Tag Archives: joel pollak

  'Heartbreaking' Is Bad Now?

Four Marines Murdered By ISIS, Or Maybe Just Lone Wolf With Muslimy Name, Who Knows?

Four people were murdered, and another three injured, at two military sites in Chattanooga, Tennessee, on Thursday, by a man identified by the FBI as Mohammod Youssuf Abdulazeez. The FBI cautioned that “it would be premature to speculate on the motives of the shooter at this time,” but come ON, just look at that name, would ya? What more do you need to know? Read more on Four Marines Murdered By ISIS, Or Maybe Just Lone Wolf With Muslimy Name, Who Knows?…
  if ayatollah once ayatollah twice...

Wingnuts Thrilled With Iran Nuclear Deal, Have Nothing But Kind Words For Obama

Same, Beaker. Same.
On Thursday, the Prophet Obama (peace be upon him) won a great victory over the infidels. Or at least a framework for the final agreement of a great victory of the infidels. And the infidels were not pleased! Of course we’re talking about conservatives and the greater wingnuttgentsia, which took to Twitter and blogs and the airwaves to snark and howl like Ben Stiller when he got his dick stuck in his zipper. It was thoroughly entertaining. Here’s a small selection of the shitfit that will likely continue until Iran mercifully nukes America so we don’t have to listen to the conservatives whining about Iranian nukes anymore. Read more on Wingnuts Thrilled With Iran Nuclear Deal, Have Nothing But Kind Words For Obama…
  That'll Learn Him

Don’t Let Obama Give State Of The Union Speech, For The Constitution

Season's beatings! (oh Drudge Report, you cards!)
As a lovely holiday gift for the president (not a Christmas gift; he doesn’t get one), the geniuses at Dead Breitbart’s Home For Creative Assholery have floated a doozy of an idea — though only time will tell whether it’s a floater or a sinker. Joel Pollak has this modest proposal: Maybe Congress could express its displeasure at the president’s Illegal Unconstitutional Power Grab What Is Illegal And Unconstitutional by simply not inviting the Kenyan Usurper to sully its honorable halls with his presence for the State of the Union address next year. Genius! And next, they can tell him that he is also disinvited to their birthday party because he has Tyranny Cooties. Read more on Don’t Let Obama Give State Of The Union Speech, For The Constitution…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Home-Cooked, Hand-Clubbed Fish Dinner

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
Touch of context for those who are new to this series: a Wonkette commenter named Fartknocker ponied up the cash for us to get a subscription to Sarah Palin’s Internet Teevee Channel. The aim of this series is to allow the Wonketariat to snicker at Palin’s new thingy without ever exposing yrselves to the harmful gamma radiation emitted by the Sarah Palin Channel. You are welcome. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Home-Cooked, Hand-Clubbed Fish Dinner…
  incepted!

Wonkette Gets Its Name In Local Paper, Ghost Breitbart Says Girl Editor Begging For It

We understand that Yr Wonkette got a mention in the Politico Web Log Publication. It’s always fun to see our names in the paper, and we were kind of jazzed that the piece mentioned Rachel Maddow’s little crush on us. (Hi, Rachel!) On the other hand, we were also sort of surprised that the Politico guy was quite so fixated on the absence of founding editor Ana Marie Cox, who moved on to other good things in 2006. We sure hope Politico is not losing any sleep over the new season of Deadwood. But on the whole, it was a nice enough piece, for all the “Oh, you’re not doing first person Inside-the-Beltway buttsex stories anymore?” (and wouldn’t that hurt, anyway? Take off your damn belt first!) With half a million unique visitors a month (750,000 in May); enough revenue, much of it from our lovesome Readers Like You, to hire two people fulltime; and our upcoming expansion into total domination of the Arts & Entertainment blogosphere, we’re pretty happy with our more recent national focus, even if we’re no longer “instilling fear” at DC parties besides the ones we are getting kicked out of. Read more on Wonkette Gets Its Name In Local Paper, Ghost Breitbart Says Girl Editor Begging For It…
  running for the moral high ground

Ghost Breitbart Notes Hypocrisy In Lack Of Dumb Political Hurricane Jokes

Guys, you will not believed this, but Joel Pollak, the genius non-email-reading editor in chief at Breitbart.com is very unhappy about the hypocrisy of the left! You see, Mr. Pollak has noticed that even though there were a number of jokes about Hurricane Isaac and the GOP Convention blowing into Tampa, Florida, at the same time, very few people are making political jokes about Hurricane Sandy. In a veritable storm surge of butthurt, he calls attention to this very revealing lack of dumb jokes: In August, the left found it amusing to speculate about Divine judgment when Hurricane Isaac seemed to be approaching Tampa, FL as the Republican National Convention began… As Hurricane Sandy bears down on heavily Democratic mid-Atlantic and northeast states, no one, left or right, is joking. Read more on Ghost Breitbart Notes Hypocrisy In Lack Of Dumb Political Hurricane Jokes…
  Circular Shootout at the Big Breitbart Corral

Ghost Breitbart’s ‘Happy Cult’ Degenerates Into Sad Mess Of Confusion And Backbiting

As we all know from the plot of virtually every big Hollywood gangster movie ever made, when there’s a gang of loutish thugs and the head lout is removed, the remaining loutish thugs invariably turn on each other in a frenzy of loutishness and thuggery. This is apparently what is going on at rightwing internet concern Breitbart.com following the sudden death of Andrew Breitbart on March 1 of this year, according to this juicy Buzzfeed story by McKay Coppins, which says the late lout’s “web empire” is now “plagued by an unusual degree of disorganization and rampant infighting as his disciples battle for ownership of his legacy.” Golly. No one could have seen THAT coming! Read more on Ghost Breitbart’s ‘Happy Cult’ Degenerates Into Sad Mess Of Confusion And Backbiting…
  you're kidding us

ABC News Should Fire Brian Ross, And Other Notes On Being Terrible

There are 12 people dead and 50 injured at a movie theater in Colorado, including a baby. It’s not as though you can’t look into a suspect’s history after a massacre and report things as they’re confirmed. That’s what the media should do! What the media, and every idiot on the Twitter, should not do, is first seek out a narrow angle that probably has nothing to do with crazy people going crazy — say, “what political party is this insane person in?” — and then get it wrong out of pure laziness. This matters. Let’s shame some people. First up: ABC News should fire Brian Ross. Read more on ABC News Should Fire Brian Ross, And Other Notes On Being Terrible…