john boehner
Republican Ninja Congressman Who Cut Consulate Security Wants to Impeach Obama NOW!!!!! For Having Insecure Consulate
Republican Rep. Jason Chaffetz is sooooooo sick of waiting to impeach President Obama for being black, oops, we mean BENGHAZI!!!!!1! He’s already taken the trip to Libya (hey, he actually knows where Benghazi is, unlike the 39 percent of voters who think it’s the MOST SCANDALOUS SCANDAL EVER but can’t find it on a map). [...]
Heritage Action Encourages GOP to Stop Doing Their Jobs
Earlier this week, the Heritage Foundation’s political activist arm, Heritage Action, actually gave some sound advice to GOP congressional leadership: “Don’t legislate,” Heritage Action said. We paraphrase: “Just go on ahead and stir up stupid asinine scandals about nothing, you are way better at that stuff.” And for once, your Wonkette wants to go on [...]
In Ploy To Weaken Obamacare, GOP Geniuses Give Obama More Power Over Obamacare
Back in November, the United States held an election that you might have heard about. And in that election one B. Barry Bamz trounced the ever loving shit out of some dude, what was his name, the guy with the hair? Unfortunately, the hair guy’s party held on to the House of Representatives and its [...]
Terrible Harpy Nancy Pelosi Will Murder Capitalism By Letting Sick People Stay Home
Do you like Nancy Pelosi? We like Nancy Pelosi. We don’t like her as much as we like Old Handsome Joe Biden, but then again we really don’t like anyone as much as we like Joe. But anyway – we do like Nancy! We will pretty much fap/cry with joy simultaneously and forever to that [...]
Hey Ladies! GOP To Solve Budget Impasse By Taking Away Your Birth Control (Again)
Guess what? We’re a mere three weeks away from yet another government shutdown battle! You’re probably not tired of them yet because they’re SO MUCH FUN and not tedious or stressful at all, amirite? These cuts come on top of the sequester cuts, though to be honest our main problem with the sequester right now [...]
Republicans (Maybe) Stop Beating Their Wives
Hey-o! Looks like, once again, sexxxy dreamboat John “Whisky Dick” Boehner has failed to achieve “lift-off”! In this case, once again, he has tried to placate the even-most-batshit of his brethren and then failed to pass his own bill, in his own caucus. And it looks like (maybe!) we will finally be able to answer [...]
John Boehner To Poors: We Want To Pay You Less To Help You
Well, that was fast! John Boehner has taken a close look at President Obama’s minimum wage proposal and after less than 24 hours of careful deliberation, has decided that Poors are doing just fine, thanks, and also, we must pay Poors very little and this is the best way to help them. “When you raise [...]
Your Valentine’s Cry-Time: John Boehner Hates His Wife
See that lady? The one John Boehner is ignoring while being ignored by Michelle Obama? That is no lady, that is John Boehner’s wife! Sadly, John Boehner hates her. And Luke Russert, of all fucking people, got the scoop!
What Kind Of ‘Foreplay’ Is John Boehner Looking For?
John Boehner, the weepy, drunky Speaker of the House who quite honestly would be your Wonkette’s favorite person in the world if he were a weepy drunky Dem instead of a scaredy little buttboy for Congress’s teabags (can you even imagine how many shot glasses we would sell with his weepy mug on them?), said [...]
What Could John Boehner Have Possibly Said To Incite Michelle Obama’s Stinkeye?
By now you have all seen this gif of this tumblr, of Michelle Obama rolling her eyes at John Boehner like she is a 14-year-old girl. It has been online like at least 15 minutes! But we have a pressing question: What doubtless off-color and probably disgusting joke did Ol’ Ginblossom tell to make our [...]
The Fix: Is John Boehner Hitting The Bottle?
The Fix, as reposted by Salon, had a simple question: Is John Boehner hitting the bottle? But nobody could discover the answer, because the story was one million three hundred seventy-four thousand two hundred twenty five point four words long, all like Five days before Christmas, House Speaker John Boehner stood before the Republican-controlled Congress—his [...]
[Delta] House Teabaggers Plan Gingrich-Worthy Stupid And Futile Gesture
A guest post from your comrade Fakakta South. Remember when you were a kid playing a board game, maybe Checkers or “Life” if you were kinda dumb, or chess maybe if you were a nerd, and there was that one kid who, if he got way behind and saw he couldn’t win, would throw a [...]
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