Tag Archives: john murtha

  payday for the post!

Lockheed Martin Thinks It’s So Cool, Buying Death Ads All Willy Nilly…

Look, one of those rare humans who procured a print copy of today’s Washington Post noticed that evil war and death corporation Lockheed Martin purchased a creepy full-page, full-color “In Memoriam” ad to “honor” dead Jack Murtha, replete with company logo! And slogan! Right there! Read more on Lockheed Martin Thinks It’s So Cool, Buying Death Ads All Willy Nilly……
  breaking deaths

THE MURTHA IS DEAD, THE MURTHA IS DEAD: Whoa hey: “Rep. John Murtha (D-Pa.), 77, a Vietnam veteran who staunchly supported military spending and became a master of pork-barrel politics, died today following gallbladder surgery at Virginia Hospital Center.” THERE, HAPPY NOW, REPUBLICANS? [Washington Post] Read more on …
  math numbers

Here’s Your ‘Sunday Electoral Map Analysis,’ Lozers!

My stars, what a fun Wonkette Weekend we are having! We decided to start posting everyday through the election after you people kept e-mailing us about how we are lazy. Well fine, you’ve got your weekend “phunnies,” lunatics, and it comes at the expense of Jesus sending us to Hell for working on a Sunday, so, um, yeah, there’s that, right? Not that any of you Muslims would understand. HA, we joke, we love posting (??) so much that we will now take a thorough look at the state of the Electoral Map for the first time in a while, for those of you who get off on incomprehensible math-porn. Read more on Here’s Your ‘Sunday Electoral Map Analysis,’ Lozers!…
 

Tricks, Dicks

* John Boehner is not supposed to mention the immigration bill is “a piece of shit.” [On Call] * Fred Thompson frees his son from the burden of leaching off his father’s PAC. [MoJo] * John Murtha only eats breakfast with people whose planes he can buy. [Worldwidestandard] * “Fucking Maureen Dowd is like launching a bottle rocket into the Grand Canyon.” [Rude Pundit] * All you ever needed to know about political history you learned from watching Point Break. [McSweeneys] Read more on Tricks, Dicks…
 

The Funk of 40,000 Years

* Robert Novak will let you call him “angel tits” if you just buy his book. [Political Wire] * Real Christians know, “a Vote for Romney is a Vote for Satan.” [MoJo] * Tom Friedman thinks Americans are too smart to listen to anything Lou Dobbs says. [Passport] * John Murtha hates the war in Iraq, loves the war on drugs. [Hit & Run] * John Edwards promises $400 haircuts for every American. [Captain’s Quarters] * Jim Lehrer senility check: He refuses to “assume the president of the U..S is lying.” Yup, lost it. [Romenesko] * Dennis Kucinich will save the world if you’ll just say his fucking name right. [PrezVid] Read more on The Funk of 40,000 Years…
 

Rumors On The Internets: Viva La Manassas

* The instant Congress recognizes those Indian tribes in Virginia, you’ll get sweet, sweet “casino gambling in the Commonwealth.” [Congress Blog] * But never hit the roulette table with Joe Trippi, that guy just can’t pick a winner. [Political Wire, On Call] * The Politico: Reading at a 4th grade level should be no barrier to in-depth political news. [Romenesko] * Communist John Murtha thinks everyone should have an equal opportunity to get ‘sploded in Baghdad. [HuffPo] * Staffers incessant wearing of Che Guevara themed novelty shirts proves the BBC is evil. [YouTube] * Those presidential candidates are just so quirky. [McSweeney’s] Read more on Rumors On The Internets: Viva La Manassas…
 

Meet the Newt Gingrich of Eagles

Beloved bald eagles George and Martha thrilled Washington for years, but tragedy struck in the form of an evil eagle bitch who hated Martha. After two attacks, vets had to euthanize Martha, who was named for Rep. John Murtha. Read more on Meet the Newt Gingrich of Eagles…
 

