Good gravy, the GAZONGA COLLECTORS are after former California Biddie of the Year CARRIE PREJEAN! Poor Carrie signed a six-month lease on her enormous ta-ta job, but now she doesn’t want to make the monthly payments because seriously, what is DONALD TRUMP going to do, repossess her boobs? Like the Good Book says, The Trump giveth and The Trump taketh away … MORE »

• ENSIGN’S PARENTS GIVING MONEY TO MISTRESSES AGAIN: Looks like Nevada’s two biggest money people, John Ensign’s mommy and daddy, are yet again dipping into their retirements for their son’s protection: “Mike and Sharon Ensign, who made waves in July after admitting to giving $96,000 to Ensign’s mistress and her family, each gave the maximum $4,800 in contributions to Reid’s campaign committee in the September, the Senate Majority Leader’s campaign disclosed in its third quarter fundraising report.” So how long have John Ensign and Harry Reid been sleeping together? [CQ]

Sex-having Sen. John Ensign hauled in a whopping $33k for himself and his Republican Party last quarter, down approximately $300,000 from the previous quarter, when he was still a virgin. This is great news for the corporates! Ensign’s vote-selling fee is spiraling down down down to a farthing’s worth: “Most of Ensign’s contributions since news of the affair broke came from individual donors, although he did receive $1,000 from the BlueCross BlueShield Association in September, just as the Senate Finance Committee — on which he sits — was considering its health care bill.” In a few months, John Ensign will be living in an Anacostia dumpster soliciting Dixie cups of urine and cigarette butts from Goldman Sachs in exchange for a vote against financial regulation. [Politico]

A group of important politicians, including Senators Harry Reid and John Ensign and also the beloved waitress-assaulting alcoholic buffoon Governor Jim Gibbons, gathered ’round uncomfortably to dedicate a new 2900-acre shooting park in Clark County, Nevada yesterday. Ensign reportedly “gazed into his lap, fiddling with his wedding band, turning it this way and that, slipping it off and putting it on different fingers.” What a douche! MORE »

Here is what we know about John Ensign: he was schtupping his buddy’s wife for six months or so until they got caught, at which point Ensign begged his old parents to give his buddy $96,000 in hush money (that worked out in the end!), which they did, spread across eight $12,000 checks to various family members so the sum wouldn’t have to be declared as taxable income. He shouldn’t be forced to resign. It’s better this way, to see him roaming around the desert, giving interviews, meekly trying to hedge his failures, shaming himself, and coming across like a dingbat fraud, which he is: “Ensign told The Associated Press that he didn’t lie under oath like Clinton did and that he hasn’t ‘done anything legally wrong.’” Indeed, this would make a fine re-election campaign slogan. [AP, Las Vegas Gleaner]

If we are to believe recent news reports, the C Street clubhouse hosts many dudes — okay, two or three dudes — who at one time or another found comfort in the arms of ladies who were not their wives. But wait! Wasn’t this a Bible study group or something, in addition to being a Capitol Hill boarding house for adulterers? Yes — which might explain the wildly hedonist shenanigans that took place in that den of foulness, according to Rep. Pete Hoekstra. MORE »

Senator John Ensign isn’t quitting his job just because he had the poor taste to sleep with his friend’s wife and then stick his parents with the most expensive “here’s a little something for your trouble” tab ever, but his chief of staff might be! According to one report, Ensign COS John Lopez is “leaving” the senator’s office. Is he quitting? Getting fired? Laid off, like a common employee of Huck Pac? Who knows, ’cause Ensign’s office ain’t telling. Our money’s on quitting, because most Senate chiefs of staff want to bow out at the pinnacle of their careers. [The Hill]

As a famous statistician once said, “Three data points make a trend,” and that is why we can now confidently announce that the Bible study-group-slash-frat house known as the C Street Group stands at the cutting edge of the marital infidelity movement. MORE »

We are just not getting a lot of resignation bang for our philandering buck this summer. Argentine romancer Mark Sanford looks like he’ll stay in the South Carolina governorship, basically because his wife said he could. And now it appears that John Ensign — barring, ha ha, some devastating investigation by CREW or the Justice Department and what are the chances of that? — will also keep his Senate seat and who knows, maybe even run again! MORE »

It was bad enough for sex person John Ensign when his mistress’ husband (his friend Doug Hampton!) claimed that Ensign paid Cindy Hampton $25,000 in severance when she left his PAC, because this may have been a campaign finance violation of some sort. Damn you, John McCain! But NOW, in the necessary legal response Ensign’s lawyer has had to issue, we are provided with High Comedy: it was actually $96,000… and Ensign had to ask Mommy and Daddy pay it. Did Ensign have to mow the lawn in return? MORE »

All that Mark Sanford business has gotten pretty boring, so let’s turn our attention to the other Republican extramarital romancer, John Ensign. Remember this guy, and how he made beautiful love with his friend’s wife even though the friend repeatedly implored him to quit with his beautiful love-making? Ensign’s not quite as good a writer as Sanford. Or maybe it’s fairer to say he’s sort of Hemingway to Sanford’s Faulkner. MORE »