Tag Archives: joe wilson

  welcome to post-racial america

Reince Priebus Celebrates Opposite Day By Blaming Obama For ‘Culture Of Hatred’

When we woke up this morning, we felt a disturbing vibe that left us with a dread akin to the thought of motorboating Chris Christie’s moobs. We soon realized that this was not the fault of the sweet, god-fearing, kindhearted and ultra-loving GOP, but rather because we were drowning in a sea of hatred, spawned by our Dark Overlord of Anti-Hope. At least, that’s what the Leader of Enlightment Itself, RNC head Reince Priebus, had to say, per Politico: Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus ripped President Barack Obama for creating a “culture of hatred” in which Democrats are likening the GOP to the Ku Klux Klan. “It’s the culture that the president’s cultivated here. A culture of dishonesty, a culture of hatred,” Priebus said Monday on Fox News’s “Hannity.” Clearly the man with the unpronounceable name is correct, and Democrats are spreading a culture of hatred around the country and ginning up race-related fears with KKK references. Let’s sexplore this phenomenon.  Read more on Reince Priebus Celebrates Opposite Day By Blaming Obama For ‘Culture Of Hatred’…
  joey wilson's war

Joe Wilson Wants To Know Why Obama Cares More About Gassed Children In Syria Than Benghazi & IRS Atrocities

In a desperate bid to be remembered for something even stupider than yelling “You lie!” about a factual statement in a presidential address, Joe Wilson used his time at Wednesday’s House hearings on whether to blow stuff up in Syria to ask, now wait one darn minute here, why are we even talking about this when the IRS gassed tea party groups’ tax exemptions to death? What about the red line of Obamacare? Shouldn’t we use cruise missiles on the sequester? All excellent questions! Read more on Joe Wilson Wants To Know Why Obama Cares More About Gassed Children In Syria Than Benghazi & IRS Atrocities…
  let's party!

Long National Nightmare Over: Jailbird Scooter Libby’s Voting Rights Restored!

It was a dark day in America when Cheney henchman Scooter Libby got convicted and imprisoned by Barack Nobama’s tyrannical army (and its Time Machine). A dark day indeed when you criminalize “politics,” wherein “politics” is defined as “blowing the cover of a CIA person just to make some un-understandable point about … well, we never could figure out what the point of outing Valerie Plame was supposed to be. That her husband was a pussy or something? It really didn’t make much sense.” Luckily, a new day has arrived, and Ol’ Scooty there has now had all his rights restored to him, including voting! Because Republicans are very much into allowing felons who have served their debt to society to vote and stuff, as long as those felons are Scooter Libby. Read more on Long National Nightmare Over: Jailbird Scooter Libby’s Voting Rights Restored!…
  today in boy geniuses

Hero Utah Congressman Jason Chaffetz Outs Pretty Much Entire CIA

Jason Chaffetz, how is your MENSA membership? Still in good standing? Oh, good! Now, we know you and your brethren want to make some political hay out of the Libya fiasco. Who could blame you? Even we were like (secretly, in our brainpans), sup, did Hillz drop the ball? And if hacks like us are wondering that, then it is probably a potent issue indeed! But FIRST you admitted that actually, you and all your GOP buddies had voted specifically to cut funding for embassy security — “priorities,” you said, while accusing Chick Clinton of not having enough embassy security — and then you totally Valerie Plamed an entire CIA … platoon? Gaggle? Murder? Nipple? A nipple of CIA dudes? Well, whatever a bunch of CIA dudes would be. GOOD JOB IN YOUR PUBLIC TELEVISED HEARINGS ON MATTERS OF NATIONAL SECURITY, GENIUS. Read more on Hero Utah Congressman Jason Chaffetz Outs Pretty Much Entire CIA…
  republicans in the news

Joe ‘You Lie’ Wilson’s Wife Also Has Talent for Screaming Outbursts

The weather outlook for South Carolina politics is “veritable shitstorm” for the next month or so owing to the hilarious-tragic inability of either major party to follow state election commission filing rules for candidates, which led the South Carolina Supreme Court last week to issue a monstrous “F” in reading comprehension to 180 candidates who failed to submit hard copies of ethics disclosure forms on time and now cannot appear on the June primary ballot. Legislators from the state Senate Judiciary Committee and party leaders are currently working on different ways to address the situation, but Joe ‘You Lie’ Wilson’s wife, Roxanne, has also helpfully stepped in to make the usual Wilson family contribution to any weighty political moment: SCREAMS. UPDATE NOW WITH VIDEO BELOW! Read more on Joe ‘You Lie’ Wilson’s Wife Also Has Talent for Screaming Outbursts…
  the state of our union

Joe Wilson ‘You Lie’ Assault Rifle Thing: Way Late Or Right On Time?

