Wonkette

This is the famous “Daisy” ad from Lyndon Johnson’s successful 1964 campaign, which depicts a young Hillary Clinton getting nuked from space by a dead J.F.K., which mutilated her from a Goldwater lozer into a Enfranchiser. The guy who made this Controversial ad, Tony Schwartz, died today at 84, instantly, after finally realizing how fucking insane his ad was. [YouTube, Newsday]

Some jokester is selling an “air guitar owned by JFK” on eBay for $5,000, and to give credit where it’s due, the American people have not placed any bids yet. Silly eBay merchant, the correct way to run this scheme is by selling an “air Constitution owned by Ron Paul” and raising the minimum bid to $300 million. Hey, we should actually do this… [eBay]

Remember the last young handsome half-Kenyan President we had before Barack Obama? Yes, Jack Kennedy! You’ll recall he assembled a band of Cuban nationals to re-invade Guam, and then he tore Nikita Khrushchev a new one while having sex with Marilyn Monroe and Angie Dickinson simultaneously. None of it would have been possible without drugs, and the excuse for the drugs was diarrhea. MORE »

The public been duped again by America’s Prince, Barack Obama. You know how he likes to talk about how John F. Kennedy is secretly his father, because Kennedy bankrolled Barack Obama Sr.’s trip to the United States and personally introduced the young Kenyan economist to lovely Ann Dunham? All lies! MORE »

It turns out that Hillary Clinton is not the only member of her family to speak with the dead. One artist has captured in paint definite proof of two living Democratic ex-presidents in sinister commune with the long deceased. What sort of liberal witchcraft is this coven engaged in? And what does it mean that Bill seems to “have all the chips,” while FDR “deals the cards”? MORE »

Happy Dead Presidents Day, everybody! Our most beloved non-Reagan dead president, John F. “Jack” Kennedy, was killed by Lyndon Johnson’s Anti-Castro Cuban CIA Mafia Military-Industrial FBI Complex way back in 1963. We still don’t know exactly what happened, because “the government” won’t release the files for another forty or fifty years (or never), but the Dallas Morning News says a weird old transcript proves or doesn’t prove how “lone gunman” Lee Harvey Oswald and mafia-nightclub tough Jack Ruby discussed killing JFK so, uh, the Chicago mob wouldn’t be bothered by Kennedy’s little brother, Bobby Kennedy, who was attorney general back when the attorney general was expected to do anti-crime things rather than just torture innocent foreigners forever, in Cuba. MORE »

Goo! That’s Barack and Hillary, in the Oval Office, except it’s a fake Oval Office and they are wax “busts.” The vaguely new Madame Tussauds wax museum in DC unveiled this exhibit yesterday in anticipation of today’s Potomac Chesapeake Crabby Primaries. The exhibit features other demonic constructions as well… MORE »

A rich and handsome American man in his 40s “bears a striking resemblance to the 35th president of the United States” and could be the illegitimate child of John F. Kennedy. Vanity Fair was supposedly doing a big feature on the guy, but a very powerful somebody killed the story.

I am JFK’s love child, B.C. man says [The Globe and Mail]

Sure, he’s a charismatic rainbow child whose half-man, half-Muslim, half-unicorn heritage makes him a ringer for Jack Kennedy. But is Senator Barack Obama maybe too much of a pussy to pull off this election thing? Experts disagree! MORE »

ARNOLD ENDORSES McCAIN WHILE ARNOLD’S KENNEDY WIFE ENDORSES OBAMA: The rich really are different — they’re all insane! Schwarzenegger endorsed John McCain last week, after Rudy Giuliani dropped out in disgrace, and after Schwarzenegger weakly claimed he wouldn’t endorse anyone. But at a “surprise appearance” (with Oprah) in Los Angeles on Sunday, Arnold’s trophy-Kennedy wife Maria Shriver said she’s endorsing Barack Obama. WTF? Aren’t the various first couples supposed to at least pretend they’re on the same team? [New York Sun/Baltimore Sun]