Tag Archives: john bolton

  toy story 4

Arizona Sheriff Goes To New Hampshire, Hint Hint

Arizona’s Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio is famous among Teabaggers or something for being a bigot and following Arizona’s bigot law enforcement law to the extreme, for which the feds sued him. So now, naturally, he is running for president, even though he is older than John McCain. Or rather he is HINTING this, in the most explicit way possible, in New Hampshire. Surely the American voting public will elect a slightly notable ancient discriminatory policeman as president of the United States, correct? But only if they can find a constitutional method to make him and John Bolton co-presidents. Read more on Arizona Sheriff Goes To New Hampshire, Hint Hint…
  time to move to the moon

John Bolton Maybe Running For President of Bombing Iran

Remember when John Bolton blushed like the most flattered debutante when Tucker Carlson’s bow-tie gnomes begged him to run for president? (To forget this moment would be tantamount to “forgetting to give your girlfriend something nice for 9/11.”) John Bolton told the Daily Caller he couldn’t say for sure if he would consider thinking about running for president. But that was like two weeks ago, things have changed! If you need proof: John Bolton went on teevee and announced to the world that he is “thinking about” running for President. And then John Bolton combed his greasy mustache with his slimy tentacle fingers and belched, “Ahm a drunken walrus who hates A-rabs!'” Read more on John Bolton Maybe Running For President of Bombing Iran…
  mustache '12

If John Bolton Was President He Could Bomb Iran ‘Whenever,’ Right?

The bow tie hobbits at the Daily Caller landed a hot interview with Neocon Mustache Ride “John Bolton” — the premier authority on America’s #1 most-pressing issue: When Do We Bomb Iran? Bolton explained to Tucker Carlson’s gnome-slaves that bombing Iran is not in Barack Obama’s “DNA,” which sounds sort of racist! Questioning Obama’s genetic makeup because he is too chickenshit to bomb Iran is not racist though, it is just critical, and that is why the Daily Caller gave John Bolton his very own fursona, “critic-in chief.” If John Bolton was commander-in-chief he could stop being so critical and just bomb Iran instead. How about it, John? Read more on If John Bolton Was President He Could Bomb Iran ‘Whenever,’ Right?…
  double dog dares

John Bolton: Israel Isn’t Man Enough To Bomb Iran

Yeah, Israel talks a big game, going out drinking with its buddies at the Atlantic and boasting about its awesome plans to bomb the crap out of Iran’s nuclear facilities. But Bush-era U.N. ambassador and mustache grooming enthusiast John Bolton thinks it’s all talk. The way he sees it, Israel has only a few more days to start droppin’ bombs on Iran. And they don’t seem to be in any rush! What’s-a matter, are they chicken? Huh? CHICKEN? [chicken noises] Read more on John Bolton: Israel Isn’t Man Enough To Bomb Iran…
  awards season

John Bolton, Human Events Name Dick Cheney President of 2009

Want to see a hot sex video of John Bolton cumming all over Dick Cheney’s grundle? So do we but who can find it?? For now you’ll have to settle for the “text version,” from great publication Human Events. John Bolton has named Dick Cheney the “conservative of the year” in one of the strangest articles on the current Internet. You know why America loves Dick Cheney, according to this demented mustache? He presents direct challenges to Barack Obama’s “insouciance” towards national security. Not only is Barack Obama nonchalant, but he’s the gay Frenchy-lookin’ synonym. [Human Events via Salon/War Room] Read more on John Bolton, Human Events Name Dick Cheney President of 2009…
  rumors on the internets

The Obama Administration Is Not A Registered Sex Offender, And That Makes RedState Very Frustrated

Matthew Yglesias writes in earnest about McDonald’s policy. [Matt Yglesias] The Obama Administration loves to have sex with minors. RedState knows this is true, because Whoopee Goldberg said something on teevee and also isn’t it obvious? Q.E.D., Amen. [RedState] Read more on The Obama Administration Is Not A Registered Sex Offender, And That Makes RedState Very Frustrated…
  2012: a race to the bottom

What Wingnut Thing Did Mike Huckabee Say At That Conference?

