Tag Archives: john stossel

  a greeter in every camp

Fox’s John Stossel Will Turn Over All Disaster Relief To Our Benevolent Walmart Overlords

always with the props, dude
Insipid Libertarian Mario Brother John Stossel once again showed why he sits at the Smart Kids’ table on Fox News trips to Dave & Busters’. Speaking to Frozen Meatloaf scion Tucker Carlson, Stossel made the case that we’d all be much better off with a government small enough to drown in a bathtub, especially if our compassionate brothers and sisters at Walmart Inc. were tabbed to be first responders for all future drownings. Read more on Fox’s John Stossel Will Turn Over All Disaster Relief To Our Benevolent Walmart Overlords…
  And What About All Those Red Indians?

No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

The Platonic Ideal Of Cheesy Thanksgiving Photos
It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. It’s a revered grim tradition: You serve Susan Stamberg’s socialist NPR cranberry relish, and your Teabagger brother-in-law recites how the settlers of Plymouth Plantation nearly starved because they had socialism forced upon them, but finally prospered after they became capitalists. Here’s a fairly typical version of the story that was emailed to our Wonkette tip line in 2012; the story was also a favorite of Rep. Todd “Shut that down” Akin, and in 2013, Rush Limbaugh wrote a best-selling children’s book promoting the same fantasy. Read more on No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism…
  Let's All Sing The Doom Song!

Obama To Declare Martial Law, Kill Us All With Ebola Because Slavery

Stay calm, OK?
We bet you never would have guessed that the diagnosis of one (1) human being with Ebola virus would lead to a whole bunch of daft conspiracy theories, did you? Don’t be ridonkulous, you would say to yourself. We live in a highly developed modern technological society with terrific special effects in our movies, telephones with more computing capacity than was needed to go to the moon, and medical care that is second to none, if you can afford it at least. We are so advanced that we aren’t even impressed by digital watches anymore, that is how far we have come from the primitive ape descendants we used to be. Read more on Obama To Declare Martial Law, Kill Us All With Ebola Because Slavery…
  our moocher class

John Stossel Explains That War On Poverty Failed Because Ladies Want Too Much Free Stuff

Impacted bowel John Stossel dropped by the set of Fox & Friends yesterday to drop a little truth on hosts Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Steve Doocy, and whatshisname, the guy who is always squinting in puzzlement like he’s losing a battle of wits with a doorknob. Stossel was there to talk about the 50th anniversary of the War on Poverty and how it has backfired by making all the ladies want to stay single because having a man in the house means smaller welfare handouts from the government. This is good news for those of you who are tired of going to family gatherings and answering the question, “When are you going to get married?” Now you can respond with Never Grandma, because getting married means I’ll have to stop suckling at the government teat and I want to keep my sweet, sweet welfare checks that are paid for by taking money away from society’s makers like John Stossel. Read more on John Stossel Explains That War On Poverty Failed Because Ladies Want Too Much Free Stuff… Read more on John Stossel Explains That War On Poverty Failed Because Ladies Want Too Much Free Stuff…
  And What About All Those Red Indians?

Sorry, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. It’s a revered grim tradition: You serve Susan Stamberg’s socialist NPR cranberry relish, and your Teabagger brother-in-law recites how the settlers of Plymouth Plantation nearly starved because they had socialism forced upon them, but finally prospered after they became capitalists. Here’s a fairly typical version of the story that was emailed to our Wonkette tip line last year; the story was also a favorite of Rep. Todd “Shut that down” Akin, and now Rush Limbaugh has a best-selling children’s book promoting the same fantasy. Happily, there are a couple of good debunkings of this idiocy, although they probably won’t carry much weight with teahadis, since they come from the radical communist New York Times and the Marxist-Trotskyist-Muslim-Gangnam-Style Right Wing Watch. Should culture war break out around the dinner table, you may just want to say you got your rebuttals from Paul Harvey. Then when they go to look it up on their smartphone, you can spill gravy on it. Be sure to apologize. (We got that tactic from Saul Alinsky.) Read more on Sorry, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism…
  fox and fiends

Fox’s John Stossel: Jesus Wants You To Stop Giving Money To All These Fake Homeless People, Like John Stossel. Again.

