Wonkette

Here’s Republican Rep. Joe Wilson of South Carolina, posting a press release on his website which, unfortunately, is actually a mocking press release sent out earlier by his Democratic opponent, Rob Miller. It has been on the front page for many hours, highlighted by the following first paragraph: “Today, incumbent Congressman Joe Wilson began his election-year bus tour for the status quo. Wilson, who has proudly voted with the Bush administration over 95% of the time, is trying to convince voters that the country is on the right track and simply needs more of the same policies and ideas.” Maybe this is a new sort of double secret irony to which we are not attuned? OH SHIT, he literally just took it down. [Joe Wilson For Congress via Crack The Bell]

Whoa, hey, is that a blurry picture of the famous secret diplomat, Joe Wilson? It is! What’s he up to, these days? Well, if you believe our tipster “Sal,” Wilson can be found these days campaigning for Hillary in tiny little towns, so that his wife can remain undercover. Join us for a super special weeks-late Wonk’d with appearances by Jim Webb, Chuck Hagel, Wonder Woman, Wolf Blitzer, Donald and Mrs. Donald Rumsfeld, Tom Ridge, Rob Lowe, Andrew Sullivan, Larry Craig and the always fetching Elizabeth Kucinich … after the jump!

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Valerie Plame says she’s sorry she posed for that Vanity Fair photo. “It was more trouble than it was worth,” Plame tells CBS’s Katie Couric in a “60 Minutes” interview to air this Sunday. In her first TV interview, Wilson says her CIA boss was blindsided by the photo: “He gave me a really good chewing out. As I deserved to be.” (Nice grammar, Valtrex!). Meanwhile, arrogant ass mite husband Joe Wilson says his photos are just fine, thank you very much. MORE »

* If Nancy Pelosi can get Democrats to shut-up and get in line, the supplemental Iraq funding bill will have all the troops home by October 2008. Hmm, October. [WP]
* Scooter’s appeals process could last until “late 2008.” See what they’re doing there? [WP, NYT]
* How many Justice Department employees does it take to fire 8 US attorneys? [WP, NYT]
* John Edwards won’t allow his golden visage to benefit, “the largest mainstream cable news audience in America.” [WP]
* Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame are moving to dry New Mexico to wait for obscurity to wash over them. [NYT]
* Federal employees in Alaska forbidden to discuss “polar bears or sea ice if they are not designated to do so.” [NYT]
* Congressional ethics loophole means your alma mater could send you and a member of your choice scuba-diving in Bora Bora, no questions asked. [USAT]
* “All told, 2008 is shaping up as the worst presidential year in three decades to be” John McCain. [WSJ]

* It’s almost as if National Review guys knew what they thought before the verdict. [Think Progress]
* Sully thinks the outcome of the case is plain ol’ peachy. [Daily Dish]
* The Cheney “blood clot” is just cover to get someone in the VP slot that can run for president. Come on guys, keep up. [Blogs For Bush]
* We’ve seen Clive Owen’s movies, and you, Joe Wilson, are no Clive Owen. [C&L]
* Bob Woodward is making scratches on the wall to count the days until Scooter goes in to prison. [The Left Coaster]
* William F. Buckley called Gore Vidal a “goddamn queer” on teevee back when people still watched teevee, so STFU about that horse-faced skank. [Sweetness & Light]

* Heard on the Hill: Richard Simmons was at the Capitol “spreading joy.” … No more stache for Rep. Peter DeFazio — who will keep the flame alive now? … Congressional Record claims John McCain introduced an amendment in the House. Madness! … Barney Frank doesn’t care if the Republicans obstruct the Dems, he just wishes they weren’t so boring about it. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Local boy makes good! [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Donald Rumsfeld still alive, hanging out at the Hoover Institution. John Fund got his digits! “Not for an interview, just to talk.” We did not make that quote up… Joe and Valerie Wilson are gone, forever. [Examiner]
* The Sleuth: Bush hosts coffee date for neocons… Vanessa Williams and Dick Durbin: BFF! [WP]
* Shenanigans: Ted Kennedy had yet another birthday party. Everyone was there! … Happy CPAC weekend! … John Edwards: Lying about his favorite movie? [Politico]

Back when he was “Jeff Gannon” and only the Bush Administration senior officials who let him stay overnight at the White House knew he was a gay prostitute, mysterious GOP agent James Guckert was also playing a subtle blatant role in the smear campaign against Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame.

