john boehner

Hey, 2014 midterm people? Especially those of you who are Tea Party Republicans? What is your hard-on for the dick-joke-themed ads this election season? Sure, we make dick jokes, but we are vulgar and obscene and ain’t nobody voting us into Congress, although they could and have done worse. And even we moved on from […]

Courtesy of U.S News, this important John Boehner Tears Update: The Speaker of the House shed eyewater Tuesday at an event sponsored by Taco Bell, although it had nothing to do with their Fire Sauce’s capsaicin content. Turns out the Damp One made a brief cameo at a gathering sponsored by the Taco Bell Foundation […]

TRIGGER WARNING: It appears that several states are following the law as laid out in the new farm bill to… wait for it… help poor people eat!!!!1!1! Oh, the humanity! Are you outraged? Are you clutching your pearls while your panties bunch themselves in a wad? We should have warned for earmuffs for all children, […]

From the state that put Allen West on the political map, and sorta-kinda gave George W. Bush the White House in 2000, comes last night’s House special election. The Dems had Alex Sink, a well-respected lady who ran for governor in 2010 and had the full backing of the party machinery. The Republicans had former […]

You know what a fate worse than death would be? Paying the fry cook at your local McBurgerQueen slightly more than the shitty wage she is earning today. Weeper of the House John Boehner would rather kill himself than see hardworking Americans be able to earn a living wage. Per The Hill: Speaker John Boehner […]

We love a mystery! And this week’s political mystery (apart from the continued popularity of Sarah Palin) is a real head-scratcher: In January, someone sent House Republicans mean anonymous emails promising DEEP HURTING for any any member of the GOP caucus who voted to increase the debt ceiling. So you are probably asking yourself, “So? […]

Bad news for anyone who was looking forward to another stupid debt ceiling standoff: popular television personality and Speaker of the Whole House John Boehner says he will hold a House vote tomorrow to raise the borrowing limit of the United States, which he expects will pass only with a big assist from Democrats: House […]

Gentlemen, did you wake up this morning with a little extra pep in your Mr. Peepers? We sure did, because WE FINALLY GOT OUR PRESIDENT BACK! It’s like that awesome hopey and changey guy from 2008 snuck back out and sucker-punched the GOP right in the nards with like a million awesome words at the […]

What time is the 2014 State of the Union SOTU Fox News? It is at 8:55 Eastern ET Time. What time is the Wonkette Livebloog time-stamped word salad refresh your browser to update liveblog? IT IS ABOUT AN HOUR AGO. Welcome to part two of your nonsense! Nonsensers! 10:09 p.m.: And we’re back! That was […]

Comrade Barack Barakovich’s announcement that he will raise the minimum wage for workers under federal contracts to the economy-destroying level of $10.10 an hour is already getting pushback from the highest (and drunkest) levels of Congress. That would be John Boehner, fresh off his stand-up tour to beautiful downtown Burbank, CA. In a press conference […]

Florida congresshoover Trey Radel, the “hip-hop conservative” who went and got himself busted for cocaine possession back in November, will resign today, according to pretty much everyone. His letter to Speaker John Boehner says, “is my belief that professionally I cannot fully and effectively serve as a United States Representative to the place I love […]

Here is your Speaker of the House John Boehner charming Jay Leno to pieces Thursday. The biggest news is that he is very definitely naturally that shade of orange, he says, and he also acknowledges that his name kindasorta sounds like Boner. And being House Speaker is a bit like working in his dad’s bar: […]

Happy weekend, wonktastic ones! You know how it works: Every weekend we see what horrible crud is stuck in our open browser tabs, bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post on their own, and then spend the rest of the day waiting for Heidi N. […]

Remember back in 2012 when Republicans were all, like, “Heyyyyyyyyyy ladies,” and the ladies were all, like, “Fuck you, assholes,” and did not vote for Republicans because they are Republicans and also assholes? (But we repeat ourselves.) So since it’s a day that ends in “y,” Republicans have a shinier newer plan to make the […]

It would be so exciting to live in a country where “Obamacare Medical Codes Confirm: Execution by Beheading To Be Implemented in America”, but PolitiFact says no, we cannot live there because there is a fire on its pants. Why is PolitiFact so mean to our childlike sense of wonder and our precious need to […]