Tag Archives: john mccain

  This will definitely work

President Lindsey Graham Will Be Great For Rich White Men

Here's one idea that will never work
Lindsey Graham, the senator from South Carolina, has always seemed content to be the third wheel, the sidekick, the woman behind behind the man. He was the weakest, most soft-spoken link in the ménage à trois that was John McCain and Joe Lieberman, until Joe was chased from office because even his own party of one, Connecticut for Lieberman, did not like him anymore. Lindsey got himself a slight promotion when newbie Sen. Kelly Ayotte was added to the team, but still, Lindsey’s usually been content to co-sign whatever John McCain says, to nod agreeably in the background, and only very rarely drag his southern charmed self onto the Sunday shows when John’s busy snarling at the kids to get off of one of his seven or eight or however many he has lawns. Read more on President Lindsey Graham Will Be Great For Rich White Men…
  strange but true but strange

Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now

Niche lifestyle brand Sarah Palin has endorsed a Democrat in Alaska’s race for governor. Really! Former Gov. Sarah Palin has endorsed gubernatorial candidate Bill Walker. […] “Last night my family, along with Byron and Toni Mallott, and our campaign staff attended a reception hosted by Todd and Sarah Palin at their lakeside property in Wasilla,” said Walker in a press release sent Wednesday. Bill Walker is not a Democrat; he’s a Palin pal who’s running as an independent. But Byron Mallott, Walker’s running mate since the two teamed up in a ballot reshuffle to screw over incumbent Republican Sean Parnell, totally nominally is a Democrat! Read more on Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now…
  Here have some news n stuff

Rand Paul Bravely Talks To Black People

So brave, so bold
Guess this counts as one of the exciting new Ideas! from the Republican Party. Black people: They’re people too! After meeting with NAACP leaders in Ferguson, Missouri, Sen. Rand Paul told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer that the Republicans Party’s biggest mistake in recent decades has been not reaching out to African-American voters. Read more on Rand Paul Bravely Talks To Black People…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Still Hates The GOP

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
This week’s installment of The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker is a little light on content, mostly because the Sarah Palin Channel is a little light on content — 80 percent of last week’s posts were just recycled clips from Sarah Palin’s Alaska. But Sarah did find the time for her version of an Ask Me Anything, and she managed to whip up this lovely word salad, along with a nice That’s Not What That Phrase Means vinaigrette. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Still Hates The GOP…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Home-Cooked, Hand-Clubbed Fish Dinner

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
Touch of context for those who are new to this series: a Wonkette commenter named Fartknocker ponied up the cash for us to get a subscription to Sarah Palin’s Internet Teevee Channel. The aim of this series is to allow the Wonketariat to snicker at Palin’s new thingy without ever exposing yrselves to the harmful gamma radiation emitted by the Sarah Palin Channel. You are welcome. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Home-Cooked, Hand-Clubbed Fish Dinner…
  We do not accept also too

Sarah Palin Apologizes To America, Finally

Kiss it.
Sarah Palin made an appearance on Sean Hannity’s TV Funhouse for Aggrieved White Men last night to do something she should have done a long time ago. She was brought on the show to discuss the finer points of American foreign policy as it relates to the Islamic State, which is right up there with winking and field dressing a moose on the List Of Things Sarah Palin Is Qualified To Do. And then…oh our dear G_d, she actually apologized. Raw Story and HuffPo bring us this story, which will make your liberal grinch hearts grow three sizes this day. Read more on Sarah Palin Apologizes To America, Finally…
  Senator Wingnut

John McCain Hearts James O’Keefe, Osama Bin Laden

douche
On Wednesday, the Senate’s Homeland Security Committee held hearings about possible terrorist infiltration of the nation’s southern border. This gave lifelike waxworks statue Sen. John McCain (R-Dang Fence) a chance to cite the spectacular work of “journalist” James O’Keefe in exposing the lack of security along a drainage ditch somewhere in the ass end of Texas. Or, as that area is known to everyone else, Texas. Read more on John McCain Hearts James O’Keefe, Osama Bin Laden…
  This is EXCELLENT news for you know who

Here’s Why John McCain Is On Your TV Every Day

Fuck this guy
John McCain is on cable news and Sunday morning talk shows more than anyone in the history of being on television, and sure, we’ve guessed it’s because bookers at every single news channel cannot be bothered to ask Google for the name and number of anyone else in America. But now, per the Washington Post’s interview with CNN Washington Bureau Chief Sam Feist, we have the answer: Read more on Here’s Why John McCain Is On Your TV Every Day…
  clipbait

