Here’s more of John McCain making a damn ruckus over Iran. He truly believes that the United States must do whatever it can — use all available options! — to ensure Iran counts all votes in its domestic presidential election. (And it also needs to ensure that Ahmadinejad loses, regardless of how the votes play out. Democracy!) Just remember, again, that if WALNUTS! were president right now, you would be dead, regardless of age, as all Americans would have been shipped out to fight in the wars in Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, China, Russia, Spain, France, Mexico, “Africa,” Spain again, North Korea, Greece, Italy, Nazi Germany, the Carolinas, and Neptune. [MSNBC]

No one ever said having a pragmatic foreign policy was easy, but it’s what Barack Obama wants, and sometimes you just have to let terrible states work out their internal political problems on their own (at least for a few days or weeks or whatever). The other option is to have John McCain as President of the United States, a situation where skepticism over the legitimacy of foreign election results would immediately lead to all sorts of belligerent condemnations and freaking *oil embargoes* and eventually nine or so wars, on the same country, before the dust settles. [Think Progress]

• WHO IS THIS DEPENDENT CHILD? Now what is this we see in the Senate financial disclosures: “Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) and his wife, Cindy, owe more than $15,000 on a joint credit card that is charging 25 percent interest; Cindy McCain owes between $15,000 and $50,000 on another charge card; and a dependent child has racked up between $15,000 and $50,000 on an American Express Card as well.” [Politico]

One year ago yesterday minus a day, John McCain delivered the speech of the century to a small smattering of embittered retirees haunting an abandoned Bingo hall in Louisiana. Meanwhile, a young upstart Muslin named Hussein “Barack” Obama cast a sorcerer’s spell over a large crowd of innocents in St. Paul and told them that yes, he would be their nominee for Preznet if they insisted. Do you remember, America? Do you remember the terrible death-rictus stretched across John McCain’s crumbling skull as he uttered the immortal words, “That’s nnnnot ch-ch-cha-chaaange you can bb-huh-lieve in”? Let’s celebrate this milestone anniversary and laugh again. MORE »

Of course it’s Internet blog reporter Dave Weigel, covering the Washington Independent’s “violent psychopaths and racists” beat, who’s first to remember that tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of last year’s most important breaking news story, one that we still think about, everyday, because what if it’s out there?? On May 16, 2008, blogger Larry Johnson changed the world with a single sentence: “I now have it from two sources that there is video dynamite–Michelle Obama railing against ‘whitey’ at Jeremiah Wright’s church.” And yet we’re still waiting. Will the liberal media and Al Qaeda ever show this tape that they have? Or do we have it already… and just don’t realize it? HUH? Is it the video up top? HAS THIS YOUTUBE BEEN THE SECRET “WHITEY TAPE” ALL ALONG? [Washington Independent]

Mormon crickets: If you live, say, anywhere in the American West, you know these horrifying animals as a persistent cannibal scourge that can form a phalanx a mile across and two miles long, marching through the desert in search of food. If you are a senator “from” Arizona who grew up in Virginia and spent most of his life in Washington D.C., they are a punch line to a terrible joke. MORE »

Weren’t we just talking about Larry King? Yes we were! Well, the “king of all media” has some very special guests tonight, straight from the meth/moose/Taco Bell capital of the world, Wasilla. The singular Levi and Mercede Johnston will sit down this evening with Hollywood’s favorite death muppet, and dope-dealin’ mom Sherry Johnston is coming along for the ride. (The ride will be in an actual pickup truck, driven from Alaska. Sherry will be shotgun. Mercede likes to be closest to Levi, in the night.) MORE »

• Obama ‘N Friends have themselves a fleet of hybrid Fords. Even David Plouffe, the greatest threat facing American inboxes, gets something called a Fusion Hybrid. [AMERICAblog]
• In exchange for paying off Mark Penn’s formidable annual adult website membership dues, Hillary Clinton will allow you to rent any of the following: Bill Clinton, Paul Begala, James Carville. [Gawker]
• American President Rush Limbaugh told Internet President Matt Drudge to “disappear”—for reasons of self-preservation, presumably, but the self-preservation of whom? Verily, a mystery! [Daily Intel]
• Actual Esquire centerfold Cass Sunstein can now add another bullet-point to his resume: head of the Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs. [Ezra Klein]
• John McCain, the famed McCain Senatorette, is demanding the White House personally apologize to him for communistically exploring the psychological state of soldiers returning from Afghanistan. [CNN Political Ticker]

Oh poor John McCain! He tried not to be racist for a little while in 2007 during the immigration reform fight, but then that didn’t work, so he abandoned it and won the Republican nomination after all, but then that didn’t work either, and since a wingnut never forgets, he will now miserably lose his 2010 Senate primary to this guy who runs around shooting Mexicans. MORE »

WHY OLD PEOPLE LOVE THE TWITTERS: “To a person with short-term memory loss, Twitter serves a vital function: every time the user announces, ‘Going across the street to get ice cream,’ they notify not only their 30,000-odd ‘followers,’ but they also establish a record for themselves so that if they end up across the street wondering what on earth they’re doing staring at a pint of Haagen-Dazs, they need only check their Twitter status for the magical answer. And then they can ‘tweet’ about their ice cream, which is important!” [Sara's NBC Gig]

• ALSO, AND ALSO: The whole time Steve Schmidt was running John McCain’s presidential campaign, he was gay! Or at least he wanted gay people to get married! Whatever, same difference, it’s all about wanting humans to have sex with giraffes. Your number’s up, Steve! Time to be EATED by Rush Limbaugh. THIS HAPPENS SOMETIMES: Oh look Sara wrote about this while your male associate editor was asleep “working on other projects.” And she wrote much more and it is probably funnier so HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND. [TPM]