john kerry
Our Cup Runneth Over: Worst Psychiatrist Ever and Worst Mustache Ever May Both Run For Senate
Ohmygod psychiatrist Keith Ablow. We LOVE this guy. He does for psychiatry what Orly Taitz does for the law. Also, too, we get to write about him all the time. Quick overview if you’re not feeling all clicky-clicky: Obama was abandoned as a child and will always have a vacant gaping hole because of it [...]
Fox Bravely Continues Wars On Nature, Math
Ha ha ha, new Secretary of State John Kerry is going to focus on climate change, what a fag! Everyone knows that climate change is just a theory, duh, and for that matter, so is science! Do you have a scientist who can confirm that E = MC squared? Because we have TEN scientists who [...]
John Kerry, World’s Perfectest Diplomat
Hey new Secretary of State person (and we are frankly kind of peeved that it is back to the gender-neutral “person” now, as chicks have been kind of owning it since Madeleine Albright, God bless her, flirted and giggled her way across the globe) John Kerry, would you like to open your mouth about something [...]
Sen. Mo Cowan Becomes Most Prestigious Temp In Massachusetts
Hey, Barney Frank! We know you rilly wanted to be appointed to the Senate seat being vacated by John Kerry’s being appointed Secretary of State, and you’re kind of bummed that you didn’t get it, so we have a joke to cheer you up! Knock-Knock! For Christ’s sake, what is this, are you enfeebled? Naw, [...]
Idiot Senator Complains About Lack Of Benghazi Briefings He Skipped, Just Like The Other Idiots (UPDATE!)
Come on. What difference does it make that Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson, last seen getting clowned by Hillary Clinton, wasn’t at the intelligence briefing on Benghazi? At John Kerry’s somnolent confirmation hearing for Secretary of State on Thursday, Kerry showed up Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Galt’s Gulch), on the latter’s very serious public crusade to get [...]
NRO: Allies? We Don’t Need No Stinking Allies
Dear lord we already have Hagel fatigue. We already had to pretend that the GOP suddenly cares about gay rights and therefore Hagel = root of all evil. We have to listen to John McCain concern troll the hell out of the nomination because he will never ever not be butthurt about losing to Bamz [...]
Obama Nominates Kerry, Nation Collectively Shrugs
Hi people of Massachusetts! Did you enjoy your brief flirtation with having two Democratic senators like a goddamn blue state should? Welp, that’s over thanks to the Kenyan socialist pretender! After some incredibly boring speculation, it looks like hangdog-faced John Kerry will be your new Secretary of State, America!! GET EXCITED:
Harry Reid Now Just Being Mean To Scott Brown For Fun
We’ll say this for Mitt Romney: He sure sets a low bar for the behavior of supposedly moderate Massachusetts Republicans! For instance, after Mitt spent a conference call with his big donors whining about how Barack Obama won the election by championing policies that will benefit Americans, Scott Brown’s post-loss press conference, where he (no [...]
Senate Republicans To Swift Boat John Kerry All Over Again, For Larfs
So Hillary Clinton is going to leave the State Department some day, and on that day the Great Impostor is going to need to find someone to replace her. Who else has the kind of 24-hour energy, common sense, and danciness to replace her? Maybe Ellen? No, not Ellen, Ellen can’t get through the Senate, [...]
Election 2012: Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid
Here is your Halloween Horror Story Scary Post! Victoria Collier has a terrifying account of electoral spookiness in the current Harper’s Magazine.* Spoiler alert: Collier suggests that it is entirely possible that the GOP will be able to rig computerized voting machines to ensure that Mitt Romney wins the Presidency…and further, there’s no way to [...]
Mitt Romney Explains ‘Fictional Football Team Show’ Friday Night Lights To Hu-Mans
Well, we thought this story from Politico was another of their hilarious Roger Simonesque fan-fics (like the time, unlinkable for now, when he had literally everyone but your Wonket believing Paul Ryan calls Miffed Romney “Stench”). But no! As far as we can tell it is not a joke! Behold, Mitt Romney explaining a fictional [...]
Romney’s Tax Man Cometh
Poor, poor Mitt. He and his dancing horse have been having a tough go of it lately. Turns out he may (or may not!) have lied to the SEC about the good times he had at Bain capital between 1999 and 2002, presiding over the disposal of dead fetuses unborn babies before retroactively retiring. Then a [...]
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