It is almost practically the holiday season, a time of year when some of us are grateful for all the bounty we have been given, like living in the US instead of a Rio favela, and living in a home instead of squatting in a box, and also eating food and drinking liquor without anybody telling us we should not eat food or drink liquor, except for Betsy Rothstein, but she’s no fun. For many of us, the coming season, and the cold weather, remind us to be a little more giving, a little more bountiful our own selves, a little more, what’s the word, Jesusy. But since it is almost the holiday season, that also means it is time for Fox’s John Stossel to perform his annual holiday pageant, “I Was A Fake Homeless Person Begging For An Hour So All Homeless People Are Fake Like Me Except For The Ones Who Are Not Those Are Drug Addicts They Should Die.” It is the feel-good hit of the fall! Read more on Fox’s John Stossel: Jesus Wants You To Stop Giving Money To All These Fake Homeless People, Like John Stossel. Again….
  you cannot argue with the facts i just made up

Fox’s Jon Stossel Applies Science To Obamacare, Says Ladies Should Pay More Since They’re Always Faking It

Fox Business Network’s resident Libertarian troll John Stossel dropped by the Murdoch Morning Mishegas today to explain to human snot otter Steve Doocy that Obamacare “kills the market” for health insurance by requiring a market for health insurance plans. See, the dealio is, by telling insurers they have to comply with some minimum standards, the Government is making it impossible for them to truly compete, because now people can’t get worthless junk insurance that covers nothing. The competition of the market is the only thing that makes things better,” he explained. “Yesterday, President Obama stood in front of a bunch of women in Massachusetts and said, ‘No longer will those evil insurance companies be able to charge you women more.’” We’re pretty sure that’s a verbatim quote of what Obama said, all right. And then Stossel brought the Science, which of course the market always responds to with perfect rational logic: “Women go to the doctor much more often than men! Maybe they’re smarter or maybe they’re hypochondriacs,” Stossel continued. “They live longer. Who knows? But if it’s insurance, you ought to be able to charge people who use the services more, more.” It is also a Known Fact that women can’t go as long without having to get up from their desks to pee, which is why employers should be allowed to pay them less for all that lost productivity. And don’t even get us started on the unknowable nightmare mystery that is the Female Ladypart System of Squishy Stuff! Read more on Fox’s Jon Stossel Applies Science To Obamacare, Says Ladies Should Pay More Since They’re Always Faking It…
  And What About All Those Red Indians?

No, Thanksgiving Is Not A Celebration Of Triumph Over Socialism: Your Tofurkey Warblog

It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. It’s a revered grim tradition: You serve Susan Stamberg’s socialist NPR cranberry relish, and your Teabagger brother-in-law recites how the settlers of Plymouth Plantation nearly starved because they had socialism forced upon them, but finally prospered after they became capitalists. Here’s a fairly typical version of the story that was emailed to our Wonkette tip line; other versions are promoted by ugly bag of mostly lipids Rush Limbaugh and by the now-departing Rep. Todd Akin (R-Shut Down). Happily, there are a couple of good debunkings of this idiocy, although they probably won’t carry much weight with teahadis, since they come from the radical communist New York Times and the Marxist-Trotskyist-Muslim-Gangnam-Style Right Wing Watch. Should culture war break out around the dinner table, you may just want to say you got your rebuttals from Paul Harvey. Then when they go to look it up on their smartphone, you can spill gravy on it. Be sure to apologize. (We got that tactic from Saul Alinsky.) Read more on No, Thanksgiving Is Not A Celebration Of Triumph Over Socialism: Your Tofurkey Warblog…
  he's the ayn randiest!

Stupid Hurricane ‘Victims,’ Let Fox News’ John Stossel Explain Why It Is Awesome To Price Gouge You

Now that Chris Christie has dared to show what used to be the standard amount of deference and respect due to the office of the president, the right wing has pounced on him like Rush Limbaugh on a Dominican hooker. The latest complaint is that he is not allowing oil companies to take advantage of New Jersey’s misfortune and charge whatever they want in storm-stricken neighborhoods filled with desperate people. There are long lines, you see, ever so long lines of people waiting for gasoline, and Chris Christie could fix these long lines if he just let gas stations charge, say, $20 per gallon. Why is Chris Christie a mean man that hates price gouging and by extension, capitalism? Read more on Stupid Hurricane ‘Victims,’ Let Fox News’ John Stossel Explain Why It Is Awesome To Price Gouge You…
  undercover brother

