Tag Archives: john f. kennedy

  make love not war

Ben Carson Coulda Killed Bin Laden And Saddam Without Going To War, Just Like JFK Did

His brain is broken.
Ben Carson made a Dumb again! He was trying and failing, like so many other Republican candidates before him, to answer the question, “would you have invaded Iraq?” To his credit, he said it was a mistake! But he said he would have gotten rid of Saddam Hussein anyway. How? He would use WAYS: Read more on Ben Carson Coulda Killed Bin Laden And Saddam Without Going To War, Just Like JFK Did…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: In Which The League Of The South Weeps And Whines

Princess Sunbutt Will Rise Again!
Gosh golly, Wonkers, have we got a fine load of Dumbth for you this week! We heard from global warming deniers, a creationist, an anti-vaxxer, and a genuine neo-Confederate Southern Patriot who apparently does not actually realize which side lost the War of Southern Treason. Obviously, we need to start with that special snowflake first. Our Friday story about the League of the South’s Lincoln’s-Birthday commemoration of John Wilkes Booth drew a comment from one “Pat Hines,” who has featured in previous Dear Shitferbrains columns. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: In Which The League Of The South Weeps And Whines…
  that is not what the B-I-B-U-L says

Creationists Mad At JFK, The Ocean, Carnival Cruise Lines, The Super Bowl, Reality

It’s that special time of the year. The Super Bowl is over, we are still reeling (or happy, if you’re into that sort of thing) over the Worst Play Call In History, and wingnuts have now had a couple days to decide which of the commercials were the evilest and demonic-est of them all. Ken Ham, that creationist nutbag who debated Bill Nye The Science Guy last year, and who is pretty sure that all nonexistent aliens burn in hell, has made his decision, and the winner of this year’s post-Super Bowl Two Minutes Hate will be Carnival Cruise Lines, who had the utter gall to make a commercial that featured a nice quote from John F. Kennedy, about how we all love the ocean because we used to live there before we lost our gills during Evil-lution. Here is that Kennedy quote, for your handy reference: Read more on Creationists Mad At JFK, The Ocean, Carnival Cruise Lines, The Super Bowl, Reality…
  the civil whites movement

Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks That Know What’s Watts

This week, we’ll wrap up our rightwing Christian-school textbooks’ version of the 1960s as they actually happened — not the way the liberal media would have you believe — with a look at the Civil Rights movement, which is  pretty good timing considering this week’s 50th anniversary of the signing of the 1964 Civil Rights Act. Both of our textbooks agree that ending segregation was a very good thing, although they are a little unclear on exactly how segregation came into being in the first place — apart from mentioning that it began as a backlash to Reconstruction, and the obligatory mention of Plessy v Ferguson, neither text goes into it too much. Jim Crow was just something that was kind of there, somehow. But it sure is nice that segregation ended. As our laff riot of an 8th-grade textbook America: Land I Love (A Beka, 2006) puts it in its chapter on postwar prosperity, “Many Americans saw that the time had come to end racial prejudice.” And so many Americans decided to just knock it off already. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks That Know What’s Watts…
  ask not what your textbook can do for you

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks With The Right Dynamic For the New Frontier

We told you last week that we were finished with the 1950s and moving into the ’60s, and we are — but by a quirk of editing, both of our history textbooks for the Christian school market have shoehorned the Kennedy administration into the very end of their chapters on the Fifties, the better to emphasize what they see as the chaos and degeneracy of nearly everything that happened after November 22, 1963. We can see the thematic logic of that, so keep in mind that as we talk about Kennedy this week, both of our textbooks treat him as a kind of footnote to Eisenhower, a nice-looking fellow who died under unfortunate circumstances and who liberals pay far too much attention to. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks With The Right Dynamic For the New Frontier…
  you know he's a democrat because he sexed up the ladies

BREAKING Wonkette EXCLUSIVE: John F. Kennedy Was A Democrat Actually

Today is the 50th anniversary of the day some acting-alone asshole, or maybe a bunch of assholes at the CIA or the FBI or the mob or the men’s-room attendant at the White House went and shot up that nice handsome president and ruined a perfectly good pink dress. You know all that, of course, because we have been commemorating this day for, let’s see, 50 years, with all the minute-by-minute reports and videos and sobbing recollections from our parents and grandparents about where they were that day. But what you probably didn’t know is that President Kennedy was — hold on to your hats, kids, this is gonna shock you — a DEMOCRAT. Yes, it is true. This is an actual true fact. We know, we know. You are utterly confused, because according to the same people who think tax cuts solve everything and gravity is just, like, a theory man, Kennedy was, like Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus, a Republican. Or at least, if he could zombie himself back to life today, he’d take a look around this socialist Holocausty black-man-in-the-White-House hell hole of a country and declare himself a Republican. The self-hating masochists at Media Matters have compiled a nifty roundup of some of the right’s greatest derps. Let’s dive in and learn some stuff, shall we? Read more on BREAKING Wonkette EXCLUSIVE: John F. Kennedy Was A Democrat Actually…
  Part 21: The Dumbino Theory

Sundays With The Christianists: A ‘World History’ Textbook That Loves The Smell Of Napalm In the Morning

Well, here we are, humping the boonies of the Culture Wars, and one of the Things We Carry is our 10th-grade textbook for homeschoolers, World History and Cultures In Christian Perspective. We know we promised we’d get to Ronald Reagan singlehandedly knocking over the Berlin Wall this week, but there’s just so much Cold War to cover that we’ll just have to wait another week while we get through some of the delightful proxy wars of the late 20th Century. And of course, let’s not forget to blame The Liberal Media for the sixties! Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: A ‘World History’ Textbook That Loves The Smell Of Napalm In the Morning…
  freedumb of speech

They Killed Kennedy! Those Bastards!