Stephen Colbert Outraged At Obama On Behalf Of Hispanish Community

Damn you Obama! as usual
On Monday’s Colbert Report, Stephen brought us up to speed on all the complicated ins and out of immigration reform: Tonight, the latest news on immigration reform. There, you’re all caught up. He then gave President Obama the comedic tongue-lashing he so richly deserves for stealing the Republican plan to delay immigration forever by perpetually promising to deal with it “next year.” Read more on Stephen Colbert Outraged At Obama On Behalf Of Hispanish Community…
  Darrell Issa Sucks

More Proof That IRSgate Was F***ing Stupid

It’s Throwback Thursday Friday here at Wonkette, so let’s check in on one of our favorite scandal-not-scandals of last year, IRSgate. In the latest news, it turns out that the special inspector guy in charge of investigating the IRS, the guy whose report started this whole media circus, is a TOTAL PARTISAN HACK WHAT SUCKS AT HIS JERB: Read more on More Proof That IRSgate Was F***ing Stupid…
  Twitter History Is Bunk

John McCain Just Wants To Remind You How Iraq Got This Way (Obama)

Scary Monsters then, Scary Monsters now
John McCain is very upset with that wimpy Barack Obama for not announcing a new policy of bombing the ever-lovin’ bejeezus out of ISIS everywhere, and immediately after the President’s presser today, the Senator From Constant Seething just couldn’t wait to let us know that Obama was Morally Weak: Read more on John McCain Just Wants To Remind You How Iraq Got This Way (Obama)…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah’s Deeply Weird Ice Bucket Challenge

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
A man gave us money to watch the Sarah Palin Channel. That man was Fartknocker. The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge! It’s the viral video sensation that’s blowin’ up your teen’s sexxxphone, or it would be if teenagers still used Facebook. And now that she’s done creating a perfect truth echo-sphere, Sarah Palin’s aware of this Ice Bucket Challenge too. So when the owners of Wasilla’s local Arctic Cat retailer challenged Palin to dump some cold water on her head, the Snow Machine Princess of Seward’s Folly delivered. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah’s Deeply Weird Ice Bucket Challenge…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Penis Collecting, John McCain Does The Robot (Yes, Really) And Other News You Can Maybe Use

He's always been a great dancer
Would you like to start your day with some laughs, some tears, or maybe just go straight to the drinking? Of course you would! And we are here to help. You know things in Ferguson have gotten really ugly when CNN’s Don Lemon almost got arrested: Read more on Penis Collecting, John McCain Does The Robot (Yes, Really) And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  dial t for torture

John McCain Being A Big RINO Lib Squish Again, Just Because Arizona Tortured A Guy, Whatever

Hey look! ‘Grumpy dickwad’ John McCain took a break and decided to let ‘maverick-y sane-sounding’ John McCain come out and talk. And he said some things about that botched execution in Arizona, including telling Politico that it was “torture.” Does this mean that Gov. Brewer will get an extended vacation to Gitmo? Hot damn, we actually agree with the senior, very very senior Senator from Arizona! Something something doddering blind squirrel finds a walnut. Let’s sexplore!  Read more on John McCain Being A Big RINO Lib Squish Again, Just Because Arizona Tortured A Guy, Whatever…
  clipbait

John McCain Said Jon Stewart Often ‘Absolutely Wrong.’ That May Have Been A Bad Idea (Video)

Oh, it is ON
On Fox News recently, John McCain told Howard Kurtz that Jon Stewart was unfair to Republicans, but that it didn’t matter because Stewart is merely one of those lying late-night comedians: “When he says things that are absolutely wrong he gets away with it … It is what it is. I frankly have no beef with late night comedians who make fun of politicians. That’s the nature of the business.” Well Jon Stewart will not let this aggression stand, man. Read more on John McCain Said Jon Stewart Often ‘Absolutely Wrong.’ That May Have Been A Bad Idea (Video)…
  clipbait

John Oliver Reviews Every 4th Of July Fireworks Show In America (Video)

