Nearly every sighting this week comes from the exact same place, several at the exact same time. Wonkette operatives didn’t even need to use their sharp eyes to spot these old men in a barrel. Apparently, Bistro Bis is the be-seen restaurant du jour. Or maybe it was all along — the closest we come to a power lunch is eating a burrito really fast. But John Kerry, John Bolton, Jon Tester , Jim Lehrer, and Steve Kroft have more discriminating palates. You get all of them, and one Senator too busy working on his abs to respect his elders, by indulging your Mecury-in-retrograde-moon-is-in-the-seventh-house fantasies on the other side of the worm hole.

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The tipsters have gotten themselves on the “good” list and uncle Wonk’d has loads of stocking stuffers for an early Christmas. These presents might not be as good as the ones Laura Bush was seen buying, but you get what you pay for. Unwrap a jaywalking John Bolton, an over-caffeinated Katherine Harris, an anatomically correct Anderson Cooper, and an occasionally anonymous Dan Bartlett that comes with elephant sidekick, under the tree.

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* Heard on the Hill: Rahm Emanuel puts Ken Mehlman in a “mini-bear hug,” asks what he’s doing next, says, “Banking, Ken, that’s where the money is” … Surprise entertainment at the exclusive RIAA holiday party? The Barenaked Ladies. Ok, we’re linking to so many pirated mp3s in protest now… “A revised floor schedule for Wednesday was sent out advising, “H.R. 6136 — Margaret Thatcher Congressional Gold Medal Act HAS BEEN PULLED.” Thank christ for Barny Frank. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Because they live in Virginia, Mary Cheney’s partner Heather Poe will have no legal guardianship over their baby and won’t be allowed to adopt it unless they move to Maryland. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Official Congressional Gym very crowded these days, Democrats out of shape… Nancy Pelosi was 45 minutes late to a press briefing, more Democrats even later the next day. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Nancy Pelosi/Barbara Walters interview in the Capitol forces GOP staffers to wait until they pass before finishing cleaning out their bosses’ office… Santorum’s website slightly more gracious than his last speech… “Phil Olsen, the captain for Team USA in the World Beard and Moustache Championships, says [John] Bolton is welcome to a spot on the team.” [The Hill]
* Page Six: Just pure insanity re. Lindsay Lohan and Al Gore. It’s sad and crazy and makes us uncomfortable. [NYP]

* As John Bolton steps down, his shoes, though not his mustache, are likely to be filled by Zalmay Khalilzad. [WP, NYT]
* Bolton’s UN colleagues feel like it’s their birthday. [NYT]
* Sam Brownback can’t quit the idea of being President. [WP]
* Republicans will try to muscle through a weird “Abortion Anesthesia Bill” before the close of Congress. [WP]
* President Bush meets with Iraqi Shiite leader who thinks the only policy change America needs is to kick more ass, take less names. [WP, NYT]
* FBI spends too much time investigating mine-sweeper, comes up short on funds for new computer system. [NYT]
* NASA’s plan for a new moon base is supported by space cadets. [WP]
* Paper of record covers DC’s ruthless manipulation of Utah, hunt for most basic constitutional rights. [NYT]

John Bolton, greatest American Ambassador to the UN ever, has resigned. We will let his number one fan do the honors: MORE »

Today’s photo funny from WashingtonPost.com reveals that UN hopeful John Bolton’s confirmation hearings would really be tough. MORE »

To update our earlier “well sourced” post — based on a single e-mail and a NewsMax link — we can now somewhat confirm that John Bolton is going to spend a lot more time with Don Rumsfeld’s family. MORE »

When we realized that Creepy Uncle John Bolton’s appointment to the UN was dead in the water, the first place we went for incisive, intelligent commentary was radical nutjob Pamela “Atlas” Oshrey, the blogosphere’s number one Bolton dry-humper. She did not disappoint. MORE »

John “Bushy” Bolton is supposedly the next Bush Administration creature to say goodbye, but he may not even get the fancy luxury of a White House press conference hosted by George “Fabulous Job” Bush. MORE »

• Bolton’s still waiting - for a train back to DC, cause his confirmation is dead. [The Coffee House]

• DHS is pursuing criminal charges against a journalist who filmed a “national security site owned by Exxon,” in the wake of Katrina. Spike Lee ponders real estate in Switzerland. [Greg Palast]
• The worst hair on the hill, indexed by species. [Radar Magazine]
• The DEA can’t even seize a bag without the stems and the sticks. [TalkLeft]
• Bill O’Reilly wants to help you through your identity crisis, bowel movements. [Rude Pundit]
• Cindy Sheehan dreams of going Terminator on Bush in his little crib, but she’s clearly not thinking big picture. [DCeiver]
• Sandy Berger is going after ABC to keep a lid on the fact that he couldn’t kill Bin Laden because he was too busy blowing lines off Madeline Albright’s tits. [IMAO]

• Years of debate preceded announcement of secret prison closing, sites could be ready to use again on minutes notice. [WP]

• Military tribunals also taking years to prepare. Republicans split on classified evidence issue, no consensus on horizon. [NYT, CNN, W$J]
• Tomato/tomáto argument continues over “terrorist surveillance” or “warrantless eavesdropping” program as Bush asks congress for more authority to catch devious email-using criminals. [WP]
• John Bolton still unconfirmed, spittle collecting in mustache as he grumbles his discontent. [WP, USAT]
• Richard Armitage is so sorry. “I value my ability to keep state secrets. This was bad, and I really felt badly about this.” [NYT]