Tag Archives: john mccain

  Yes we are entertained

John McCain Graciously Refuses To Tell Donald Trump To F*ck Himself In The Ear

Not a good day to be John McCain
Did you hear the one about how Donald Trump thinks John McCain is a L-O-S-E-R for getting captured and held as a prisoner of war that one time, in the Nam, for five and a half years? Of course you did, because we, along with the rest of the entire US of A, can’t stop talking about it. Read more on John McCain Graciously Refuses To Tell Donald Trump To F*ck Himself In The Ear…
  Four And A Half Weeks Alan

Donald Trump Can’t Believe People Don’t Like His Straight Talk On Loser POWs

Just put a Band-Aid on it, don't be so weak and unprofessional.
Just in case you hadn’t heard about Donald Trump’s very special weekend shitshow, he had a terrible horrible no-good very bad Saturday at the Family Leadership Summit in Ames, Iowa, where he made the mistake of talking smack about somebody other than Mexicans. In a Q & A with emcee Frank Luntz, Trump went after John McCain on the one thing Republicans do not want anyone questioning: his status as an honest-to-god “Five And A Half Years, Alan” war hero. Read more on Donald Trump Can’t Believe People Don’t Like His Straight Talk On Loser POWs…
  Here have some news n stuff

All Of U.S. America Was A Total Sh*t Show, How Was Your Weekend?

Oh sorry, it's not
So. It is work o’clock, Monday morning, and you’re eco-commuting to your job and sipping your vegan free trade zen tea, made with real zen, and scrolling through your iDevice to find out hmm, did anything of import happen this weekend? Because maybe you were not on the interwebs; instead, you were taking the kids to soccer practice, or perhaps drinking alone with your cat, or downing some hair of the dog with your sunglasses on — inside. Not that we’re judging. Read more on All Of U.S. America Was A Total Sh*t Show, How Was Your Weekend?…
  I know you is but what are I?

Stupid Donald Trump Says Rick Perry Is The Real Stupid

You're both a idiot
Don’t you just love the smell of stupids catfighting in the morning? Here is Gov. Rick Perry, trying to bitch-slap the guy who is currently kicking his ass so hard, Perry might not even scrape his way into the first Republican primary debate of “real” contenders (hahahahahahahaha, REAL CONTENDERS): Read more on Stupid Donald Trump Says Rick Perry Is The Real Stupid…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Was It Over When The Jews Bombed Pearl Harbor?

Hey, Kids, hope you enjoyed both your Fourth of July and your Independence Day, seeing as how this was one of those years where they fall on the same day. Yr Wonkette had a nice day off and hardly blowed up anything at all that didn’t need ‘splodin’. And speaking of “highly Flammable,” we have for you a fine collection of deleted dumbth, starting with some thoughts from a “Dr. Lopez,” who we regret did not specify what his doctorate was in. Dr Lopez was not especially pleased with our piece on the Texas attorney general who issued an amazing public meltdown in the form of a press release following the Supreme Court’s gay marriage ruling. And Dr. Lopez had some thoughts about just what a Big Dummy our Evan Hurst must be — don’t be fooled by his flattery at the beginning! As always, punctuation and spelling are verbatim from original. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Was It Over When The Jews Bombed Pearl Harbor?…
  Wonkette dance party

Here’s A Jaunty Gay-Hatin’ Campaign Song For Republicans, Since They Can’t Use Any Others

Republican creative type.
Republican candidates have this problem every single time they try to do campaigns. They think, “Hey, I have always loved that song by [insert artist here], I’ll use that!” And then they get a cease-and-desist letter, or a lawsuit, from the artist, saying “I hate you so much, you are not worthy of my song, you dirty disgusting wingnut.” It happened last week, when dumb Donald Trump thought it would be a good idea to use Neil Young’s “Rockin’ In The Free World” during his campaign announcement. No dice, Donald. But there is hope on the horizon! Read more on Here’s A Jaunty Gay-Hatin’ Campaign Song For Republicans, Since They Can’t Use Any Others…
  Detainees: They Can't Be Beat

Senate Votes To End Torture, Not That We Ever Did That

An elegant enhanced interrogation method from a more civilized age
As we know, the United States of America does not torture people. George Bush said we didn’t, and then Barack Obama officially ended it with an executive order, mostly, and then last fall the Senate released its report on all the torture that didn’t happen, and on Tuesday, the U.S. Senate voted to outlaw torture, which America has never done, but now we’ll really not do it ever again. Unless we decide we need to, maybe. But we almost certainly won’t, because we never have. Even though it works, and we like it! Read more on Senate Votes To End Torture, Not That We Ever Did That…
  Here have some news n stuff

Official ‘Kick Me’ Sign Now Available From Jeb! Bush Campaign Swag Shop

Jeb — sorry, Jeb! — Bush is joining the GOP clustermess, despite our sincere advice to spare himself the shame and not do that. He even has this handy logo that’s just been collecting dust in his basement since the ’90s, so might as well. And in case you haven’t heard him the first dozen times, he pinky-swears again that he is NOT going to be just like his brother: Read more on Official ‘Kick Me’ Sign Now Available From Jeb! Bush Campaign Swag Shop…
  they see him ridin' they hatin'