Nobody read “Talon News” — the propaganda website that supposedly employed Gannon/Guckert as a White House correspondent — so Gannon/Guckert’s anti-Wilson articles hardly influenced anyone. Fox News and Bob Novak could reach millions of people with that same White House marketing! Where Gannon/Guckert proved useful was, as always, in the televised press briefings with Scott McClellan and even Bush himself.

Come see the creepy evidence, after the jump.

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* Reliable Source: Spotted: “Morgan Fairchild at the Four Seasons yesterday with Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson.” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Dick Morris, David Bossie to make anti-Hillary movie… Joe Biden got shot down when trying to talk to Barack Obama on the Senate floor. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: News you can use: “New Mexico State Senator Steve Komadina introduced the ‘Right to Eat Enchiladas Act’ on the first legislative day of the session in mid-January.” [Politico]
* Page Six: George Soros called us all Nazis or something. [NYPost]

• Heard on the Hill: Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame are planning a move to Santa Fe, where terrorists and Bob Novak will never find them… Two little Indian-American boys start “Macacas for Webb” t-shirt line. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Swedish “rock” “star” Ola Salo recommends during concert that passing airplane fly into the White House. Meanwhile, Sweden’s King Carl XVI Gustaf and Queen Silvia dined with the Bushes. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: HOT. SENATORIAL. CANDIDATES. And fer chrissakes people, don’t let creepy Mark Kennedy win… Shell Oil prez suggests riding a bicycle… World Series will predict Midterm results. Dems need Cardinals to win, Dems don’t have a shot in hell. [Examiner]

• Ever wonder what passive-aggressive uptight agriculture administrators do when they boil over? Now you know.

• Katherine Harris’s senate campaign reminds us of a kitchy 60’s feminist empowerment fantasy but we’re not sure which one. Oh well, there’s not many better ways to spend a weekend then smoking a joint and watching them all.
• When times are desperate, and you just have to meet Tim Russert, you might want to try showing up on Nebraska Ave. Sunday morning - you know what time - with a nice floral arrangement and a card addressed to, “the most interesting and important man on television.” We’re not sayin’, we’re just sayin’.
• As the Vanity Fair cover fades from memory, Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame decide it’s time to get theirs, hold press conference to let us know. Dick Cheney is shaking in his Allen Edmonds.
• Thanks to Arlen Specter using his “serious face” in negotiations with the White House, a secret court is now allowed to put it’s quarter in the slot and get a 30 second peek at the steamy domestic spying program.
• Is this heaven Osama? No. It’s Indiana, the place where terrorists’ dreams come true.
• We love going Bananas for the semi-monthly “Castro’s dead” rumors.
• The National Press Club makes an honest reporter out of the new and improved Jeff Gannon.
• Wonk’d, Washington’s celebrity sighting column of record, is entered as “Exhibit-W” in the trial for infamous Duke “laxer” Collin Finnerty.

• Violence in Lebanon and Gaza shows no signs of letting up, with Israel stepping up its bombing of Lebanon and Hezbollah continuing its rocket attacks. President Bush gave his “qualified” support to the Israeli campaign. [WP, NYT, NYT]

• The Voting Rights Act was passed by the House, despite the almost-rebellion of southern Republicans who wished to change portions of the civil rights legislation. [WP]
• The price of crude oil hit a record high yesterday, at $76/barrel. [WP]
• Ambassador Joseph Wilson and his wife Valerie Plame Wilson are suing Vice President Dick Cheney, his former chief of staff Scooter Libby, and Karl Rove for violating their constitutional rights. “Plame and Wilson might be entitled to demand documents from Cheney and others, as well as to require them to sit for sworn depositions….” [WP, NYT]
• President Bush, in Russia, is urging G8 leaders to speak with a “unified voice” in combating violence in the middle east. Bush is expected to gently encourage Russian President Vladimir Putin to be a little more democratic. [NYT, AP]

Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson are suing Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, and Dick Cheney. If you care about such things, they’re holding a press conference at the Press Club tomorrow morning (10 am, 13th. floor). MORE »