Tag Archives: john boehner

  Keep Your Caucus In Check

Great And Powerful John Boehner Rises From Ashes Of Tea Party Tantrum

CSPAN screenshot via Oliver Willis America’s sweetheart, John Boehner, vanquished his enemies on Tuesday afternoon, retaining his cartoonishly oversized gavel and kicking off another two years of publicly losing control of his caucus. Read more on Great And Powerful John Boehner Rises From Ashes Of Tea Party Tantrum…
  crying over you

Who Will Be New House Speaker When GOP Murders John Boehner With Fire?

Is this mean? It might be a little mean. Then again, John Boehner is mean.
Every two years, all the wild-and-crazy Tea Party guys in the House GOP put on their togas and have a big awesome food fight and promise this time they’re really, really gonna get Dean Wormer, or at least INPEACH John Boehner for being a big dumb drunk RINO who only lets them shut down the government a little bit. BOO NO FUN, BOYCOTT JOHN BOEHNER, UNFAIR TO CRAZY PEOPLE! Read more on Who Will Be New House Speaker When GOP Murders John Boehner With Fire?…
  Lame Duck Presidents Have More Fun

White House Being Very Mean To That Nice Racist Steve Scalise

Oh snap! Did White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest just throw weapons-grade shade at embattled Republican House Whip Steve Scalise (R-The State Whut Brung You David Duke)? You know he did. A reporter asked White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest what he thought of this whole Steve Scalise business, and Earnest told a motherfucker. Huffington Post was there, and gurrrl… Read more on White House Being Very Mean To That Nice Racist Steve Scalise…
  #ReadyForLouie

New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner

Image via Daily Show video Texas congressman and casual House-floor snacker Louie Gohmert delivered blessed news to the nation on the first Sunday of the new year: he will finally rise to be the savior America needs by defeating John Boehner to become the new Speaker of the House. Read more on New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner…
  But Robert Byrd!

Of Course John Boehner Isn’t Going To Plunge This Knife Into Steve Scalise’s Back, Why Do You Ask?

He's happy to stand by his man, no really
How much does it suck to be Speaker of the House John Boehner right about now? You know the guy just wants to get his Eve of New Year’s Eve drink on, but nooooooooo. Instead, he’s got to stay sober enough to sign off on statements of support for all the lousy Republicans who can’t keep themselves out of trouble. Read more on Of Course John Boehner Isn’t Going To Plunge This Knife Into Steve Scalise’s Back, Why Do You Ask?…
  Like a Boy

Congressfelon Michael Grimm Realizes God Wants Him To Resign After All

Rep. Michael Grimm, felonious tax-evader and media relations expert, announced his intention to resign from Congress, after insisting only a week ago that he would NOT resign, despite pleading guilty, according to a late-breaking report from the New York Daily News on Monday. Softening the blow for the few remaining Grimm groupies, he’ll be staying in office until Jan. 5, allowing him to put “2015” as an end date on his resume and have a bitchin’ New Year’s party in his office since he probably won’t be getting the deposit back anyway. Read more on Congressfelon Michael Grimm Realizes God Wants Him To Resign After All…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Let’s Watch Rachel Yell At Congressfelon Michael Grimm (Video)

Seriously?
Tuesday’s Rachel Maddow Show started off with a brief review of crimers in Congress. It’s not as long a list as you might think! She focuses on California Republican Jay Kim, who was convicted of campaign fraud in 1998 and became the first — and so far, only — member of Congress who walked its hallowed halls wearing a monitoring bracelet attached to his ankle. Kim’s estranged wife said he was “the most crime-committing person I know.” He lost his primary that year and soon became the footnote he was destined to be. Read more on Morning Maddow: Let’s Watch Rachel Yell At Congressfelon Michael Grimm (Video)…
  Going-Away Present