President Lindsey Graham Doesn’t Need First Lady, Hos Can Just Take Turns

The Lindsey Graham Sex Game Show, Starring Lindsey Graham
Confirmed bachelor and official ladies’ man Sen. Lindsey Graham, who is under the impression he is running for president, got asked a real tough question Tuesday: Hey, since you don’t have a pretty, doting wife, who will be the First Lady of America when you are president? Graham’s answer was very bad! No for serious, this is what he said, to the Daily Mail: Read more on President Lindsey Graham Doesn’t Need First Lady, Hos Can Just Take Turns…
  Send Lawyers Guns And Money. Mostly Money

Arizona Muslim-Hater Needs $10 Million To Save His Family, Mean GoFundMe Won’t Let Him Have It

Poor bastard can't even afford a shirt
Great American Patriot Jon Ritzheimer has had a wonderful and terrible week. He’s the nice fellow with the “Fuck Islam!” t-shirt who organized that big “Free Speech (and Hate Islam) Rally” at the Islamic Community Center of Phoenix last Friday, where armed idiots showed up to exercise their sacred right to be dicks, and to prove that Islam is very scary. Happily, the rally came off without anyone getting shot, thanks to a huge police presence. Oh, but Mr. Ritzheimer is now in fear for his life, because some idiots on Twitter threatened him, and now he needs to go into hiding to save his family, so would you all please donate to his GoFundMe? He figures $10 million should be enough to tide him over. Read more on Arizona Muslim-Hater Needs $10 Million To Save His Family, Mean GoFundMe Won’t Let Him Have It…
  war

Lindsey Graham Promises To Be Butchest, Scariest President EVER!

Nope.
Dignified and genteel Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-Other Southern White Guys) announced today that he will be seeking to lose the presidential election to Hillary Clinton, and he has two messages for US Americans: 1. He is the toughest, most badassed dude in the race, and all the foreigns are terrified of him; and 2. He is The Moderate Candidate who will bring Americans together, after our eight-year nightmare with the divisive Kenyan Socialist Commie named B. Hussein Obama. Read more on Lindsey Graham Promises To Be Butchest, Scariest President EVER!…
  They hate us for our freedoms or maybe just Rand Paul

Hero Rand Paul Saves America From NSA Spying, At Least Until Tuesday

I'm here to protect your freedom or at least ask for your vote
The Senate took the highly unusual step of working on the weekend to pass the USA Freedom Act — after it failed to do so and took a whole week off for Memorial Day anyway, like all regular Americans do. But while Majority Leader Mitch McConnell had wanted to pass a clean bill to protect our freedoms from the terrorists who want to read all our sexts and listen to our phone calls — oh wait, that’s the National Security Agency, not the terrorists, whatever — one brave senator stood in the way and blocked the bill, for freedom or at least for grandstanding and fundraising for his laughable presidential campaign: Read more on Hero Rand Paul Saves America From NSA Spying, At Least Until Tuesday…
  Not so excellent news for him though

Excellent News! John McCain Might Get His Butt Kicked, By A Girl

Not a good day to be John McCain
The crusty old crankypants senior senator from Arizona — who will never give up! never surrender! never stop being SO GODDAMNED BITTER about that time he didn’t get to be president, and then that other time he didn’t get to be president — has a problem, and that problem is that nobody likes him at all. (Except for his bastard son Sen. Lindsey Graham, but he doesn’t count, because no one likes him either.) But for reals, pretty much everyone hates John McCain. Democrats, obviously, but even in McCain’s blood red home state, he is WAY unpopular, as a recent poll shows: 71 percent of “very conservative” conservatives think he is sucking at his job like a porn star, but not in a good way. So it’s EXCELLENT NEWS for people who are not John McCain that Democratic Rep. Ann Kirkpatrick has announced she will save you, Arizona, from another six years of John McCain sucking on your behalf: Read more on Excellent News! John McCain Might Get His Butt Kicked, By A Girl…
  Vote Graham or he'll drone this dog

Lindsey Graham Running For President, Will Kill You For Your Thoughts If Elected

Dream on
Sen. Lindsey Graham, the southern gentleman from South Carolina, has been threatening for months to run for president, promising to be an excellent president for rich white men everywhere and to “literally use the military” to force Congress to do his bidding. Why does he think he can win? Who exactly does he think will vote for him? No idea, but we laughingly welcome him to the race, as he announced on Monday his intention to announce his intention to run for president, which is how presidential campaigns work nowadays. And he’s got a real optimistic Reaganesque morning in America pitch to voters: Read more on Lindsey Graham Running For President, Will Kill You For Your Thoughts If Elected…
  WALNUTS! studies abroad

John McCain Accidentally Joins Ukrainian Government, Bye John McCain!

He is very excited about his new job!
Hurray, John McCain finally gets to be president of something, and it is Ukraine! Oops that’s not right. John McCain has been appointed as a special presidential advisor in Ukraine, and either they forgot to tell him, or he applied for the job from a Craigslist ad and forgot all about it because OLD WALNUTS, but regardless, he never made sure it was allowed under Senate rules, so he may not get to become king of Ukraine after all: Read more on John McCain Accidentally Joins Ukrainian Government, Bye John McCain!…
  None Dare Call It Stupid

Oath-Keepers Founder: Let’s Hang John McCain For Being Hitler

In a better, stronger America, this sticker would be larger. Damn you, John McCain!
Hey, what are those charming Oath Keepers up to this week, as part of their Keeping of Oaths? How about the anti-government militia group’s founder, Stewart Rhodes, calling for Sen. John McCain to be tried for treason for his many crimey crimes and then “hung by the neck until dead,” maybe? Or in Militia-land, just another day of protecting America from its own elected government. Read more on Oath-Keepers Founder: Let’s Hang John McCain For Being Hitler…