Tag Archives: john mccain

  Listen to the man with an onion around his belt

John McCain Snarls At Young GOP Punks To Get Off His Lawn

Ugh, kids these days
Sure, you might think the whole Republican Party has gone round the bend and off the deep end about President Obama’s decision to destroy America (again!) with his unprecedented executive action on immigration. But no, that is A Illusion because a few young congressional newbies are making it look that way. So sayeth Sen. John Bitterpants McCain, always the voice of reason and rationality (unless there is a slight problem with The Economy, in which case drop everything and proceed immediately to crapping in your Depends, or unless someone somewhere isn’t currently being bombed). Read more on John McCain Snarls At Young GOP Punks To Get Off His Lawn…
  She Is A Expert

Meghan McCain: Get Your Own Damn Rich Family, America

OMG, you guys, we are so psyched that Meghan McCain, the young “writer” with the charm of curdled egg nog who pulled herself up by her own stilettos (and also is the daughter of John McCain, which is totally irrelevant), finally figured out for us what is wrong with America. Guess. Read more on Meghan McCain: Get Your Own Damn Rich Family, America…
  Here have some news n stuff

Excellent News: John McCain Talks To ‘Smart’ People, Knows Stuff

He even amazes himself
This interview with Sen. John Grumpypants McCain is a real hoot if you think rolling your eyes repeatedly until you get dizzy, fall down, and vomit is fun. Oh, plus McCain totally stomping on Ted Cruz’s dreams. Wait, that is pretty fun.Here are some fun facts you can learn about one of the world’s sorest losers: He “wrote” a “book” with his “creative partner Mark Salter.” It’s all about blah blah who cares boring zzzzzzzz yawn. Like we really think John McCain wrote a single word of it his own self? Nope, we do not. On immigration reform, he is really feeling the fierce urgency of whenever: Read more on Excellent News: John McCain Talks To ‘Smart’ People, Knows Stuff…
  Stop Impeaching Yourself

GOP Really Wishes Obama Would Stop Trying To Bait Them Into Impeachment

Dear GOP please impeach me kthxbai
Look, Republicans do not want to have to impeach President Obama. They have said it time and time again. Sen. John McCain said he really did not want to have to impeach Obama for warring on Syria. And in 2013, when the GOP House caucus had a secret meeting to talk about impeaching the president, they didn’t even want to use the “I word.” When Texas Rep. Blake Farenthold said the House would totally impeach Obama if it weren’t for that dumb obstructionist Democrat-controlled Senate, he probably didn’t even mean that. (Yes he did.) And when never-gonna-be-president Mike Huckabee said the actual president “has done plenty of things worthy of impeachment,” he was probably just speaking hypothetically. Read more on GOP Really Wishes Obama Would Stop Trying To Bait Them Into Impeachment…
  excellent news for john mccain

John McCain Knows Who Is To Blame For Palin Brawl: Katie Couric, Probably

“Shit happens, you know?” — John McCain, mostly. John McCain was minding John McCain’s own business, getting interviewed on the teevee, as one does when one is John McCain and it is a day. But darn the liberal media at Phoenix television station KTVK! They just would not stop asking him about the fact that the woman he chose as his vice presidential running mate has birthed a passel of failing, crying, shoeless hillbillies who crash people’s parties and sucker-punch the host! Read more on John McCain Knows Who Is To Blame For Palin Brawl: Katie Couric, Probably…
  This will definitely work

President Lindsey Graham Will Be Great For Rich White Men

Here's one idea that will never work
Lindsey Graham, the senator from South Carolina, has always seemed content to be the third wheel, the sidekick, the woman behind behind the man. He was the weakest, most soft-spoken link in the ménage à trois that was John McCain and Joe Lieberman, until Joe was chased from office because even his own party of one, Connecticut for Lieberman, did not like him anymore. Lindsey got himself a slight promotion when newbie Sen. Kelly Ayotte was added to the team, but still, Lindsey’s usually been content to co-sign whatever John McCain says, to nod agreeably in the background, and only very rarely drag his southern charmed self onto the Sunday shows when John’s busy snarling at the kids to get off of one of his seven or eight or however many he has lawns. Read more on President Lindsey Graham Will Be Great For Rich White Men…
  strange but true but strange

Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now

Niche lifestyle brand Sarah Palin has endorsed a Democrat in Alaska’s race for governor. Really! Former Gov. Sarah Palin has endorsed gubernatorial candidate Bill Walker. […] “Last night my family, along with Byron and Toni Mallott, and our campaign staff attended a reception hosted by Todd and Sarah Palin at their lakeside property in Wasilla,” said Walker in a press release sent Wednesday. Bill Walker is not a Democrat; he’s a Palin pal who’s running as an independent. But Byron Mallott, Walker’s running mate since the two teamed up in a ballot reshuffle to screw over incumbent Republican Sean Parnell, totally nominally is a Democrat! Read more on Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now…
  Here have some news n stuff

Rand Paul Bravely Talks To Black People

So brave, so bold
Guess this counts as one of the exciting new Ideas! from the Republican Party. Black people: They’re people too! After meeting with NAACP leaders in Ferguson, Missouri, Sen. Rand Paul told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer that the Republicans Party’s biggest mistake in recent decades has been not reaching out to African-American voters. Read more on Rand Paul Bravely Talks To Black People…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Still Hates The GOP

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
This week’s installment of The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker is a little light on content, mostly because the Sarah Palin Channel is a little light on content — 80 percent of last week’s posts were just recycled clips from Sarah Palin’s Alaska. But Sarah did find the time for her version of an Ask Me Anything, and she managed to whip up this lovely word salad, along with a nice That’s Not What That Phrase Means vinaigrette. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Still Hates The GOP…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Home-Cooked, Hand-Clubbed Fish Dinner

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
Touch of context for those who are new to this series: a Wonkette commenter named Fartknocker ponied up the cash for us to get a subscription to Sarah Palin’s Internet Teevee Channel. The aim of this series is to allow the Wonketariat to snicker at Palin’s new thingy without ever exposing yrselves to the harmful gamma radiation emitted by the Sarah Palin Channel. You are welcome. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Home-Cooked, Hand-Clubbed Fish Dinner…
  We do not accept also too

Sarah Palin Apologizes To America, Finally

Kiss it.
Sarah Palin made an appearance on Sean Hannity’s TV Funhouse for Aggrieved White Men last night to do something she should have done a long time ago. She was brought on the show to discuss the finer points of American foreign policy as it relates to the Islamic State, which is right up there with winking and field dressing a moose on the List Of Things Sarah Palin Is Qualified To Do. And then…oh our dear G_d, she actually apologized. Raw Story and HuffPo bring us this story, which will make your liberal grinch hearts grow three sizes this day. Read more on Sarah Palin Apologizes To America, Finally…
  Senator Wingnut

John McCain Hearts James O’Keefe, Osama Bin Laden

douche
On Wednesday, the Senate’s Homeland Security Committee held hearings about possible terrorist infiltration of the nation’s southern border. This gave lifelike waxworks statue Sen. John McCain (R-Dang Fence) a chance to cite the spectacular work of “journalist” James O’Keefe in exposing the lack of security along a drainage ditch somewhere in the ass end of Texas. Or, as that area is known to everyone else, Texas. Read more on John McCain Hearts James O’Keefe, Osama Bin Laden…
  This is EXCELLENT news for you know who

Here’s Why John McCain Is On Your TV Every Day

Fuck this guy
John McCain is on cable news and Sunday morning talk shows more than anyone in the history of being on television, and sure, we’ve guessed it’s because bookers at every single news channel cannot be bothered to ask Google for the name and number of anyone else in America. But now, per the Washington Post’s interview with CNN Washington Bureau Chief Sam Feist, we have the answer: Read more on Here’s Why John McCain Is On Your TV Every Day…
  clipbait

Stephen Colbert Outraged At Obama On Behalf Of Hispanish Community

Damn you Obama! as usual
On Monday’s Colbert Report, Stephen brought us up to speed on all the complicated ins and out of immigration reform: Tonight, the latest news on immigration reform. There, you’re all caught up. He then gave President Obama the comedic tongue-lashing he so richly deserves for stealing the Republican plan to delay immigration forever by perpetually promising to deal with it “next year.” Read more on Stephen Colbert Outraged At Obama On Behalf Of Hispanish Community…
  Darrell Issa Sucks

