Like many proud leaders of the Grand Old Party, Texas Sen. John Cornyn recently said something inappropriate and terrible and damaging to his country while defending something expensive, war-related, and unnecessary. Last week he argued against curtailing the Pentagon’s F-22 program on the grounds that we will need those bad boys to bomb various countries in the future. He then listed four countries that the United States currently has no intention of bombing, one of which was INDIA — the American ally — what with the “increased exercise of their military power.” Ha ha, eat an ICBM of dicks, India! But this was all just a misunderstanding, according to Cornyn’s spokesman. He meant to say that we need F-22s to bomb China soon. China. This just clears everything up! Cornyn/Santelli 2012… MORE »

You people keep asking us for Teabagger July 4th video and, well, we can’t really find any clips! It’s as if the whole Teabagging Craze died with the 500 people who started it, on April 15, to protest George W. Bush’s tax cuts. But here’s the “traitor” and bloated wingnut John Cornyn being booed by some teabaggers in some place or another. Looks fun! This Crooks & Liars video looks ever less fun, if you can imagine such a thing.

These days you can tell which Republicans would like to keep their jobs as elected officials and which ones just want to make a living bleating on the talk radio by how they have reacted to the Sotomayor nomination. With no irritating constituents to answer to,Tom Tancredo, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh have all gone Full Crazy, while people like Texas Senator John Cornyn have demonstrated a troubling lack of zeal by not shouting RACIST LA RAZA ABORTIONIST LESBIAN for the past 72 hours. MORE »

Beloved wingnut blog RedState has taken an important stand against the Senate campaign of orange-skinned gay RINO and Florida Governor Charlie Crist. “If the NRSC thinks this is smart, we must not waste our time or energy with them,” RedState’s Erick Erickson wrote today. “Join me in pledging no money, no help, no aid, and no support for the NRSC’s efforts in the 2010 election cycle.” Yes! MORE »

Homosexual cowboy John Cornyn, head of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, says that everyone’s favorite November 2008 election between Norm Coleman and Al Franken could take “years” to resolve if he and his friends just want act like assholes. Apparently once Coleman’s challenge is rejected in state courts, there is another level called “federal courts.” So in a few years Coleman could get a hearing date at the Supreme Court only to be beheaded by specially scarlet-robed crank John Paul Stevens. MORE »

• SENATE CONFIRMS HILLARY CLINTON: The Senate has confirmed Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State in a 94-2 vote, with only Jim “Every Sentence Must Have ‘God’ In It” DeMint and David “Fucking” Vitter voting against. John Cornyn put down his hearty opposition to the immediate confirmation today after WALNUTS! himself, John McCain, told him to do so. Aww. Anyway, if you’d like some of that Kazakh energy contract cash, Bill Clinton’s taking calls! [The Hill]

The DNC has released a new web ad called “Exxon John” to support its “Exxon-McCain” gimmick. Maybe 50 or 100 political web junkies will recognize that this ad parodies the unintentionally hilarious Sen. John Cornyn video from a couple of months ago, “Big John.” Everyone else in the world, however, will watch this and wonder, “why did the Democrats make this retarded ad?” Also: now that the price of oil has dropped like $30 per barrel in the last few weeks, can these people stop talking about Energy so much? It’s painful to watch both candidates pretend there are any short-term solutions to offer. [YouTube]

Big John Cornyn had to speak at a convention,
Oh my, what to say, with all that attention!
He queried his staff, they dwelled on the matter,
‘Til finally they settled on iambic quadrameter!
“A cowboy to narrate! Some bales of hay!”
Then Cornyn responded, “but isn’t that gay?”
“Nay” said his staffers, “It’s rugged, and tough!
It’s hard-working and white; you’ll look crazy buff!”
So Cornyn agreed and they made this video,
It’s shockingly gay; they thought it was witty yo!
Dear god, it’s hilarious, to a cosmic degree,
‘Cause this is what happens when egos run free.

[Burnt Orange Report]

* Heard on the Hill: John Cornyn, John McCain record promos for weekly televised fascism-porn program 24… First 100 Hours of Democratic Regime started yesterday at 1-ish… Rep. David Wu stopped by security at Longworth. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: It’s remarkably hard to sue Ana Marie Cox. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Terry McAuliffe, Frank Luntz release books… Stupid congressional college football wacky betting shit… New member pins for 110th Congress are RED. [Examiner]
* Rush & Molloy: Some Repubs doubt Rudy Giuliani will actually run for president, because he might not want to stop making lots of money. [NYDN]

This week’s pre-Memorial Day edition of Wonk’d has everyone’s favorite White House golden boy, Karl Rove, and original press nightmare, Ari Fleischer, in good seats watching the Nationals. Some of the senior citizens in our government, like Antonin Scalia and Donald Rumsfeld, must think baseball is for kids — they only go to fancy parties. Maybe when Scooter Libby and Matt Cooper learn to dress properly, they’ll get invited out too. If he needs to get somewhere, Matt will probably be on Metro, along with his buddy Andy Card, as opposed to being chauffeured everywhere like carbon-hoarding Barack Obama. It’s three whole days before any more Wonk’d, so get everything you can now, after the jump!

So many games, festivals, and parties in Washington these days, and the in-crowd can’t stay away. If you see one of them, let us know by email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line, along with the powerbroker’s (or shill’s, or actor’s, of foreign head-of-state’s) name. You send ‘em, we print ‘em - everybody wins!

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* John Cornyn has the administration talking points down cold, but as for the writing — brother needs a grammar class. [The Hill Blog] MORE »