Last Week Tonight was off this weekend for Independence Day, or as they call it where John Oliver is from, “The Day of Colonial Aggression.” To make up for it, Oliver pre-recorded a brief tribute to every fireworks show in America, forever, explaining that in America we have a natural love for fireworks, since “they’re like sparkly guns you can shoot at the sky.” From his description of the frustrations of parking to the pointless applause for the fireworks as if we expected them to take a bow, Mr. Oliver has clearly proven his fitness to keep his green card. Oliver’s favorite fireworks are the ones that shoot off, travel a ways, and then unexpectedly go off in a furious detonation. “I love a slow explosion,” he says. “It reminds me of watching video of John McCain over time.” Read more on John Oliver Reviews Every 4th Of July Fireworks Show In America (Video)…
  if being wrong is wrong she don't wanna be right

John McCain And Jennifer Rubin Sittin’ In A Tree, Being W-R-O-N-G

Oh, golly, John McCain. You probably should have given this a bit more thought, maybe. When Jennifer Rubin says that you and the other two “amigos,” Kelly Ayotte and Martin Short Lindsey Graham, are “distinguished pols of the week,” because she thinks you’ve “been right about a lot of things lately,” that’s not necessarily the kind of achievement you especially want to brag about. Read more on John McCain And Jennifer Rubin Sittin’ In A Tree, Being W-R-O-N-G…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Literally Garrotes Republicans Who’ll Assist Any Nation But Ours (Video)

Jon Stewart called out Republicans’ schizoid thinking on priorities Thursday, skewering their relentless eagerness to fund military adventures anywhere in the world while refusing to “waste” any funds on the American people. When it comes to pouring money into a war, Stewart says, you never hear Republicans worrying about creating dependency: Basically, when we give other countries government assistance, they handle it great. But when we get it ourselves, we fuck it all up.” But it’s OK, because military spending keeps us safe. Except maybe from crumbling infrastructure, unequal schools, inadequate healthcare, global warming, and of course a whole lot of shootings every day. But those aren’t terrorism, now are they? Read more on Jon Stewart Literally Garrotes Republicans Who’ll Assist Any Nation But Ours (Video)…
  the enema of my enema

Here’s A Picture Of John McCain Hanging Out With ‘ISIS’ (Not-ISIS) Freedom Fighters In 2013 (Updated)

Update: As we suspected, this story was sketchy. See end of post. So here’s a heck of a thing: Back in May 2013, Forever Warmonger John McCain was really excited about the prospects of arming the Syrian moderates who were fighting to free that country from the iron grip of Bashar al-Assad. He even sneaked into the country to meet with the head of the Free Syrian Army, Gen. Salim Idris, the fellow in the striped shirt there (Idris was ousted in February of this year). Only one small problem with the little photo-op: In addition to Idris, some of the other guys in the pic are apparently members of a slightly less “moderate” group: ISIS, the guys who are currently bringing down Iraq, and the photo is reportedly being circulated by ISIS as proof of their legitimacy. Oops. Read more on Here’s A Picture Of John McCain Hanging Out With ‘ISIS’ (Not-ISIS) Freedom Fighters In 2013 (Updated)…
  clipbait

Stephen Colbert Is Loving The Iraq Pack’s Reunion Tour (Video)

On Thursday’s Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert welcomed the reunion tour of his favorite band, even though they’re all just playing the base. John McCain is absolutely right, Stephen says: in 2009, America had the war won, “when we left Iraq a peaceful, smoldering democracy.” And even the leader of the Iraq Pack, Old Dead Eyes, is back, even if that mean old liberal Megyn Kelly is attacking him. Read more on Stephen Colbert Is Loving The Iraq Pack’s Reunion Tour (Video)…
  gop adhd

A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful Reactions To The Capture Of That Top Benghazi Suspect

So you might think that this would be something that wingnuts would be happy about: U.S. Special Forces have captured Ahmed Abu Khattala, one of the suspected ringleaders of the attack on the American diplomatic compound in Benghazi. He was captured in a raid in Libya and will be brought to the United States for trial on terrorism charges. But actually, they have a lot of mixed feels, man. On the one hand, it’s probably a good thing. On the other hand, isn’t there something awfully suspicious about the fact that Barack Obama, who didn’t care about the 4 Americans Killed at Benghazi, has all of a sudden gone and captured Khattala? What’s the real story, anyway? Is this just a big distraction from the Bergdahl deal? Just what the hell is Obama up to??? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful Reactions To The Capture Of That Top Benghazi Suspect…