Wonkette

CONGRESSBABE HAS BABY, HOORAY: Some freshman member of Congress, Kirsten Gillibrand, popped out a kid this morning! And guess who’s healthy? The baby, the baby is healthy! Everyone make a mimosa right now. Aside from having babies, Gillibrand is famous for defeating the drunkest ex-Congressman ever in the 2006 election. [AP]

From the way former Congressman John Sweeney can’t stay out of the long, masculine arms of the upstate New York law, you’d think he liked police stations as much as he likes: drinking; drinking and driving; slapping his wife around while drinking; getting road head while drunk; and drinking. The other night Sweeney, who lost his license in November after his little drunken road head incident, called a cab to be taken home from a strip club in Clifton Park. That’s when things got a little bit messy.

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In a testament to the fast-moving wheels of our justice system, John “McSlappy” Sweeney pleaded guilty yesterday to reduced charges stemming from Saturday night’s drunken road head incident. He’ll pay a fine and lose his license, but earns no jail time. For those that think that losing his license isn’t a huge punishment, I can only say: he lives in upstate New York, where there is nowhere to run to, baby, it’s practically house arrest. Also, he swears he didn’t ask the cops, “Do you know who I am?”, but he was drunk. We all say stuff drunk we don’t remember later. [Albany Times Union]

Ex-Congressman John “McSlappy” Sweeney was, as we reported, arrested last weekend for driving up the Northway (aka, I-87) in upstate New York drunk as a skunk. At the time, reports said the recently-divorced wife-beater had a 23 year-old woman in the passenger seat. It turns out that “passenger seat” might have been an exaggeration.

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Former Congressman John Sweeney of (upstate) New York is a giver. As in, he likes to give his wife the pimp hand, when he’s drunk, and he likes to give the people of Washington County some “quiet” time without electricity. He also likes to give the New York State Police something to do by arresting his dumb ass again, and he likes to give us something to mock.

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John Sweeney used to be a congressman from New York. Then he choked his wife and voters declined to reelect him and he went mad. Now he is filing a restraining order against the wife he choked. It’s becoming apparent that Republicans are all fucking hookers and little boys because they’re terrified of their wives. [Albany Eye]

Rep. John Sweeney lost his “safe seat” in the House after it was revealed that he kinda-sorta choked his wife a while back. Since then, according to the Albany Times-Union, he has gone crazy. MORE »

* Soon-to-be former congressman John “McSmacky” Sweeney proves he’s more of a vindictive, conspiratorial asshole then we gave him credit for. [TPM Muckraker]
* Plan to shame Americans into voting fails as people too lazy to vote are also too lazy to read. [Freakonomics]
* The SCOTUS murder plot: Ann Coulter’s fault, natch. [Above the Law]
* Karl Rove may leave the administration in “weeks, not months.” Tells Democrats, “You won’t have me to kick you around any more.” [Think Progress]
* Cynthia McKinney’s successor is a no punching, pacifist pussy. [Election Central]
* Swing by Constitution Ave. and pick up your $963. [Congress Blog]
* Ted Stevens afraid to buy green bananas, not scared of running for Senate again in 2008. [Wizbang Politics]
* Rick Santorum, however; won’t run in ‘08 - insuring world is safe for buttlove through at least 2012! [Political Wire]

Losing your “safe seat” in the House doesn’t mean you’re a Loser — according to the Albany magazine “Success,” it means just the opposite. MORE »

It’s a very bad night for Republican congressmen who enjoy the patriotic sports of beating and strangling womenfolk. MORE »