Hot date! Southern gentleman and rhetorician REP. JOE WILSON (R-SC) has been given the honor of escorting German Chancellor-Frau ANGELA MERKEL to the 20th annual Berlin Wall Ball. But will Joe be ready for the big night? Where will he find a corsage that compliments Angela’s captivating blue eyes? And can he trust the ILLEGAL ALIENS who work at the dry cleaners with his tailcoat? And does he remember how to waltz? Gossip mongers report that Joe has been practicing his footwork all week: 1-2-SCREAM, 1-2-SCREAM, 1-2-SCREAM. Very rhythmic, that Joe Wilson. He’s got those happy feet, moves with the music … MORE »

Frothy shoutmonger Joe Wilson is a man of few words — as in, he only knows a few words in the entire English language. But he’s working on it! MORE »

Mark Sanford has been thinking awhile about this whole Joe Wilson thing, which really, if you think about it, makes sense to think about in terms of Sanford’s extramarital affair. (Lows by any other name!) Here is Sanford, giving some interview in South Carolina and just owning sixth grade’s most savvy rhetorical move: “The guy apologized, and then you can have a bunch of other people come back and say, ‘We want you to apologize again and again and again.’” Sympathy by the transitive property! There’s more: MORE »

Sad whine, sad whine: Some of our nation’s saddest Republicans are terribly upset that Barack Obama will not put in an excruciating bad-faith appearance on some Fox News program this Sunday. You see, Obama will be stopping by the other major networks this weekend to talk about health care on “Meet the Press,” “State of the Union,” etc. etc. but has ostentatiously foregone Lou Dobbs’ highly rated Mexican vs. Lion vs. Rick Perry Gladiator Sports Match. Joe Wilson, bold idiot, decided this is unfair! “If people are going to be on the Sunday talk shows, they should be on all of them.” Joe Wilson is a public relations dare devil, he is! MORE »

• All George W. Bush wanted was to build a missile shield in the Czech Republic or Poland but Obama—because he doesn’t want the typical semester abroad experience—would rather the shield be somewhere less like, banal, like Turkey or southern Europe. [New York Times]
• The lab worker fellow who is now a “person of interest” in the murder of the Yale lab worker gal will probably be promoted to “suspect under arrest,” as there is new DNA evidence that’s literally incriminating. [Hartford Courant]
• The White House is hesitant to make the Joe Wilson thing about race, despite the best efforts of the “Carter White House” to do so. [Washington Post]
• Twitter, the Internet company that publishes the perverse away message library Twitter, is worth $1 billion. It could buy itself a 141st character with that sort of money. [Reuters]
• Mary Travers, a 1960s person who performed in the musical rock group Peter, Paul and Mary, is dead now from leukemia. [Los Angeles Times]
• Some German teenager brought Molotov cocktails and an ax to school on Thursday and killed very seriously injured! nine people with the Molotov cocktails and ax. [AP]

Heavens! The DEBT COLLECTORS are in hot pursuit of America’s prized orator, JOE WILSON! Apparently Joe purchased 30,000 “I’m With Myself” tee shirts with his credit card, because he forgot to buy his wife something nice for 9/11. But guess what? BANK OF AMERICA does not accept SCREAMING as a form of payment! (It used to, when we were still on the gold standard.) Run for your life, Joe Wilson! You would not enjoy DEBTOR’S PRISON, where they make you talk with “inside voices.” … MORE »

The #1 asshole in Congress, Rep. Steve King of Iowa, says that Obama left Joe Wilson with no other choice than to shit out of his mouth last week, because who told Obama he could leave the back forty before sundown? “I don’t think there’s ever been a President comes to the House of Representatives as a guest of the members of the House and makes a declaration like he did. I mean, the President threw the first punch.” [TPM]

Hey junior crime-solvers, President of America Jimmy Carter has solved our country’s most terrible mystery, which is exactly just how racist is Joe Wilson? The answer? It was Mr. Wilson… in the House chamber… motivated by TONS OF RACISM. Wilson has vehemently denied being a guilty of racism, which exactly how a guilty person would act. Nice try. Like you, Jimmy Carter finds the whole thing “dastardly.” MORE »

OKAY JESUS IT’S NOT LIKE JOE WILSON BEAT OBAMA WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER, ALTHOUGH HE PROBABLY WANTED TO, BUT STILL: So… what exactly are they demanding the state Chamber of Commerce do here? “WASHINGTON — State and local tourism officials are being flooded by e-mails and calls from people across the country, who say they won’t vacation in South Carolina because they’re upset by Rep. Joe Wilson’s outburst at President Obama. A number of the out-of-state e-mailers have said they’ve taken beach trips for years in Myrtle Beach, Hilton Head and other resort areas, but don’t plan to return, officials said.” Huh. You’d think that people would’ve already decided not to return to Myrtle Beach after, you know… their first trip to Myrtle Beach. [The Sun News]

It’s like, why are Nancy Pelosi & The Democrats making such utter spectacles of themselves, interrupting the very important political work of health care and politics to yell at Joe Wilson? Michael Steele, in a statement, blah blah blah… MORE »

• Would you people please subscribe to Atlantic Monthly so the editors don’t regret putting that year-old Andrew Sullivan email to George W. Bush on the cover? [Daily Dish]
• Just like the DC Madame, Christoper Kelly weighed his options. Should he cooperate with the authorities and maybe serve a little jail time? Or should he park his car in a lumber yard, and kill himself? Life is fun and stuff but honestly, knowing possibly incriminating things about Rod Blagojevich was just a burden too heavy to bare. [Huffington Post]
• Support the Fightin’ Four! (Don’t.) [RedState]
• Politico, keeping with its blatant “Flat Earth Society” bias, continues to proudly peddle multifarious Cheneyisms, including the classic, “Al-Qaeda and Saddam Hussein were members of the same World of Warcraft guild”. [Matt Yglesias]
• If Noah hadn’t made his fancy Ark and saved humanity, Darwin and his silly theory would have never come to pass. Oh the cruel irony! [The Daily Dish]