More Proof That IRSgate Was F***ing Stupid

It’s Throwback Thursday Friday here at Wonkette, so let’s check in on one of our favorite scandal-not-scandals of last year, IRSgate. In the latest news, it turns out that the special inspector guy in charge of investigating the IRS, the guy whose report started this whole media circus, is a TOTAL PARTISAN HACK WHAT SUCKS AT HIS JERB: Read more on More Proof That IRSgate Was F***ing Stupid…
  Twitter History Is Bunk

John McCain Just Wants To Remind You How Iraq Got This Way (Obama)

Scary Monsters then, Scary Monsters now
John McCain is very upset with that wimpy Barack Obama for not announcing a new policy of bombing the ever-lovin’ bejeezus out of ISIS everywhere, and immediately after the President’s presser today, the Senator From Constant Seething just couldn’t wait to let us know that Obama was Morally Weak: Read more on John McCain Just Wants To Remind You How Iraq Got This Way (Obama)…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah’s Deeply Weird Ice Bucket Challenge

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
A man gave us money to watch the Sarah Palin Channel. That man was Fartknocker. The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge! It’s the viral video sensation that’s blowin’ up your teen’s sexxxphone, or it would be if teenagers still used Facebook. And now that she’s done creating a perfect truth echo-sphere, Sarah Palin’s aware of this Ice Bucket Challenge too. So when the owners of Wasilla’s local Arctic Cat retailer challenged Palin to dump some cold water on her head, the Snow Machine Princess of Seward’s Folly delivered. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah’s Deeply Weird Ice Bucket Challenge…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Penis Collecting, John McCain Does The Robot (Yes, Really) And Other News You Can Maybe Use

He's always been a great dancer
Would you like to start your day with some laughs, some tears, or maybe just go straight to the drinking? Of course you would! And we are here to help. You know things in Ferguson have gotten really ugly when CNN’s Don Lemon almost got arrested: Read more on Penis Collecting, John McCain Does The Robot (Yes, Really) And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  dial t for torture

John McCain Being A Big RINO Lib Squish Again, Just Because Arizona Tortured A Guy, Whatever

Hey look! ‘Grumpy dickwad’ John McCain took a break and decided to let ‘maverick-y sane-sounding’ John McCain come out and talk. And he said some things about that botched execution in Arizona, including telling Politico that it was “torture.” Does this mean that Gov. Brewer will get an extended vacation to Gitmo? Hot damn, we actually agree with the senior, very very senior Senator from Arizona! Something something doddering blind squirrel finds a walnut. Let’s sexplore!  Read more on John McCain Being A Big RINO Lib Squish Again, Just Because Arizona Tortured A Guy, Whatever…
  clipbait

John McCain Said Jon Stewart Often ‘Absolutely Wrong.’ That May Have Been A Bad Idea (Video)

Oh, it is ON
On Fox News recently, John McCain told Howard Kurtz that Jon Stewart was unfair to Republicans, but that it didn’t matter because Stewart is merely one of those lying late-night comedians: “When he says things that are absolutely wrong he gets away with it … It is what it is. I frankly have no beef with late night comedians who make fun of politicians. That’s the nature of the business.” Well Jon Stewart will not let this aggression stand, man. Read more on John McCain Said Jon Stewart Often ‘Absolutely Wrong.’ That May Have Been A Bad Idea (Video)…
  clipbait

John Oliver Reviews Every 4th Of July Fireworks Show In America (Video)

Last Week Tonight was off this weekend for Independence Day, or as they call it where John Oliver is from, “The Day of Colonial Aggression.” To make up for it, Oliver pre-recorded a brief tribute to every fireworks show in America, forever, explaining that in America we have a natural love for fireworks, since “they’re like sparkly guns you can shoot at the sky.” From his description of the frustrations of parking to the pointless applause for the fireworks as if we expected them to take a bow, Mr. Oliver has clearly proven his fitness to keep his green card. Oliver’s favorite fireworks are the ones that shoot off, travel a ways, and then unexpectedly go off in a furious detonation. “I love a slow explosion,” he says. “It reminds me of watching video of John McCain over time.” Read more on John Oliver Reviews Every 4th Of July Fireworks Show In America (Video)…