We posted this image from a McCain campaign fundraising e-mail last November when the landscape of the election was (a) John McCain is flat broke but is the only Republican who can win this election and (b) Hillary Clinton is a deadly monster who can only be killed by the hero-prophet Walnuts. Hmm. Instead, Hillary Clinton somehow lost her party’s nomination, which made a bunch of old gals angry, which led John McCain to select a random vag for his running mate, which heavily contributed to his rather substantial defeat in last night’s election.

Just recently, my Wonkette inbox was quite atwitter with the glow of a message from “John McCain,” because the subject line was “Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.” OMG Thanks John McCain! That’s so nice and precious of you to send to me, considering I make fun of your swollen torture cheeks every day. Inside the e-mail, however, John tells his “Christmas Story,” and the first paragraph was the least “happy” or “merry” thing imaginable — like that new ad of his. Yeah yeah, he did all sorts of great sacrifices for Americans or some such. Still, um, TMI? We’ll take the less guilt-inducing road and just say, Merry Holidays, WALNUTS! [JohnMcCain.com]

John McCain’s latest e-mail came from… Senator Lindsey Graham! Apparently Graham joined his Mexican-loving colleague on his trip to Iraq for Thanksgiving, where the two wined and dined on some local fresh market fruit, said heya to the troops, maybe did each other a little bit. Too immature? Just look at that love letter! Oh my, these here boys and their Latino-spicy burrito love.

OK everyone, Wonkette is taking the rest of the afternoon off, so you’re free to stop reloading our homepage and go shopping for Christmas or the Jewish thing. (Unless, of course, you went to J.C. Penney at 4 a.m. and are already done.) Just remember: You can buy that Nintendo Wii for your child, or you can buy 20 phones for John McCain. WWJD?

John McCain sent out a shocking e-mail yesterday to campaign supporters: He has defeated the socialist hippie Hillary Clinton in the 2008 election — already! Aww. It’s like when you go to your great-grandfather’s 98th birthday party, and he brags that he used to know Mickey Mantle or Fred Astaire or somebody: Just nod your head, smile approvingly and wipe the spittle from his chin.

McCain Defeats Clinton [JohnMcCain.com]