Mike Huckabee has a new (/old!) idea: get rid of the United Nations completely, because of those mean speeches the other day. This, however, is an improvement over recent years, when the actual U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, was the most prominent figure arguing for the destruction of the United Nations. But John Bolton never came up with a timely nickname like, “The international equivalent of ACORN,” did he? No, he didn’t. [Think Progress] Read more on What Wingnut Thing Did Mike Huckabee Say At That Conference?…
  thursdays are for magazines

Commenting On Commentary, With A Denby Cameo Because Of Course

Let’s look at Commentary magazine, the famous neocon rag now edited by John Podhoretz, who can be easily analogized to Bill Kristol, I guess, for having a much more intelligent and talented father and then sort of soiling the family legacy in the name of pride and stupidity. Or hey, for a more zeitgeist-y example Ms. Meghan McCain is also a good comparison. So, John “Blogette” Podhoretz is the Meghan McCain in this situation and Commentary is his monthly Twitter. What has Meghan Podhoretz been tweeting about as of late? Foreign policy, the economy, and, what’s this, long-time New Yorker intern David Denby, whose first foray into cultural relevance has been an unmitigated disaster. Read more on Commenting On Commentary, With A Denby Cameo Because Of Course…
 

Diplomatic Idol John Bolton To Address Gay Thing

The Log Cabin Republicans (the openly gay party members) are hosting their magical conference this weekend at the above pool. Former U.N. Ambassador and extremely bigoted snuffleupagus John Bolton, it appears, will even be showing up! Free mustache rides in the presidential cabana, all weekend long. [Log Cabin Republicans via Marc Ambinder] Read more on Diplomatic Idol John Bolton To Address Gay Thing…
 

Condi ‘n’ Kozy Sitting in a Tree

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomatâ„¢! Last week started off exciting with an OMG SURPRISE trip to Iraq and a luv connection with Sarkozy. But then along came the Grinch who stole the week before Xmas, John Bolton! Ew! All this and Black Leather Condi Glove Turkeys after the jump! Read more on Condi ‘n’ Kozy Sitting in a Tree…
 

John Bolton Hates Bush for Listening to a Girl

John Bolton, former U.S. ambassador to the United Nations and overall sack of shit, is taking his grievances with American foreign policy to the German press now, and they are quite grievancesy! In an interview with the Fatherland’s Spiegel, Bolton claims that Bush’s “foreign policy is in free fall” now that he’s talking to gross people like Iran and Syria. But John Bolton is John Bolton, and he blames it on that chick at the State department, Rice or whatever, for going all vagina-ish on the Administration’s manly sensibilities. Read more on John Bolton Hates Bush for Listening to a Girl…
 

They Walk Among Us

This week, you numbskulls spotted Patrick McHenry, Scooter Libby, Tim Russert, Doc Rivers, Matthew Lesko, Tom Feeney, Dave Chappelle, John Bolton, and Condi Rice skulking around DC (and elsewhere). Your amazing stories, after the jump. Read more on They Walk Among Us…
 

The Chaste is On

This week, Dawn Eden, Patrick Fitzgerald, Bill Emmott, John Bolton, John Boehner, and John Ashcroft were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. Read more on The Chaste is On…
 

John Bolton Loves the Whole Axis of Evil

Former Ambassador to the UN John Bolton received something called “The Bradley Award” at the Kennedy Center last night. Bolton started by thanking the Bradley Foundation and his current employers, the American Enterprise Institute, then got weird. Read more on John Bolton Loves the Whole Axis of Evil…
 

Wonk’d: Shiny-Haired Media Whores

What makes John Bolton such an asshole? Is Joe Lieberman just pretending to be Jewish? How thankful is Tim Russert for the Sunday morning make-up gay at NBC? Does Chris Dodd hate his family as much as we think he does? Answer these and find out what part of George Stephanopoulos is “gorgeous and thick.” Read more on Wonk’d: Shiny-Haired Media Whores…
 

