Tag Archives: John Nolte

  location location causation

Pricey New York Real Estate Proves Global Warming Is A Hoax, Obviously

parking not included
Were you concerned conservatives would never locate the real “smoking gun” that proves the Great Global Warming Hoax? Well, hold on to your coal, Holy Rollers, because Breitbart LLC finally unearthed definitive proof of the Greenstapo’s climate conspiracy: New York City real estate is really fucking expensive! Read more on Pricey New York Real Estate Proves Global Warming Is A Hoax, Obviously…
  secret Squirrel service

Wingnuts Pretty Mad At Obama For Letting Himself Be Killed Like That

Everybody needs a nap now and then
This Secret Service thing, huh? It’s quite a mess, and by golly, the right is just outraged that the agency is doing such a crappy job of defending the president they hate. Thank heavens they know who’s responsible for the security lapses: That feckless dictator Barack Obama, who just can’t do anything right except take away all our liberties and make us live in a police state that is nonetheless not very good at keeping the president of the United States. Read more on Wingnuts Pretty Mad At Obama For Letting Himself Be Killed Like That…
  Does this racism look racist to you?

Today Is Michael Brown’s Funeral So Of Course Wingnuts Are Pissed About That

Great question, if you're A Idiot
Today is the funeral of Michael Brown, the unarmed teenager shot to death by Officer Darren Wilson. For people made of actual human being parts, this is a sad and solemn affair. However, in wingnut world, where Officer Wilson is some kind of hero and Brown (a black man) had it comin’ (because black man) what with being a thug (aka black man) hopped up on reefer (like a black man) and also too black (BLACK MAN!!!), it is A OUTRAGE! Read more on Today Is Michael Brown’s Funeral So Of Course Wingnuts Are Pissed About That…
  Fore More Years!

A Children’s Treasury Of Perfectly Sane Responses To Obama’s Lost Golf Ball

Golf is dumb
Barack Obama: golfing President, or golfing TYRANT!? That’s the hot question from the Top Conservatives on Twitter today, after Instagram user larrydoh found one of Obama’s errant shots in the woods at Congressional Country Club and then ‘grammed it for the world to see. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Perfectly Sane Responses To Obama’s Lost Golf Ball…
  that's definitely not racial transcendence

SNL Has Gall To Hire Funny Black Lady Sasheer Zamata Without Consulting The Daily Caller First

After not having a female cast member of color on the show since 2007, Saturday Night Live got its act together and is bringing Sasheer Zamata on as the first female comedian of color since Maya Rudolph left. Read more on SNL Has Gall To Hire Funny Black Lady Sasheer Zamata Without Consulting The Daily Caller First…
  free speech cluster duck

Barack Obama Puts Duck Dynasty Guy In Free Speech Prison

A&E Network has suspended Phil Robertson, star of the Duck Dynasty teevee program, following his charming opinions on teh gheys and what they do with their man-parts. In a recent interview in GQ, Robertson explained that Read more on Barack Obama Puts Duck Dynasty Guy In Free Speech Prison…
  they see me trollin'

Obama Touches Raul Castro’s Communist Fingers At Mandela Funeral, Wingnuts Outraged

Monstrous America-hating monster Barack Obama touched a communist today at the memorial service for Nelson Mandela, leading to fairly predictable speculation that the handshake with Cuban President Raul Castro was either evidence of warming relations between the two countries, or proof that Obama shares Mandela’s love for communism, terrorism, and hating Israel. Plus, maybe Obama bowed. Check the video! Was that a bow? Castro’s shorter, so yeah, definitely a bow! Did he whisper state secrets into the communist leader’s ear? INPEACH! Besides, everybody knows you are supposed to spit on people at state funerals and then kick them in the nuts. This Barack Hussein Obama has obviously never read Miss Manners. Read more on Obama Touches Raul Castro’s Communist Fingers At Mandela Funeral, Wingnuts Outraged…
  the color green

Breitbart Unafraid To Ask: Why Is Oprah Winfrey Such A Racist Liar?

