Tag Archives: john mccain

  No country for Lindsey Graham

Forget Bushes And Clintons: John McCain Will Start Dynasty With ‘Illegitimate Son’ Lindsey Graham

Southern gentleman and South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham appeared on “Meet the Press” on Sunday — guess John McCain was busy blah blahing on all the other Sunday shows — to say that he is definitely considering running for president if he can find enough rich white men to vote him into office. (Nope, he cannot. But he already knows that, on account of how he said so in 2012, when, in an odd moment of honesty he confessed that his beloved Grand Ol’ Party is “not generating enough angry white guys to stay in business for the long term.”) Read more on Forget Bushes And Clintons: John McCain Will Start Dynasty With ‘Illegitimate Son’ Lindsey Graham…
  Yup this should work

Republicans Demand Obama Declare Holy War, Invade France

Good plan
It used to be that Republicans wouldn’t have to hate President Obama so much if only he had the Dad Jeans to call terrorist attacks by their rightful name, which he has never done. But that was ages ago, and now that the president, ever the appeaser, has started using the T-word for the first time ever, there’s a whole new standard. Sure, the president said the slaughter at Parisian satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo’s office was a “terrorist attack” and that his administration would “help bring these terrorists to justice.” But that’s still sort of wishy-washy in today’s even more terroristical climate, don’t you think? How do we know he really, truly understands the seriousness of a terrorist attack if he’s only willing to call it a terrorist attack? Read more on Republicans Demand Obama Declare Holy War, Invade France…
  pow! right in the kisser!

2014: The Year Bristol Palin And Her Mom, Ol’ Whatsername, Made All Our Dreams Come True

She's all out of makeup, frankly.
There’s this lady, Sarah Palin, you wouldn’t know her. She flitted through the public consciousness for a hot minute in 2008, and then was never heard from again. Haha, spoiler alert, yes she was. We’re sorry. But aside from all Sarah Palin’s usual hijinks, most of which involved either racism or grift (because like we said, “usual”), there was one glorious moment in 2014 in which all the Palin clan’s true class became as crystal clear as the finest Coors Lite. And it lasted like a month. Read more on 2014: The Year Bristol Palin And Her Mom, Ol’ Whatsername, Made All Our Dreams Come True…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: The Greatest Gift Of All

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
This week, Sarah Palin pumped out a lot of Christmas-themed content, showing us that it is truly better to give than to receive, so long as you’re giving to the Sarah Palin Channel. On closer inspection, all her Christmas videos are from the same filming session, thus further proving our theory that the Sarah Palin Channel is the most ruthlessly efficient grift going. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: The Greatest Gift Of All…
  Maybe they hate us for our stupid

Donald Trump And Fox & Friends: It’s Cool, Sydney Hostage-Takers, CIA Was ‘Just Following Orders’

YOOOOGE idiots
You may be aware of a hostage situation in a Lindt chocolate shop in Sydney, Australia. Because it appears to be politically motivated, and the gunmen have reportedly displayed an ISIS (or Muslim or Those People, who knows!) flag in the window, it is therefore the perfect opportunity for the idiots at Fox & Friends to invite Expert On All Things Donald Trump to explain this situation, and of course how it is further evidence that America now sucks, thanks a lot, Obama! Trump is an expert on Those People, and as the Fox hosts point out, he also lives near a Lindt chocolate shop. So he’s got that added personal insight. Read more on Donald Trump And Fox & Friends: It’s Cool, Sydney Hostage-Takers, CIA Was ‘Just Following Orders’…
  he looks good with a beard! no an actual beard

Jerk Obama Laughed At Michele Bachmann’s Great Idea To Bomb Iran, What A Jerk

We will always love you, The Bachmanns
via Michele Bachmann’s Facebook page Man, we are really going to miss Rep. Michele Bachmann. And not just because of her fabulous fashion sense and even more fabulous husband sense, or her riveting speeches on how much she loves God and freedom, but also because of sparkly rhinestones like this. Read more on Jerk Obama Laughed At Michele Bachmann’s Great Idea To Bomb Iran, What A Jerk…
  Rectal Infusions Of American Exceptionalism

Fox News Explains America Is The Best, So Who Cares About Torture?