John Stossel Proves Homeless People Do Not Need Charity Since They Are All Probably John Stossel In Disguise

Who got all the Pulitzer Prizes for Investigative Reporting before John Stossel came along to show us all how it is done? Did they even have Pulitzers back then, and if so, why did they bother? Here, Stossel, in the greatest undercover gig of all time — like Serpico times Mel Gibson’s Mr. Cool Disguise — makes himself look very homeless and smelly to prove that people should not give money to homelesses because they are probably all just a bunch of John Stossels. It is called “logic,” and why don’t you try it! Read more on John Stossel Proves Homeless People Do Not Need Charity Since They Are All Probably John Stossel In Disguise…
  little old man activities

Fox Hosts First 2012 Debate Between Real Ron Paul and Fake Obama

Fox Business Channel host and former Barbara Walters page boy John Stossel likes Ron Paul, so why not throw the show over to him for a little propaganda? That’s what Fox does best; may as well keep to the formula. Just insert a squirrel-voiced “Obama impersonator” and voila, you’ve got yourself a real live straw man. Read more on Fox Hosts First 2012 Debate Between Real Ron Paul and Fake Obama…
  wonkette party crash

Reason.tv Shows Its Love for Free Markets and Marijuana

Reason.tv threw itself a party this weekend to watch “Bailouts, Big Spending, & Bull,” a 20/20 documentary based on Drew Carey’s video collaborations with Reason.tv — and your Wonkette was invited. It was filled with illegal drugs and piles of cash flung about with abandon, and the party was pretty fun too! Party CRASH! pictures from two of your Wonkabout slaves, after the jump. Read more on Reason.tv Shows Its Love for Free Markets and Marijuana…
 

Ron Paul: Let the People Have Cocaine!

John Stossel and his mustache interview Ron Paul. Paul wants the government out of our personal habits so we can do all the coke, smack and pot we want. Hooray! Oh, he says the gays should do whatever they hell they want. Just don’t, you know, tread on me. Read more on Ron Paul: Let the People Have Cocaine!…
 

Hardball Host Matthews: I Cried Watching West Wing; Predicts Cousin-Fucker Will Be Next Prez; Hates Presidential Ranches

Outside the Beltway has posted video of right-wing zealot Chris Matthews’s recent appearance on Jay Leno. Among the political hairballs the Hardball host coughs up in four-plus minutes of barely uninterrupted bloviation that has been banned from Gitmo as the equivalent of torture: He cried bipartisan tears when Jimmy Smits offered Alan Alda the Secretary of State slot on The West Wing; wishes we hadn’t invaded Iraq; thinks “Newt Gingrich is World War 3″; is “tired of presidents with ranches”; and predicts Rudy Giuliani will be the next president of the United States. Read more on Hardball Host Matthews: I Cried Watching West Wing; Predicts Cousin-Fucker Will Be Next Prez; Hates Presidential Ranches…
 

Wonkette Party Crash: CEI Awards, Part Two

As we previously mentioned, last night Team Wonkette attended the annual CEI Dinner. We’ve already given you some great photos from the event. Now we provide you with this more detailed write-up of the proceedings, as promised. All in all, it was an excellent evening. P.J. O’Rourke was in funny, fine form. The liquor flowed liberally, and the after-party featured free cigars and cigarettes (plus scrumptious chocolate eclairs). And did we mention the dancing libertarians? What more can one ask for? Our full take on the evening, including more excellent pictures by Liz Gorman, appears after the jump. Read more on Wonkette Party Crash: CEI Awards, Part Two…
 

Wonkette Party Crash: CEI Awards, Part One

The CEI logo features a globe finally freed of the poisonous, deadly “O-Zone Layer” Last night, Wonkette headed down to the Competitive Enterprise Institute’s Awards Dinner, at the Capitol Hill Hyatt Regency. Enjoy these pictures from noted Internet Celebrity Liz Gorman, Intrepid Girl Reporter, after the jump. A more detailed write-up TK. Read more on Wonkette Party Crash: CEI Awards, Part One…