john boehner

What time is the 2014 State of the Union SOTU Fox News? It is at 8:55 Eastern ET Time. What time is the Wonkette Livebloog time-stamped word salad refresh your browser to update liveblog? IT IS ABOUT AN HOUR AGO. Welcome to part two of your nonsense! Nonsensers! 10:09 p.m.: And we’re back! That was […]

Comrade Barack Barakovich’s announcement that he will raise the minimum wage for workers under federal contracts to the economy-destroying level of $10.10 an hour is already getting pushback from the highest (and drunkest) levels of Congress. That would be John Boehner, fresh off his stand-up tour to beautiful downtown Burbank, CA. In a press conference […]

Florida congresshoover Trey Radel, the “hip-hop conservative” who went and got himself busted for cocaine possession back in November, will resign today, according to pretty much everyone. His letter to Speaker John Boehner says, “is my belief that professionally I cannot fully and effectively serve as a United States Representative to the place I love […]

Here is your Speaker of the House John Boehner charming Jay Leno to pieces Thursday. The biggest news is that he is very definitely naturally that shade of orange, he says, and he also acknowledges that his name kindasorta sounds like Boner. And being House Speaker is a bit like working in his dad’s bar: […]

Happy weekend, wonktastic ones! You know how it works: Every weekend we see what horrible crud is stuck in our open browser tabs, bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post on their own, and then spend the rest of the day waiting for Heidi N. […]

Remember back in 2012 when Republicans were all, like, “Heyyyyyyyyyy ladies,” and the ladies were all, like, “Fuck you, assholes,” and did not vote for Republicans because they are Republicans and also assholes? (But we repeat ourselves.) So since it’s a day that ends in “y,” Republicans have a shinier newer plan to make the […]

It would be so exciting to live in a country where “Obamacare Medical Codes Confirm: Execution by Beheading To Be Implemented in America”, but PolitiFact says no, we cannot live there because there is a fire on its pants. Why is PolitiFact so mean to our childlike sense of wonder and our precious need to […]

Like most years when there’s a Democrat in the White House, 2013 was a year of things getting rammed, crammed, jammed, shoved, and/or forced down our (America’s) throats. How big were the things? So big. Were they hard to swallow? Oh yes. But somehow, freedom will endure, we guess. Here is a list of 13 […]

On a scale of one to Dana Rohrabacher, Kaili thinks the answer is “Boehner.” Snipy would like to point out his Lizard People Eyes and slow blinking. We personally like the slurring of “Christians” and also the cheezy boybander smile at the end. Happy Christmas, Marco Rubio, your family seems nice. Bottoms up!

So now it’s come to this: John Boehner lives in a DC apartment that he’s renting from a lobbyist for the tanning bed industry. This raises a number of questions, such as, “Is there anything untoward going on?” and “He has to know he’s trolling us, right?” and “Wait, there’s a tanning bed industry, and […]

Pity poor Weeper of the House John Boehner. He only just got the memo that conservatives are … how shall we put this delicately? … completely bugfuck insane: House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) on Thursday held firm in his criticism of outside conservative groups after a war of words Wednesday, questioning their credibility and saying […]

Oh, dear, John Boehner, are you suggesting that Republicans should embrace gay candidates and let them come to Republican meetings and talk to them and give them big sloppy wet kisses and get all their gay cooties all over the Grand Old Party? You are? Boney, my friend, you are entering a world of pain. […]

Hey ladies. 2014 is around the corner, and that means that more GOP candidates will be mansplaining to you about how you shouldn’t be raped illegitimately and that military boys will be rapey boys so shut your mouth and make a goddam sammich. But this time around, the GOP wants to win over the Ovary-American […]

Tuesday was another great day for casually talking about how the heck to impeach the president for something something presidenting while black something. But then, isn’t every day? Of course! But Tuesday was extra special, as a who’s who of congressional derp held a hearing cleverly titled “The President’s Constitutional Duty to Faithfully Execute the […]

Oh, Speaker John Boehner, you historically lazy sack of unnaturally orange suck. Even though you are in charge of the House of Representatives (sort of; let’s face it, everyone knows the teabaggers rule your world), you still haven’t found the time to edumacate yourself on how that whole Obamacare thingy actually works: “When you look […]