Did you know Oprah Winfrey “jumped into” the George Zimmerman trial, and she also has a movie coming out, and these two facts bond and twist together into a double helix of bad intent to make her the Greatest Race Hustler since the time Barack Obama was born in Kenya and dined alone, and also she is a bully and A Liar? Well John Nolte, a resident of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home for the Criminally Peevish, knows this, and brings you some Words bout it. You see, recently Oprah said a shop clerk in Switzerland had refused to show her the kind of purse that should have been immediate grounds for execution in any sane world, as it was $38,000 and “too expensive” for her. For Oprah. Yeah, you probably heard about that. But the clerk? DENIES IT. And says it NEVER HAPPENED. Probably because she is real mad that the entire country of Swisstown is mad at her for embarrassing it with her Magical Profiling of the Africkan-ess. And that? Is enough for Ghost Andrew Breitbart! Read more on Breitbart Unafraid To Ask: Why Is Oprah Winfrey Such A Racist Liar?…
  Find The Goof And Raze It

Ghost Breitbart Celebrates MLK Day By Trashing ‘Roots’ & Linking To Stormfront

When former (Republican) senator Lamar Alexander quoted Alex Haley, the author of Roots, at the Inauguration yesterday, Breitbart-remnant writer John Nolte knew exactly what was called for! You see, Alexander was a close friend of Haley (despite being a Republican — weird, right?), and invoked the late writer while introducing Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor: “The late Alex Haley, the author of ‘Roots,’ lived his life by these six words: ‘Find the good and praise it.’ Today we praise the American tradition of transferring or reaffirming immense power as we inaugurate the president of the United States.” For Nolte, it was as if the Dick Signal was lighting up the clouds on a moonless night. The minute he heard “Find the good and praise it,” he rushed to the Interwebs of Justice and “tweeted out the fact that Haley’s seminal work was a fraud”: Read more on Ghost Breitbart Celebrates MLK Day By Trashing ‘Roots’ & Linking To Stormfront…
  once you go barack you never go back

Wingnuts Terrified: Black Man Coming For, Possibly On, Their Daughters

You wanna see something really scary? “First he asked for your wedding gifts, then your yard sales and now he has asked for your daughters.” Dun dun DUN. That’s right. The most scariest thing that could ever have happened has happened, right here in our own US of A. A woman made a video acting like she wanted Pimp in Chief Barack Obama to do sex on her young white body, and the wingnuts are reacting exactly as you’d expect: by rolling their eyes and going “eh, if we were libtards we would think that was funny we guess, but we’re not so we don’t” and then moving onto something important. HAHA just kidding. No. They are fainting in horror and screeching and wailing that mildly racy dialogue (if it were 1924) of young white women implying doing sex on Barack Obama will result in his landslide defeat. Let us watch them gnash their teeth and tear their hair, together, after the jump. Read more on Wingnuts Terrified: Black Man Coming For, Possibly On, Their Daughters…
  Circular Shootout at the Big Breitbart Corral

Ghost Breitbart’s ‘Happy Cult’ Degenerates Into Sad Mess Of Confusion And Backbiting

As we all know from the plot of virtually every big Hollywood gangster movie ever made, when there’s a gang of loutish thugs and the head lout is removed, the remaining loutish thugs invariably turn on each other in a frenzy of loutishness and thuggery. This is apparently what is going on at rightwing internet concern Breitbart.com following the sudden death of Andrew Breitbart on March 1 of this year, according to this juicy Buzzfeed story by McKay Coppins, which says the late lout’s “web empire” is now “plagued by an unusual degree of disorganization and rampant infighting as his disciples battle for ownership of his legacy.” Golly. No one could have seen THAT coming! Read more on Ghost Breitbart’s ‘Happy Cult’ Degenerates Into Sad Mess Of Confusion And Backbiting…
  girl on walrus

‘Big Hollywood’ Saves America from Candy And Chewing Gum Company’s Pro-Bestiality Agenda

Has John Nolte of the Breitbart remnant blog Big Hollywood gone completely nuts, or has he perhaps just read so much of his own bullshit that he is incapable of distinguishing his usual brand of faux outrage from absurd self-parody? Or is he actually indulging in self-parody? It would be irresponsible not to speculate! How else can we explain his thoroughly bizarre post that purports to expose the sinister purpose behind a rather odd advertisement for Skittles? Is Nolte serious, or is this a brilliant example of Poe’s Law in action? Consider, if you will, the stilted intro to the piece: Skittles is sold and manufactured by the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company and according to Merriam-Webster, one of the definitions of bestiality is: sexual relations between a human being and a lower animal Read more on ‘Big Hollywood’ Saves America from Candy And Chewing Gum Company’s Pro-Bestiality Agenda…