Wonkette

* Heard on the Hill: Remember when that lady got hassled at the SOTU last year for her “Support the troops” shirt? Now that shirt is going to be in the Newseum. Rep. Gus Bilirakis regularly gets confused with his father, who used to have the seat… Rep. Fred Upton loves beer. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Remember the Scooter Libby trial? Sigh… Everyone wants a Marion Barry wax figure… Josh Bolten sang with Randy Travis at the Kuwaiti Embassy… Secret living room Thievery Corporation show party hosts revealed! [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: The Weekly Standard’s Stephen Hayes is penning a 400-page blowjob of Dick Cheney… You’re apparently not allowed to wear a kilt on the floor of the Senate. [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: A letter from USNews to Senate offices was checked for Anthrax… Joe Lockhart bought a huge Kalorama house the day after Election Day. [USN&WR]
* The Sleuth: “John Boehner (R-Ohio) has been sneaking over to the National Democratic Club to smoke.” [WP]

Reposted late due to technical error — sue us. MORE »

* Malkin gets a scalp … of some official campaign blogger … two years before anyone could possibly give a shit. [Navel of the Internet]
* The 27-page “weirdness report” on Rudy Giuliani leaves readers with a lingering sense of, “yea, obv.” [The Smoking Gun]
* Who wants to see pictures of John Boehner crying? [Think Progress]
* Blogger rips venerable news magazine over reporting practices, universe remains unexploded. [Horse's Mouth]
* Osama’s dead! No, not the one you’re voting for next year — the other one. [Captain's Quarters]
* Iranian bombs now available with custom engraved gift messages. [TPM Muckracker]
* The “Weekly Worst in [Walnuts], because you’re just too darn busy to keep up with every McCain flip-flop, sell out or new principle.” [The Real McCain]
* Don’t forget your nemesis Valentine cards! [Rising Hegemon]

House Minority John Boehner has the best office in Congress: ’cause you know you can smoke it it, and it turns out it’s always filled with ladies. MORE »

As we reach the eleventh hour of the 100-Hour Reich, Ted Kennedy seems to be the only one standing up to this Surge absurdity while Nancy Pelosi has boldly banned smoking in the Speaker’s Lobby. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Congress took yesterday off to watch football. At the insistence, btw, of John Boehner… Crazy coot Thaddeus McCotter has begun sending out his insane “Thinking Points” memos. First one features Spinal Tap lyrics… Yes, Rep. G.K. Butterfield is black… Joe Biden is running for something! [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Fenty inaugural ball featured 1,500 chairs for 15,000 attendees… The Bush Twins partied old-school last weekend at Smith Point, of all places, and Town Hall. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Members of Congress already submitting insane, doomed bills. Mike Huckabee suggests watching more shitty ’80s sitcoms is secret to happiness, success. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Dennis Kucinich introduced Keith Ellison and Virgil Goode. Some claim he did this to foster peace and harmony, but we know it’s just ’cause he likes to start shit… The Capitol Police didn’t recognize Keith Ellison until he produced his official Congressional BlackBerry, which he didn’t strike anyone with… Rep. Kevin Brady (R-Texas) declares intention to file FOIA request for every meeting of House Rules Committee. FOIA, of course, doesn’t apply to records of Congress. [The Hill]
* Rush & Molloy: Some guy wants George Clooney to star in a movie as Bill O’Reilly. [NYDN]

* Reliable Source: Steven Spielberg is a big liar. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: The Barenaked Ladies headlined the RIAA party even though they hate the RIAA… Former Boehner spokesman left for Romney’s campaign, recommended replacement who is smarter and better than him. Notable for use of the word “Boehnerland.” [Examiner]
* Rush & Molloy: Alec Baldwin says Obama ain’t ready, doesn’t like Hillary much either. Ben Affleck disagrees. We’re drinking at noon. [NYDN]