This isn't about democracy, this is about politics. Which Democracy doesn't need.
The nice folks at Fox News are pretty darn angry about the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on the CIA’s post-9/11 torture program, but not about anything revealed in the report. No, the great patriots at Fox are mostly angry that the report is being released at all, especially at a time when it will distract from the very important appearance of Obamacare Archfiend Jonathan Gruber, who’s testifying before a House panel today. Obviously, the Dems are just trying to cover up the War Crimes of the Affordable Care Act by nattering on about some Muslims who got their feelings hurt. OK, and at least one guy who was a case of mistaken identity died of hypothermia, and two other guys who were tortured even though they had already worked as CIA informants. But they never called the American people stupid, now did they? You see, it’s all about priorities. Let’s see how Fox Fair And Balanced the shit out of the torture report today! Read more on Fox News Explains America Is The Best, So Who Cares About Torture?…
  Obviously a distraction from SomethingElseGhazi

GOP Senators Would Rather Not Talk About Torture, Thanks. Or ‘Torture.’

Still the worst
It sure would be nice if we could put aside our partisan differences for just one half of one second to agree that torturing people — by, for example, raping prisoners with food, or, for another example, killing them — is bad and wrong, and we shouldn’t do that. But yeah, sure, right, whatEVER. This is America, where the one and only time we can agree on anything at all is that Nazis suck. Read more on GOP Senators Would Rather Not Talk About Torture, Thanks. Or ‘Torture.’…
  What Part Of 'Don't Torture' Is So Hard To Get?

Does John McCain Really Have To Remind You About Torture Again, You A**holes?

Not a good day to be John McCain
We are, on the whole, not huge fans of John McCain here at Yr Wonkette. There’s the angry mood swings — mostly from one variety of anger to another; the petulance; the desire to bomb America’s way to greatness again; and of course the fact that he inflicted that vice-presidential candidate of his on America. But for all that, we’ll also give him credit for having always been solid on why America shouldn’t use torture: not only does it not work, it’s just plain un-American. If there’s one thing he actually earned from those FIVE AND A HALF YEARS ALAN, it’s credibility on the topic of torture. Read more on Does John McCain Really Have To Remind You About Torture Again, You A**holes?…
  sucks to be you

Obama Taps Some Nerd To Babysit Wars For Next Two Years

Some guy, who knows?
Ever since the White House told Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel to GTFO, pretty much every potential replacement for the job has been busy shouting “Not it!” Because really, what sane person would want the thankless job of overseeing our various international clusterfucks? After, that is, undergoing what would inevitably be an excruciating confirmation process with the soon-to-be Republican-controlled Senate, who will oppose anyone nominated by Obama because ugh, Obama. Heck, even the Senate Republicans were none too thrilled when the president nominated Chuck Hagel, who had been one of them because ugh, Obama. Read more on Obama Taps Some Nerd To Babysit Wars For Next Two Years…
  Let's Focus On The Real Monster Here

John ‘God Did The Holocaust’ Hagee Thinks Barack Obama’s An Anti-Semite

Unclear whether Obama is God's Will or just bad luck
Wingnut San Antonio pastor John Hagee, who memorably explained that the Holocaust was God’s gift to the Jews so they could return to Israel, told the Zionist Organization of America Sunday that Barack Obama is anti-Semitic because he is too friendly with Iran. Read more on John ‘God Did The Holocaust’ Hagee Thinks Barack Obama’s An Anti-Semite…
  Listen to the man with an onion around his belt

John McCain Snarls At Young GOP Punks To Get Off His Lawn

Ugh, kids these days
Sure, you might think the whole Republican Party has gone round the bend and off the deep end about President Obama’s decision to destroy America (again!) with his unprecedented executive action on immigration. But no, that is A Illusion because a few young congressional newbies are making it look that way. So sayeth Sen. John Bitterpants McCain, always the voice of reason and rationality (unless there is a slight problem with The Economy, in which case drop everything and proceed immediately to crapping in your Depends, or unless someone somewhere isn’t currently being bombed). Read more on John McCain Snarls At Young GOP Punks To Get Off His Lawn…
  She Is A Expert

Meghan McCain: Get Your Own Damn Rich Family, America

OMG, you guys, we are so psyched that Meghan McCain, the young “writer” with the charm of curdled egg nog who pulled herself up by her own stilettos (and also is the daughter of John McCain, which is totally irrelevant), finally figured out for us what is wrong with America. Guess. Read more on Meghan McCain: Get Your Own Damn Rich Family, America…
  Here have some news n stuff

