Tag: john roberts

Supreme Court Saves America From Transgender Teens Making Bathroom Everywhere

This kid really needs to pee, and SCOTUS won't let him.

Supreme Court Rules Prosecutors Must Hide Racism More Effectively In Death Penalty Cases

The U.S. Supreme Court decided Monday that the Constitution only allows racial bias in jury selection when it's a lot more subtle than that practiced by a Georgia prosecutor's office 29 years ago. The court overturned the conviction and...
Neither a gentleman nor a scholar

We’re Starting To Suspect Donald Trump May Not Know How America Works (CORRECTION)

Correction: While rolling on the floor laughing because Donald Trump was being as much of an idiot as he usually is, we failed to note what too many other outlets had also failed to note. The original question had...
We see what we did there.

North Carolina Republicans So Sad Dead Scalia Can’t Help Them Do Racism No More

Uh oh, North Carolina Republicans are so upset right now! Mean federal judges did reverse racism to the GOP-controlled legislature, with a recent ruling that the state's 1st and 12th congressional districts were racistly gerrymandered to hell, and thus must be redrawn. Gerrymandered...

2015: The Year Gay Became Mandatory And All The Christians Got Holocausted

If you are a filthy homosexual, 2015 was your year. If you are Kim Davis, or somebody like her, you are not reading this, because you have been martyred for your Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs, so much sadface. Let's look...

Carly Fiorina Wants To Know Why She’s The Only Chick Who Gets Sexismed

Carly Fiorina's 15 minutes sure went by fast, didn't they? One minute she was nobody, the next minute she was that pathological liar who'd spouted a whole bunch of demonstrably untrue horsecrap about Planned Parenthood during the Republican debate...
Now they've even destroyed the sanctity of divorce

Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful

It turns out that not every single U.S. American is sexcitedly happy dancing because the Supreme Court confirmed that, per the Constitution, the Constitution is for everybody. Like, some of the justices on the Supreme Court (but not enough of...
It's like health care only different

Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One

The highest court of unelected activist judges in the whole Us of America declared, for the second time, that Obamacare haters need to hush now and take a nap because that shit is kosher, yo. Which does not mean...

Supreme Court Gay-Marries Obamacare Again, For Republicans And America

Hooray! Woot! Wheeeee! YESSSSS! All the sounds of celebration! The Supreme Court once again has said that yes, Obamacare is legal and constitutional and we can keep it and Jesus H. Christ on a crutch, STOP TRYING TO MURDER...
He may or may not get to have a word with the Framers about original intent.

Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!

We have seen many laughable rationalizations for upholding bans on marriage equality over the years, and especially in the last few months before the Supreme Court rules, once and for all, that those bans are not constitutional. (Yes, that's...
Now they've even destroyed the sanctity of divorce

Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!

Tuesday was the last chance for bigots to explain to the Supreme Court why it is constitutional to deny equal rights to gay people because you think they have icky sex. The Court had two questions to consider: First,...
Maybe SCOTUS will pull the plug on grandma after all

Supreme Court Gets Another Chance To Impeach Obamacare

Did you think Obamacare was settled law just because it is the law, and settled, and the Supreme Court agreed that yes, it is the law, and settled? Ha, idiots! As Republicans have been telling us since before President Obama...
He Kept Us Mostly Safe Kind Of

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe From Terrorism

Well, fans of Christianist textbooks, just like in 1989, we're just about at the end of history once again, or at least the end of our two rightwing Christian textbooks, almost. Last week, our 11/12th-grade textbook, United States History...

How Obamacare, John Roberts, and Pennsylvania (Nearly) Screwed My Mom

"He said, 'If you like your plan, you can keep your plan.' Oh yeah?" This was my mother yelling at the president, which I hadn't heard her do since Bush II. This was a woman who can hardly believe how much...

Whoops, Looks Like Tennessee Forgot To Stop Racisming

You know what’s wonderful? Living in a post-racial America, where everyone is judged based on the content of their character and not the color of their skin. For example: Tucker Carlson is a dick not because of his race,...

Larry Klayman Just Kicking Around The Idea That John Roberts Was Blackmailed, No Big Deal

Writing about Larry Klayman has become almost a Mad Libs level of easy. We could just plug in "Klayman" and "court" and "NSA" and "Obama" and come up with a story every day that is pretty close to whatever...