• Heard on the Hill: Mark Foley is out of “rehab.” The Arizona facility he went to treats alcoholism, “eating disorders, sexual addiction/compulsivity, obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression” … Kirk Fordham, former Tom Reynolds and Foley CoS, is still hanging around the Hill, annoying fellow republicans… John Boehner demanded the Republican leadership sing him his self-penned “Birthday Song” … John Kerry downed Tequila shots with Marines at Finn MacCool’s. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Things to talk about with your family over Thanksgiving. Because you hate them. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: The Examiner will now be sued by Robert Steinbuch for revealing that his students think he’s a perv… Aide to Sen. Susan Collins sends out memo about fonts: “After reviewing a variety of typefaces to see whether they might prove more readable than the current protocol of 16-point Times Roman bold for speeches, statements and talking points, Senator Collins has decided that she would like to use Lucida Bright.” [Examiner]

• John Boehner is going to gouge out John Kerry’s eyes and skullfuck him. [Think Progress]

• Just as soon as he catches up to that rocket car of his. [Zulkey]
• When voters in Florida’s 16th district pull the curtain behind them, the only thing they need to remember is: [Punch Foley for Negron]
• Misses Michelle Malkin’s gone wrestling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [Mekong Network]
• Leaked copy of the long rumored homosexual agenda includes, “assume complete control governments” and “be utterly fabulous.” [Stop the ACLU]
• Among soldier patronizing government officials, John Kerry’s killed less babies. [Rising Hegemon]
• Eazy-E dined at the White House with George H. W. Bush and had “a pretty okay time.” [The Corsair]
• Gawker wrote the Julia “I Dated Harold Ford” Allison post so we don’t have to. [Gawker]

• Congressman says Baghdad and Manhattan are twinsies, cites availability of goods on street corners and porno video stores as examples. [Think Progress]

• Rick Santorum continues to go after the “virgin vote,” appealing to their sensibilities by likening the Iraq war to Lord of the Rings. [Salon]
• John Boehner eulogizes PageFuckerGate, brandishes The Eternal Hammer of Tax Policy. [Hotline on Call]
• Gorby reiterates: they’re real, and they’re spectacular. [Goldenfiddle]
• Ain’t no Alabama Congressman gonna spend his time learnin’ bout no “mozlawms.” [Hullabaloo]
• Republican incumbent in Wyoming race sees lead slip to only 7 — actual voters, not percentage points. [Political Wire]
• Bill O’Reilly will make you hate yourself, one way or another. [Fishbowl DC]

• Reliable Source: G-town restaurant Nathan’s is closing. Vernon Jordon inconsolable, hotdog-less. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Asian Baby are buying a home in Northern Virginia, to be closer to their new benefactor, Redskins owner Dan Snyder… Harvard alums publish first magazine ever to beat off Barack Obama for no reason but not call him a “hottie”… John Boehner says he totally would’ve beat Mark Foely’s ass. Seriously. Just let him try that shit again. If his girl wasn’t here, man… [Examiner]

If there’s one thing we’ve learned from paying attention to the primary races this year, it’s that primary races in this country are NUTS. Every state has its own crazy variation on the process. In some states, you can pick which party’s primary to vote in on election day; in others, you can only vote in the primary for the party you’re registered in. In some states, there’s a second round of primary voting if no candidate gets more than 50 percent of the vote; in others, whoever comes in first wins, even if they just get a plurality. (Georgia falls into the former camp in both cases, which helped give our dear Cynthia a hard time.) MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Katherine Harris’ own car does not have a Harris for Senate bumper sticker. Possibly due to last month’s hilarious shoe-related car accident. [Roll Call]
• Under the Dome: House Majority Leader John Boehner needs a haircut. He is still quite tan. Senator Chuck Schumer pulled a hamstring. [The Hill]
• Reliable Source: D.C.’s congressional delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton insists she got the joke when she appeared on The Colbert Report. [WP]