Tag Archives: john thune

  the world's greatest deliberative body

Republicans Have Secret Plan If SCOTUS Kills Obamacare. No, You Can’t See It.

Oh, yeah, good old-fashioned Nightmare Fuel
Rest easy, America: If the Supreme Court murders Obamacare over what amounts to a proofreading error later this month, Republicans are ready with a replacement plan, according to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. No, you can’t see it. It’s a surprise. Stop trying to peek. Stop it! There is too something in the box, just don’t shake it or you’ll ruin it! Read more on Republicans Have Secret Plan If SCOTUS Kills Obamacare. No, You Can’t See It….
  They're Doing Science And We're Still Alive

Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio Now In Charge Of Murdering Science In The Senate

We'd watch this, actually
It’s a great day to not believe in science, America! Sen. John Thune, chair of the Senate Commerce, Science and Transportation Committee, has picked the perfect heads for two science subcommittees: Ted Cruz, who doesn’t like NASA doing science related to global warming, will head the Subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness. And Marco Rubio, another climate denier and one of the first adopters of the “I’m not a scientist” meme, will chair the Subcommittee on Oceans, Atmosphere, Fisheries and Coast Guard, which of course has oversight of NOAA, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Gentlemen, start your fox and henhouse clichés! Read more on Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio Now In Charge Of Murdering Science In The Senate…
  eye of the beholder

Who Is On The Hill’s Most Beautiful People Thingy Besides Not You?

So The Hill did its Most Beautiful People Thingy, and they picked Jeff Flake to be the most beautiful person on Capitol Hill. That is weird right? Like, that is him, above. Um? The Hill is obviously staffed by sexless robots — not the good sexy robots like Tina, or John Thune. We mean really. No Bamz? No Mrs. Bamz? No sultry Betsy Rothstein? No Old Handsome Joe Biden? HANDSOME IS RIGHT THERE IN HIS NAME!!! But the most shocking omission of all is … Read more on Who Is On The Hill’s Most Beautiful People Thingy Besides Not You?…
  nature kills jobs

Climate Change Will Kill Pretty Much Everyone, Says Report About To Be Ignored

Climate change and contributing factors from carbon-intensive societies will cause the deaths of an estimated 100 million people in the next 18 years, according to a report released today that politicians will be paid handsomely to throw away and never think about again. More than 90 percent of those deaths are expected to happen in poorer, farming-based developing countries, according to Reuters, which explains why Mitt Romney does not give a flying you-know-what about dealing with climate change, and would rather use it to make fun of Obama, because the free market will extinguish the flaming poors, that is just how it works. Read more on Climate Change Will Kill Pretty Much Everyone, Says Report About To Be Ignored…
  gypsies tramps and thieves

Jamie Dimon Doesn’t Need No Regulations, Says Jamie Dimon

Remember that whole thing a few years ago, something about how the banks ruined the housing industry, your employment prospects, your children’s employment prospects, and the entire country, really, and in turn got billions of dollars from the taxpayers and continue to rake enormous bonuses and pretty much set the economic policy of the entire nation? Think hard now — remember that? And remember how basically nothing happened to make sure that banks weren’t too big to fail, and how no one went to jail, and how the bankers kept making lots of money while we all went about trying to restore the pieces of our shattered lives? Do you find it “stunning” that such unaccountability acting in combination with the lack of serious financial regulations has meant that JP Morgan kept screwing around with synthetic credit default swaps and lost about two billion or so dollars? Because Gretchen Morgenson from the New York Times finds it “stunning” that this atmosphere of lax enforcement has led to JP Morgan head Jamie Dimon acting all “sloppy” and “stupid.” Read more on Jamie Dimon Doesn’t Need No Regulations, Says Jamie Dimon…
  think of the children or whatever

Obama Conducting ‘Marxist Dogma’ By Trying To Reduce Child Labor On Farms

Yesterday, late-night television, today, THE FAMILY FARM! President Obama is on a quest to ruin all the fun the conservatives are having now they’ve got a/their man, and the latest method is to tell people who own farms that their children can’t necessarily work on them because they are children? Crazy. “For generations children and adults have worked together on the family farm. Those days are over,” writes The Gateway Pundit, even though of course there are plenty of conservatives coming to the aid of farmers great and small (in stature) now. And of course the proposed bill, sponsored by Republicans John Thune (SD) and Jerry Moran (Kansas) has the word “preserving” in it, because if they could submerge 1950s-or-so America in formaldehyde and seal it in an airtight container forever, well, they would. Read more on Obama Conducting ‘Marxist Dogma’ By Trying To Reduce Child Labor On Farms…
  washington romance novels

Arlen Specter Has Creepy, Sexy Thoughts About Sarah Palin’s Knees

Poor old fart Arlen Specter spent thirty years ambling around the Senate floor sneaking up on slow-moving colleagues and torturing them with sermons on political moderation, so we expressed a duly moderate skepticism when the Huffington Post promised us the “steamiest moments” from Specter’s new memoir, about politics. Because, since when do Supreme Court nomination fights make anyone horny? (Quiet down, Chuck Grassley.) But okay, let us fap along to Arlen’s memories: “Still, she [Sarah Palin] was a total charmer, very friendly. The few things she said were intelligent. We were sitting virtually knee to knee in the cramped bus, and she radiated sensuality. Her skirt rode above her knees — not exactly short, but close.” GAH. Unfap! Unfap! Read more on Arlen Specter Has Creepy, Sexy Thoughts About Sarah Palin’s Knees…
  to spend more time being bland with his family