A South Carolina gun and accessories company has been selling a very special, one-of-a-kind semi-automatic rifle component inscribed with “YOU LIE,” to honor the state’s favorite son Joe Wilson and his good Southern gentlemanly manners. Yes, for just $99.95, you too can carry those immortal words of pure American bald-eagle-blood spirit on your assault rifle (a kind of gun designed to be very good at killing people, for you librul weenies out there). Which raises the question: Isn’t it a bit late to come out with a Joe Wilson gun thing? His outburst was a whole two years ago. Though perhaps, considering very recent events, this is actually the perfect time for member-of-Congress-themed gun parts. Read more on Joe Wilson ‘You Lie’ Assault Rifle Thing: Way Late Or Right On Time?…
  Hop on the bus Gus

A Children’s Treasury Of ‘Joe Wilson Tries Out Honest Labor’ Photos

South Carolina Congressman Joe “You LIE!” Wilson is currently riding around his district in a big fancy bus, surprising local proles by showing up at their work places and pretending like he gives a fuck about what they do all day. His road trip is officially called the “Joe Means Jobs” tour, which is Wilsonian for “vote for me and I’ll reward you with a bowl of this gruel, made from sun dried-palmetto bugs and the teardrops of impoverished families.” Let’s see where Wilson has experimented with performing real work for a change, shall we? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of ‘Joe Wilson Tries Out Honest Labor’ Photos…
  this friggin' guy

Joe Wilson Hiking Appalachian-ish Trail With Intern Babe

Ooh, an outdoor adventure for shouty South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson. If anyone deserves it, it is him. Maybe he is taking a few days to “write something,” like his state’s governor did when he went hiking. Who is this “Maryanna Lynch” though, like his wife or some such? Maybe she had a career? And didn’t change her last name? Hmm? Read more on Joe Wilson Hiking Appalachian-ish Trail With Intern Babe…
  rumors on the internets

RedState Right Clicks, Discovers Magical ‘View Source’ Feature

Feminists are furious at Barack Obama for pledging to eventually withdraw troops from Afghanistan, because what will become of the wildly popular Kabul production of The Vagina Monologues the Marine Corps puts on every year? The show must go on! [Matt Yglesias] Read more on RedState Right Clicks, Discovers Magical ‘View Source’ Feature…
  wagg the bog

The Pentagon Sewer Monster Is Watching You, And Joe Wilson Is Hired As A Male Escort

Hot date! Southern gentleman and rhetorician REP. JOE WILSON (R-SC) has been given the honor of escorting German Chancellor-Frau ANGELA MERKEL to the 20th annual Berlin Wall Ball. But will Joe be ready for the big night? Where will he find a corsage that compliments Angela’s captivating blue eyes? And can he trust the ILLEGAL ALIENS who work at the dry cleaners with his tailcoat? And does he remember how to waltz? Gossip mongers report that Joe has been practicing his footwork all week: 1-2-SCREAM, 1-2-SCREAM, 1-2-SCREAM. Very rhythmic, that Joe Wilson. He’s got those happy feet, moves with the music … Read more on The Pentagon Sewer Monster Is Watching You, And Joe Wilson Is Hired As A Male Escort…
  the boundaries of solipsism

Mark Sanford Cannot Talk About Joe Wilson (Or Anything??) Without Actually Talking About Mark Sanford

Mark Sanford has been thinking awhile about this whole Joe Wilson thing, which really, if you think about it, makes sense to think about in terms of Sanford’s extramarital affair. (Lows by any other name!) Here is Sanford, giving some interview in South Carolina and just owning sixth grade’s most savvy rhetorical move: “The guy apologized, and then you can have a bunch of other people come back and say, ‘We want you to apologize again and again and again.'” Sympathy by the transitive property! There’s more: Read more on Mark Sanford Cannot Talk About Joe Wilson (Or Anything??) Without Actually Talking About Mark Sanford…
  media watchdogs

Joe Wilson Is Pissed At Obama For Snubbing Fox News, Or, At What Point Does Irony Become Reckless?

Sad whine, sad whine: Some of our nation’s saddest Republicans are terribly upset that Barack Obama will not put in an excruciating bad-faith appearance on some Fox News program this Sunday. You see, Obama will be stopping by the other major networks this weekend to talk about health care on “Meet the Press,” “State of the Union,” etc. etc. but has ostentatiously foregone Lou Dobbs’ highly rated Mexican vs. Lion vs. Rick Perry Gladiator Sports Match. Joe Wilson, bold idiot, decided this is unfair! “If people are going to be on the Sunday talk shows, they should be on all of them.” Joe Wilson is a public relations dare devil, he is! Read more on Joe Wilson Is Pissed At Obama For Snubbing Fox News, Or, At What Point Does Irony Become Reckless?…
  daily briefing

Obama Is Suddenly Changing George W. Bush Missile Shield’s Big European Plans

All George W. Bush wanted was to build a missile shield in the Czech Republic or Poland but Obama—because he doesn’t want the typical semester abroad experience—would rather the shield be somewhere less like, banal, like Turkey or southern Europe. [New York Times] Read more on Obama Is Suddenly Changing George W. Bush Missile Shield’s Big European Plans…
  wagg the bog

