Wonkette

Here is former presidential nominee John Kerry at a “student rally” at Tufts University the College of William and Mary in liberal Massachusetts Virginia. What is he saying? We’ll go with, “Why aren’t yours as big as the other one’s?” [College OTR]

Actually, no.

Wonkette’s own Liz Glover took her video camera and Polaroid to an April 1 party for “Our America,” a thing to help the low-income youth. As you can imagine, the powerful D.C. media wanted nothing to do with this (poor black kids are such downers), but John Kerry was there! MORE »

Hey look, John McCain had an acid flashback to his days in the Mexican Hanoi Hilton and yelled at poor human condition-chronicler Elisabeth Bumiller of the NYT. Why? Because she asked about his conversation with John Kerry in 2004 to become his running mate. About halfway through the video, you can hear Cindy McCain throw a gin tumbler at the plane’s wall, just before McCain’s aides were able to feed her her Xanax/Oxycontin cocktail coated in strawberry cream cheese. [via The Caucus]

AMERICA IS UNDER ATTACK, ABROAD: “Helicopters carrying three senior U.S. senators made emergency landings Thursday in the mountains of Afghanistan because of a snowstorm.” Good sweet Jesus Christ God, how is America going to survive — we lost Joe Biden, John Kerry and Chuck Hagel to the ancient snows of the barren hinterland and its devilish tundra camels. Fortunately, Barack Obama FLEW LIKE SUPERMAN to this valley of ice monsters, swooped the foppish Senators away and whisked them to safe harbor. Again: Barack Obama has saved three senators from Taliban Bigfoot. [AP/Breitbart]

Meaning… he urges them to vote! In DC tomorrow, during the Chesapeake Crab Primaries. As info@johnkerry.com notes, “The D.C. primary may never have been so important.” Way to use clunky language, Moran. Now no one will ever vote for you Barry!

Mitt Romney knows history. In 2004, famous gay liberal John Kerry asked maniacal conservative fellow gay liberal John McCain to be his vice president, and John McCain said no thousands of time, and then a million more times, forever, and with bombs is a fairy. Check out this “art” Romney’s using in Massachusetts to get the truth out. [via Jonathan Martin]

Stories about Bill Clinton fighting Barry Obama in his bid for a third presidency were all over the news this week, because people like to get upset. No one’s quite sure why he’s going so “out of control” these days — letting his face change color, composing Dadaist psychodramas about Barry’s past, sneering at reporters — but he’s gotten an angry Barry to engage him, and now The Clintons are controlling the conversation. People may not like how Bill’s wedging the Demrat party or hurting Barry’s feelings. But it might be the time for everyone to “deal.” MORE »

This lovely image is running on U.S. Veterans Dispath, the website of famous Swift-boater Ted Sampley. I had always thought Barry was an Indian myself, so at least it clears that up. [U.S. Veteran's Dispatch via Pam's House Blend]

Failed presidential candidate and Barry supporter John Kerry ripped the Clintons Monday for their “petty” hints at Obama’s past drug usage. In an interview with the HuffPo website, Frankenstein notes: “That kind of discussion… from a campaign where the former president made famous the words ‘I did not inhale’ is to make something an issue that they themselves acknowledged shouldn’t be.” But John, did you hear that Obama is black? [HuffPo]