john mccain
John McCain Stands Up for America’s Oppressed Cable Subscribers
Chairman of the Senate committee on Elder Grievances John McCain is boldly taking on Big Television to address an issue dear to wrathful retirement community members everywhere: the cable bill is apparently too damn high. (We would not know. Your Wonkette has never had cable, because snore.) Ol’ Walnuts has introduced the Television Consumer Freedom [...]
Where Is Orly Taitz When We Need Her Most?
It is late afternoon, so you’ve already probably spent about 4-5 hours fapping to copies of Ted Cruz’ resume, right? Yes, he’s the lawyer-cum-senator who is the youngest, longest, bestest at oral…arguments…ever. So! Your masturbation fantasies likely already encompass the possibility that Ted Cruz might someday, if you are very lucky, run for president. YES [...]
John McCain and Lindsey Graham: Rand Paul Should Shut Up Because He Is Not John McCain or Lindsey Graham
Yesterday the world was aflutter with news that Rand Paul had decided to burble on for 13 hours straight about drones. At least we think it was 13 hours. We stopped counting after writing our post. Said post was VERY HARD to write, you guys, because it required a lengthy explanation of why Rand Paul [...]
Arizona Town Hall Folk Murder John McCain, Tear Lifeless Body To Shreds With Their Teeth
Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy That is sad, you guys. United States Senator John McCain is dead, murdered by these fat insane Arizonans for loving Messicans too much. “These people care for our babies,” he moaned, as the crowd descended upon him.
John McCain’s Hurt Feelings Will Run Your Life Forever, America
Hey Americans! Do you like governance by snit? OF COURSE YOU DO. What country wouldn’t want its fate determined by petty grievances and your leaders generally acting like whiny little bitchcakes towards one another? We sure do love it! USA! So what is the latest crucial thing that is being blocked by someone having a [...]
Earth’s Sentient Population Urges John McCain To Just Shut The Hell Up Already, Please
Poor dumb (clueless? Nahh, definitely dumb) old man John “That One” McCain simply does not see why anyone is making a fuss over his simple little joke calling Mahmoud Ahmadinejad a monkey, because for god’s sake, people, it is a JOKE and also did you notice that Iran is our enemy? And it’s always OK [...]
What Is Old Man McCain Yelling At Clouds Today?
Oh, WALNUTS. You are yelling again. YES OR NO. YES OR NO. I ASKED YOU A DIRECT QUESTION. YES OR NO. You’ve got to stop it. It is not good for your chakras.
What Did John McCain And The Romneys Talk About During Their Lunch?
The esteemed gentleman from Arizona, last seen spitting fury at Hillary Clinton, who was not impressed, had a nice lunch date today with his old friends His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, and his wife, the Lady Egg! What do you think they talked about at their lunch, these two men, one cunt, who [...]
Michelle Malkin: No One Is Mad Enough About Benghazi Except Michelle Malkin
Tiny rage-fueled harridan Michelle Malkin is VERY MAD you guys! EXTREMELY MAD. Yr Wonkette is aware that this is typically no news whatsoever, but today she is mad at the GOP for being “sychophantic” to…wait for it…Hillary Clinton. Did Michelle Malkin see the same hearings we saw yesterday? The one where Rand Paul said he [...]
A Wonkette Farewell To Joe Lieberman, With Traditional Advice Re: Door, Ass
Lo, Wonkettians, the day you have either neither dreaded nor anticipated, but instead have felt a collective “meh?” about has finally arrived. Yes, the not-at-all-beloved Joe Lieberman, America’s droopiest senator, after announcing close to two years ago that he would leave the Senate after the 2012 elections, has thank god finally left the Senate. Let’s visit [...]
When One Senator Loves Two Other Senators Very Much: The Lindsey Graham Story
Guess what? It is a new day, so it is time to talk about Lindsey Graham again. We will get to write about this until the end of time, apparently. This poses a problem for yr Wonkette because there are only so many old-timey gay ads we can use in stories about him. Fortunately, there [...]
Bitter Old Senators And Hot Young Thing Deeply Troubled By Americans’ Inexplicable Refusal To Freak Out Over Benghazi
Egad! Horrible lying liar Susan Rice and acting CIA Director Mike Morrell met with senators John McCain, Lindsey Graham, and new amiga Kelly Ayotte, and she scurrilously admitted that what she said on TV talk shows five days after the Benghazi attacks was factually incorrect because she didn’t have all the facts at the time [...]
John McCain Continues To Be A Bitter Old Idiot
You know who is so mad about the attack on the American consulate in Benghazi, and how Barack Obama sat around in the SitRoom, eating popcorn and demanding the CIA stand down and let our ambassador, Christopher Stevens, die and get dragged through the streets*? John McCain is so mad about it! He is so [...]
Man Who Gave Nation Sarah Palin Opines On Someone Else’s Lack Of Intelligence, Qualifications
How is noted spotter of talent Senator John McCain responding to the White House’s exploratory sext of placing Susan Rice in Hillz’s sensible shoes at State? Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) said on Wednesday that U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. Susan Rice is “not qualified” to become secretary of state and he called her claim that [...]
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