simpler: he says it’s a very “emotional” town hall, “maybe because it’s a women’s town hall, heh heh, heh.” The Republican white women cheer because they are the worst demographic on Earth. UPDATE: Oh Christ there’s another awesome video out there too along the lines of, “How bout that dame in the debate, HEHH????” After the jump. MORE »

John McCain’s always had a hearty arsenal of “cocktail party jokes,” including several about killing Iranian civilians with either bombs or exported American cancer, and another about Chelsea Clinton being ugly because her father is Janet Reno’s penis. These jokes, however, can’t shake a stick at the latest gem someone has unearthed from a 1986 copy of the Tucson Citizen, one that got him in a tit-bit of trouble at the time. After the jump: McCain’s crack about the gorilla who rapes and murders some gal in the street. MORE »

• McCAIN DEMOGRAPHIC LOCATED: “Peggy Frieband of Virginia was born when Roosevelt was president — Theodore Roosevelt, that is.” Just kidding … she sounds like a fun Obama supporter. [Washington Post]

Hey Hillary called Dick Cheney “DARTH VADER”! Ha ha ha what a cutting joke! Maybe next week she can call Bush “Chimpy McHitler” or talk about defeating the “rethuglicans.” [Politico]