Tag: John Nolte

You can tell he's being silly because his appleheaded vagina mouth is in the "giggle" position.

Donald Trump Just Teasing, Won’t Commit Murder To Test Idiot Fans’ Loyalty

Donald J. Trump's jokes are too funny for average people to understand sometimes. This weekend, he said, "I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters, OK? It’s, like, incredible."...

GOP Excited Gov. Nikki Haley Is Such Brown, So Lady

Good news for South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley! On Tuesday, she managed to deliver the most successful Republican response to a State of the Union address in recent memory. She hit all the right notes: Obama sucks; yay America;...

Barack Obama Proposes A Few Minor Tweaks To Prevent Gun Deaths, Usual Freakout Ensues

Now that Barack Obama has nullified the Second Amendment and grabbed all the guns, we'd like to look back at the speech in which he sounded the death knell of freedom for approximately the 1,485th time in his presidency....
Why's everybody always picking on him? He's a winner!

Dead Breitbart: Why Are All These Black People Forcing Trump Supporters To Kick Their Ass?

Hey, you know how Donald Trump's rally in Las Vegas Monday was disrupted by a number of liberal protesters, and Trump supporters went Full Brownshirt on them, yelling unpleasant things like "Kick his ass!" "Shoot him!" or "Light the...

Wingnuts Tell Commie Pope To Get A Brain, Moran

The rightwing freakout over Pope Francis and his betrayal of all good things (unfettered capitalism) continues, and it seems that his address to a joint meeting of Congress doesn't seem to have made them a lot happier, probably because...

Even Your Favorite Chips Come In Homo Gaysexual Lesbian Rainbow Flavor Now

BREAKING NEWS FLASH SIREN ALERT TRIGGER WARNING DEFCON 69! Look what is being crammed down your throat now! It is what used to be your favorite snacky treat, from the makers of all those Cool Habanero Nacho Fiery Ranch Doritos...

Virginia Journalist Killer Was Black Man, And Wingnuts Are ON IT

By now, you've heard the gruesome news, unless you work at a bar and you're just now getting up. A disgruntled former employee of WDBJ-TV in Roanoke allegedly carried out a plan to murder two of his former colleagues,...
The threat is real.

Dead Breitbart Real Upset How Gay Rainbow Flag Murdered Those Marines In Chattanooga

Ever since June 26, the day which will live in infamy, when the Supreme Court gave America the right gay throatcramming she deserved, wingnuts have been observed in various states of utter, pants-shitting meltdown. And much of it, against...
Yeah, those are totally the same.

Oppressed Wingnuts: Please Stop Lynching Us With Gay Rainbow Flag!

The Confederate "Rebel" flag has stood as a symbol, for decades upon decades, of black people being enslaved, oppressed under Jim Crow laws, being LYNCHED simply for who they are. The rainbow gay pride flag is a pretty rainbow...
Unlike wingnuts, that ugly dog is actually lovable.

Wingnuts React To Charleston Church Shooting With Thoughtful Gravitas We’ve Come To Expect

Our headline is a flat-out lie. Wednesday night in Charleston, a white gunman identified as Dylann Storm Roof allegedly sat and prayed with black churchgoers at a bible study for an hour, and then opened fire, killing nine people, including...
parking not included

Pricey New York Real Estate Proves Global Warming Is A Hoax, Obviously

Were you concerned conservatives would never locate the real "smoking gun" that proves the Great Global Warming Hoax? Well, hold on to your coal, Holy Rollers, because Breitbart LLC finally unearthed definitive proof of the Greenstapo’s climate conspiracy: New York...
Everybody needs a nap now and then

Wingnuts Pretty Mad At Obama For Letting Himself Be Killed Like That

This Secret Service thing, huh? It's quite a mess, and by golly, the right is just outraged that the agency is doing such a crappy job of defending the president they hate. Thank heavens they know who's responsible for...
Great question, if you're A Idiot

Today Is Michael Brown’s Funeral So Of Course Wingnuts Are Pissed About That

Today is the funeral of Michael Brown, the unarmed teenager shot to death by Officer Darren Wilson. For people made of actual human being parts, this is a sad and solemn affair. However, in wingnut world, where Officer Wilson...
Golf is dumb

A Children’s Treasury Of Perfectly Sane Responses To Obama’s Lost Golf Ball

Barack Obama: golfing President, or golfing TYRANT!? That's the hot question from the Top Conservatives on Twitter today, after Instagram user larrydoh found one of Obama's errant shots in the woods at Congressional Country Club and then 'grammed it...

SNL Has Gall To Hire Funny Black Lady Sasheer Zamata Without Consulting The Daily Caller First

After not having a female cast member of color on the show since 2007, Saturday Night Live got its act together and is bringing Sasheer Zamata on as the first female comedian of color since Maya Rudolph left. A...

Barack Obama Puts Duck Dynasty Guy In Free Speech Prison

A&E Network has suspended Phil Robertson, star of the Duck Dynasty teevee program, following his charming opinions on teh gheys and what they do with their man-parts. In a recent interview in GQ, Robertson explained that “It seems like,...