Excellent News: John McCain Talks To ‘Smart’ People, Knows Stuff

He is very excited about his new job!
This interview with Sen. John Grumpypants McCain is a real hoot if you think rolling your eyes repeatedly until you get dizzy, fall down, and vomit is fun. Oh, plus McCain totally stomping on Ted Cruz’s dreams. Wait, that is pretty fun.Here are some fun facts you can learn about one of the world’s sorest losers: He “wrote” a “book” with his “creative partner Mark Salter.” It’s all about blah blah who cares boring zzzzzzzz yawn. Like we really think John McCain wrote a single word of it his own self? Nope, we do not. On immigration reform, he is really feeling the fierce urgency of whenever: Read more on Excellent News: John McCain Talks To ‘Smart’ People, Knows Stuff…
  Stop Impeaching Yourself

GOP Really Wishes Obama Would Stop Trying To Bait Them Into Impeachment

Dear GOP please impeach me kthxbai
Look, Republicans do not want to have to impeach President Obama. They have said it time and time again. Sen. John McCain said he really did not want to have to impeach Obama for warring on Syria. And in 2013, when the GOP House caucus had a secret meeting to talk about impeaching the president, they didn’t even want to use the “I word.” When Texas Rep. Blake Farenthold said the House would totally impeach Obama if it weren’t for that dumb obstructionist Democrat-controlled Senate, he probably didn’t even mean that. (Yes he did.) And when never-gonna-be-president Mike Huckabee said the actual president “has done plenty of things worthy of impeachment,” he was probably just speaking hypothetically. Read more on GOP Really Wishes Obama Would Stop Trying To Bait Them Into Impeachment…
  excellent news for john mccain

John McCain Knows Who Is To Blame For Palin Brawl: Katie Couric, Probably

“Shit happens, you know?” — John McCain, mostly. John McCain was minding John McCain’s own business, getting interviewed on the teevee, as one does when one is John McCain and it is a day. But darn the liberal media at Phoenix television station KTVK! They just would not stop asking him about the fact that the woman he chose as his vice presidential running mate has birthed a passel of failing, crying, shoeless hillbillies who crash people’s parties and sucker-punch the host! Read more on John McCain Knows Who Is To Blame For Palin Brawl: Katie Couric, Probably…
  This will definitely work

President Lindsey Graham Will Be Great For Rich White Men

Here's one idea that will never work
Lindsey Graham, the senator from South Carolina, has always seemed content to be the third wheel, the sidekick, the woman behind behind the man. He was the weakest, most soft-spoken link in the ménage à trois that was John McCain and Joe Lieberman, until Joe was chased from office because even his own party of one, Connecticut for Lieberman, did not like him anymore. Lindsey got himself a slight promotion when newbie Sen. Kelly Ayotte was added to the team, but still, Lindsey’s usually been content to co-sign whatever John McCain says, to nod agreeably in the background, and only very rarely drag his southern charmed self onto the Sunday shows when John’s busy snarling at the kids to get off of one of his seven or eight or however many he has lawns. Read more on President Lindsey Graham Will Be Great For Rich White Men…
  strange but true but strange

Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now

Wait, you're saying she was still on Fox? Huh.
Niche lifestyle brand Sarah Palin has endorsed a Democrat in Alaska’s race for governor. Really! Former Gov. Sarah Palin has endorsed gubernatorial candidate Bill Walker. […] “Last night my family, along with Byron and Toni Mallott, and our campaign staff attended a reception hosted by Todd and Sarah Palin at their lakeside property in Wasilla,” said Walker in a press release sent Wednesday. Bill Walker is not a Democrat; he’s a Palin pal who’s running as an independent. But Byron Mallott, Walker’s running mate since the two teamed up in a ballot reshuffle to screw over incumbent Republican Sean Parnell, totally nominally is a Democrat! Read more on Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now…
  Here have some news n stuff

Rand Paul Bravely Talks To Black People

So brave, so bold
Guess this counts as one of the exciting new Ideas! from the Republican Party. Black people: They’re people too! After meeting with NAACP leaders in Ferguson, Missouri, Sen. Rand Paul told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer that the Republicans Party’s biggest mistake in recent decades has been not reaching out to African-American voters. Read more on Rand Paul Bravely Talks To Black People…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Still Hates The GOP

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
This week’s installment of The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker is a little light on content, mostly because the Sarah Palin Channel is a little light on content — 80 percent of last week’s posts were just recycled clips from Sarah Palin’s Alaska. But Sarah did find the time for her version of an Ask Me Anything, and she managed to whip up this lovely word salad, along with a nice That’s Not What That Phrase Means vinaigrette. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Still Hates The GOP…