john kerry

Well, here is a dumb fucking thing: since we do not have proof — YET — that Bablack Obamblack personally went to Egypt to … be on the wrong side of the Egypt thing, whichever the wrong side might be? And murder some people? And probably personally rape all those women in Tahrir Square? (NOTE […]

With so much Nice TimeTM happening in the U.S. recently (Texas badass womyns & mandatory gay marriages) we thought this would be a good time to talk about some Global Nice Time. As President Obama travels to Africa to retrieve his actual birth certificate, there is good news coming from several African countries: Seven countries […]

Hey, remember like four hours ago, when we cadged a post from ThinkProgress about that nice young sheriff with the slick comedy stylings about murdering the president? Well ThinkProgress has an update, which they’ve stoled from the “Plymouth Patch,” so we guess we do now too! Sup, ThinkProg? Oh, that sheriff is mad at all […]

Ohmygod psychiatrist Keith Ablow. We LOVE this guy. He does for psychiatry what Orly Taitz does for the law. Also, too, we get to write about him all the time. Quick overview if you’re not feeling all clicky-clicky: Obama was abandoned as a child and will always have a vacant gaping hole because of it […]

Ha ha ha, new Secretary of State John Kerry is going to focus on climate change, what a fag! Everyone knows that climate change is just a theory, duh, and for that matter, so is science! Do you have a scientist who can confirm that E = MC squared? Because we have TEN scientists who […]

Hey new Secretary of State person (and we are frankly kind of peeved that it is back to the gender-neutral “person” now, as chicks have been kind of owning it since Madeleine Albright, God bless her, flirted and giggled her way across the globe) John Kerry, would you like to open your mouth about something […]

Hey, Barney Frank! We know you rilly wanted to be appointed to the Senate seat being vacated by John Kerry’s being appointed Secretary of State, and you’re kind of bummed that you didn’t get it, so we have a joke to cheer you up! Knock-Knock! For Christ’s sake, what is this, are you enfeebled? Naw, […]

Come on. What difference does it make that Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson, last seen getting clowned by Hillary Clinton, wasn’t at the intelligence briefing on Benghazi? At John Kerry’s somnolent confirmation hearing for Secretary of State on Thursday, Kerry showed up Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Galt’s Gulch), on the latter’s very serious public crusade to get […]

Dear lord we already have Hagel fatigue. We already had to pretend that the GOP suddenly cares about gay rights and therefore Hagel = root of all evil. We have to listen to John McCain concern troll the hell out of the nomination because he will never ever not be butthurt about losing to Bamz […]

It is sort of hard to hear what Barney Frank is saying here, when asked if he would take an appointment to John Kerry’s Senate seat from Massachusetts, because he lisps — YEAH, WE SAID IT — so we will just copy-paste this transcription from Politico, thank you Politico:

Hi people of Massachusetts! Did you enjoy your brief flirtation with having two Democratic senators like a goddamn blue state should? Welp, that’s over thanks to the Kenyan socialist pretender! After some incredibly boring speculation, it looks like hangdog-faced John Kerry will be your new Secretary of State, America!! GET EXCITED:

We’ll say this for Mitt Romney: He sure sets a low bar for the behavior of supposedly moderate Massachusetts Republicans! For instance, after Mitt spent a conference call with his big donors whining about how Barack Obama won the election by championing policies that will benefit Americans, Scott Brown’s post-loss press conference, where he (no […]

So Hillary Clinton is going to leave the State Department some day, and on that day the Great Impostor is going to need to find someone to replace her. Who else has the kind of 24-hour energy, common sense, and danciness to replace her? Maybe Ellen? No, not Ellen, Ellen can’t get through the Senate, […]

Here is your Halloween Horror Story Scary Post! Victoria Collier has a terrifying account of electoral spookiness in the current Harper’s Magazine.* Spoiler alert: Collier suggests that it is entirely possible that the GOP will be able to rig computerized voting machines to ensure that Mitt Romney wins the Presidency…and further, there’s no way to […]

Well, we thought this story from Politico was another of their hilarious Roger Simonesque fan-fics (like the time, unlinkable for now, when he had literally everyone but your Wonket believing Paul Ryan calls Miffed Romney “Stench”). But no! As far as we can tell it is not a joke! Behold, Mitt Romney explaining a fictional […]