Well, people of Detroit, it appears you did not pray hard enough for Monica Conyers, and now she may have to go to jail for a while. The Detroit City Council President Pro Tem and completely insane violent creep Mrs. Conyers, wife of US Representative John Conyers, pleaded guilty to conspiracy this morning in connection with a glamorous case involving the disposal of sludge. She’s accused of taking a bribe from the sludge people in exchange for voting in favor of their contract. MORE »

John Conyers recently issued a subpeona requiring Karl Rove to appear before the House Judiciary Committee to talk about that whole attorney-firing scandal thing, and of course Karl Rove did not show up because what is he, a private citizen who is subject to the nation’s laws? MORE »

As Mark Penn told us all during the Democratic primaries, it is an established socio-political fact that black people do not like brown people and vice-versa, because of Microtrends, and this is why Barack Obama cannot win 70% of the Hispanic vote. This scientific insight about wacky minorities is the only possible explanation for why old black Congressman John Conyers has written a letter to his fellow legislators attacking our future surgeon general, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, the very attractive medicine guy of daytime cable news fame. It is ruthless and laden with factual and typographical errors, to add further insult to Dr. Gupta’s Guatemalan heritage. MORE »

• WILL HE WEAR HIS ‘GOOD PANTS’?: “McClellan will testify publicly and under oath before the House Judiciary Committee on June 20 about the White House’s role in the leak and its response, his attorneys, Michael and Jane Tigar, said on Monday.” White House lawsuit in 3… 2… 1… [AP]

Now the thing about Scott McClellan is that he’s terrible, with his book, and he now may have tragically reopened the Valerie Plame “Plamegate” saga anew. John Conyers & Palz on the House Judiciary Committee are open to hearing McClellan’s testimony, meaning the White House will have to somehow stop him from testifying, meaning frozen royal press secretary Dana Perino had to give reporters some inadvertent “legal comedy” today, meaning ha ha, OH GOD. MORE »

Check out the video here of Congressman John Conyers’ wife, Monica Conyers — President Pro-Tem of the Detroit City Council — getting very mad and shouting with the Council President while in session. Our tipster writes that she is “a bazillion years younger than husband John Conyers, and completely insane.” What a catch! [Click On Detroit]

LIBERAL DEMOCRATS SUE WHITE HOUSE: From the AP: “The House Judiciary Committee filed suit Monday to force former White House Counsel Harriet Miers and White House chief of staff Joshua Bolten to provide information about the firing of U.S. attorneys.” Ha ha, they’re still harping about that thing, and those people! George W. Bush will claim executive privilege over this gay law suit, and America will be saved. [AP/Google]

* Justice Department functionary fears being “scootered,” pleads the fith. [Above the Law]
* Army recruiter’s racist homophobic rants made hilarious by use of caps lock. [Pandagon]
* John Conyers can buy and sell you. [After Downing Street]
* Vast majority of government business done over Hotmail since “whitehouse.gov” addresses make it harder to the get at the Cialis and Ambien. [War and Piece]
* Mormons abandon support of Iraq war. What’s next, drinking coffee? [Passport]
* Entire Conservative Union board quits after appointing Tom DeLay to itself, but that might just be the chron talking. [Chron]

Slow news day so far — CNN is reporting on the prosecution of a German cannibal. So we bring you these two screen caps. This one’s from the New York Sun: MORE »

Forgive us for being slow, but we don’t understand why CNN is giving so much play to the story of Rep. John Conyers (D-MI) forcing his staffers to perform personal errands during normal working hours. MORE »

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Today, in between backrubs for John Conyers and stalking the mysterious new Representative Paula Vaughn, he tells ya’ all about finding a job, eating lunch, and how to dress to impress. Keep those questions coming, people — he almost had to do real work today.

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