Dick Cheney Goes Soft, And Eliot Spitzer Wants To Get Hard

Heavens! The DEBT COLLECTORS are in hot pursuit of America’s prized orator, JOE WILSON! Apparently Joe purchased 30,000 “I’m With Myself” tee shirts with his credit card, because he forgot to buy his wife something nice for 9/11. But guess what? BANK OF AMERICA does not accept SCREAMING as a form of payment! (It used to, when we were still on the gold standard.) Run for your life, Joe Wilson! You would not enjoy DEBTOR’S PRISON, where they make you talk with “inside voices.” … Read more on Dick Cheney Goes Soft, And Eliot Spitzer Wants To Get Hard…
  c'mon man

Steve King: Who Let The Darkie Inside To Talk About Health Care, Anyway?

The #1 asshole in Congress, Rep. Steve King of Iowa, says that Obama left Joe Wilson with no other choice than to shit out of his mouth last week, because who told Obama he could leave the back forty before sundown? “I don’t think there’s ever been a President comes to the House of Representatives as a guest of the members of the House and makes a declaration like he did. I mean, the President threw the first punch.” [TPM] Read more on Steve King: Who Let The Darkie Inside To Talk About Health Care, Anyway?…
  cue the backlash

Jimmy Carter Has WON THE MORNING With His Important Scoop That Joe Wilson Is A Racist

Hey junior crime-solvers, President of America Jimmy Carter has solved our country’s most terrible mystery, which is exactly just how racist is Joe Wilson? The answer? It was Mr. Wilson… in the House chamber… motivated by TONS OF RACISM. Wilson has vehemently denied being a guilty of racism, which exactly how a guilty person would act. Nice try. Like you, Jimmy Carter finds the whole thing “dastardly.” Read more on Jimmy Carter Has WON THE MORNING With His Important Scoop That Joe Wilson Is A Racist…
  nation of personally offended insane people

OKAY JESUS IT’S NOT LIKE JOE WILSON BEAT OBAMA WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER, ALTHOUGH HE PROBABLY WANTED TO, BUT STILL: So… what exactly are they demanding the state Chamber of Commerce do here? “WASHINGTON — State and local tourism officials are being flooded by e-mails and calls from people across the country, who say they won’t vacation in South Carolina because they’re upset by Rep. Joe Wilson’s outburst at President Obama. A number of the out-of-state e-mailers have said they’ve taken beach trips for years in Myrtle Beach, Hilton Head and other resort areas, but don’t plan to return, officials said.” Huh. You’d think that people would’ve already decided not to return to Myrtle Beach after, you know… their first trip to Myrtle Beach. [The Sun News] Read more on …
  professional politicians

Michael Steele Is VERY ANGRY At Nancy Pelosi For Joe Wilson’s Outburst The Other Night

It’s like, why are Nancy Pelosi & The Democrats making such utter spectacles of themselves, interrupting the very important political work of health care and politics to yell at Joe Wilson? Michael Steele, in a statement, blah blah blah… Read more on Michael Steele Is VERY ANGRY At Nancy Pelosi For Joe Wilson’s Outburst The Other Night…
  rumors on the internets

Politico Gets All Nostalgic About the Deadly Aluminum Tubing Saddam Hussein Ordered From SkyMall

Would you people please subscribe to Atlantic Monthly so the editors don’t regret putting that year-old Andrew Sullivan email to George W. Bush on the cover? [Daily Dish] Just like the DC Madame, Christoper Kelly weighed his options. Should he cooperate with the authorities and maybe serve a little jail time? Or should he park his car in a lumber yard, and kill himself? Life is fun and stuff but honestly, knowing possibly incriminating things about Rod Blagojevich was just a burden too heavy to bare. [Huffington Post] Read more on Politico Gets All Nostalgic About the Deadly Aluminum Tubing Saddam Hussein Ordered From SkyMall…
  friends forever

Joe Wilson Loves Michelle Obama Because Her Family Used To Be Enslaved To His Family, Maybe

On yesterday’s edition of the television program Fox News Sunday, Chris Wallace dared ask his guest, weird Joe Wilson, if he hates Barack Obama because of his black race. (It is common for white people to hate/enslave black people in South Carolina.) Wilson was all, no c’mon man! Then he empirically proved that he is best friends with the black Michelle Obama: “I respect President Obama. Actually, there’s a relationship in a way … his wife, ah, her family’s from Georgetown [South Carolina], ah, my family’s from next door, in McClellanville, so I, ah, have a great respect for the president.” WE BET THESE FAMILIES HUNG OUT ALL THE TIME. [Daily Intel via The Awl] Read more on Joe Wilson Loves Michelle Obama Because Her Family Used To Be Enslaved To His Family, Maybe…