Because America is terrible, we have to (have to? get to!) commemorate the last time we managed to successfully kill a president. USA! USA! Believe it or not, we’ve managed to limp along for 50 years without a random nutjob (or a gaggle/plethora/cell/swarm/herd/nest/whatever of nutjobs) knocking off the resident of our nation’s highest elected office. Dallas, having the misfortune to be both, well, Dallas, and the location of the last shooting, was thinking it would be kinda sorta nice to commemorate the prez that got himself shot in their fair city: Read more on They Killed Kennedy! Those Bastards!…
  today in mild oaths

History’s Greatest Monster Barack Obama Calls Poor Defenseless Mitt Romney A Vile Swear

Oh dear oh dear! Supposed “cool guy” Barack Obama called fragile, defenseless centimillionaire former CEO and current Republican nominee for president of these godfearing United States of America Mittens Romney a vile swear meaning one who defecates like boy cows, and the Republic may crumble from the dastardly act. What if children who unaccountably look up to the Thug in Chief start also talking about potty words like pooping boy cows? WHAT THEN? Read more on History’s Greatest Monster Barack Obama Calls Poor Defenseless Mitt Romney A Vile Swear…
  pope weird rick LXIX

Rick Santorum Wants To Vomit All Over JFK, Because Of Religion

His Holiness the Pope of Pennsylvania Rick Santroum issed an edict this weekend excommunicating John F. Kennedy, the first fake Catholic president ever, to every layer of Hell for giving a speech 52 years ago in which he said, “I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute.” Santorum, if your puny god-hating minds can even comprehend this, does not care for the tenor of such remarks. This whole speech just makes Weird Rick want to vomit in your face! Read more on Rick Santorum Wants To Vomit All Over JFK, Because Of Religion…
  it's morning in america

America Remembers Handsome, Murdered President

John F. Kennedy was assassinated forty-seven years ago today. Where were you when you read The Warren Report, and then laughed? We will probably never know if H. L. Hunt hired Blackwater to shoot JFK in the head, but most people reject the Oswald conspiracy theories and have accepted that President Handsomepants’ violent murder was just another routine CIA hit job. Sarah Palin says that John Kennedy betrayed his religion, so maybe Jesus was the guy with the gun at the Grassy Knoll? We simply do not know. Many equate JFK’s assassination with the End of America’s Innocence. Apparently everyone still had a super clean conscience in 1963, even after we dropped all those atomic bombs. [Voice of America/The Atlantic] Read more on America Remembers Handsome, Murdered President… Read more on America Remembers Handsome, Murdered President…
  sexytime

The Night Marilyn Monroe Sang ‘Happy Birthday’ To JFK

It was 48 years ago today that Marilyn Monroe was literally sewn into a see-through gown and carried out to the stage of Madison Square Garden to serenade President John F. Kennedy for his birthday. LIFE photographer Bill Ray took this famous picture of Marilyn’s ass. And Hank Jones, the legendary jazz pianist who accompanied her breathy version of “Happy Birthday,” died on Sunday in New York at the age of 91. JFK and Marilyn Monroe didn’t make it nearly that long — she was found dead less than three months later, and his head was blown apart by assassins the following year. Read more on The Night Marilyn Monroe Sang ‘Happy Birthday’ To JFK…
  rip robert mcnamara

Architect of the Vietnam War Sure Wished He Hadn’t Done That

Robert McNamara accomplished many things in his long life, from revitalizing Ford Motor Co. with a new line of safe compact cars to decades of work to alleviate global poverty and reduce the risk of nuclear war. But he dies today as the “architect of the Vietnam War,” and it seemed the whole rest of his life was a good faith attempt to make up for that awful karma. Read more on Architect of the Vietnam War Sure Wished He Hadn’t Done That…
  horror

Which Oval Office Hell Demon Will You Be For Halloween?

John McCain has been asking everyone “Who is the REAL Barack Obama?” and, ha, we’ve finally smoked him out; here is the Real Barack Obama, a bird-faced hellcop space lord clutching a dead kitty, staring at the camera, trying to rape John F. Kennedy. He’s with, uh, Jim Webb there in the dunce cap. You’ve been warned. Anyway, what will you readers be for that yearly celebration of evil, Halloween? Let’s have a contest! Whoever sends us the funniest “political” costume photo by this time next week will win a special prize… to be determined later? Probably a pack of smokes or a few used dildos, don’t hold your breath. [Gawker] Read more on Which Oval Office Hell Demon Will You Be For Halloween?…
  salt of the earth

Bill Kristol Cannot Write Words That Fit Together

Here’s the fourth paragraph in today’s offering from New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol: “The Siegessäule is an impressive structure (especially if you have a militaristic bent). It’s a large fluted sandstone column on a base of polished red granite, topped by a golden statue of winged Victory. Completed in 1873, it commemorates Prussia’s victories in the previous decade over Denmark, Austria and France. The column was lengthened and relocated to its present site in 1939.” Well now you know more about the large cock in the middle of Berlin from which Barack Obama will deliver his Speech this week. This is what Kristol does to us. Read more on Bill Kristol Cannot Write Words That Fit Together…
  just cold nukin'

Creator Of Fun H-Bomb Campaign Ad Dies

This is the famous “Daisy” ad from Lyndon Johnson’s successful 1964 campaign, which depicts a young Hillary Clinton getting nuked from space by a dead J.F.K., which mutilated her from a Goldwater lozer into a Enfranchiser. The guy who made this Controversial ad, Tony Schwartz, died today at 84, instantly, after finally realizing how fucking insane his ad was. [YouTube, Newsday] Read more on Creator Of Fun H-Bomb Campaign Ad Dies…