• Here is accredited sorcerer Nate Silver’s last projection ever. Tomorrow he will have to go back to his Alaska: baseball. [FiveThirtyEight]
• O.P.R.A.H. has already chosen her ceremonial muumuu for Obama’s Eyes Wide Shut-themed inauguration. [Top of the Ticket]
• Obama might want John Kerry to be his French Secretary of State. Old Man Windsurf’s name is reportedly on a “very short list.” [Matthew Yglesias]
• The New York Times‘ fancy Web-Site will finally put to use all those sonnets you wrote about your Muslim Lady Laura. [New York Times]
• Palin, stopping at some Alaskan pet shop called the “Mocha Moose,” told reporters that her only regret this election is “the blogosphere.” [Jonathan Martin]

An actual 10,574,901 national and state polls have been conducted today, did you know that? No you didn’t, because you people cannot count that high. So here’s what you “need to know,” according to our fancy data robots at Wonkette. MORE »

GAHHHHH what the hell, why is this furry with a massive throat cancer oxygen hole thing in its neck allowed to prey on innocent New York CBS anchor Harry Smith? Because it’s a Republican furry, of course! Remember in 2004 how all lobotomized college/young Republicans would walk around like fucktards in FLIP FLOP COSTUMES because of, what, something about that fag peace-slut John Kerry from France? Well this is the 2008 version and yes, be scared, because these furry squirrels are protesting ACORN. GAME OVER n00bama go back to INDOCHINA with your FAKE DAD from OUTER MUSLIM SPACE. The furries have a blog called [Acorns Don't Fall Far From The Tree]

Here’s potentially gay Sen. Lindsey Graham, one of McCain’s most ardent supporters, on the Fox News Sunday program alongside famous mule-bot John Kerry. He’s presented with some poll numbers that look good for Obama after the debate. Graham offers one sentence of pro-McCain spin and then starts whining about how tired he is and basically says OBAMA IS THE BEST THERE ARE YOU HAPPY CHRIS WALLACE? John Kerry stoically agrees and then everyone makes out. [Crooks & Liars]

Hey look everyone, it’s more “clowns in bear costumes” consoling each other after Lehman Brothers fell, by making out, and that’s why John Kerry will lose again. Oh wait, what is this thing we’re posting? Ah yes, the Walnuts video. [YouTube]

IS KERRY TERRIBLE ENOUGH TO LOSE HIS SENATE SEAT? Probably not, and he’s aiming for an Obama Administration gig. But John Kerry’s got a comical Democratic opponent, and this Boston Magazine article by Joe Keohane is the best goddamned political feature we’ve read all summer. [Boston Magazine]

We do not wish to make jokes about Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones’ death and resurrection. But we do want John Kerry to learn his lesson. It’s kind of WEIRD when you first hear about someone’s death in one of John Kerry’s 977 daily e-mails. For Christ’s sake, let the body settle! Because she was not dead after all, and now you are creepy.

Oh look, it’s past one o’clock on any day, which means John Kerry has just e-mailed all of Washington his 64th press release of the early afternoon. And what is it about? Murder. MURRRRRDER.

Here’s a new ad from Republican Oregon Sen. Gordon Smith, who faces a tough re-election bid this year against Jeff Merkley, the bore who barely defeated that awesome little pirate hobbit in May’s Democratic primary. Smith’s ad here is the latest of his to compare himself to — gasp — Barack Obama and John Kerry! Is Oregon really so liberal that a Republican has to pretend he’s friends with two gay socialists? Anyway, this video is mostly funny because Smith never looks into the camera, and sometimes looks down, and everyone feels awkward. [YouTube]

Here’s your beloved 2004 presidential loser John Kerry, enjoying a “B.J.” on the docks of Nantucket, where he encountered a “party boat” full of these gals, especially this one with the “penis straw” (for practice) and then this one with the “crotch shot.” All of this is on TMZ.com, of course, because John Kerry is the new whoever-they-write-about guy! MORE »

Massachusetts Senator John Kerry is running for re-election and, while he’s at it, defiling what is sacred ground to many a Masshole: the local Dunkin’ Donuts. We get this tragic on-the-scene report from tipster “Troy.” MORE »