Gossip Roundup: Taco Salad Days

* Heard on the Hill: Sam Farr’s offices mascot needs a name. It’s a platypus… Bush is giving the commencement address at a school in Murtha’s district. They will fight… House Taco Salad Wednesday controversy continues. [Roll Call] * Reliable Source: Adrian Fenty can’t stop running marathons. [WP] * Yeas and Nays: Mike Love wants James Inhofe to be nicer to Al Gore, stop writing such pretentious songs… People are sarcastically vandalizing Louie Gohmert’s wikipedia page! … Bill Frist, douche, went into Cosi, grabbed free bread, left. [Examiner] * Shenanigans: Look at a list of the ten “sexiest bachelors in Washington” and get depressed… Look at some new MySpace thing for political people and get depressed… Yvette D. Clarke hates Bob Hope. [Politico] * The Sleuth: John Kerry obsessively checking his Amazon rank… People keep trying to make us care about Fred Thompson. [WP] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Taco Salad Days…
 

Daily Briefing: Dear John

* John Edwards will make a “serious” announcement today at noon, but will continue to resent Elizabeth Edwards for life. [WP, NYT] * “Partisan witch hunt” is on! House subpoenas K. Rova, Albeady Gonzales, JoBo, Blanche Miers and more! [WP, NYT] * Al Gore comes back to Capitol Hill just as “shrill” and “accurate” as when he left. [WP, NYT] * Anti-war protesters at the Capitol feel safe under the “impressive bulk” of John Murtha. [WP] * Several of the fired attorneys were the top seed in their divisions. [USAT] * Justice Department really has the black lung. [WP] * Congressional budget processzzzzzzzzz. [WP] * FDA moves to trim payola. [NYT, LAT] * Iraq funding bill has more farm aid than Willie Nelson. [USAT] Read more on Daily Briefing: Dear John…
 

A Blogger’s Confession: My Bad

Politico ed John Harris cops to being the guy responsible for “slow bleed,” the term that’s killed John Murtha’s Iraq-ending plan dead. He’s so guilty about it he wrote a couple hundred words noting how quickly it spread and how now everyone’s using it look at all the Nexis hits and oh woe is he he surely wouldn’t do that again! Read more on A Blogger’s Confession: My Bad…
 

Daily Briefing: Bombs Over Bagram

* Dick Cheney’s sleep disturbed by exploding bombs after a long day of playing grab-ass with South Asian dictators. [WP, NYT, NYT] * Majority of Americans bored to respond to polls favor withdrawal from Iraq. [WP] * Hillary Clinton is “caught” under-reporting her charity activities — whatever will she do? [WP] * Steny Hoyer is a scrappy battler who hates Pelosi, loves his dog. [WP] * John Murtha is not trying to “slow-bleed” the troops. In fact, he wants to make sure that “it’s the president who is bleeding.” [WSJ] * State Governors refuse to shut-up about poor kids without healthcare. [NYT] * In the search for more money, politicians inevitably find their way back to Cali, Cali. [LAT] Read more on Daily Briefing: Bombs Over Bagram…
 

Daily Briefing: Obama Sucks, A-Rod Swallows

* First Bush presser of ’07 “confirms” there are Iranians in Iraq. [WP, NYT] * This Iranian “Delta Force” is possibly operating outside of Iranian government control. Rambo couldn’t be reached for comment. [LAT] * Debate over the Iraq “I told you so” resolution went pretty quick. Waiting for John Murtha to count up the $100 billion, however, will take longer. [WP, NYT] * Rudy Giuliani might have to stop telling people to “get motivated” if he wants to “get elected.” [WP] * Libby Trial bloggers almost like real reporters, but more witty. Oh so witty. [NYT] * David Axelrod channels the political discourse of the angels, hangs with the brothers. [WP] * With a loaded husband and a well-connected brother-in-law, you too can be a Democratic lobbyist! [WSJ] Read more on Daily Briefing: Obama Sucks, A-Rod Swallows…
 

Bush’s Bold Plans To Exterminate Bald Eagle

Because it’s important to destroy the symbols of liberty, too, the White House will formally remove America’s Magical Bird — the majestic fish-eating Bald Eagle — from the Endangered Species list next month. Read more on Bush’s Bold Plans To Exterminate Bald Eagle…
 