Reindeer-Farming Congressman Acts Sane, Counters With Impeachment Bill

We'll always have reindeer
Wonkette readers have been kept well-informed about reindeer-farming Michigan congressman Kerry Bentivolio — from before he even officially won his 2012 election, when this site identified him as a potential heir to Michele Bachmann‘s Krazy Krown, to the raving retrospective when Bentivolio lost his primary this August. Read more on Reindeer-Farming Congressman Acts Sane, Counters With Impeachment Bill…
  Not so not guilty after all

Charming Fellow Rep. Michael Grimm To Plead Guilty To Some Tiny Minor Things, NBD

At least he's still smiling ... for now
Rep. Michael Grimm (R-Naturally), a self-described “moral man, a man of integrity” — who likes to threaten to throw journalists off balconies and break them in half, but in a moral way, we guess — is expected to plead guilty to about eleventy hundred charges of tax evasion on Tuesday. (Or, OK, at least one charge, though he was indicted on 20 different counts of doing naughty illegal stuff.) Read more on Charming Fellow Rep. Michael Grimm To Plead Guilty To Some Tiny Minor Things, NBD…
  cool story bro

Boehner And Schumer Engage In Twitter Slap Fight As American Dignity Swirls Further Down Toilet

Politifact gives you FIVE AND A HALF PINOCCHIOS, BOEHNER.
We do so enjoy a little lighthearted, good-natured bicameral smack talk in Congress. Like this exchange between Speaker of the House John Boehner and this other guy, a cousin of very funny comedienne Amy Schumer who also happens to be a Senator. Read more on Boehner And Schumer Engage In Twitter Slap Fight As American Dignity Swirls Further Down Toilet…
  If you love America you'll burn it to the ground

Sean Hannity Will Repeal And Replace John Boehner, Just For Funsies

This is his clever face
Some people might be glad Congress decided to switch things up a bit and actually do some work on Thursday night to keep the government open and functioning. (Yes, we know what “functioning” means, and yes, we’re using that term loosely.) Read more on Sean Hannity Will Repeal And Replace John Boehner, Just For Funsies…
  Here have some news n stuff

Congress Sort Of Has A Deal To Keep Government Open Maybe

He'll take the help, but it's gonna hurt
With the clock ticking toward Thursday, when our U.S. of America government will be officially out of pocket change and out of business, the do-nothing layabouts in Congress have maybe cobbled together a deal to avoid that. Hooray, end-of-year bonuses for all of you, for doing such a good job at doing your jobs! Especially you, Speaker John Boehner, for agreeing to suck it up and beg the Democrats to take pity on you by giving you a hand. Read more on Congress Sort Of Has A Deal To Keep Government Open Maybe…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Why Are Conservatives Sending John Boehner Their Balls? (Video)

Rachel Maddow channels the Church Lady
About five years back, conservatives were really excited about mailing tea bags to members of Congress, to send an important message about tea, and liberty, and resisting tyranny. It was a Huge Success! And while no other campaign to send awkwardly shaped objects to Congress ever caught on quite as broadly, it’s still a favorite technique, because it’s fun and interactive and Sends A Message. Which is why Redstate blogger Erick, Son of Erick is encouraging his readers to send John Boehner some balls, haw haw, because Boehner is such a wimp for refusing to see why shutting down the government is such an excellent idea. Government funding runs out on Thursday, and the conservative base would love nothing more than to shut the whole thing down, because then Barack Obama’s executive action on immigration would definitely absolutely go away forever, just like last year’s government shutdown ended Obamacare. Read more on Morning Maddow: Why Are Conservatives Sending John Boehner Their Balls? (Video)…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: The Economy’s Pretty Good, So Let’s Shut Down The Government