Pleasant-Seeming, Somewhat Electable John Thune Not Running For President

For months now, my wife Kimberley and I have received encouragement from family, friends, colleagues, and supporters from across South Dakota and the country to run for the presidency of the United States. We have appreciated hearing their concerns about where the country is headed and their hopes for a new direction. Read more on Pleasant-Seeming, Somewhat Electable John Thune Not Running For President…
  real mavericks aren't mavericks bro

Thune Un-Presidential-Candidately Honest About Presidential Ambitions

John Thune is thinking about running for president. Of course he is. But no, really, he actually admits he is! That is not allowed. Every potential presidential candidate is supposed to be coy. Anything else should be illegal and punishable by death. Still, he isn’t sure if he will run. “It’s a different scenario maybe than some of the other candidates who don’t have a job,” he says. Haha, yeah, everyone in your party is a loser who makes a living going on Fox News and writing a book for their PAC to buy copies of. This man is stealing our joke talking points. Anyway, all Republicans think he is a total hottie and should not listen to his dumb wife, who “read Game Change” and doesn’t want him to do it. Read more on Thune Un-Presidential-Candidately Honest About Presidential Ambitions…
  money things

$1.1 Trillion Spending Bill Greased Up and Ready To Fund Dumb Government

Crisis has been averted: The government will probably not shut down at the end of the week, because Democrats put together a giant spending omnibus thing that will fund it for the next fiscal year. And what’s in the omnibus? Nobody really knows, but it’s all greased up and seems to have been cooked well, if you just look at its skin. “That’s an omnibus,” a senator probably said, looking at the giant stack of 1,924 pages. “Very omnibus. Let’s just go ahead and pass it. It’s making me hungry looking at it. Omnibus!” $1.1 trillion seems like a nice, round, debt-padding number, so it likely will be passed. Even though John Thune says it looks pretty evil to him. Read more on $1.1 Trillion Spending Bill Greased Up and Ready To Fund Dumb Government…
  today in naked old men

WaPo Article Clearly Given Headline Before Reporter Talked To Saxby Chambliss

This article is basically great. Because naked penis/vag shower run-ins, it seems, are the norm! More normal than apple pie or baseball or Cleveland Steamers: “The private gyms are sanctuaries where lawmakers can huff, puff and disrobe knowing that only fellow members will see them.” Giggle! Read more on WaPo Article Clearly Given Headline Before Reporter Talked To Saxby Chambliss…
  just something one dude says about another

C’MON! SINISTER DAVID BROOKS CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED JOHN THUNE (R-SD) IS “SUN-CHAPPED” IN A “PRAIRIE” SORT OF WAY: “The first thing everybody knows about him is that he is tall (6 feet 4 inches), tanned (in a prairie, sun-chapped sort of way) and handsome (John McCain jokes that if he had Thune’s face he’d be president right now). If you wanted a Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama, you’d pick Thune.” [New York Times] Read more on …
 

Gossip Roundup: Run It Up the Flagpole

Heard on the Hill: Dick Cheney attends ceremony for, but doesn’t personally give award to Plamegate reporter Tom DeFrank… Website declares John Thune “hottest” sentator. [Roll Call] Under the Dome: Rep. Bill Young’s wife auctions off shirt she was escorted from SOTU for wearing… Gresham Barrett (R-SC) holds “Shag n’ Eat” fundraiser today. [The Hill] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Run It Up the Flagpole…
 

Daily Briefing: You Jump, I Jump

Top Republicans and Democrats express reservations about the expected nomination of Gen. Michael Hayden to replace Porter Goss at the CIA; “Bush is politically at his weakest and members of his party are distancing themselves from the White House in the hopes of retaining their grip on Congress in the midterm elections.” Rep. Peter Hoekstra (R-Mich.): “We should not have a military person leading a civilian agency at this time.” [WP, NYT, WSJ, NYT, USAT, USAT] Patrick Fitzgerald “is weighing Rove‘s foggy-memory defense against evidence he has acquired or accumulated over nearly 2 1/2 years that shows Rove was very involved in White House efforts to beat back allegations that Bush twisted U.S. intelligence to justify the Iraq war”; decision on an indictment could come this month. [WP] Fear of losing seats in November is Rove‘s “best weapon” for “motivating his party’s conservative base to turn out”; officials are “trying to turn vulnerability to advantage” and are “telling fellow Republicans that criticizing the president risks bringing the party down with him.” [NYT] Bush may close Gitmo prison: “I would like to close the camp and put the prisoners on trial. [The Supreme Court] must still rule on whether they should go before a civil or military court. They will get their day in court. One can’t say that of the people that they killed.” [NYT] Sen. Frist seeks to start partisan confrontation over judicial nominations. Sen. Thune: “A good fight on judges does nothing but energize our base. Right now our folks are feeling a little flat. They need a reason to get engaged, and fights over judges will do that.” [NYT] Read more on Daily Briefing: You Jump, I Jump…
 

Daily Briefing: Hey, Big Spender

Senate passes $109B in emergency spending by vote of 77 to 21; bill is rifled with earmarks that Bush threatened to veto. [WP, NYT, WSJ] House approves $7.4B for port security by vote of 421 to 2. [WP] Read more on Daily Briefing: Hey, Big Spender…