Wonkette

This week, John Paul Stevens, Jeri Thompson, Chris Wallace and Tucker Carlson were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. MORE »

Guys, guys, John Paul Stevens totally wrote that last dissent while totally high. MORE »

• Under no circumstances, in this world or another, has Joe Biden ever been, “brown and down.” [Love and Haterade]

• A glass of water, the right size buns, and a little time for digestion would be all it takes to “liquidate” the North Korean nuclear program. [SFGate]
• Vladimir Putin touches young boys, “like a kitten,” but the question remains: hot or not? [Things That Make You Go "Hmm"]
• He may touch children with the soft pad of his paw, but the economies of the European Union will feel the full power of his one-dimensional petrochemical based economic leverage, er, claw. [Andrew Sullivan]
  Accusations of plagiarism faced by Ann Coulter may go unsubstantiated as man hired to find proof is afraid to, “make my eyes bleed.” [Galley Cat]

• The sandy beaches are calling you Justice Stevens - heed them, please. [Southern Appeal]
• Easy-E rolls over in his grave as gangs resort to blogging their threats: “Your page views ain’t shit bitch, you gettin’ blasted.” [Wired]

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Today’s Post has an article by Charles Lane on Justice John Paul Stevens, about whom we’ve blogged a fair amount over the past few weeks. Rumors of his possible retirement from the Court continue to circulate (even if they are probably unfounded). MORE »

* Only 1.4m of the 8m low-income Americans eligible for special Medicare benefits have made shift to new plan; “the government is on track to spend about $250 for each person it enrolls.” [WP]
* Bush presses for energy innovation: “We have a chance to transform the way we power our economy, and the way we lead our lives.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
* Some State Department officials complain that a recent reorganization was politically motivated and “reduced the influence of employees who were viewed by some political appointees as disloyal to the administration’s policies.” [WP]
* Sen. Specter (R-Pa.) hopes to propose limits on NSA eavesdropping within the next few weeks. [WT]

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Earlier today, we announced some of the finalists in our Wonkette reader contest, “So What’s Really Bothering Justice Stevens?” Now, what you’ve all been waiting for: the runner-up and the winner!

But first one final caveat. As we originally emphasized, the rumor that Justice Stevens uttered the sentence, “I can’t put up with this shit anymore!”, is just that — a rumor. And it may not be a particularly reliable one. One former clerk emailed us as follows:

As someone who clerked for Justice Stevens and is fairly familiar with his manner of public and private expression, I find it incredulous that he would say anything of the kind. He’s a gentleman through and through, and the expression attributed to him is totally inconsistent with his personality. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone made up the quote for malicious purposes. Cf. Ann Coulter.

Although we are certainly willing to blame Ann Coulter for all that is evil in the world, we can assure you that she was not our source. But we do think that the above caveat is valuable, which is why we’ve shared it with you.

After the jump, the runner-up and the winning entry — and a bonus gift for our readers!

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Last week, we announced a Wonkette reader contest, based on the rumor that Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens was recently overheard exclaiming, “I can’t put up with this shit anymore!” After some of you objected to our speculative theory that his comment might have been retirement-related, we asked you to submit proposed responses to this question: MORE »