Wonkette

The DNC has released a new web ad called “Exxon John” to support its “Exxon-McCain” gimmick. Maybe 50 or 100 political web junkies will recognize that this ad parodies the unintentionally hilarious Sen. John Cornyn video from a couple of months ago, “Big John.” Everyone else in the world, however, will watch this and wonder, “why did the Democrats make this retarded ad?” Also: now that the price of oil has dropped like $30 per barrel in the last few weeks, can these people stop talking about Energy so much? It’s painful to watch both candidates pretend there are any short-term solutions to offer. [YouTube]

Big John Cornyn had to speak at a convention,
Oh my, what to say, with all that attention!
He queried his staff, they dwelled on the matter,
‘Til finally they settled on iambic quadrameter!
“A cowboy to narrate! Some bales of hay!”
Then Cornyn responded, “but isn’t that gay?”
“Nay” said his staffers, “It’s rugged, and tough!
It’s hard-working and white; you’ll look crazy buff!”
So Cornyn agreed and they made this video,
It’s shockingly gay; they thought it was witty yo!
Dear god, it’s hilarious, to a cosmic degree,
‘Cause this is what happens when egos run free.

[Burnt Orange Report]

* Heard on the Hill: John Cornyn, John McCain record promos for weekly televised fascism-porn program 24… First 100 Hours of Democratic Regime started yesterday at 1-ish… Rep. David Wu stopped by security at Longworth. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: It’s remarkably hard to sue Ana Marie Cox. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Terry McAuliffe, Frank Luntz release books… Stupid congressional college football wacky betting shit… New member pins for 110th Congress are RED. [Examiner]
* Rush & Molloy: Some Repubs doubt Rudy Giuliani will actually run for president, because he might not want to stop making lots of money. [NYDN]

This week’s pre-Memorial Day edition of Wonk’d has everyone’s favorite White House golden boy, Karl Rove, and original press nightmare, Ari Fleischer, in good seats watching the Nationals. Some of the senior citizens in our government, like Antonin Scalia and Donald Rumsfeld, must think baseball is for kids — they only go to fancy parties. Maybe when Scooter Libby and Matt Cooper learn to dress properly, they’ll get invited out too. If he needs to get somewhere, Matt will probably be on Metro, along with his buddy Andy Card, as opposed to being chauffeured everywhere like carbon-hoarding Barack Obama. It’s three whole days before any more Wonk’d, so get everything you can now, after the jump!

So many games, festivals, and parties in Washington these days, and the in-crowd can’t stay away. If you see one of them, let us know by email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line, along with the powerbroker’s (or shill’s, or actor’s, of foreign head-of-state’s) name. You send ‘em, we print ‘em - everybody wins!

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* John Cornyn has the administration talking points down cold, but as for the writing — brother needs a grammar class. [The Hill Blog] MORE »

Thanks for all your guesses in response to yesterday’s blind item about a southern Republican congressman who has found himself in a bit of trouble. We won’t pass on the correctness or incorrectness of your guesses; we’ll just pass them along, with minimal comment.

Here was one of the better responses:

Oh God, oh God, oh God! Please, please, please let it be Jeff Sessions! And please let his mistress be John Cornyn!

Sorry to disappoint you, dear reader. But it can’t be Jeff Sessions, since he’s a senator rather than a representative. Points for creativity, though!

More guesses, after the jump.

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Overheard conversations are largely the territory of other blogs (both here in D.C. and elsewhere). But for some odd reason, lately we’ve received a lot of emails about funny things people have overheard. We’ll share some of them with you today. MORE »

This week’s collection of celebrity sightings is a little disappointing; we’ve seen better around here. Are you all too busy enjoying college basketball, warm weather, and cherry blossoms, leaving you without time to keep your editors informed of the comings and goings of famous people? Please don’t forget to email us with your sightings, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (as well as the name of the spotted celeb).

After the jump: Patti LaBelle, in a purple fur; John King and Gheorghe Muresan, participating in the March Madness; and a bunch of senators on planes.

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* Immigration as the new abortion? Interesting. Don’t know if we’d describe Emma Lazarus as a “hotty,” though; she’s no Fran Townsend. [got detroit?] MORE »

C’mon, quit yr bitching, Senator — it’s not like anyone votes in ‘em anyway. MORE »