john kerry
With Hillary Clinton slow drifting off towards her retirement in the assisted living community of Memes, the Hot Question (not really) in all of Washington is, who will be our nation’s next “top diplomat” to bring us a shooting war in Libya? No, wait, the Hot Question is, who will win the presidential election? If [...]
Political pundit people have been enjoying the idea that Mitt Romney has a “John Kerry problem.” After all, both Romney and Kerry are rich white establishment politicians — just like most politicians, on Earth. Political pundits love easy comparisons like that. But John Kerry took a break from whatever he does these days to say [...]
How do you trick 61 U.S. Senators into hanging out for a few hours without an eruption of bloodshed? You promise them a mystery holiday treat! It works on children, so why not? A very mischievous Al Franken snuck in a new “Secret Santa clause” to the Senate’s bazillion page protocol in an effort to [...]
Roll Call published its annual list of the 50 richest members of Congress, a pleasant regular reminder to voters that the halls of government are filled sloppy with rich folk who have subzero personal incentive beyond the mental exercise of “imagining what it feels like to be poor” to write our nation’s rules. Here are [...]
Mitt Romney found himself an empty news cycle this afternoon, so he finally announced his candidacy for president in a video carefully crafted to be more boring than President Obama’s first campaign video. In a way, Romney was taking an idea from his last campaign, which featured an inexplicable ad of him running. Now Mitt [...]
“Harry Reid isn’t just Dracula, he isn’t just Lazarus, he’s our leader and our whole caucus is thrilled that he’s unbreakable and unbeatable,” he said. Oh thanks, John Kerry — we were worried Harry Reid had pigeonholed himself into the two demographics of vampires and Bible characters. But is Harry Reid just a triceratops? [BBC]
You are very relevant, John Kerry. And you are very Del-Aware (!) of that.
Hooray, The Hill has released this year’s “50 Wealthiest People In Congress,” and it is an unusually informative eHow list (not to be confused with the celebrated “50 Most Sexual Congresspeople” thing, which we hate). Anyway, John Kerry won, again, because of ketchup: Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) tops the list for the second year in [...]
Lindsey Graham told Democrats to “TALK TO THE HAND” and John Kerry freaked everyone out with his desperation, and now Democrats have officially given up on passing a bill that would limit greenhouse gas emissions, as they couldn’t get enough votes. Sorry, Nature! Looks like you’re going to have to figure out how to stop [...]
In 2004, when “the Internets” was a fresh joke reference, Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry amassed an e-mail list of millions of people. He still has this list, so occasionally he sends messages to people’s old work e-mail accounts and junk AOL addresses. And perhaps to a few people who still use their 2004 address [...]
Ken has apparently died [IT IS CALLED "LUNCH AFTER WRITING FOR SEVEN HOURS," JACK -- Ed.], so here is a part two, at last, to this boring, meaningless ceremonial affair. Right now John Kerry and Scott Brown are the first “witnesses,” here to introduce Kagan and pretend they know she will be a good judge [...]
Everyone in the Senate is annoyed and a little scared of 2004 sore-loserman John Kerry, who has decided to get super dedicated to making an energy bill that actually does something to make the world less likely to die soon. Wanting to pass something like this makes one a crazy person, they say, because the [...]
GREAT NEWS, EVERYONE! “When Sens. John Kerry, Lindsey Graham and Joe Lieberman release their climate bill on Monday, they expect to have the backing of three of the five major oil companies, Mother Jones has learned.” Sounds like a real tuffy! Check out the rundown of proposals at Mother Jones. (“Agriculture would be entirely exempt [...]
Oh jeez we will have to rewrite this lede to cover the (allegedly!) drunken Democrats who will all be arrested in Hollywood every night until Jesus’ birthday and the New Year are safely behind us: “It’s the holiday season, which means the Northern Virginia suburbs Hollywood are is going to be particularly deadly until January [...]