Get it? 'Going up'? Look, they can't all be inspired. -- The Maddow graphics team.
Hey, look! Turns out the economy’s doing pretty well, what with yet another good jobs report and some pretty nice economic growth charts for Democratic presidents — even that Obama fellow, except of course for that unpleasantness in 2009 that started under some other guy: 2014 has seen more jobs created than in any year since 1999, which seems like a pretty compelling reason to fire all the Democrats in Congress last month. But despite their electoral gain, Republicans seem pretty confused about what to do next — so as they are traditionally required to, they are going to war with each other. Read more on Morning Maddow: The Economy’s Pretty Good, So Let’s Shut Down The Government…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Biblical Computer Programming, Obama’s Race Czar, And Other Horrors

Sudo bring me a muffin.
It’s time for another Derp Roundup, the occasional feature where we pressure-wash all the crud off our open browser tabs and bring you some stories that didn’t quite merit their own posts, but were too stupid to ignore altogether. Please administer brain bleach with caution. Read more on Derp Roundup: Biblical Computer Programming, Obama’s Race Czar, And Other Horrors…
  Another great waste of time

House GOP Will Reverse Immigration Order With Obama Sucks Act Of 2014

Here have a crumb
Poor John Boehner. Sure, he’s technically the speaker of the House, but the teabagger wing of the Republican Party sure never lets him forget that he is not the boss of them. They’re always like, “Shut down the government!” and “Impeach Obama!” and “Let’s vote to repeal Obamacare again!” And he’s always like, “That would be bad for us, you idiots,” and “That would be really bad for us, you idiots, but how about a lawsuit?” and “Yup, sounds good, let’s have the billionth vote on that!” Read more on House GOP Will Reverse Immigration Order With Obama Sucks Act Of 2014…
  Let's watch America burn -- together!

Watch President Obama Invite All The Messicans To Destroy America

Actual photograph
President Obama is announcing his plans to unilaterally and unconstitutionally and unpresidentially make a few tweaks to our current immigration clustermess — just like Hitler, Stalin, Insert-your-favorite-dictator-of-choice did. Please note this is supposed to be a super-secret message to Latinos only, so if you’re not one of Them, stop watching immediately. This message is not intended for you. Read more on Watch President Obama Invite All The Messicans To Destroy America…
  Blue Crossed Fingers

Here Is A Funny Obamacare Ad, For Funny Joke Times Hooray

You'll be OK. Probably
With Obamacare open enrollment moving right along — and so successful that even John Boehner is keeping his Obamacare — the Illinois ACA exchange, Get Covered Illinois, is running a nifty new ad to inform you that there actually are some no-cost alternatives to having health coverage, like the “Luck Health Plan.” It has no premiums, no deductibles, and only one small down side: no coverage. Read more on Here Is A Funny Obamacare Ad, For Funny Joke Times Hooray…
  Here have some news n stuff

John Boehner to Medicare: Drop Dead!

Finally a reason to smile
For a guy who keeps insisting he will impeach the hell out of Obamacare, Weeper of the House John Boehner sure does seem to like it. A LOT. Now that he is 65 years orange, he’s eligible for Social Security and Medicare, as his good friend across the aisle and excellent Twitter troll Nancy Pelosi reminded him. You’d think he’d be so grateful to finally be able to opt out of a health insurance system he hates so he can opt in to the taxpayer-funded socialized healthcare system known as Medicare. But no! Read more on John Boehner to Medicare: Drop Dead!…
  RIP Obamacare maybe?

Supreme Court Gets Another Chance To Impeach Obamacare

Maybe SCOTUS will pull the plug on grandma after all
Did you think Obamacare was settled law just because it is the law, and settled, and the Supreme Court agreed that yes, it is the law, and settled? Ha, idiots! As Republicans have been telling us since before President Obama even signed the Affordable Care Act, they will vote to repeal it as many times at it takes — so far, more than 50 — until it is gone forever. And after Tuesday’s election, Sen. Mitch McConnell and House Speaker John Boehner said AGAIN that they are going to fix all the things the president has done to destroy America by repealing Obamacare, for real this time, which will create jobs somehow, not sure how that works, Republican magic, probably. Read more on Supreme Court Gets Another Chance To Impeach Obamacare…