Remember the month of June, the month that happened a couple of months ago? The very best part of June was when a certain lovestruck Southern governor departed for a five-day solo Father’s Day hike in the woods and returned warbling about the Argentinian sparkin’ thing, much to the embarrassment of his spokesman, who had been assuring people he was on the Appalachian Trail. MORE »

Famous harried slave and recipient of comical e-mails Joel Sawyer has regrettably tendered his resignation as Mark Sanford’s spokesman, although it is unclear as to why. Perhaps the Washington Post’s Chris Cillizza should resend this e-mail to procure his latest Fix! [AP]

For several days in late June, Mark Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer had just about the worst job ever, having to deal with every national reporter and local legislator asking about Sanford’s whereabouts — which he did not know and could not find out, because Mark Sanford makes sure to turn off his cellphone when he’s sexing Argentine Firecrackers, which is always. What hilarious e-mails did Sawyer receive during these mysterious times, from the terrible media, and Stephen Colbert? Thanks to a successful open records request from South Carolina’s The State newspaper, we now present a Children’s Treasury of several! MORE »

We feel a bit sorry for treefucker Mark Sanford’s communications department, like this harried spokesperson Joel Sawyer, who probably knows only these facts: Sanford grabbed a pair of keys at some point Thursday, told everyone in the office, “Enjoy working, losers, I’ll be back in a week or whenever,” smacked the secretary’s ass on his way out, and that’s it. Give JOEL SAWYER a raise, of money! He now claims that his office spoke this morning to Sanford, who was confused as to why anyone would care if he abdicated his state executive job for a week to go into the Forests, alone, beyond all contact. Sawyer said Sanford “plans” on returning to work tomorrow morning. MORE »