Wonk’d: Crispy Twister Sandwich is Its Own Happy Ending

Those interested in the commuting, eating, and theater habits of John Bolton , Evan Bayh, Grover Norquist, and Sam Donaldson will find this week’s Wonk’d to their taste. Those more interested in the handjob “Tucker Carlson” got in a KFC bathroom from one of DC’s famous tranny hookers will also be well served by reading on. Read more on Wonk’d: Crispy Twister Sandwich is Its Own Happy Ending…
 

Wonk’d: The Goose Liver Insurgency Must Be Stopped

Nearly every sighting this week comes from the exact same place, several at the exact same time. Wonkette operatives didn’t even need to use their sharp eyes to spot these old men in a barrel. Apparently, Bistro Bis is the be-seen restaurant du jour. Or maybe it was all along — the closest we come to a power lunch is eating a burrito really fast. But John Kerry, John Bolton, Jon Tester , Jim Lehrer, and Steve Kroft have more discriminating palates. You get all of them, and one Senator too busy working on his abs to respect his elders, by indulging your Mecury-in-retrograde-moon-is-in-the-seventh-house fantasies on the other side of the worm hole. Read more on Wonk’d: The Goose Liver Insurgency Must Be Stopped…
 

Wonk’d: Hark! The Herald Sightings Sing

The tipsters have gotten themselves on the “good” list and uncle Wonk’d has loads of stocking stuffers for an early Christmas. These presents might not be as good as the ones Laura Bush was seen buying, but you get what you pay for. Unwrap a jaywalking John Bolton, an over-caffeinated Katherine Harris, an anatomically correct Anderson Cooper, and an occasionally anonymous Dan Bartlett that comes with elephant sidekick, under the tree. Read more on Wonk’d: Hark! The Herald Sightings Sing…
 

Gossip Roundup: Plastics

* Heard on the Hill: Rahm Emanuel puts Ken Mehlman in a “mini-bear hug,” asks what he’s doing next, says, “Banking, Ken, that’s where the money is” … Surprise entertainment at the exclusive RIAA holiday party? The Barenaked Ladies. Ok, we’re linking to so many pirated mp3s in protest now… “A revised floor schedule for Wednesday was sent out advising, “H.R. 6136 — Margaret Thatcher Congressional Gold Medal Act HAS BEEN PULLED.” Thank christ for Barny Frank. [Roll Call] * Reliable Source: Because they live in Virginia, Mary Cheney’s partner Heather Poe will have no legal guardianship over their baby and won’t be allowed to adopt it unless they move to Maryland. [WP] * Yeas and Nays: Official Congressional Gym very crowded these days, Democrats out of shape… Nancy Pelosi was 45 minutes late to a press briefing, more Democrats even later the next day. [Examiner] * Under the Dome: Nancy Pelosi/Barbara Walters interview in the Capitol forces GOP staffers to wait until they pass before finishing cleaning out their bosses’ office… Santorum’s website slightly more gracious than his last speech… “Phil Olsen, the captain for Team USA in the World Beard and Moustache Championships, says [John] Bolton is welcome to a spot on the team.” [The Hill] * Page Six: Just pure insanity re. Lindsay Lohan and Al Gore. It’s sad and crazy and makes us uncomfortable. [NYP] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Plastics…
 

Daily Briefing: No Representation Without Mormonization

* As John Bolton steps down, his shoes, though not his mustache, are likely to be filled by Zalmay Khalilzad. [WP, NYT] * Bolton’s UN colleagues feel like it’s their birthday. [NYT] * Sam Brownback can’t quit the idea of being President. [WP] * Republicans will try to muscle through a weird “Abortion Anesthesia Bill” before the close of Congress. [WP] * President Bush meets with Iraqi Shiite leader who thinks the only policy change America needs is to kick more ass, take less names. [WP, NYT] * FBI spends too much time investigating mine-sweeper, comes up short on funds for new computer system. [NYT] * NASA’s plan for a new moon base is supported by space cadets. [WP] * Paper of record covers DC’s ruthless manipulation of Utah, hunt for most basic constitutional rights. [NYT] Read more on Daily Briefing: No Representation Without Mormonization…