Cartoon Violence Decides Who Lives And Who Dies

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons. So, what with the recent Democratic victory in the midterm elections, everyone knows that the People Have Spoken and there’ll be no more arguments or hate ever, right? Ha! That was a good one. No, in fact, there’ll just be more carnage, because the Democrats not only have to tackle a Republican president, but will also have to take on the one enemy who is always most pernicious to any Democrat: other Democrats. It’s going to be like an Elizabethan bear-baiting contest, but with fewer rules! And so, in honor of the upcoming carnage, we here at Cartoon Violence are pitting similarly themed entries from the week’s cartoons to decide who is the cartooniest. Read more on Cartoon Violence Decides Who Lives And Who Dies…
 

Main Stream Media Lies Exposed!

From the suddenly entertaining yet utterly unknown “Opinion L.A.” blog — a Top Secret site apparently run by the Los Angeles Times — comes a “bloggers are fools” story so perfect that all bloggers should be forced to read it aloud every morning. The short version goes like this: Read more on Main Stream Media Lies Exposed!…
 

Let’s All Laugh at Sad John Murtha

In fairness, this is the closest to a non-surprised expression we’ve ever seen on Nancy Pelosi’s face. But when did Rahm Emanuel become Donnie Darko? [Photo via the Baltimore Sun, who have now taken it down and burned it or something] Read more on Let’s All Laugh at Sad John Murtha…
 

Victory By Failure!

Arianna Huffington was really pushing Murtha this week — not just as House leader, but as “Person of the Year.” Now that everybody’s saying they knew all along that Duckman would win, we figured Arianna would pop up with something similar, but instead she’s claiming total victory for Pelosi because … nobody paid any attention to Pelosi. Read more on Victory By Failure!…
 

Stay In Your Basement and Drink Heavily!

We automatically tune out the cable-news Daily Weather Freakout because it’s always some trailer park in the south or whatever, but it appears there’s an actual Tornado Watch in DC, right now. Read more on Stay In Your Basement and Drink Heavily!…
 

BREAKING: TWO THINGS EVERYONE KNEW WOULD HAPPEN JUST HAPPENED

Nancy Pelosi was unanimously voted Speaker of the House (congrats, crazy hippie!), and Steny “Slightly Less Corrupt” Hoyer was elected Majority Leader, beating out John “Bribe Me Later” Murtha. The vote in the Majority Leader race: 149-86. The crazy race which made Trent Lott the House Whipper of Minorities was a helluva lot closer, but expect to see “Dems Divided: Speaker Pelosi’s Leadership Ability Questioned” pieces in your major papers by sundown. Read more on BREAKING: TWO THINGS EVERYONE KNEW WOULD HAPPEN JUST HAPPENED…
 

Is Murtha Brain Damaged?

John Murtha is sent over to convince the moderate “blue dog” Dems that he’s going to be a good majority leader, and this is what he says about Pelosi’s anti-corruption bill: “Even though I think it’s total crap, I’ll vote for it and pass it because that’s what Nancy wants.” Read more on Is Murtha Brain Damaged?…
 

Daily Briefing: Talking Foes Over Pho

* President Bush met yesterday with members of the Iraq study panel, said they have “interesting ideas.” [WP, NYT] * Nagging corruption allegations against John Murtha create questions about Nancy Pelosi’s support for him as majority leader. [WP, NYT] * President Bush begins trip to Asia today, will meet with Russia and China about best bullying tactics for Iran, Syria, and North Korea. [WSJ] * The House’s failure to pass a bill normalizing trade relations with Vietnam seen as an embarrassment to Bush before his arrival in Hanoi. [NYT] * Rudy Giuliani sets up presidential exploratory committee. [NYT] * Florida Senator Mel Martinez to become RNC figurehead when Ken Mehlman steps down in January to spend more time with his leather pants. [ , NYT] * Freshman lawmakers remarkably similar to freshman college students in giddy excitement, cluelessness. [WP, USAT] Read more on Daily Briefing: Talking Foes Over Pho…